by Karen Cimms
“Was that okay?” he asked, his eyes sparkling into mine, which had just returned from their visit to the back of my head.
“Oh yeah,” I sighed.
When he nudged my thighs further apart, I gasped. It had been too long. I raked my nails across his back, grabbed his ass, and pulled him into me. He groaned, a long, low sound that nearly sent me tumbling over the edge with barely a thrust.
“Can you manage with your wrist?” I breathed into his ear as he moved in me so slowly and so deeply, I would have happily volunteered to stay like that forever.
“For now,” he said, putting most of his weight on his good arm. “I may need to flip you on top for a while. Not just yet, though. I want to keep it slow for now. I just want to feel you. It’s like my body is coming alive again.”
It was exactly what I’d been thinking. I had been in a deep, long sleep, and here was my prince, come to wake me up and take me back.
“I waited too long for this, Rain,” he sighed into my mouth. “This isn’t a one-and-done kind of night, I want you to know.”
“We have a lot of time to make up for.”
Giving it our best, we made love most of the night in the cramped single bed—me, my six-foot-three ex-and future husband, and his stupid cast.
It was one of the most exquisite nights of my life.
Chapter Sixty-Three
With the morning came another set of emotions. I had been awake for at least an hour before Chase stirred next to me. My body ached, partly from sleeping on a too-small bed but mostly from using every muscle during a marathon night of lovemaking that might have been one for the record books.
When Chase opened his eyes, his smile made me shiver all over again.
I took a deep breath, but instead of smiling back as I’d intended, I burst into tears. The wall I had erected to keep out the hurt of the past year had somehow come off with my clothes.
“What’s wrong?”
I saw fear in his eyes, and I knew he was expecting me to tell him I’d made a mistake, which made me cry even harder. I couldn’t speak. I just shook my head.
He kissed my face. “Please, tell me what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” The two syllables sounded like the cry of a wounded animal. In some ways, that was exactly what I was. I squeezed his hand, trying to convey some kind of message, although even I didn’t know what that was.
“I’m sorry,” I began, my voice a hoarse whisper. I pulled the sheet around me and rolled toward him.
“When you made love to me like that, like last night …” I had to take another deep breath. Just thinking about what he’d done to me was enough to curl my toes. “When you make love to me like that, I can’t help but think of Callie.”
I said it so fast that I wasn’t sure he’d heard, but judging by the confused look on his face, maybe he had. Before he could respond, I put my fingers over his lips. I tried to smile so that he wouldn’t look so terrified, but I could tell it came off as more of a wince.
“I feel almost sick over you and her … like that.” Maybe I did understand his insane jealousy after all.
“No, baby, no. Listen to me.” He lifted up onto his elbow and ran his hand along the side of my face.
“Please don’t try to tell me you didn’t make love to her like that.”
“I’m not. Just listen. Please.” He sat up and pulled me up beside him. Did he think telling me about his sex life with another woman would be easier in a different position? It was like waiting for surgery without the benefit of anesthesia.
“It was never like that. It has never been like that with anyone but you.”
I looked at him from the corner of my eye. I refused to believe he’d planned to marry a woman after months of bad sex.
“Just listen.” He held my hand, rubbing his thumb in gentle circles as he spoke.
“I’ve been in love with you almost since the moment we met. I’ll admit, the first time I saw you, all I could think about was fucking you. I’m sorry, but that’s the truth. Without a doubt, you are the sexiest woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. But once I got to know you, I also saw this beautiful person inside, and I fell hopelessly in love. I was a goner even before I came to your birthday party, remember?”
I smiled at how he had tricked me into kissing him in Wally and Diane’s backyard.
“Every day since then, I’ve loved you more, even after we broke up. It killed me, Rain. I thought I would die, I missed you so badly. I couldn’t bear to be alone. I thought I was going to lose my mind. I’d been hurt before, and that jealousy and stubbornness all resurfaced.
