by Kim Harrison
“Angels weren’t made for the earth,” he said. “Only those of the earth have souls.”
“Okay, but you abandoned heaven for earth,” I said, not believing that God would be so cruel. But then again, look what he’d fated for me. “Maybe that means you really belonged here. That you’ve had a soul all this time and you just didn’t know it. It’s not like angels all look or act the same. If it’s not a soul that makes us different, then what is it?”
In my hand, the cross melted into a pair of black angel wings. Barnabas was silent as he looked at them, and then he muttered, “I left heaven because I was forbidden to return, not because I was gifted with a soul.”
Gift, I thought. I doubted it had even bothered him that he might not have a soul until Nakita said she had a sliver of mine, with the memories the black wings stole from me, memories of being afraid of the dark, of dying, of an end of everything. “Nakita said you were kicked out because you loved a human girl.”
The back door to the Laundromat creaked open and an employee click-clacked out, checking to make sure the door was locked before heading for one of the nearby cars. Silent, we watched until her red Pinto roared to life and puttered away.
“Is that true?” I asked in the new silence. Barnabas didn’t say anything, his jaw clenched and his eyes looking black in the dark. Suddenly embarrassed, I let the angel wings shift back to the more familiar vision of a smooth rock. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’ll shut up now.”
God, what was I doing, prying into his past? He might look my age, but he was over three thousand years old to my seventeen. Like he really wanted to share anything with me.
“There were no timekeepers back then,” he said abruptly, and I jumped even though his words were very soft, almost unheard over the nearby traffic’s thrum. “Scythings were meted out by the seraphs, like they’re doing now until things are settled with you. I was told to end the life of a girl whose soul was going to die. Pride was going to prevent her from asking forgiveness.”
Barnabas shifted his weight, his hands clasped loosely over his drawn-up knees, but his eyes were not seeing the back of the Dumpster. The lost expression on his face was scary.
“The earth was so fresh back then,” he said, the lines in his face smoothing. “Not this cement, carbon-polluted ember of what it’s become. It was almost as if creation energy still rang in the rocks and echoed in the hum of the bees, or the breath of a child on the verge of becoming a woman, a woman so perfect that heaven was willing to cut her life short to bring her soul back to them unsullied.”
I stifled a shiver, scared as to what he might say next.
“She was asleep in a field. My Sarah,” he breathed, his shoulders easing as he spoke her name, giving it an odd accent. “Her name was Sarah, and I’d never seen anything more beautiful in all creation.” His head dropped. “They should have sent someone stronger.”
I wanted to touch his arm but didn’t. How could I even pretend to understand? He’d laugh at me.
“I couldn’t do it,” he said, head down. “I . . . chose not to. I chose.” Only now did he turn to look at me, frightening me with the intensity in his gaze. “Her soul was alive still, and beautiful. It seemed wrong to take it then. She woke, and I was standing over her with my scythe bared. She was so scared. I didn’t want her perfect beauty remembering ugliness as she left the earth, so I lied. I told her she was safe, and I touched her, feeling her tremble. She believed me. I shouldn’t have touched her. I might have been able to do it if I hadn’t felt her fear.”
He was smiling now, as if in a fond memory. “That she trusted me when I told her I’d do her no harm struck me to my core. I couldn’t betray that trust, and my lie became truth.” Barnabas’s eyes tightened at the corner, and his clasped hands separated and pressed into the dirty cement. “A second reaper came to end what I couldn’t, and I fought him, beat him, and sent him back broken to be made whole again in the forges of heaven.”
His expression went sad as he looked at the dirty streets, seeing the past. “Her fate shifted in a single day because I saved her life.” His eyes came to me as if I might deny it, but I could say nothing. “She realized she had worth when I saved her life, and her soul was renewed. Innocent, I left to tell the seraphs that fate could be swayed and to stop the scythings. They wouldn’t listen, sending a third reaper even as I pleaded with them. She would have died if not for the guardian angels that happened to be with her at the time. They flocked to her. Her entire life, they clustered around her soul.” His eyes went confused. “I never understood why. Now I wonder if it was so they would be there to save her life—after she saved her own soul.”
