Sinking in the Shadows

by Alexandria Bishop

  When he says things like that she almost wants to give up on being angry with him. Maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones, but she’s being pulled in two different directions and she doesn’t know how to handle it. She gets out of the car and heads toward her apartment door without a backward glance. She’s grateful that he didn’t push her further to talk because she’s too exhausted to fight it at this point. She probably would have given in and let him come inside with her, but she knows that’s not something she’s ready for right now. Her head and her heart are still way too conflicted to make a rational decision, but that is something she needs to do, and soon. She just doesn’t know how she’s going to do it.

  Chapter Six

  Tinley is completely dead on her feet as she opens the door to her apartment. Since it’s Saturday, she’s not the least bit surprised to find Dakota lounging on the couch, watching something on TV. Her lack of a laptop is surprising though. That thing has been attached to her side for the past few months and she refuses to go anywhere without it. Tinley isn’t awake enough to give her crap about it or even make a quick joke about it. Dakota pauses her show and looks up as Tinley makes her way into the living room. Her eyebrows crinkle together and she straightens her body up from her reclined position. “You’re home? Why didn’t you call me? I could have come to pick you up.”

  “I had a ride home,” she nonchalantly offers with a slight grimace. She doesn’t want to make a big deal about the fact that Marek came to pick her up because she’s honestly not sure what Dakota will say. Especially with the awkwardness with how they left things the last time they spoke to each other.

  “Did Clark leave your sister to drive you home? That’s a little weird.” She pauses and thinks about that for a minute and then laughs. “Unless of course he was hovering and Tara kicked him out. That sounds like something she would do.”

  It would be weird if that were the case, but since it isn’t, she decides to just go ahead and tell her roommate what happened or else she’ll continue questioning her and make it into a bigger deal than it already is. “No, Marek was there waiting for me.”

  Dakota’s mouth forms an O, and when she doesn’t say anything in response, the silence becomes awkward and uncomfortable.

  Rather than let the silence stretch on longer, Tinley blurts out the first thing that pops into her head: “He pulled a Jake Ryan on me.”

  Why did she say that? There were a million different things she could have said besides that. And it’s not like she’s suddenly going to convince Dakota that Marek is swoon-worthy or a good guy. There has to be a reason why she doesn’t like him. It’s very odd.

  With a huff, Dakota gets up from her place on the couch and walks past Tinley. She’s not sure if she’s supposed to be following or not, but she stays rooted to her spot on the floor. The fridge door bangs open and there are all kinds of noises coming from the kitchen. Tinley contemplates leaving since obviously the conversation is done with when Dakota walks back out with two Red Bulls in her hand. Holding one out toward Tinley she shakes her head and her roommate takes both of them back to the couch with her.

  With a pop, she opens one of the small cans and puts the other on the coffee table. She takes a long drink and then asks, “So, what the hell does that mean? He pulled a Jake Ryan?”

  Tinley is still staring at the can in Dakota’s hand. Just thinking about the level of caffeine in one of those makes her eyes go a little wide. She used to down them like nobody’s business, but her daily caffeine amount is almost nonexistent now. Not that she plans on drinking caffeine anyway. She’d rather abstain from any of the bad stuff she used to ingest as much as possible. If she can at least. Dakota clears her throat and tilts her head to the side pulling Tinley from her thoughts. Oh, right she asked her a question.

  “Like at the end of Sixteen Candles when Jake is waiting outside the church for Samantha. Marek was waiting outside the hospital for me with a freaking red Porsche and a sweater vest. It was actually kind of amazing.”

  A sour expression crosses Dakota’s face and she asks, “So you’re talking to him again? What happened to you being pissed at him? I happen to remember you telling me that he lied to you. Does that not matter to you anymore?”

  That’s not at all what she thought her roommate was going to say. She stammers out a response: “N-No…well, I don’t know. I didn’t ask him to pick me up, if that’s what you mean. Tara called him and told him I was there. Or at least that’s what he told me, I haven’t exactly confirmed that information with her yet.”