“I feel bad about it, but the truth is that Callie was a placeholder, a distraction. I tried to make it work because I thought it was over for us, but almost every waking moment, I missed you. Every night, I prayed I’d see you in my dreams. When I lay down at night, all I could do was think of you. Nothing changed when I was with her. I’d close my eyes and see your face. I tried to make myself believe I was in love—or at least that I might fall in love again.” He drew a finger lightly over my bottom lip. “It was never going to happen. Even if you had told me to fuck off after I came to see you after I called off the wedding—and you had every right to do that—I wouldn’t have married her.”
He seemed to be waiting for me to react, but I did nothing. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling.
“Having sex with Callie was perfunctory. It was nothing more than fulfilling a basic need. I couldn’t love her or give her my heart because I’d given it to you a long time ago.”
I pressed my hand against his chest. “Just so you know, I’m not giving it back. Ever.”
He flipped me onto my back and fitted himself between my legs.
“You better not.”
Chapter Sixty-Four
Rain’s mother brought the kids to the restaurant, and we met them there for breakfast around ten. We had planned to get moving earlier than that, but it had proven difficult to get out of bed. Even such a tiny one.
So much lost time to make up for.
When we told Izzy and Zac we would be getting remarried next week, Zac let out a whoop so loud that the older woman sitting nearby almost dropped her coffee.
Since there was still Christmas shopping to be done, Zac stayed with Dorinda, and we dropped Izzy off at her friend Emily’s house before heading out to hit the malls.
Rain chattered happily as we drove, telling me what she’d already bought the kids and what we still needed to pick up. I did my best to listen, but I was still trying to process the bombshell about Preston she’d handed me last night, and I was angry with myself at having left her to deal with it alone.
“Babe?” I said, interrupting her menu ideas for Christmas dinner. “I’m listening, but I just had an idea.”
“Would you rather have prime rib? I could make that instead of ham this year.”
“Ham is fine. I was thinking about the paternity test.”
The silence was sudden and stark. “Don’t remind me.”
“What if we order a kit and do it ourselves first? Then we’ll know going in what we’re dealing with. If it comes out that I’m Zac’s fa—”
“You are his father.”
“I know. But if—when—we have proof, we could send a copy to that bastard’s lawyer and show them. It won’t hold up in court, but he might not be so inclined to push it if he knows he’s not going to win.”
“If it won’t hold up in court, what’s the point?”
“I looked it up on the internet this morning. The tests are essentially foolproof, barring human error. The only difference with a kit you order online and return to the lab is what they call the chain of command. With the official testing, it’s done in a lab by a technician, and the samples are documented every step of the way. With a home testing kit, there’s no chain of command, so someone could conceivably switch a sample.”
“You mean we could use my DNA instead of yours?
“Well, we could, but it wouldn’t do any
good, because the test would show that it came from a woman and not a man.”
“Then what’s the point?”
“If I take the test and we also get Zac’s DNA and send it off, when it comes back, we’ll know if I’m his father. If I am, then we send a copy to Preston’s lawyer. They’ll probably order the official test, but we’ll already know the results, and they’ll also have to pay for it. We won’t have to spend a fortune on a lawyer either. And if it comes back that I’m not his father, then we do everything we can to stop Preston from inserting himself into Zac’s life.”
She had shifted so far in her seat that I could no longer see her face as she stared out the window.
“Are you okay?”
“No.”
I pulled over, unbuckled both of our seat belts, and pulled her closer. Her lower lip was quivering.
“Over the past year, I handed our children off to you on holidays and birthdays, weekends and trips, all without a second thought,” she said. “It was hard, because I would have preferred we were all together, but I never worried about them. I know you love them as much as I do. Plus, they were together. They had each other if they were feeling sad or lonely. But now, I can’t wrap my head around the possibility of handing my four-year-old to a total stranger. How would he ever understand it? How do we explain it to him? ‘Zac, your mother was a tramp who slept with another man just a couple days before she slept with Daddy, who by the way—’” She burst into tears. “I’m sorry. I’m being insensitive.”
“No, you’re feeling the same things I’m feeling—except the tramp part. We’ll get through this. We’ll figure it all out. We’ll take it one step at a time, and every step, we’ll do the right thing, whatever that is.”
