by Kim Harrison
A sliver of self-preservation made me hesitate before I went in. Grace said she’d fixed things with my dad, but it was still hard to grab the doorknob and turn it. Reaching for it, I felt a prickling through my aura. My fingers curled under, and I waited, breathing in the feeling.
“It’s almost like . . . I’m being watched,” I said, then spun as my amulet grew warm.
My breath hissed in, and I watched a vertical line of divine silver crack the night. A somewhat short, thin man seemed to step through it sideways, the light making a silhouette of his tight, graying curls and his billowy clothes.
“Ron,” I hissed, exhaling everything I’d just taken in.
It was the light timekeeper himself, standing on my front lawn in the dark. My first thought to call Barnabas lit through me and died. I could stop time, damn it. I didn’t need Barnabas’s help. Besides, he was probably shielding his resonance and wouldn’t be able to hear me. Cocking my hip, I stared at Ron as he finished materializing.
“What do you want?” I shot out, and he jerked his head up, seeming to be surprised I knew he was there. It was a brief flash of satisfaction in an otherwise sucky night.
The small man quickly recovered his pompous attitude, shaking out his billowy robes that were more suited to the back lot of a Hollywood set than anything that had to do with reality. And he thought what I wore was funny? “To know what you’re up to?” he said, filling those few words with more sly bile than one would think possible. God help me, he knew everything.
My arms crossed over my middle. I didn’t care if it made me look vulnerable. My day hadn’t gone well, and there was no hiding it. “I’m trying not to get grounded,” I said lightly. “Maybe you should leave before I yell for help and get you thrown in jail for being a pervert.”
Ron only smiled that same, infuriating smile. “You learned how to stop time. Congratulations.”
Funny how it didn’t sound like “congratulations” when he said it, and I looked at the porch light, wishing Grace was here to make a tree branch fall on him. “Yeah? So what?”
Ron took a step closer, head cocked as he lost his smug air. “I had a reaper out there.”
“So I noticed.” I rocked back toward my door, not liking this.
“So I wonder what you’re doing . . .” he drawled as if I’d fill in the blank.
“Blah, blah, blah,” I said, making talking-hand motions. “Don’t start monologing, Ron. I’m not doing anything.” I turned to go inside, gasping when Ron grabbed my arm. Spinning, I yanked out of his grip, shocked that he had touched me.
“Back off!” I exclaimed softly as I stared down the two steps at him, not wanting to explain to my dad who he was. My heart gave a thump and settled.
“You changed the mark’s resonance,” Ron said, clearly angry as he looked up at me. “My reaper can’t find her.”
Wahh, wahh, wahh, I thought. Madison isn’t playing fair! But what came out of my mouth was a short “Good.”
“You’re going to get her killed!” Ron said.
My eyes narrowed. “Did that,” I said shortly. “Made a video. Posted it online. It’s over, Ron. Go home.”
“It is not over,” he insisted, looking both angry and confused. “She isn’t dead. You wouldn’t kill her. Though I don’t know why. What are you trying to do? You can’t change things. They are what they are.”
I took a breath, feeling the disappointment of the entire day fall on me. But this time, it only made me mad. I didn’t have to explain myself to him. Yanking my door open, I went inside, grimacing at him standing at the foot of the steps before I shut the door in his face.
Exhaling, I leaned back against it. I could hear my dad on the phone in the kitchen, his voice holding a hint of strain as it rose and fell. I pushed myself up and peeked outside through the narrow window beside the door. Ron was gone. Thank you, God.
The house looked quiet and normal, and my dad stepped from the kitchen with the landline phone stuck to his ear. My first thought was he was on the phone with Josh or Josh’s mom, wanting to know where I was, but then he gave me a finger wave and I knew he thought it was still before my curfew.
“Bev, she’s fine,” he said somewhat crossly, and I realized he was talking to my mom. “It was just a prank phone call.”
Oh, jeez. The cops at the juvie center had reached her. Worried, I glanced out the window for Ron, then came in, trying to hear her end of the conversation.
“I said, she’s fine!” my dad said, rolling his eyes at me. “She’s upstairs asleep, or I’d put her on the phone so you could see for yourself.”