  She can tell Dakota doesn’t believe her one bit, and Dakota suddenly changes the subject at the mention of Tara’s name. “How did everything go at the hospital? Are your sister and the baby okay? What did she end up having?”

  “Oh, you know Tara, she screamed and yelled but pushed that baby out like a champ. She had a little boy. I still don’t know how she went her whole pregnancy without knowing. Both are doing amazing and even though Landon came earlier than expected, he’s perfectly healthy.”

  Dakota shakes her head and says, “I don’t know how she can do it. The idea of a person growing inside of me, moving around like an alien just gives me anxiety and is so gross. Like, how does that not creep people out?” As if to demonstrate her whole body shakes with a chill.

  Tinley instantly thinks about the child currently growing within her but offers up a fake laugh to placate her roommate. She may have told Dakota about Marek, but she doesn’t feel right telling her about the pregnancy before he even knows. And with how she’s still reacting at just the mention of his name, she’s not sure when she’ll feel like telling her everything. As of right now, the only person she has told is Tara and she plans on keeping it that way, at least for a while. “Yeah, I’m not sure. It’s weird, right?”

  “So weird. Anyway, you look awful. Did you get any sleep last night?”

  She can’t help but laugh at her roommate’s question. She spent the entire evening tossing and turning on a very hard window seat in her sister’s hospital room. Between that and the hourly checks from the nurses, sleep was pretty much nonexistent. If she had to guess, she’d say she’s running on about two or three hours’ worth of low-quality sleep. Maybe she should just get used to the zombie life, seeing as she won’t be sleeping once her own baby arrives, or at least that’s what she hears.

  With a shrug, she responds, “Not so much. I think I’m going to take a long shower then crash. I think I’ve surpassed the feeling of exhaustion and fallen into a state of delirium.”

  “Okay, well let me know if you need anything.”

  Nodding her head, Tinley turns away and walks down the hallway toward the bathroom. The whole interaction was so completely awkward. She didn’t want to tell Dakota about Marek from the beginning because she knew she would be weird about it, but of course, her damn sister had to get in the way and meddle like she always does. It would have been better to tell Dakota about the relationship while things were going well, not now that Tinley doesn’t even know what’s going to happen. She’s just happy she decided to keep her pregnancy a secret for now. There’s no way Dakota would be able to understand that and not give Tinley shit about the situation between her and Marek, even if he doesn’t know she’s currently carrying his child.

  With the bathroom door shut behind her, she allows herself to breathe out all of the stress currently sitting on her shoulders. It’s exhausting trying to please everyone and remember who she hasn’t told things to. She cranks the shower to hot and slowly strips her clothes from her body. As she takes her shirt off and lets it slip from her fingers to the floor, she can’t help but place both of her hands on her nonexistent bump. Looking in the mirror, she turns to the side. You can’t tell yet that she’s pregnant, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t still have a baby inside her, one she needs to start putting first in front of everybody else. If there’s one thing she knows for sure, it’s that it doesn’t matter who stays by her side. Ultimately, she’s going to be the bes
t mother she can be, with or without help from Marek, Dakota, or even Tara.

  The room is fully steamed up when she steps into the shower and sinks to the bathtub floor. The water flows over her tired body as she cries, letting her emotions wash away from her and flow down the drain. She’s terrified of her own body going through the same thing her sister just went through and of the uncertainty about the future between her and Marek and what that means for their child, but mostly she just feels more lost in her own life than anything else.

  She stays sitting there until eventually the water runs cold and she shuts it off. If it’s possible, she feels even more drained than when she got into the shower in the first place. Her sob fest really took it out of her, and she can’t think of anything else besides getting into her bed. Slipping into a deep sleep coma sounds like heaven right about now.

