by Xenia Melzer
“Granddad is coming tomorrow, princess. He’ll look after you while your daddies have a big boys’ night out.”
Emily stared at him with her huge blue eyes for a moment before she decided her toys were more interesting. She held a limp little teddy bear out to Dean, who took it and winced at the wetness. Emily had started salivating like crazy the day before. Everything was drenched despite the cute and thickly woven bibs he had bought for her. Julio had assured him that this was normal at her age, but Dean still found it gross. Emily didn’t seem to mind, though, and so they spent the rest of the day playing peacefully on the floor.
Chapter 20
RICHARD HADN’T even opened the door to his home when the sinking feeling in his stomach started. From inside the apartment, he could hear Emily wailing and Dean trying to hush her. Past experience had taught Richard that this was not an angry or tired cry, which both were tedious, but could be handled. No, this was a full-on “it really hurts and you better do something about it” wail. Richard just knew that Dean would cancel their dinner date, and he felt anger welling up inside him. Once again Emily had managed to come between him and his boy, his lover. Determined not to make this easy for Dean, Richard entered the apartment.
The noise level rose to almost intolerable heights when he reached the living room. Dean was pacing around with Emily in his arms, alternating shushing sounds with out-of-tune lullabies. Emily’s face had taken on a beet-red color, her little fists drawn close to her body as if that would help her scream even louder. Dean shot Richard an apologetic look that told him all he needed to know. Their dinner was off.
“She’s been crying for two hours. I don’t know what to do. I tried to call Julio, but he didn’t answer.”
Seeing his boy so helpless and desperate struck every protective chord in Richard. Yet instead of offering his help, he clung to his wounded pride about being rejected once more in favor of this squealing menace in Dean’s arms and simply shrugged. “Then I guess you have to deal with this on your own. I’ll tell my father that he doesn’t have to come over.”
“Richard, please….”
Richard shook his head. “No, Dean. I understand. I’m taking a shower now, and then I’ll go and have dinner on my own. Again. Have a nice evening.”
He ignored Dean’s pleading eyes and stomped to the bedroom. That should teach his boy a lesson! He had told him right from the beginning that Dean wasn’t fit to take care of a child, but he hadn’t listened. A nagging little voice told Richard that he was being an absolute ass. He ignored it in favor of his outrage. After texting the general that his services weren’t needed tonight, he got under the shower, quickly cleaned himself, got dressed, and then walked out the door without sparing Dean or the raging little monster in his arms another glance.
WITH TEARS in his eyes Dean watched Richard leave him—again. He felt so numb inside, even Emily’s screams seemed muffled. Mechanically he stroked her head, not knowing what to do. Just when he was ready to fold under the pressure, his phone rang. Dean sent a prayer to the gods above. It was Julio.
“Julio?”
“Yes, Dean. What’s the matter? Wait, don’t tell me—I can hear it.”
Julio’s attempt to lighten the mood almost sent Dean over the edge. He had trouble suppressing his own sobs.
“Emily—she’s been like this for more than two hours. I don’t know what to do. I already gave her some fennel tea, but that didn’t help.”
“Are you sure she’s having stomach cramps?”
“No. Not anymore. She started screaming after I fed her. That’s why….”
“Okay, first of all, calm down. Go and take her temperature.”
Dean did as he was told, glad Julio had taught him how to do that when he lived with them. When he saw the number on the thermometer, his knees went weak.
“Oh God, Julio, she’s at 100.3! I need to go to the hospital!”
“Calm down, Dean. Don’t rush this. Feel around in her mouth. Are her gums swollen?”
Again, Dean did as instructed. When his fingers slid over the flesh in the front of Emily’s lower gum, he could feel it pulsing under his fingertips. Oddly enough, the contact seemed to be comfortable for Emily, because she stopped crying for the first time in what felt like forever. On the other end of the line, Julio chuckled.
“Guess you found the spot.”
