by Thea Dawson
Richard wasn’t aware of how dark his face had become until Peyton interrupted him. “You look mad, Daddy,” she observed disapprovingly.
Richard forced a smile. He’d been told many times—most recently on his end-of-semester student evaluations—that he frequently looked angry or intimidating. “No, sweetie. Just lost in thought for a moment. Have you started packing for Bend yet?”
Peyton nodded. “How many stuffed animals can I take?”
“Just one. I’m more concerned that you have enough warm clothes.”
“What’s the weather going to be like?”
“Cold and wet, like here.”
From the look on Peyton’s face, the weather forecast obviously didn’t appeal to her.
Richard nodded. “Probably colder,” he said apologetically. “But Gran and Grandad’s house is nice and warm. And your cousins will be there. You’ll have fun.”
“It’s too bad Mommy’s not coming,” Peyton said.
Richard clenched his jaw. There had been talk in the fall of Peyton spending Christmas in Portland with her mother, but then Melanie had called to say she’d be working on a huge case over the holidays and wouldn’t be able to spend time with Peyton. Richard was relieved—given Melanie’s mood swings, he was just as happy not to have Peyton with her for an extended stay—but the disappointment on Peyton’s face had crushed him.
“Yeah, well, we’ll just have to have fun without her.” He tried to keep his tone light, but he was a bad actor and he knew it. He changed the subject. “What do you think about Celia looking after you?”
Peyton’s eyes lit up. “It’s going to be fun, like having a playdate with Lily every day!”
“Well, you still have to make sure you get your homework done, it’s not exactly like a playdate,” he warned her.
Peyton rolled her eyes, a new habit that was kind of cute now but that, he sensed, would get annoying as she got older. “I know, Daddy. We’ll get our homework done. It’s still fun, and her little brother and sister are really cute. I wish I had a brother or a sister, then I’d always have someone to play with.”
Richard thought of the rambunctious adventures he shared with his own three brothers. Having a sibling didn’t mean you’d never be lonely, of course, but he too, wished that Peyton hadn’t been an only child—not just for Peyton’s sake but also for his own. He liked children, adored Peyton, and would have liked to have had more, but that opportunity was gone and unlikely to reappear.
“Well, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to play with Celia’s kids. Do you like Celia?” He felt a little nervous as he asked.
Peyton shrugged, which was fair enough—they’d met only briefly. “I guess. She seems nice. Lily says she’s an artist. I’m going to be an artist too when I grow up. Look, I drew a unicorn.”
He smiled but his thoughts were on Celia, working at a grocery store despite a degree from a good university, and struggling in her thirties for a second degree that might, if she were lucky, qualify her to make a decent living. He didn’t want to discourage Peyton, but he really didn’t want her to be an artist when she grew up, either.
“It’s beautiful. But let’s get you packed up so we’re ready to leave first thing tomorrow. Then this afternoon, we need to buy a few more Christmas presents for your cousins.”
Celia sat at Tracie’s kitchen table sipping yerba matte tea and admiring the row of colorful crystals that lined the window ledge over the sink. Rosie and Lily were absorbed in cuddling a pair of guinea pigs at the far end of the room while Rowan crawled around between the various cages, occasionally babbling unintelligibly to the small animals within.
Tracie followed Celia’s gaze. “The sunlight purifies them,” she explained. “Once their energy is realigned, I can use them again.”
Celia frowned, curious. “What do you use them for?”
Tracie shrugged. “All sorts of things. I put some under my pillow or in my bath. Sometimes, if one of the animals isn’t looking too good, I’ll put a healing crystal in its cage. That sort of thing.”
Celia nodded. Tracie was a hippie of the first order—an expert on crystals, astrology, chakras and other arcane subjects. Celia didn’t share her interests, but Tracie was a great neighbor, always cheerful, always willing to look after the kids if needed. And her house, despite being full of a rotating collection of animals, was surprisingly clean and fresh-smelling.