  Chapter Seven

  The woman on the other end of the line cackles out a loud laugh, and Tinley can instantly tell she’s a longtime smoker. As the laughter turns into intense coughing, she pulls her headset away from her ear, having already turned the volume all the way down but still needing relief from the noise. Honestly, she doesn’t even know what the woman finds so hilarious, but she’s been pretty distracted since she got to work this morning. She hasn’t seen Marek yet, but she knows it will be inevitable at some point today.

  Smokey Jane stops coughing long enough to ask, “What are the rules about bringing cigarettes onboard the ship? Are these cruises smoker friendly? Because I can’t really be expected to go cruising without my smokes.”

  Without her typical smiling voice, Tinley replies with the spiel about smoking, vaporizers, and tobacco products. There’s also an addendum about marijuana and recreational drugs. That part was a recent addition when Colorado legalized pot and a few states started to follow. She’s been here long enough that she doesn’t even have to read the script or think about what she’s saying as the words flow from her mouth, albeit in a monotone voice, but she doesn’t really care.

  Satisfied with the response Tinley gives her, the woman spends no time at all booking up a fourteen-day Mediterranean cruise. As they end the call, Tinley should feel elated knowing that she’ll have a generous bonus coming her way from booking that trip alone, but she can’t feel anything else other than numb.

  “Tinley, can I please speak to you for a moment?”

  Just the sound of his voice sets her on edge. Part of her misses him and wants to put all of this behind them, but the other part of her is beyond hurt that he didn’t trust her enough to tell her about his daughter. She got all of her shifts covered and hasn’t been to work in well over a week, but unfortunately, she has bills to pay and had to come back in. Really, she couldn’t avoid Marek forever.

  Dakota clears her throat and Tinley looks over to her roommate. She’s never liked Marek, and especially after recent events; her disdain is written all over her face. All Tinley has to do is say the word and Dakota would make him go away, but Tara was right: Tinley needs to grow up and handle her problems. She can’t continue to ignore the situation. She offers Dakota a small smile and turns around to face Marek. Her gasp catches in her throat just at the sight of him. His normally put-together appearance is slightly rumpled this morning. His hair is wild as if he’s been running his fingers through it constantly and the dark circles under his eyes make it obvious he hasn’t been sleeping well.

  Nodding her head, she locks up her computer and takes her phone out of the queue. As she turns around in her computer chair, Marek’s eyes go wide at the sight of the monstrosity on her leg, but he doesn’t say anything. He offers her his hand, and she begrudgingly takes it as he helps pull her up. He leads her toward the front entrance, his hand gravitating to the small of her back. She doesn’t say anything and allows herself to enjoy the feel of him touching even a small part of her body.

  The sun is shining, and it takes Tinley back to the day when her world crumbled down around her. She tries pushing those thoughts out of her mind and staying right here in the present. When they reach a vacant bench out front, he helps her sit down, and then Marek starts pacing on the small patch of grass in front of her. He stops briefly, just long enough to look down at the boot on her leg then up at her face before asking, “Are you okay? What happened to your foot? I meant to ask you the day I picked you up from the hospital but you were dead on your feet and I was more concerned with getting you in my car and home than questioning you about your current state.”

  She shrugs before telling him the truth. “I’m not a hundred percent sure, to be honest with you. I tried getting a hold of you, but you were pretty MIA. I went out to drinks with Dakota and woke up the next morning with a broken foot. It’s not that big of a deal, but I’m stuck in this boot for a bit.”

  “Sorry about that. I had a lot going on that day and I didn’t have my phone on me.”

  If there is one thing she does remember from that day, it’s the fact that she saw him there.

  “Want to tell me why I saw you at the hospital?”

  “You saw me?” he asks as he briefly stops his pacing again, unable to hide the shock on his face.

  Nodding, she says, “Yeah, when I was getting my foot x-rayed. I saw you walk by in the hallway. Again, I tried texting you, but you didn’t respond.”

  “Giselle had a small fender bender and I was making sure she was okay.”

