by Jayne Frost
Every instinct told me to go. Because this … her … it was too much. And too little.
Her fingers followed her gaze to my mouth. And then she kissed me. Softly. So fucking softly.
“Please …” she whispered against my lips.
Curving a hand around her thigh, I pushed inside her warmth. “This?”
She groaned, resting her forehead on my shoulder. “Yes.”
I fucked her slowly, deeply, my thumb tracing lazy circles over her clit. I knew she wanted more. The punishing rhythm. The relentless beat. But I refused. Because this … this I could control. And I’d get her there on my terms.
When I felt her walls tighten around me, I tilted her head back. Her chin tipped forward, and I sank my teeth into her bottom lip. She came undone with a gasp, but no words. A bittersweet surrender filled with unspoken truths.
38
Tucked against the stone pillar in front of the hotel, I watched the pedestrians hustle down Park Avenue.
Jerking my attention to Logan when he picked up my rollaway, I said, “You don’t have to do this. I can catch a cab.”
He didn’t say anything, just turned and strode toward the Mustang idling at the curb. We’d barely spoken since last night’s show. After everything that went down, I was surprised he’d slept in my bed. And even more shocked when he woke me at dawn, pressing kisses to my shoulder and nudging my legs open.
But then, it came to me. This was our “until.” And Logan was trying to tell me without words that we’d be okay. Friends. No hard feelings.
I knew it was silly to mourn the loss of something that never was, but I did. So when he left the suite an hour later, I decided to move up the date on my trip to Austin. Give myself a little time to adjust. Three days, and then I’d rejoin the tour upstate.
Wiping my shaky hands on the front of my jeans, I turned to Daryl with a forced smile. He pushed off the wall where he’d been trying not to watch the awkward exchange between Logan and me.
“Sorry about the last-minute changes,” I said. “You can stay here or head up to Bethel. It’s up to you.”
Daryl thought about it for a moment, rubbing his chin. “You sure you don’t need me to go with you?”
Surprised and more than a little touched by the offer, I shook my head. “No. I’ll be fine in Austin. But thank you for asking.”
A rare smile curved his lips. “Call me if you need anything.” He patted my shoulder, a clumsy gesture that led me to believe he didn’t offer this treatment to everyone.
Before I could think better of it, I levered up on my toes and pecked his cheek. “Thank you again.”
He grunted something that sounded like goodbye before shadowing me to the curb.
Sliding into the passenger seat, I blinked against the tears stinging the back of my eyes as I fumbled with the belt.
Everything about this felt like the end.
“Ready?” Logan asked once I was strapped in.
I willed him to look at me, but he didn’t.
“Yep. All set.”
Moments later, as we crossed the Queensboro Bridge, Logan laid a little bag with a fancy label on my lap.
Le Pain Quotidien, Columbus Circle
Peeking inside, the smell of chocolate wafted to my nose. “Little cookies.” I smiled over at him. “You bought me little cookies.”
“I thought you were well traveled, princess. Those are macarons.”
“French little cookies, then.” As I broke a tiny piece off of one of the treats, it dawned on me. “Is this where you went this morning?”
“While you were planning your escape?” He spared me a glance. “Yeah.”
Fingering the serrated edge on the bag, I chewed my lip. After a moment, Logan reached over and freed the abused flesh with his thumb. “Don’t do that. I like your mouth the way it is.”
Laying his hand on my knee, palm up, he wiggled his fingers until I got the hint and linked our digits.
“I wouldn’t have left without telling you,” I said, tipping forward to get his attention when he didn’t acknowledge me. “You know that, right?”
Inhaling slowly, he shook his head. “I don’t even know why you’re leaving. So, no, I can’t give you that.”
“I wanted to make things easier.” It sounded stupid now, but he deserved the truth, so I pushed through. “I thought, after last night, that you wanted to move on.”
Traffic ground to a halt, and with nothing to distract him, Logan finally shifted his attention my way. “Do you always think the worst?” As if the answer were written on my face, he smiled. Not a bitter smile, or a happy smile. Reflective. Like he could see straight into my head. “Yeah, I guess you do.”