“Have you found a home for the goat yet?” Celia asked.
Guinevere had been shut in the newspaper-lined laundry room just off the kitchen behind a baby gate. As if aware that she was being talked about, she gave a plaintive “Baaaa!”
Tracie shook her head, her reddish blond curls bouncing. “Nah, everyone’s busy or away over the holidays. I’ll get serious about it after the new year. You still up for looking after the house over New Years? I’ve got a friend coming in to check on everything over Christmas.”
“No problem. We should be back from Seattle on the 26th. I’m scheduled to work at the Co-op on the 27th. You still okay with looking after the kids on Monday nights while I’m at class next semester?”
She had signed up for one more graphic design class, Design Studio, which emphasized client communication strategies and professional practices in addition to the actual design. She’d had the teacher before; he was good but demanding, and it was bound to be a busy semester.
Tracie shrugged. “Easy peasy. They’re a fun crew.”
“Thanks. I don’t know what I’d do without you. This is the last class, though. After this, I’m on my own.”
“Do you get like, a degree or a certificate or anything?”
Celia shrugged. “I get to say I have a bachelor’s degree in graphic design on top of my BFA. The thing now is to just start getting work and building a portfolio.”
“If I ever have any money, I’ll hire you to do a logo for me.” Tracie was a masseuse. She worked mainly for a spa in downtown Silverweed Falls, but also did some private work on the side.
“Do you need a logo?”
“Yeah, the spa’s steady work, but the money’s not all that great and the owner—” Tracie rolled her eyes. “Typical Virgo. So one of these days, I’d like to get my own website together, all that jazz.” She took another sip of tea from the enormous hand-made ceramic mug.
“I’ll do a logo for you, no charge,” Celia said quickly. “You look after the kids so much, it’s the least I can do. Anyway, I need more work for my portfolio, and a local business would be great.”
Tracie laughed. “I’m not exactly a local business yet, but if you’re serious, that would be awesome. Maybe it’ll give me the push I need to break away from the spa.”
“I’d be happy to.” Even though there was no money involved, Celia was excited at the prospect of her first professional job. “Speaking of jobs, did I tell you about my nanny job?” She quickly filled Tracie in on her job for Richard, realizing as she did so that she rather enjoyed the chance to talk about him.
“Professor of engineering?” Tracie narrowed her eyes thoughtfully. “What’s his name?”
“Richard Hawkes.”
“I know him!” Tracie snapped her fingers. “Dude is hot AF! For an older guy, anyway.”
“He’s not that old,” Celia objected, forgetting momentarily that Tracie was only in her mid-twenties. To her, Richard probably seemed ancient.
Tracie glanced at her with a sly smile. “Totally hot, though, right?”
Celia chose not to answer. “How do you know him?”
“I did a couple of home massages for his wife. Bumped into him. Haven’t seen her for a while, though.”
“They got divorced. I guess she moved to Portland.”
Tracie nodded knowingly. “Doesn’t surprise me. I could tell her chakras were seriously blocked. His were pretty off, too, I think, but I only met him for a couple of minutes.”
“Well ...” Celia didn’t know quite what to say. “I guess their marriage was pretty bad. Maybe that
would … mess up your chakras?”
Tracie nodded again. “Yeah. There was something way off about the energy in that house. Hopefully it won’t be as negative now if they’re not living together. But if you want, I could give you some crystals. You know, protect yourself and the kids from any residual negativity. You could either keep them on you or put them around the house.”
Celia amused herself for a moment wondering how Richard would react if she started stashing anti-negativity crystals around his house.
“I’ll let you know,” she said, not wanting to say no straight out. “It’s a beautiful house, isn’t it?”
Tracie nodded eagerly. “Now, the house had some good energy. Whoever designed it was clearly thinking along classic feng shui lines. I really should give you some crystals. I don’t think it would take much to get the energy flowing smoothly again.”