  Just the mention of her name puts Tinley on edge. All of her insecurities and doubts come rushing forward to the front of her mind, and she can’t help but ask the question that’s been eating away at her since she met Luna. “Just tell me this one thing first: is Giselle Luna’s mom?”

  Marek stops pacing and his mouth drops open. Tinley can’t decipher the expression on his face. It’s almost a cross between absolute shock and amusement, although she doesn’t know what he could find so funny at a time like this. After a few moments of awkward silence, he finally asks, “Where did that come from?”

  “Well she’s gorgeous, for one, and when I met her, she seemed to stake her claim on you pretty quickly. Also, when I asked you about her last time, you kind of brushed off my question, not to mention the fact that she and your daughter share a striking resemblance.”

  He releases a slew of curses, half of which she can’t understand. He’s speaking mostly to himself and she partially suspects he’s not completely speaking English. “I’m sorry for not clarifying before. I guess I’m kind of an ass, and I see that now. I can certainly tell you that Giselle was not staking her claim that day in the coffee shop. She was messing around.”

  “You can’t know that. I don’t know what your relationship—”

  “She’s my sister. The reason Luna looks like her is because Luna looks more like me than her mother, and that day in the coffee shop, Giselle thought you might be interested so she wanted to see if you got jealous. It was a stupid game she decided to play, and it completely backfired.”

  Tinley’s mouth falls open. That’s definitely not the response she was expecting to hear from him. She’s completely dumbfounded, and her obvious shock falls right out of her mouth. “Your sister?”

  He nods slowly and takes a seat next to her on the bench.

  “So if Giselle isn’t Luna’s mother, who is?”

  “Do you remember the story I told you about my best friend?”

  “Cassie?”

  “Shortly before Cassie’s cancer came back, she found out she was pregnant. We were over-the-moon excited and couldn’t wait to start a family together. Although not the most romantic story in the world, I proposed to her in the bathroom as we stood over the sink watching the two lines show up on the pregnancy test. Then her cancer came back. She had two options, and I was so angry with her at the time when she chose not to fight. She was done fighting and wanted to have the baby knowing she wouldn’t be able to watch our child grow up.”

  “That had to be an extremely difficult decision for her to make.”

  “You’d think, but sh
e was pretty adamant from the moment she found out. Cassie was one of those truly good people. She was completely selfless and also tired…so very tired. Her previous treatment had been rigorous and hard. Most days she couldn’t even get out of bed, and we had no way of knowing what would happen if she put her body through all of that again. One thing was for certain: if she decided to try the treatment, our baby would die. If she opted out of treatment, she would die but our baby would live, and that’s what she chose—to give our child a life in place of her own.”

  “I couldn’t even imagine making a decision like that.”

  “I’m right there with you. As much as I wish things didn’t have to happen the way they did, I can’t imagine my life without Luna in it. She’s my everything.”

  His response shouldn’t hurt her because his daughter should be the center of his world, but knowing that as a fact and hearing him say it causes a tinge of jealousy in the pit of her stomach. It’s been just him and Luna for so long, and she wonders if there’s enough room in his heart or his life for her and their unborn child as well. She doesn’t know if she’s ready to hear his answer to that question.

  Rather than stick around any longer, she does the one thing she has become best at—she runs. She gets up from the bench and starts walking away from him before he can realize what she’s doing. She looks over her shoulder and says, “I really should get back to work. I’ve missed enough as it is, and I don’t want to be away from my desk too long and give the higher-ups a reason to let me go.”

  When he calls her name, she quickens her pace and makes it back inside before he can catch up to her.

  Chapter Eight

  The nurse walks out into the waiting room for the second time since Tinley arrived, and her hand instinctively clutches the armrest of the chair she’s sitting in. Her appointment was scheduled for twenty minutes ago so odds are this woman is about to say her name, but she’s not ready for it. Even though she had the pregnancy confirmed at the hospital when she broke her foot, it’s like being here in the OB’s office is going to make everything official and really real, and that thought is absolutely terrifying.