It was more of an indictment than an observation, and I thought about protesting, but I really couldn’t. Because it was true.
I blew out a breath. “Do you ever think about balance?”
He quirked a brow at my abrupt change in topic. “Balance?”
“I don’t mean balance like you’re balancing something. What I’m getting at is … you know how people have bad things happen to them? A fucked-up childhood, and then they become, I don’t know, a rock star?”
Trying to make this personal wasn’t a good idea, because Logan’s jaw hardened to granite.
“Okay … what about …” I snapped my fingers. “JK Rowling. She’s a good example.” He went stone still, so I added, “Harry Potter? You’ve read Harry Potter, right?”
His nostrils flared, and he pulled his hand free. “Is there a point coming anytime soon? Or are you just trying to redirect the conversation so you don’t have to tell me what’s really going on?”
There was something different about his tone. An edge I’d never heard, not even when we used to spar.
Sinking back into my seat, I swallowed hard. “I was trying.” My gaze dropped to my lap, to the little bag of cookies. “Never mind. I guess I’m not explaining it right.”
Moments passed with only the sound of the traffic on the interstate and the hum of the engine.
“I didn’t read Harry Potter,” Logan finally said in a tone that sounded like he was confessing to a crime. “I’m not much …” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t read.”
I laughed. “A lot of people don’t read.”
He nodded, pressing his lips into a thin line. “So are you going to finish your story?” I shifted my gaze to the side window and a second later I felt his hand on my leg again. “Tell me, Victoria. I want to know.”
Resting my head against the glass, I squinted into the sun. “I’ve read your bio, Lo. I know you don’t like to talk about it, but your childhood was bad, right?” His reflection nodded. “And then it took five years for Caged to make it out of the dive bar scene. And JK Rowling … she was on welfare. And she got rejected I don’t know how many times before someone took a chance on her book.”
A lump formed in my throat. Only Logan’s hand on my knee, his thumb tracing lazy circles, calmed me enough to continue.
“See, I had a perfect childhood. My parents … they’re amazing. I never tried out for anything I didn’t get. I won my first talent show when I was eight.” I shook my head. “I don’t even remember because it was only a blip. One of many. And then my first band, the Austin Dolls, we got discovered in a fucking mall.”
Chancing a peek to my left, I found Logan smiling. “You’re the full package, princess. What’s the problem?”
“The problem is, there’s always a price. But I didn’t know that. Things came so easy. The perfect career. The perfect marriage. Money. Fame. And now I’m just trying to find my balance.”
I cursed the tear racing down my cheek, but didn’t have the will to wick it away. So Logan did it for me.
“I still don’t know what you mean by balance,” he said gently.
“It’s that place in the middle where all the good things that happened are equal to all the bad things that came after. And I can start at zero again.” I swallowed hard. “Maybe
when I find that place, I won’t expect the worst. And about last night. That woman—Harper?” He nodded. “She was the star of Dylan’s sex tape. I should’ve just told you. But he doesn’t even know I know.”
Logan’s eyes darted to mine. “What?”
“It’s a long story. And we don’t have time right now for me to explain. Maybe after I get back …” After I got back everything would be different. There would be no more talking. Not like this.
Logan didn’t say anything, just took my hand and pressed a kiss to my palm.
We rode in silence for a half hour, the whirr of the jet engines overhead increasing in volume the closer we got to the airport. When the GPS signaled our exit one mile ahead, Logan slid into the right lane. But something didn’t look right.
“This isn’t the terminal,” I said as we made the turn into long-term parking.
Logan never squirmed. Not in all the time I’d known him. So the slight shift in his posture was noticeable. “I’ve got a couple things to take care of at home, so I thought I’d tag along. Unless you got a problem with that.”
