by Sara Hantz
“I want to keep what happened between us a secret.”
He wanted to see her, but no one else could know. It seemed wrong on so many levels.
“Why?” She frowned.
“It’s just better that way, with no one knowing. It doesn’t mean we stop seeing each other,” Drew replied, finally looking at her. His green eyes were troubled and conflicted. This didn’t seem easy for him. “If you still want to,” he added.
“Of course I do. But I’m not sure about keeping it a secret.”
She had visions of them sneaking around trying to catch an odd moment together. She couldn’t see how they could make it work, even if she wanted to, what with his home life and her living with Blake. It would be impossible.
“Think about it,” Drew said. “What if Blake finds out? How’s he gonna take it? At least this way, we can still be together, just not at school. We can work it out.”
She could see what he meant and guessed it sort of made sense. Truth be told, she didn’t want to have another falling out with Blake. She couldn’t stand that they weren’t talking very much at the moment. On the other hand, she worried about Drew’s motives. Was he really doing it to protect Blake, or was it more because he didn’t want people to judge him any more than they already had?
“What if I talk to Blake and tell him?” she probed.
Drew’s face clouded over. “No. I don’t want him to be angry.”
“It might upset him initially, but I’m sure he’ll come around,” she said, not really believing what she was saying. If Blake’s recent behavior was anything to go by, he could take a very long time to come around if he did at all. But that didn’t mean they shouldn’t try.
“Maybe, but I don’t want to risk it. I don’t want anyone else to know about us. It’s too difficult at the moment,” he said, his adamant tone leaving her no option but to agree.
What choice did she have, if she wanted to keep seeing him?
She shrugged and nodded her acceptance.
“Let me get this straight,” Tiffany said, grabbing Ruby’s arm so tightly that her nails dug a little too hard into Ruby’s flesh. Obviously she was a bit excited. “You’ve been making out with Drew Scott in his BEDROOM!”
Ruby had texted Tiffany earlier in the afternoon, as they didn’t have any classes together, to see if they could meet after school, and they were sitting in a nearby park. She’d decided that when she’d promised Drew not to tell anyone about the two of them, that didn’t include Tiffany. There was no way Ruby could keep everything to herself, and she trusted Tiffany not to tell anyone.
It had been pure torture all afternoon sitting in class and having to maintain a distance from Drew. He didn’t seem to have any difficulty, though. He didn’t even say good-bye once school was out. He clearly wasn’t going to let even the slightest hint of a relationship between them get out into the open. She didn’t know how he managed to do it.
“Yeah.” Ruby couldn’t help grinning at Tiffany’s reaction. One she could relate to, seeing as if the situations were reversed, she’d be acting exactly the same. A new guy was always big news.
“And how was it? On a scale of one to ten.” Tiffany wriggled on the bench in excitement.
A shiver shot down her spine as she thought about exactly how it was. She couldn’t believe they’d first gotten together only a few hours ago. It seemed like they’d been a couple forever.
“Good. Amazing,” Ruby replied, her voice sounding sappy even to her own ears.
“And what about his. You know… his…” Tiffany sucked in a breath.
Ruby knew exactly what she meant. “Burns?”
Tiffany nodded, then winced. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. You must think I’m awful. Please don’t tell him I said that.”
“It’s okay. That’s what got us together in the first place. He went for a shower, and I saw them. He’s no worse than my dad. It didn’t freak me out or anything.”
“I don’t think I could do it,” Tiffany mused.
Ruby’s jaw dropped. “I don’t believe you! Just because he’s been burned doesn’t mean he’s any less of a person. You act like you would with any other hot guy.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.” Tiffany scrambled to recover. “Just that… I don’t know. I’m not sure I could handle anything like that without making an idiot of myself or saying the wrong thing. I know he’s a great guy and that you like him.” Tiffany had flushed to a bright shade of red and was staring at her feet. “And you’re right—he’s still hot.”