Celia hid her smile behind her mug. Whoever had designed the houses in Richard’s high-end subdivision, she doubted very much that they’d had feng shui in mind.
Guinevere gave another pathetic bleat from behind her baby gate.
“Oh, poor little Gwen! Hey,” Tracie looked at Lily and Rose, “you want to put the guinea pigs away for a bit? Maybe we could take Guinevere for a walk.”
Rose and Lily eagerly stashed the guinea pigs in their cage, and Celia slurped the last of her tea. Quiet time was over.
It was their first Christmas without Brad, and his memory loomed over the celebrations. The Christmas before had been marred by a bitter fight about his drinking, the thought of which left Celia feeling both relieved and guilty that this year was so peaceful and uneventful.
Nonetheless, it was a comfort for Celia to go back to her childhood home in Redmond and forget temporarily about the daily scramble to make ends meet. For five days, her parents spoiled the kids and made a fuss over her. Lily, Rosie and Rowan basked in the attention from their grandparents, who had gone to extra lengths with presents and activities. Lily was thrilled to receive an expensive cake decorating set, and all three enjoyed a day trip to Seattle to the Space Needle, the aquarium and a ride on the Ferris wheel. Celia had chosen and matted the best of her drawings of the kids, creating a series of alternating portraits and quick sketches, and her mom and dad had been delighted with the gift.
But real life intruded in the form of her mother’s repeated pleas to move back to Redmond.
“You’re so alone down there and you’re working so hard. If you were up here, you’d have your dad and me to help you out.”
Celia sighed. It was tempting. “I know, but the kids have been through so much. I don’t want to disrupt their lives even more. Especially Lily. She loves her new school.”
“Kids are resilient. We have good schools here, too. And with your dad and me here to look after your kids, you could get a proper job.”
“You and Dad shouldn’t have to spend your retirement being daycare providers.”
“Pfft!” said her mother. “Do you really think we wouldn’t enjoy spending time with our grandkids? We’d love to see more of all of you. Besides, it wouldn’t be forever. Rosie and Rowan will be in school before you know it.”
Great. Guilt on top of reason. Why was she so reluctant to move back to Redmond?
Because slinking home at the age of 34 to rely on her parents seemed like the ultimate admission of failure, that was why.
“At least think about it,” her mother continued. “It would be so much easier for you to work a real full-time job up here. We didn’t send you to college so you could be a grocery store clerk.”
Her mother was a master at layering on the guilt. “I have one more design class to get through, and then I’ll consider it,” Celia conceded. “In the meantime, I have this new nanny job, so at least I’ll have more income. One way or another, we’ll be fine.”
All too soon it was time to come home again. As she drove home down I-5, the weather a mix of snow and rain, she allowed herself to daydream about the extra eight hundred dollars a month that working for Richard would bring in. Her savings account had been hemorrhaging for the better part of a year now, and the new income would slow the bleeding considerably. Combined with her income from the Co-op, minimal though it was, it would allow her to pay all her bills except the mortgage without dipping into Brad’s life insurance money. She’d even have a little left over. She dreamed of bulking up her savings account, of getting her hair styled, maybe even renewing her membership at the gym—though she’d still have to find someone to look after the kids when she went.
She sighed. Reality always had a way of intruding on her fantasies.
She told herself not to get too far ahead of herself. Things could still change; Richard could change his mind or find someone else who didn’t come with extra children or who’d be willing to work for less—but of all her misgivings about the situation, that one seemed the least justified. Whatever else Richard might be, he struck her as a man of his word.
The following week it was back to the Co-op. With the students out of town and the holiday rush over, there was little to do. Celia was grateful that Lindsey kept her on the schedule anyway. She needed the hours.
But soon she’d have the skills—and hopefully the confidence—to begin looking for paid design work. And with the extra income from Richard’s job, perhaps some of the stress would start to ease up even sooner than that.