My lips parted, and I wondered if Sarah’s had been the first guardian angel. But what shook me was that he had changed a person’s fate before and yet was reluctant to believe that it could be done again. Maybe it was because it happened so seldom.
Head tilted, Barnabas looked at me, his eyes still holding his love for her. “I refused to leave her after that, even when her soul remained intact and black wings couldn’t find her when she died. So they kicked me out of heaven.” His face changed, becoming harder as he threw a pebble to skip and hop through the parking lot. “It was worth it.”
I sent my gaze to the busy road and the brightly lit apartment complex. “You stayed with her for her entire life?”
The faint sound of a siren came from the nearby interstate. Barnabas was smiling, a fond, soft smile that I didn’t think I’d ever seen on him before. He looked seventeen to me, and I wondered how he’d handled looking that young for Sarah’s entire life. But people hadn’t lived much past forty back then. “Yes. I did,” he said, seemingly embarrassed.
“And you say you have no soul,” I said dryly as I threw a chip of cement at the Dumpster to hear it ting. “Good grief, Barnabas, if a soul is what lets us love, then you’ve got one.”
He opened his mouth as if to protest, but then he stopped, his gaze going across the street as the sirens didn’t fade but grew louder.
My heart gave a thump and I looked at my watch. It was almost nine thirty, but if there was trouble, Nakita would have told us. “It looks okay to me,” I said, then sucked in my breath when the sound of breaking glass came loud over the traffic and a tongue of flame licked out of a third-story window, searching for the sky.
“Barnabas!” I exclaimed, scrambling up. My hand went around my amulet, and I looked at the street as the fire trucks and a cop car roared up. Puppy presents on the rug, it was happening. Where was Nakita?!
“Here we go,” Barnabas said tiredly, and we edged out from behind the Dumpster.
“Tammy didn’t come back, did she?” I asked, almost frantic. I couldn’t take it if it had all been for nothing. “Barnabas, is she in there?”
“No. She’s over there, but she’s not inside. Johnny, either,” he said, his eyes going silver for an instant as he touched on the divine, and my shoulders eased. “Your warning seemed to have changed her fate again—if not saved her soul.”
“I haven’t flashed forward to see it,” I said, and we started toward the busy street, made twice as dangerous now that it was dark. There was a crosswalk, and Barnabas angled us to it.
“Maybe her soul isn’t safe yet,” Barnabas said.
“Maybe.” That Tammy’s soul might still be at risk was not a good thought. Barnabas pushed the cross button, and I fidgeted, wanting him to fly me across, but that would be hard to explain. We had time. If Tammy and Johnny were out of the building, we had time. Maybe now she’d listen to me. If Johnny didn’t die, then she wouldn’t give up on life, would she?
My fingers gripped my amulet, and I tried to relax enough to reach Nakita—if the fire trucks weren’t enough of a clue. Nakita, I thought, closing my eyes against the don’t walk sign flashing across the six lanes of traffic, but Barnabas’s shout jerked my eyes open and my attention shattered. My mental call for Nakita hit the ceiling of the air and broke, unheard.
“Black wings!�
�� Barnabas said, his eyes wide.
My fingers on my amulet clenched, and I followed his pointing hand across the street. My knees seemed to wobble, and I reached for the light pole. Black wings. Scavengers of lost souls. If they were here, then there was probably a dark reaper on the hunt nearby. And if there was a hunting dark reaper, a light reaper was not far behind. Damn it, did Ron flash and send someone?
“You think they’re here for someone else?” I whispered, and Barnabas shook his head as the slimy sheets of black glided like stingrays over the apartment complex. They looked like a shiny, silvery line from the side, and most people, when they saw them at all, thought they were crows. I wanted to believe it was coincidence, but the heartbreaking truth was more likely the seraphs had decided I’d mucked this up too far and had sent in the professionals. And here I was, stuck on the wrong side of the street.
Barnabas pushed the cross button again. The fire trucks were causing some confusion, and the light hadn’t changed. Tammy was over there in that crowd—with half a dozen black wings circling overhead.