Ruby realized that she was overreacting, and she got what Tiffany meant. It was hard for people to deal with the awkwardness of large scars or disabilities, stuff like that. She’d done it her whole life, so Drew’s scars didn’t intimidate her, but she’d sometimes been afraid of saying the wrong thing about the events that had caused them. “No. I’m sorry. Of course I understand what you’re saying.”
“Do his scars hurt? Was making out hard because of them?” Tiffany asked, her color back to normal.
“They are sensitive. We had to be careful. I was really worried at first, but it was okay. We managed.” Ruby couldn’t help a tiny smile escaping her lips as she thought about just how well they managed.
“So when are you seeing him again?”
“That’s the point. I don’t know.” Ruby groaned. “He wants to keep it a secret.”
“Why?”
Yes, why? echoed a voice in the back of her head that seemed to be fighting with the side of her that accepted Drew’s reasoning. “Because Blake doesn’t know. Plus I think Drew doesn’t think it would look good to other people.”
“I get the Blake reason, but not that it wouldn’t look good. It’s not like either of you are seeing anyone else. So where’s the harm?” Tiffany frowned and looked puzzled.
Tiffany was preaching to the converted. If only Drew could be as rational as Tiffany, it would make things so much easier. “It’s Drew’s decision, so I’m going along with it,” Ruby responded lamely.
“I guess.” Tiffany nodded. “So when are you telling Blake?”
“I don’t know. We haven’t discussed it. The main thing is that you can’t say anything to Drew to let on that you know. At least not yet. Not until I’ve mentioned to him that I’ve told you.” She wasn’t sure when she’d bite that bullet. Not if how he reacted earlier was an indication of how he’d respond.
“Well, it’s not like I hang out with him, so he won’t hear anything from me. Nor will anyone else,” Tiffany replied.
She hadn’t really had to say that—she was sure that Tiffany wouldn’t throw her under the bus. One reason they’d been best friends for so long was that they always kept each other’s secrets.
“Now, back to the making out.” Tiffany moved even closer to Ruby on the bench so she could give her a nudge. “Marks out of ten for kissing?”
Chapter Eleven
Ruby’s stomach dipped when she reached out to pick up her cell from the bedside table and saw Drew’s name on the caller ID, and she had no idea why. Well, she did. Her initial reaction each time he phoned was that he was going to dump her. Not that there was much to dump. Since they’d first got together a couple of weeks ago, they’d only managed to see each other alone three times. Twice they’d met at the park, and the last time they’d gone to a tiny café downtown, where no one they knew went. Although all they’d managed to do was hold hands under the table. It was hardly a knock-you-off-your-feet romance by any stretch of the imagination.
She enjoyed being with him, but always at the back of her mind was the nagging sense that Blake should be told, but every time she had tried to broach the subject with Drew, he totally dismissed it. He always said that everything was good the way it was and they shouldn’t change things. She felt so guilty about deceiving Blake that any conversation they’d had recently was even more strained than usual because of it. She had no idea if Blake noticed any change in her. Being a guy, he probably wouldn’t,
but that didn’t make her feel any better.
When Drew had dropped her off at home, they’d managed to make out a little, but nothing like the first time. She was beginning to think that all they would ever have was a few rushed fumbles and kisses. The science project was now over, so she didn’t even have an excuse to talk to him during school hours. It was driving her crazy. She thanked goodness she had Tiffany to talk to about it. Not that Drew had any idea that Tiffany knew about them. She still hadn’t plucked up the courage to bring it up. She guessed, what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.
Just as her voicemail was about to pick up, she answered her phone. “Hey, Drew.”
“Hi. What are you doing?” he asked.
“Actually doing, or meant to be doing?” she quipped. She glanced down at the textbook opened on her left and the magazine opened at the horoscopes page on her right.
“Let me guess.” He chuckled. “You’re sitting on your bed reading a magazine, and you’re supposed to be doing your math homework?”