“Seems so. She likes it when I rub it.”
“Congratulations, Dean. She’s getting her first tooth. No need to go to the hospital. Here is what you do: use the chamomile gel from the small tube and rub it into her gums. It numbs the pain. Do you remember the teething ring we bought? Put it in the freezer for fifteen minutes and then give it to her. If she hasn’t fallen asleep by then. She sounds pretty wrung out.”
“Thank you, Julio. I wouldn’t know what I’d do without you!”
“No problem, Dean. I mean, you’re paying me and everything.”
The good-humored laughter at the other end of the line told Dean that Julio cared about him and would have helped him anyway.
“Then I’ll make sure to add a tip to your next check. Have a good night!”
“I will. See you the day after tomorrow.”
After he had disconnected the call, Dean gave Emily the chamomile gel and kept on rubbing her gums until it kicked in. Once it did, Emily immediately fell asleep. Knowing not to question his luck, Dean put her in her crib and went to bed himself. There was no telling what the night would bring.
RICHARD CAME back home at eight the next morning. He had meant to spend the night at the club, only to realize that being there just rubbed in the fact that his boy was back at home. Because of that he had booked a room at the Hilton. The eerie silence greeting him when he entered the apartment made him wary. Just yesterday, Emily had been screaming like she was about to be slaughtered. Now everything seemed just a little bit too peaceful. When he entered the kitchen, he saw Dean sitting at the table, feeding Emily in her high chair. His boy turned around, a happy smile on his lips even though the dark circles under his eyes told of another sleepless night.
“Richard! Look, Emily has her first tooth!”
Emily grinned and showed a small, blindingly white dot on her lower gums. When Richard didn’t show the enthusiasm Dean had clearly been expecting, his shoulders slumped. His voice sounded dejected. “I’m so sorry about yesterday, Richard. I just couldn’t….”
Annoyed by Dean’s defeated tone and posture, which Richard knew he had a part in, he snapped back coldly. “Don’t worry. Of course, Emily comes first.”
Dean tensed. “Why do you have to be so mean? It’s not my fault that she started teething yesterday.”
Richard felt his anger boil over. He wanted—he needed a fight. “No, that’s not your fault.”
Dean’s eyes narrowed. “Then what is? Since you seem to think I’m at fault for something.”
“I told you right from the beginning that taking Emily in was not a good idea. And surprise, surprise, it really wasn’t a good idea. Look at yourself. You look like shit. When have you last slept through the night? How is your writing going? When was the last time your—our—life was normal? Wait, I can answer that question. It was before she came here!” He pointed an accusing finger at Emily, who stared with interest at the two arguing men.
Dean paled. A dangerous glint appeared in his eyes, and his voice took on a steely quality, one Richard had never heard before. “Do you think I chose this? Do you think I wanted my sister to die so I can take care of her baby? You feel threatened by Emily because you think I chose her over you. I get that. What I don’t get is how such an intelligent man as yourself can’t see that I had no choice, that this is not a personal insult to you. Emily is all the family I have left. Tricia trusted me with her care. The sister who supported me when my parents threw me out. I don’t know if I would be here, or even still be alive, if it wasn’t for Tricia standing up for me, protecting me. It was her dying wish that I take care of her little girl. Ho
w can I not do that? How can I not love Emily? She’s mine, as much as I am yours.”
“So you do choose her over me,” Richard snapped back.
“Have you listened to a word I said? No, I don’t choose her over you. I could never do that and you know it! And if I had had a choice, I would have wanted Tricia to live and Emily to be my niece whom I could spoil occasionally and then hand back to my sister. But Tricia is gone and now Emily is my daughter, and I’m going to take care of her, which would be a lot easier if my fucking Dom and lover would be more accepting.”
Richard had never seen Dean so agitated. It kindled his own anger. “So this whole mess is my fault now? How very convenient for you! ‘My Dom doesn’t help me, so it’s no wonder I fuck up’?”