6
School began again the Monday after New Year’s. Lily and Peyton scrambled into the minivan at school pick up, and they drove to Richard’s house. Celia was pleased to note that Lily was more polite in Peyton’s presence.
The afternoon went smoothly; they got into the house without setting off the alarm, Celia got everyone a snack, then Lily and Peyton settled down at the kitchen table to do homework, while Celia reviewed the syllabus for her upcoming design class, which would be starting the following week. Rosie and Rowan played on the floor with toys Celia had brought from home.
Not bad, thought Celia. If every afternoon were like this, it would be the easiest money she’d ever earned. It certainly beat stocking shelves at the Co-op with a one-year-old strapped to her back.
When Richard came home in the evening, Peyton, Lily and Rosie were playing in Peyton’s room. Rowan was back on Celia’s back in the carrier while she prepped dinner. Celia’s heartbeat picked up a notch when Richard came though the back door, hanging up his coat and kicking off his snowy boots before stepping into the kitchen.
“Everything go okay?” he asked. His eye swept the kitchen as if looking for anything out of place. Celia had made to sure to keep it all spotless, but she found herself nervously following his gaze to make sure it all still looked okay.
“Went really well,” she replied, wiping her hands on a dishtowel. “Peyton was very helpful. Kids got their homework done, and now they’re upstairs. Let me go get them and we’ll get out of your hair.”
“Wait, before you do that, I wanted to ask you something.”
“What’s that?”
“You know I run the Young Engineers club on Wednesdays at the Academy. Would Lily like to join us? We build things, and the kids have fun and don’t realize how much they’re actually learning.” She caught the ghost of a smile flit across his face. “You live near campus, right? I could run her home afterward and save you a trip. Do you think she’d like to join?”
Celia contemplated the offer. She was a little embarrassed at the thought of Richard seeing her tiny, shabby house, but Lily was already showing more interest in science than Celia ever had; she might enjoy the chance to build things. “That’s very kind of you. I’ll talk to Lily about it.”
“Great.” He managed a smile, a real one this time.
Celia looked up at him, returning his smile. Even without his shoes on, he was a good five inches taller than she was. He was handsome even when he was a grouch, but when he smiled, it was like the sun coming out from behind a cloud. She pushed the fanciful imagery out of her head and focused on what he wa
s saying.
“We’re starting completely new projects this semester, so she won’t have missed anything important. Did you get the address I texted you for the riding stables?”
“Yes,” Celia reassured him. “3:30 to 4:15.”
“Good. Peyton usually changes at school, so she should be all set to go when you pick her up. I’m just going to apologize in advance, though. It’s just a big barn, pretty cold this time of year. I hope your kids won’t be too bored.”
“I’ll make sure we’re bundled up and have something to do,” said Celia. She kept her voice light, but she was secretly not looking forward to 45 minutes of inactivity in the cold. She was getting paid, so she couldn’t complain—but that didn’t mean her kids couldn’t.
She gathered up her children and their belongings, said goodbye to Richard and Peyton, and drove back to her normal life.
“How do you like Celia and her family?” Richard asked Peyton over dinner.
“They’re really fun!” Peyton told him enthusiastically. “Lily and Rosie and I played house today after we’d done our homework. We tried to get Rowan to be the baby, but he wasn’t very cooperative.”
Richard hid a smile. “Well, he’s still very young,” Richard pointed out. “He’ll want to play more when he’s a bit older. But you liked Celia?”
“Oh yes, she’s really nice. I was drawing while Lily was finishing her homework, and Celia was showing me about … what’s it called when you make things look far away or closer?”
“Perspective?”
“Yes! It’s really cool. I’ll show you my drawing after dinner.”
“Great. It sounds like Lily’s going to join us for the Young Engineer’s Club, too.”
“Oh, that’s good.” Peyton sounded noticeably less interested. She was a good sport about the Young Engineers Club, but she didn’t quite share his enthusiasm for his pet project.