“How the heck did you know that? Have you bugged my room?”
It never failed to amaze her that he knew her so well. Then again, how many years had they known each other? And it wasn’t exactly unheard of for her to be distracted by checking out her stars or by celebrity gossip. Even though she’d happily made the decision to work hard this year, she was finding it more difficult than she’d anticipated. Especially when her thoughts seemed to focus solely on Drew and when she’d be seeing him next.
“Yep. I crept in the other day when the family was out and planted one in your bedside lamp.”
A lump formed in the back of Ruby’s throat. She loved hearing Drew tease her, and she’d never have imagined when they’d first started talking this year that it could ever be so easy between them. She would never tire of it. Ever. “Of course. And you managed to avoid Dad in the process, because you know he never goes out.” Her voice dropped while thinking about her dad and how he’d hidden himself away for so long. It was such a waste of life, and it cut her to the core thinking about how things might have been if he hadn’t been injured or if he’d reacted to it differently.
At least Drew wasn’t like that.
Or is he?
The thought pushed its way into Ruby’s consciousness, and she shuddered. Just because Drew could talk to her about the fire and his injuries didn’t mean that he wasn’t hiding. Keeping their relationship a secret was a form of hiding from people. It might not be exactly like what her father did, but it was hiding nonetheless.
“Okay. You got me there. I took a guess, and knowing you, it wasn’t hard,” he said.
“I’ll have you know that this year I’m working my butt off to get good grades. If you’d have called half an hour ago, then I’d have been concentrating on my homework. I only just stopped to take a short break and—”
“Ruby, stop. I was only joking. I know you’re working hard. Sorry.”
She rested her hand on her forehead. She was such an idiot. Of course he was joking. She really needed to get her crap together and stop being such a jerk, or he would have good reason to drop her. “Forget it. I’m being silly. Too much algebra totally screws with my sense of reason.” She laughed, and he joined in.
“I called to see if you could get out later?”
Disappointment flooded through her. “I can’t. I promised Mom I’d look after Dad while she goes to the mall for late-night shopping.”
She clenched her fist in frustration and thumped the bed. She just couldn’t catch a break. It was like something was conspiring against her. She didn’t resent looking after her dad. Well, to be honest she did get the occasional niggle, but she soon got over it because she knew how much her mom depended on her.
“Can’t Blake look after him?”
“He could if we knew where to find him. He hasn’t come back yet from school.”
“That’s late,” Drew said.
“He must have gone somewhere. I don’t know where, though. He doesn’t speak to me much these days.” She jumped up from her bed and began pacing the floor, then stopped at the window and stared out. She’d much rather be outside with Drew than stuck in her bedroom pretending to do her homework.
“I’m sorry. It must be hard. I know how close you used to be.”
“Yeah. I try not to think about it. I’m sure it will all get sorted out eventually.” She didn’t really believe the words she’d just said, but she didn’t want to alarm Drew in case it made him feel even guiltier, since he already blamed himself for everything that had gone on with Blake. “Can we go out tomorrow night instead?” she asked, wanting to change the subject.
“Sure. I’ll call you,” he replied.
A knock on her door made Ruby start. “There’s someone here. Gotta go. Bye Drew.” She went over to her door and opened it.
Her mom was standing there. “Are you going out already?” Ruby asked. She had planned on finishing her homework before her mom left, especially now that she’d arranged to go out with Drew tomorrow.
“Not yet. Can I come in?” her mom asked.
Ruby frowned. Her mom was acting weird, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. “Yeah, sure.”
Her mother stepped into the bedroom and closed the door behind her. She had a strange expression on her face. After a few seconds of silence, she locked eyes with Ruby. “Who were you just talking to?”
Ruby swallowed hard. “No one,” she replied and then wanted to kick herself. Why the hell hadn’t she just said Tiffany? It was obvious that her mom had heard her speaking, or she wouldn’t have asked.
“Don’t lie to me. I heard you. Who was it?”