I reached for the receiver, and he shook his head. Why is my dad lying to my mom about where I am?
“Bev,” he said, his voice taking on that tightness that I remembered from when I was growing up. “Listen to me. Madison is fine. I am fine. We are getting along fine, and I think you have a problem with that. I can raise our daughter just as well as you can. She’s a wonderful girl, and I honestly don’t know where you come up with this stuff. I’ll have her call you tomorrow. I’m not going to wake her up because someone is yanking your chain. Go take a valium or something.”
My eyes were wide as he hung up and exhaled, looking at the phone like he wanted to throw it at the wall. “Mom?” I asked, though it was obvious.
“She thinks I can’t take care of you,” he said, the skin around his eyes wrinkling to make him look tired.
A sick feeling seemed to steal around my heart, and seeing it reflected in my eyes, he forced the irritation from his expression, smiling, though I knew he was still upset and likely would be for a few days. “Dad, you’re taking care of me great,” I said, feeling lost, and I gave him a hug, my guilt rising high. My dying was not his fault, and I couldn’t bear it if he thought it was.
He gave me a squeeze, then he stepped back. “Thanks,” he said softly. “Call your mother tomorrow. Trust me, you don’t want to talk to her now,” he said as he went back into the kitchen to hang up the phone. “Someone told her you were on the West Coast in jail, having been accused of setting fire to an apartment complex.”
“Really?” I said, forcing a laugh as I wondered how a call had gotten past Grace.
My dad carefully hung up the phone, but his fingers were shaking, and the click seemed unusually loud. “Maybe if your mother would get into the twenty-first century and get caller ID, she wouldn’t have to put up with cranks like that.”
Yawning, he covered his mouth with the back of his hand. “I can’t believe how tired I am,” he said, dropping his wrist to look at his watch. “I tried to call you but you’re either out of minutes or your battery is dead.” His eyes met mine, annoyance in them. “Again,” he added.
I couldn’t bear lying to him, and I went to the fridge, pretending to get a glass of apple juice. I dumped out about a gallon of it every week. “Um, it’s probably the battery,” I said as I stuck my head in the fridge and breathed in the cold air. “I, uh, kind of loaned it to Barnabas.”
“Madison!”
The exclamation was like a whip, and I pulled back out of the fridge, my eyes downcast. “I’ll get it back tomorrow,” I promised.
“Use mine until you get yours back, okay?” he said as he handed me his. “Where did you and Josh eat?”
The heavy black phone felt funny in my grip, different from my slim pink one. The time was more than two hours off, but as soon as I looked at it, it magically shifted to the right time.
“Um, The Low D,” I said, scrambling to remember our cover story. “Nakita and Barnabas were with us. After Josh’s track meet stuff.”
“You ate, right?”
“As much as I always do.” Smiling, I got a glass out of the cupboard and poured myself some juice. He wasn’t saying anything, just looking at me with concern. “I might have something before I go to bed, though,” I added, and he seemed to lose much of his worry. “Can I go over to Nakita’s tomorrow? We took a lot of pictures at the meet and I want to help her organize them.�
�
“Sure, but get your chores done before you leave this time,” he said. “I might not be here when you get up. I’ve got to go in tomorrow to close out a trial. I hate those ten-day biological runs. Half the time you either have to start them on the weekend or end them on one. Don’t forget to empty the dishwasher. Take out the recyclables. And I want the porch swept before you leave. Front and back this time.”
It was the usual list, and I recapped the juice, hoping he would leave before I had to drink some. “Yes, Dad,” I almost groaned.
Again he yawned, looking at the clock over the stove. “I can’t believe how tired I am. I must not have had enough coffee today.”
“I’m going to bed, too,” I said, leaving my juice on the counter and going to give him a hug good night. His arms went around me in a blanket of security, and he kissed the top of my head.
“I’m serious about calling your mom tomorrow,” he said softly, still holding me. “She’s worried about you.”
“I will,” I promised.
He let go and I dropped back. Turning to leave, he hesitated. “You smell like smoke.”
I didn’t know if he meant from the fire, or the cigarette stench from the police station, and I fumbled, saying, “I got a ride home with one of Josh’s friends. The car stank.”