Another choice. But this one had consequences. Because Austin was home. Roots. Memories. Whatever vague notion I had of us didn’t exist there. My lips parted, a refusal dancing on the tip of my tongue. But then I looked down at the bag of cookies in my lap. And I smiled. “No problem at all.”
39
Tori fumbled with the keys outside the double doors to her mansion. The third time she tried to find the lock, I covered her hand with mine. “Let me help.”
I knew it would be hard, coming here. But I didn’t think it would be this hard. Not until the sedan pulled up to the gate with the big G entwined in the wrought iron bars. I remembered seeing it in the news reports after the accident, when the media laid siege to Tori’s estate.
But this was different. Real. Tori once lived here with someone else.
Jealousy had always seemed like a dangerous emotion, one that I didn’t inherit from Jake. But as I pushed through the door and into the grand foyer, that’s exactly what I felt. Jealous. For a life that didn’t exist anymore. And for the dead man who shared that life with Tori.
Brushing past me, she headed for a security panel with blinking lights while I freed my phone from my pocket. I was still waiting for the Lyft app to find my location when she appeared in front of me.
“What are you doing?” she asked, glancing at my screen.
I never told her I’d be staying, but still, I couldn’t look her in the eyes. “Setting up a ride. But I can’t get a bead on the location.”
She didn’t say anything for a long moment, and I had no choice but to lift my gaze.
A frown tugged her lips. “Service is poor out here. You’re going to have to hook up to the signal booster. Let me get you the code. It’s in the kitchen.”
She reached for her bag, but I outmaneuvered her hands, cocking a brow at the massive marble staircase. “Really?”
She shrugged. “I probably won’t sleep upstairs anyway.”
Before I could ask why, she was off, her boots echoing on the polished floors. “Come on. I’ll get you the code.”
We passed room after room. Elegant spaces with high end furnishings and expensive art on the walls. But none of it looked lived in. Or inviting.
Once we got to the kitchen, Tori pulled open the door to the Sub-Zero. “Want a beer?”
“Sure.” Retrieving two Shiners, she pressed a bottle into my hand. “You don’t drink beer,” I said as I twisted off my cap.
Shrugging, she looked down at the label. “I’m from Texas. Of course I drink beer. As long as it’s the right brand.” Leaning a hip against the counter, she took a long pull. And something about the way her mouth formed around the bottle … fuck.
I shifted my feet, my cock twitching behind my zipper.
Maybe she’d agree to come to my place. Or maybe I’d just fuck her right here on the island.
“Logan …?”
The beer caught in my throat, and I coughed. “What?” Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I cursed my one-track mind and her short skirt. And those boots. “Sorry. Did you say something?”
She arched a dark brow as if she knew what I was thinking. “I said: you don’t have to get a Lyft. You can drive my car if you want.”
“The Shelby?”
Smirking around her next sip, she rolled her eyes. “I was thinking the Mercedes, but sure. That’s fine.” Suddenly serious, she set her bottle on the counter. “Do you have time for dinner before you go?”
Hedging wasn’t my style, so I plopped onto the barstool. “I do. But you seem uncomfortable having me here.”
I watched her over the rim of my bottle, gauging her reaction.
She looked confused. “I didn’t mean to come off that way. Besides Taryn, and … um, a couple other people, nobody’s ever stayed out here.”
Guessing that one of the “others” was Dylan, I dug my thumbnail into the yellow label. Jealousy. What the fuck?
“You’re welcome to stay, Lo.” She sidled closer. “I have room.”
Taking her by the hips, I pulled her between my legs. “Do you, now?” It was a stupid question, considering the size of her mansion. But then, I wasn’t talking about the house. It was her life I was interested in.
She smiled so sweetly. “I do.”
“Then I guess you better show me where I’ll be sleeping.”
The house was enormous. Seven bedrooms and at least as many bathrooms. And five living areas if I counted right during the tour. But I didn’t see it all. The third story remained a mystery, along with whatever was behind the double doors at the end of the hallway on the second floor.
Once we’d finished with the show and tell, I’d excused myself and retreated to the guest room to shower just so I could get a handle on all the emotions pushing in on me.