“Tiffany,” Ruby said, her voice about three decibels higher than it normally was. She glanced at the floor, not daring to look at her mother.
“Ruby. Tell me the truth.” Her mom had that way of making Ruby feel guilty without actually saying anything. She never shouted at Ruby or Blake; she didn’t need to because they would always bow under the extraordinary, invisible pressure she somehow managed to exert.
“Drew. It was Drew,” Ruby muttered. She chewed on the inside of her cheek. Drew was not gonna be happy when he found out that she’d told her mom about them. If she told him.
“As in Drew Scott?” her mother asked, arching her right eyebrow like Ruby always did when feeling skeptical or surprised.
“Yes.” Ruby nodded.
“I see.” She perched on the end of Ruby’s bed and leaned forward, resting her arms on her knees. Ruby leaned against the closet door, facing her.
“Why did you ask?”
“I heard you answer your cell.”
Ruby frowned. “But that was ages ago. Were you listening to our conversation the whole time?”
A guilty expression crossed her mom’s face. “I hadn’t intended to. But I heard you say ‘Drew,’ and I only know of one Drew in your life and Blake’s.”
“Mom. How could you? After all you’ve told us about respecting people’s privacy.” Ruby forgot about hiding her conversation with Drew because she was so shocked by her mom checking up on her like that.
“I’m sorry. It was an accident. I’d come upstairs to see if you’d be ready in twenty minutes to be with your dad, and just as I was about to knock on your door, your phone rang. I wanted to check to see if it was Tiffany because if it was, I didn’t think you’d mind me interrupting. Except it wasn’t.”
“And you listened to everything we said.”
Ruby quickly recalled her conversation with Drew to check if there was anything incriminating. She was pretty sure that she wouldn’t be able to convince her mom they were talking about the science project.
“Not really. I couldn’t hear everything.”
But she’d heard enough. Ruby drew in a long breath. “So now you know all about us.” Ruby tried to sound angry, but actually, she felt relieved because it meant she could talk to her mom about it. Especially what to do about Blake and how to break the news to him. Providing he
r mom understood, of course, and didn’t say she should stop seeing him because of what Blake might think.
“I do. I just don’t understand why.”
Ruby flipped a hand in the air, hoping so much that her mother wouldn’t be angry. “It just sort of happened. I felt sorry for him, coming back to school and being subjected to all the stares and grimaces. You know what that’s like with Dad. And none of his old friends wanted anything to do with him because of Blake.” Not to mention the whole deal with how thoughtless people could be with their offhand comments and perpetual staring.
“You can hardly blame them,” her mom said.
Ruby couldn’t argue with that. As usual, her mother had a knack for seeing things exactly as they were.
“What happened with Reese and Drew was just a one-off,” she said. “Reese was upset because Blake had broken up with her, they had a few beers, and it just led to…you know. No one could feel worse about it than Drew does. He hates himself for what happened.”
“Nothing’s ever clear cut, love.” Her mom got up and walked over to where Ruby stood. She rested her arm around Ruby’s shoulders. “But this is the boy who betrayed your brother. His best friend. You know what that’s done to Blake; you’ve seen it yourself. Blake should be your priority in all this.”
Ruby knew that. Blake was family. Of course they had to think of him. But maybe it didn’t have to be a case of Blake or Drew. Maybe there was some way of being with both of them.
“I know what you’re saying, Mom. I know. But don’t you think Drew has been through enough? His life will never be the same again. He’s always gonna be judged by his appearance. Yes, he hurt Blake. But Blake and Reese were never going to last.” Ruby hated bringing that up and was aware that it didn’t for one moment diminish the awfulness of Reese dying. But it was true, and for some reason, Blake now held Reese up as his one and only true love, which Ruby knew wasn’t the case. Whenever they’d broken up in the past, Reese had been the one to try to patch things up. And Blake had even admitted the last time that he’d only gotten back together with her because he couldn’t stand to see her cry.