“Barnabas, we have to get over there!” I said, desperate as people started fleeing the apartments, dogs, cats, stereos, and TVs in their arms. A fireman was at the door keeping people from going back in for more as part of his crew went in to get the stragglers. And still the cars zoomed between us.
A boom of sound made me cower, mouth open as a huge gout of flame took one corner of the complex. “She isn’t in there,” Barnabas said, grabbing my arm. “I know it. Her aura puts her outside. She’s outside, Madison!”
It was a small comfort. I looked up the road, then down. The smell of the burning building was thick, and the black smoke blocked out the stars. We didn’t have time for this. “Let’s go,” I said suddenly.
“Madison! The cars!” Barnabas said, but I was already wiggling out of his grip and stepping off the curb.
Nakita! I thought, trying to touch her mind, my hand holding my amulet in a death grip as the first car laid on the horn and screeched the tires, dinging the car next to it as it slid to a halt six feet in front of me.
Scared, I kept moving forward. The driver was screaming at me, but three lanes of traffic had stopped in a frightening sound of horns, skids, and a crunch of plastic.
My pace bobbled as the double image of Josh’s house on a dark, deserted street overlaid itself on my reality of fire trucks and the three-story apartment complex. It was Nakita. I’d reached her. What was she doing at Josh’s house? Waiting for him?
He’s brushing his teeth, Madison, came Nakita’s bored thought into mine as I saw through her eyes and she saw through mine, our connection that tight. This might be a while.
The apartment is on fire! I thought back at her, but she was already wide awake, having glimpsed my reality of another car slamming on its brakes only to be rear-ended and shoved forward another three feet, almost hitting me. I felt Barnabas take my elbow, shifting my path to avoid another car.
Madison, don’t go in there! she shouted into my thoughts.
Scared, I wondered if I could enter a burning building and be okay. I was dead. I didn’t need to breathe. She’s not in there, but there are black wings. Nakita, I need you!
I looked up as Barnabas hesitated at the curb until I took the step up. Nakita saw the black wings through my eyes, and panic iced both of us at the memory of the pain of being eaten alive. I held my amulet tighter. Black wings couldn’t see me as long as I was wearing it. I was safe. I was safe, damn it! But it was hard to walk under them.
I’m coming! Nakita exclaimed, and the double vision vanished.
I took a deep breath, snapping myself out of the almost-trance. Barnabas was holding my elbow. Turning at the noise behind us, I blanched. Stopped cars were everywhere. Good thing the emergency people were here already. “Thanks, Barnabas,” I whispered, knowing he had guided me through it. “Nakita was at Josh’s. She’s on her way. I’m not going to let a dark reaper kill Tammy. I won’t!”
“And I won’t let a light reaper give her a guardian angel,” Barnabas said as his touch fell from me. “Not this time. I saved Sarah. Maybe I just need to try harder. Like you.”
The strength of his words hit me, and I turned, surprised at his clenched jaw. He’d always supported me, but never had he looked this determined. It had to be the reminder of Sarah. “Thank you,” I whispered, and he turned away, seeming embarrassed.
My attention went over his shoulder to the glow among the frightened people gathering in the parking lot of the apartments. I caught a flash of an amulet, then it was gone behind a wave of choking black.
“Look, it’s Nakita,” I said, eyes stinging as I started that way. But Barnabas jerked me to a halt.
“That’s not Nakita,” Barnabas said, his expression alarmed. “That’s a dark reaper!”
My eyes darted back into the crowd, seeing nothing, then went back to Barnabas. “Crap,” I whispered, feeling my knees go watery. “We’re in trouble. Look, there’s a light reaper, too. What in bloody heaven is going on? The seraphs know I’m here! Why are they interfering?!”
But it was obvious as to why. I’d really messed it up by saving Tammy’s life.
Barnabas’s lips pressed together as he watched the beautiful light reaper standing in front of the building, her hands on her hips as she looked appraisingly at the fire, not yet having identified who she was here to save. “It’s Arariel,” he said stiffly. “She’s good. We’re in trouble. She keeps guardian angels in her pocket. And the dark reaper? I recognize him, too. That’s Demus.”