Anger I could deal with, but this wasn’t anger. I wasn’t mad. Still, I wanted to tear things apart with my bare hands, or maybe just back Tori against the nearest wall and plunge inside of her until she screamed my name loud enough to rattle the ghosts from the house.
But I couldn’t hide out forever, so I made my way down the stairs. At the bottom, I took a left and wound up hopelessly lost. On my way out of the maze, I passed a circular room with a domed ceiling, and in the center sat a Steinway grand piano. Black lacquer beckoned me, gleaming under a pair of art lights. Following the call, I wandered inside, easing onto the matching bench as I tinkled the keys. The sound was rich, enhanced by the acoustics in the odd shaped room.
I’d just launched into a simple tune when a picture in a polished silver frame snagged my attention, knocking the wind out of me like a punch to the solar plexus. Tori with her sun-bright smile, nothing but promise in her eyes, standing next to the man who’d built her this house. I could try to pretend the last part wasn’t true, that I didn’t imagine Rhenn pouring over blueprints and making sure that every detail was just so. But there were too many things in the house that weren’t Tori. Not the Tori I knew.
The jealousy crept back, stabbing through me like a sharp blade.
“There you are.”
I snapped my attention to Tori’s sweet voice, and the riot under my skin subsided, my heart expanding at the sight of her decked out in a yellow bikini. She didn’t hide from me anymore, my girl.
My girl.
I’d just gotten used to the idea of it. And outside these walls, it was true. Maybe. Or was that an illusion as well?
Pushing to my feet, I raked a hand through my hair. “Hey.”
My voice was huskier than usual, and what the fuck was that about? I’d already vowed to keep my hands to myself. Not that I had much choice. The room where I’d be sleeping obviously wasn’t hers. But my cock didn’t get the memo.
Tori glided toward me, a bottle of beer in her hand. I took it, eager for the distraction.
“Where’s yours?” I asked in that same husky tone.
Tori didn’t drink often, bu
t when she did, we had some of our best talks. Followed by mind-blowing sex and a sleep so peaceful I woke feeling drugged.
“I’ll have some wine by the pool.” She took my hand, and for a minute I forgot where we were. I wanted to kiss her. Fall on my knees, tug down her tiny shorts and bury my face in her sweet cunt.
“I can order a pizza,” she said with a hopeful smile, totally oblivious to my lurid thoughts.
“Sounds good.”
Cold marble chilled my bare feet as she led me toward the back of the house. Though I’d glimpsed the grounds during our tour, now that she’d opened the accordion windows and welcomed the outside in, the view took my breath away.
Tall trees of different varieties lined both sides of the property, stretching all the way to the lake. Unlike Sean’s house, which sat right above the shore, Tori’s estate was built on a bluff. A cliff some fifty yards away that went straight down into deep water.
Sinking onto one of the chaise lounges on the pebbled deck surrounding the swimming pool, I stretched my legs. I watched as Tori dipped a toe into the water. Her raven hair glistened in the fading light, a soft black curtain spilling over her shoulders. And her skin. She looked every bit the angel with those wings on display.
Tossing me a smile, she said, “Why don’t you come in?”
I glanced down at my jeans before meeting her gaze. “I’m not exactly dressed for the beach, princess.”
She eased down onto the first step, the water gently caressing her calves. “You know what I love about this place?”
“What?”
She pulled the string around her neck and her bikini top slipped off, freeing her tits. “It’s really private.” Biting her lip, she rolled one of her nipples between her thumb and her forefinger.
I took a sip of my beer, enjoying the show.
Disappointment etched her brow, and she stopped the sensual assault on her nipple. “You really don’t want to come in?”
Reclining on my elbow, I palmed my thickening cock. “I want to watch.” Tori blinked as if she didn’t know what to do next. Which was fine. More than fine. “Touch yourself, baby.” Hesitantly and with her eyes on mine, she dipped her hand inside her bikini bottoms. “What does it feel like?’ I asked.