My dad accepted that, smiling faintly as he rubbed the top of his head, leaving his hair mussed. “Did you set your stops right?” he asked, meaning the photography stops.
“You know it!” I said cheerfully.
“I want to see the pictures when you’re ready,” he said as he turned and shuffled into the hall. “I know it’s the weekend, but don’t stay up too late!” he said from the stairs.
I exhaled, my faith in Grace increasing a hundredfold. Damn, she was good at keeping me out of trouble with my dad. She and Josh both. “Okay!” I called back to him, then stood there, listening to hear his bedroom door shut. Maybe I could get out of here sooner than I thought.
The house went quiet, and I dumped my apple juice, rinsed out the glass, then hesitated when I opened up the dishwasher. Sighing, I pulled the rack out and started to empty it. I was able to stop time, and here I was, emptying the dishwasher. It might not be a bad idea to sweep the porch, too, before I left.
The soft tap at the kitchen window shot through me like a pulse of fear, and my head snapped up, thinking it was Ron. But it was Josh standing between the house and the foundation plantings, his nose and eyes showing. Seeing my relief, he dropped from sight, but I was already on my way to the front door, swearing softly at him for having scared me.
“Josh!” I whispered as I opened the door. “I thought your mom grounded you!”
His gaze went to the stairway, and he whispered back, “You’re not the only one who can sneak out. What happened? Did you get in trouble? My mom tried to call your dad, but the call wouldn’t go through, and then the phone died.”
I exhaled, thanking Grace. She loved causing mischief if it would keep me out of trouble. I pulled him in, seeing the street behind him was empty and dark. He must have biked over so his car wouldn’t wake anyone up. “Come on in,” I said softly. “My dad’s upstairs.”
“No doubt.” Josh looked at his watch. “You’re going back to Baxter tonight, right?”
I nodded, not sure what I hoped to accomplish anymore, but knowing that it wasn’t over yet. “I’m going to have to. Josh, you won’t believe what happened.”
He followed me in, taking the plates from me as I pulled them out. Josh knew my kitchen almost as well as I did, and he slid them away, being careful not to make too much noise. “Did you get grounded?” he asked in a serious voice.
I looked up from stacking the bowls, blinking until I figured it out. “Oh! No,” I said. Grounding was the least of my worries. “Grace set the clocks back. My dad thinks it’s before midnight. No grounding.”
“Nice!” he said, glancing at the clock over the stove as I went to reset it. “What’s so awful, then?” His face went concerned. “Oh, no. Madison, they didn’t . . . die, did they?”
I touched the digital clock, and the numbers jumped to the correct time. I jerked my hand back as if stung, staring at it. That was weird. “No,” I said. “The apartment caught on fire. Tammy and Johnny are okay, but she told the cops that I set it. I spent most of the night in some cop’s office watching Grace short out my phone’s battery so they couldn’t call my dad.”
Josh made a noise of disbelief, and I turned, shrugging. “Barnabas and Nakita got me out and I learned how to stop time and change Tammy’s aura.”
“That’s great!” Josh said, his pleased expression fading when I didn’t smile back. “Isn’t it?”
“The seraphs sent a dark reaper to scythe Tammy,” I said, feeling the hurt of that all over again. “They’re giving up on me. So of course Ron sent a light reaper to stop him. It was a mess. He stopped by tonight. Ron, I mean.” I looked toward the front door as if I could see through the walls. “Trying to figure out what I was doing.”
Eyes wide, Josh fumbled for a clean glass. “So what is he going to do?”
“I don’t know,” I said, the open dishwasher between us. “At least he admitted he doesn’t think I’m trying to kill her.” No, he just thinks I’m being stupid. “I did manage to stop the dark reaper the seraphs sent out. His name is Demus. He’s a redhead,” I said, my focus blurring as I remembered how good he looked.
“What, do you like him?”
Josh’s voice had risen in pitch, and I jerked my attention to him. “He’s an angel,” I said, hiding a quick smile when I realized he was jealous. “You’re not worried, are you?”
“Of an angel? No,” he said, but his motions as he stacked the bowls said otherwise.