“Are you even listening to yourself? You’re so selfish, I wonder why I haven’t seen this sooner. Things are not going as planned, and like a coward, you tuck tail and run. You haven’t even tried to make this work. In all the time Emily has been here, you’ve held her twice. And only because Julio practically forced her into your arms. That was the extent of your participation. Not a whole lot for a man who claims he loves me.”
Richard’s eyes narrowed down to slits. “You know what? I’ve had enough of this. If Emily is so much more important than me, why don’t you just go ahead and leave with her? It’s not like you need me anymore.”
The hurt in Dean’s eyes felt like a balm to Richard’s wounded pride. “You can’t be serious.” The words were only whispered, desperate.
Richard steeled himself. Perhaps it was for the best, now that it had gone so far. “I am. Maybe it makes me selfish, but I can’t stand your ‘Emily first in everything’ attitude. I think it’s better if we end things now.”
For a moment it seemed as if Dean wanted to plead with Richard, but then he squared his shoulders and stuck out his chin defiantly. “As you wish. It probably is for the best. I’m going to pack a few things for me and Emily. Once I find a place to stay, I’ll send for the rest.”
Richard watched as his now ex-boyfriend went into the bedroom. When he turned around, he saw Emily staring at him. Richard threw up his arms defensively. “Don’t look at me like that! He’s leaving me, not the other way round!”
Emily stared a little longer. Suddenly she grabbed the plastic bowl with the porridge and threw it on the floor.
Chapter 21
“HEY, DEAN, there you are!”
Leeland opened the door to his small apartment to let Dean in. He helped him park the stroller close to the wall, and then they brought Emily and Dean’s luggage inside. Leeland watched his friend with worry. Dean seemed almost eerily calm, not as if his whole world had shattered around him—again.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
Dean smiled weakly at Leeland. “I’m far from okay. In fact, I’m hanging on by a thread. I just don’t have the time to freak out. I don’t even have a roof over my head I can call my own. Emily needs me now more than ever, and I want to be there for her. The meltdown must wait till I have things sorted out.”
A pained expression flitted across Dean’s features and made Leeland wish Richard was there so that he could punch him in the face. “With any luck, I’ll be so dead inside by then that it will stop hurting so badly. Can you keep an eye on Emily for a while? I have a few phone calls to make.”
Leeland nodded and took Emily from Dean’s arms. “Has she eaten yet?”
“No. Her bottle and the formula are in the diaper bag.”
“I’m on it. You go and make your calls.”
Dean waited until Leeland had disappeared into the kitchen before he took out his cell. First he called Julio to give him the new address. Then he called Aaron, telling him he was no longer dating his son. The general sounded devastated.
“Oh, Dean. I’m so sorry! Is there anything I can do for you?”
Dean took a shaky breath. “If you still want anything to do with me….”
“Dean, don’t go there. I’m well aware of my son’s misgivings. I don’t blame you for breaking up. What do you need?”
“Do you think you could still babysit Emily? In the coming weeks, I’m going to be busy with finding us a home and getting everything sorted out. I still have Julio booked for three days a week, but he has another child to take care of as well, and I don’t want Emily to have to adjust to somebody new at a time like this.”
“Do you even have to ask? I’d love spending time with my cute little princess. Things at the youth center are slow, so you can call me anytime.”
Dean breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you so much. Can you please get her on Friday? I’ll text you the address.”
“Sure, Dean. I’ll see you on Friday at nine.”
The general hung up, and Dean dialed the last person he had to talk to. Peyton answered after just one ring.
“Hi, Dean! How are you doing? Do you need an addition to the nursery?”
Dean felt the tears starting to slide down his cheeks. Somehow he managed to keep his voice steady. “No. In fact, Richard is probably going to call you soon about removing it again. We broke up.”
“Honey, no! That’s impossible! You and Richard, you’re an item. You were so happy. I can’t believe this!”