Things were spiraling out of control. Clearly neither reaper had found Tammy yet, and though we could find her by way of her aura, so could Arariel if Ron had flashed and passed the description of it on to his light reaper. I’m sure the dark reaper had a description of her by now, too, thanks to the seraphs. And that is what ticked me off the most. The seraphs had written my attempt off without giving me a real chance. I was trying to fix this! They had no right to call in a dark reaper yet. Not yet!
But my hope was fading. Maybe they had given up on my ideas altogether?
“Maybe I can change Tammy’s resonance,” I said, barely breathing the words, but I knew he had heard me despite the roar of the fire trucks and the calls of frightened people. “If Ron has flashed forward, he’s given a description to his reaper, and if I can change it, she’ll be safe.”
“Do you think you can?” he asked, and I winced. “That’s timekeeper magic. Even I can’t do that.”
“I don’t know, but if we can get close enough to her, you can at least shield her resonance.” But Tammy thought we were crazy, and she’d probably run if she saw us.
“It’s worth a try.” Barnabas’s eyes flashed silver as he touched on the divine. “Found her,” he said, hunching closer as if the surrounding reapers could read his mind. “She’s scared. Alone. She’s not in the parking lot. She’s in an alley.”
He turned, and I followed his gaze to a nearby self-serve storage site with rows of single-story buildings and garage doors. “There?” I asked him. It was noisy with the fire trucks’ engines, and the lights from the emergency vehicles made come-and-go shadows on him as he nodded.
“Can you see her aura?” he asked me in turn, and I closed my eyes, trying to relax with the noise and commotion.
“No,” I said. “Barnabas, I don’t think that I can figure out how to change her aura.” My eyes opened, finding him looking frustrated. “Let’s just get over there and hide her resonance, even if we have to sit on her to keep her from running away.”
He nodded, but as we turned to go, I saw a flash of amulet. I froze, my chest seeming to clench at the red hair and short stature. I’d never met any of my dark reapers except for Nakita, but by his unearthly beauty, I knew it had to be Demus. And as I watched him search the crowd for Tammy, anger kindled in me. This was my reap.
Taking a breath, I pulled myself straight. My eyes never left the beautiful angel who looked like he’d just gotten off
a boat from Ireland. He was one of my reapers, and my hand gripped my amulet as determination filled me. He was going to do what I said.
“Go shield her, Barnabas,” I said, and he grunted as he followed my gaze and saw Demus as well. “I’m going to go talk to Demus. Distract him at the least.”
“Demus?” Barnabas said, looking shaken as his gaze darted back and away. “I know you’re the dark timekeeper, but he’s here on seraph business. He’s not going to listen to you.”
“The hell he isn’t,” I muttered. “I’m his boss.”
Barnabas furrowed his brow and his eyes shifted to worry. “Madison—”
“Don’t you Madison me!” I exclaimed. “I’m not going to let this go, and neither are you! Go find Tammy. Hide her resonance from the reapers. She likes you. I’m the one she thinks is crazy. I’ve got this! It’s not like he can kill me!”
Barnabas stiffened. People carrying dogs and terrified cats stood between us and the dark reaper, shouting and gesturing about their lives going up in flames. The firemen ignored them the best they could as they worked, and the cops were trying to get them to go into the nearby skating rink. Smoke billowed between us, and when it cleared, Demus was gone.
Crap, where did he go? A black wing flew over, and we both ducked, the scent of decay and roses seeming to catch in my throat. “Madison!” came a familiar shout, and we turned to see Nakita elbowing her way through the frightened people. “Who is watching Tammy?”
A surge of pride came and went. She cared. Nakita cared about Tammy. If I could make a dark reaper care, then maybe this wasn’t as impossible as everyone said it was. “Barnabas is,” I said, and her wide eyes flicked at him, as if asking how when he was standing right beside us. “Nakita, you take Arariel,” I said, pointing, then blinked when I realized that the light reaper in the black jumpsuit had seen us and had her sword bared and was grinning at us, waiting. “Don’t let her put a guardian angel on Tammy, okay? Barnabas is going to hide Tammy’s resonance and protect her. I’m talking to Demus.”