“Josh . . .” I said, worried that he felt like he didn’t belong and might leave. “Angels are pretty, but they are kind of intense, you know?”
“Yeah, but they can fly.”
“Oh, stop it,” I said, giving his shoulder a little push as I leaned across the dishwasher between us and grabbed the silverware. “I like you, okay? Not an angelic serial killer.”
“When you put it like that . . .” he said, smiling, and I turned away, suddenly uneasy. Angelic serial killer, and I was the boss. As soon as Josh figured out how true that was, he might be gone, and then I’d be a bigger freak than before. Puppy presents, this sucked.
Silverware in hand, I yanked the drawer open with my pinkie. Tonight had been a disaster. I couldn’t plug the holes fast enough, and the water was almost up to my chin. Frustrated, I gave up sorting the forks from the spoons, and just dumped them in and shut the drawer. Arms over my chest, I stood at the counter and stared at the wall.
“You’ll make it work. I know you will,” Josh said softly.
The dishwasher was empty, and feeling numb, I sat at the table and put my head in my hands. I couldn’t do this anymore. The lies, the sneaking around. I was trying to change something that no one else wanted to change—no one else saw anything wrong with. Except Barnabas. Barnabas believed I could do it.
Head down, I exhaled, feeling my breath leave me and my lungs collapse. I didn’t have to breathe again, and that bothered me. I wanted to be normal, damn it. What guy wants to date a superhero who never needs rescuing? He had his pride. Besides, the seraphs didn’t believe in me. Tammy hated me. Nakita was upset. My eyes grew warm, and I wasn’t surprised when a tear brimmed and fell. I don’t have to breathe, but I can still cry? How unfair is that?
“Madison?”
Josh’s hesitant touch on my shoulder made me even more depressed, and I sniffed, not looking up.
“I’m sorry,” I said, sitting up and wiping my eyes. “I’m not crying,” I said as if trying to convince myself, because I sure wasn’t convincing him. “It’s only that nothing is going right anymore.”
Smiling faintly, Josh sat down beside me. “It’s going to be okay,” he said, finding and holding my hand.
“That’s not why I’m crying!
” I said, head down and tears leaking out no matter how hard I tried to stop them. “I mean, Tammy is important, but . . .”
I couldn’t say the words. They sounded so lame next to the problem of Tammy being hunted by a dark reaper. One of my dark reapers.
“Then what?” Josh asked, and I looked at my hand in his. He was holding it protectively, and it hit me hard.
“I-I found my body,” I whispered, looking at our hands on our touching knees. “When I was in the police station. I almost had it, almost managed to slip into it completely and make it mine again, but Barnabas came in, and I lost it.”
“Your body?” Josh said, then glanced at the hall. “Madison, that’s fantastic!” he said, his voice softer. “Why are you upset? If you found it once, you can find it again. You can be fully alive again! That’s great!”
“It’s not great,” I said, miserable. “No one else was happy about it. They all want me to stay as the dark timekeeper. I don’t know why! I’m not good at it. Barnabas thinks I can change things, but he used to be a light reaper. Nakita thinks it’s a waste of time. Now the seraphs are mad at me. They think I’m not taking this seriously or that I don’t understand what’s at risk.” Miserable, I wiped my eyes again and sniffed loudly.
“I’m happy,” Josh said as he leaned forward.
At that, I let out a barking sound of a sob, dropping my head and letting go of his hands so I could wipe my face. “I’m tired of it all,” I said, feeling it hit me hard as I admitted it aloud. “I’m tired of lying to my dad. Tired of fighting to make myself understood. Tired of not being able to sleep or eat. I just want to come home and be normal!”
I looked up at him through my wet eyes to see sympathy but no understanding. “But,” he started, and I shook my head, stopping him.
“Nakita is depressed because I might leave and forget about her. Barnabas is disappointed that I want to give up on something he’s believed in for thousands of years but was too afraid to try for until now. I’m actually starting to figure things out, and somehow it’s making things worse, not easier. I changed Tammy’s aura today,” I said, finding no joy in it. “And I stopped time. I stopped time, Josh! And I don’t even care.”