“I can’t believe it either, but it’s the truth. You don’t happen to know about a nice place for me and Emily? Perhaps with a yard?”
In addition to designing, Peyton staged houses, so he often had an inside track on real estate, and he knew Dean very well. Asking him was the quickest way for Dean to find a suitable home. There was silence for a moment, as if Peyton was contemplating his next words. When he spoke, he sounded almost cheerful. “It just happens that I have the perfect place. It’s a house in the Keys. Nothing too fancy, nice neighborhood, very quiet. There’s a huge yard as well. The couple who are living there want to move to Texas, of all places, and they’re looking for a buyer. Since they want this done as soon as possible, I’m sure we can negotiate a great price. Shouldn’t cost you more than half a million. I can call them right away and make an appointment for tomorrow. We can go house shopping together.”
“That would be great, Peyton. Can you text me the details later?”
“As soon as I have them. See you tomorrow.”
The line went dead. Dean stared into nothing for a while, wondering why his life had suddenly turned into such a mess. About two months ago, his biggest concern in the world had been how to handle a few days without Richard by his side. Those problems seemed petty now in comparison.
His sister was dead. He was now in charge of an almost six-month-old baby. And the man Dean had wanted to spend the rest of his life with had just kicked him out. Or he had left him. He still wasn’t entirely sure who was to blame for the fallout.
Dean sighed. If this were a novel, he’d also be broke and would meet the man of his dreams in the next twenty-four hours. Only the man of his dreams didn’t want him anymore. And he wasn’t broke. Dean chuckled. One had to be grateful for small favors.
He headed back to the kitchen to fill Leeland in on everything and find out how long he could stay with him. Dean had no desire to go to a hotel with Emily.
Two weeks later.
“HOW IS he doing today?”
Aaron looked at Leeland, who had opened the door for him. Since the breakup with Richard, the two of them took turns watching over Dean. The man was simply too calm. No angry outbursts, no breakdown, no snide remarks about his ex. Nothing. As if Dean had gone completely numb inside. Aaron and Leeland were waiting anxiously for the eruption.
“Focused, as always. He was working late yesterday, and then he couldn’t stop tossing around in his bed for hours. If he’s slept more than a couple of hours, I’d be surprised.” Leeland sounded like he was trying to keep the worry from his voice.
“This is not good. Is he eating?” Aaron was growing more concerned with Dean’s condition every day.
“No. Nothing solid. I managed to get some milkshake with protein powde
r into him, but that’s not exactly a balanced diet.”
They both sighed. Aaron stepped inside the small apartment. “Do you know how his house purchase is going?”
Leeland huffed as if that was another problem. “A little too fast, for my liking. Peyton dropped by yesterday and told Dean that it will only take a couple more days, four tops, to get everything wrapped up. I don’t like the idea of him being all on his own.”
“Me neither. I already talked to Julio, and he would be available to move in with Dean for another two months because the contract for the other child he’s taking care of expires in two weeks, but apparently Dean doesn’t want that. He says he’s got it all covered. If he keeps going like this, I’m afraid he’ll break.”
Leeland frowned. “What makes you think he hasn’t already?”
Aaron shuddered. “Do you think it’s that bad?”
“I’m not sure. His reaction isn’t normal, though. Perhaps it was too much. All the change in his life in such a short time. He needs solid routines to function.”
“Is there a way to break him out of this?” Aaron was used to getting things done, and Dean needed the help.
“If there is, I have yet to find it. Getting him drunk backfired, because he fell asleep and I woke with a headache the next morning.” Leeland winced. “He won’t go out with me, not even for a quick drink, and since he’s stopped eating, I can’t even stuff him with chocolate. It’s infuriating. Even telling him he has to eat to keep his strength up for Emily didn’t work. It’s as if he’s operating on a different level of reality. I’m waiting for him to either crack or simply collapse, depending on what breaks first, his psyche or his body. Given how stubborn he is, my money is on his body.”