I held her until she calmed down, then I wiped away her tears.
“We can do this. You and me. I promise.”
Chapter Sixty-Five
Chase found a district judge to marry us on Friday. With my mother and Diane as witnesses—Wally couldn’t get off from work—we tied the knot, hopefully tighter than we had the first time. Mom took the kids, and we spent the weekend at a hunting cabin in Pennsylvania that belonged to one of Chase’s friends. Not exactly romantic, but it didn’t matter. I just wanted to be with him.
We took long walks, ate at some pretty seedy bars and ancient diners, danced to music from Chase’s iPhone, and sat huddled in front of the fireplace, wrapped in a scratchy blanket from the cabin’s double bed. It was all about making up for lost time. We talked, and we made love, and by Sunday afternoon, I was more than ready to send for the kids so we could hide out here until Zac was twenty-one.
When we got home Sunday night, the DNA paternity test kit was waiting with the mail. That night, after reading Zac one story for each night we’d been away, I found Chase sitting on our bed and looking over the directions for the test.
“It’s pretty simple,” he said after I sat down beside him. “We just have to rub this cotton swab on the inside of his cheek. I do the same thing. Then we seal it up and send it off to the lab. If we do it tomorrow, we could have the results as early as Saturday.”
“How do you plan to casually stick a Q-tip in Zac’s mouth without him asking a hundred questions?”
There was a flicker of light in his blue-green eyes. “That part’s up to you.”
Now I was frowning. “I don’t know what to tell him. How about I swab you and you swab him?”
He grinned. “That’s not what I meant. You know he’s been begging for a dog, right? I was thinking we tell him we have to make sure he’s not allergic first, and this is the test we need to do first.”
“You’re pretty devious. Have you thought about what you’ll tell him when there’s no dog?”
“That’s the thing. I wanted to get him the dog anyway.”
I should’ve known. I’d always been more of a cat person, but Chase claimed to be allergic, which was guy code for “I want a dog.” All I could think about was the smell and the barking and the going out in the middle of the night.
“The yard is fenced in already,” he said, “so we won’t have to take him for walks unless we want to. And dogs are great to walk. It’s good exercise.”
“Are you saying I need to exercise more?”
He held up his hand. “I am not saying that. No way. I’ll walk him. I’ll get up during the night. I’ll feed him and take him to the vet. If he barks while you’re trying to sleep, I’ll even lie down with him until he quiets down.”
It was my turn to object. “I don’t want you to leave my bed ever again.”
“Then I’ll train him to be quiet and only bark when he needs to.” He looked hopeful.
I ruffled his hair gently. “I thought this dog was for Zac.”
“He’s really cute. You’ll love him.”
My jaw disengaged. “You’ve already picked one out?”
He laughed. “Sort of. Remember that day I stormed out and said I was going to walk the dog? I’ve been volunteering to walk dogs at a shelter when I have time. In addition to doing some good, it gives me time to think. They have a young yellow lab mix that somebody had to give up. He’s kinda grown on me. I’ve really fallen for this dog, so I was hoping you’d be okay with it. I told them to keep him until I could talk you into it.”
“What if he poops in the house?”
“I’ll clean it up.”
I really didn’t want a dog, but the pleading look on his face, plus the looks I anticipated on Zac’s face, not to mention Izzy’s—I was outnumbered. And I had to admit it was the perfect excuse for testing Zac.
Chase pushed me back on the bed and lowered himself over me.
“You won’t be sorry,” he promised, kissing my neck.
“Oh, I know I won’t. I expect you to make it up to me every night in very creative ways.”
He made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a giggle. “Oh, yeah, I can do that.”
By Tuesday morning, the paternity test was safely in the mail, and by Wednesday evening, Thor had joined the family.
“Thor?” Izzy didn’t seem too happy with Zac’s choice of names until I reminded her that Thor was played by Chris Hemsworth in the movies.
“Right!” said Zac. “And Daddy looks like Thor.”
I smiled at the look of surprise on Chase’s face. “He does?”
“I do, don’t I?” Chase struck a pose.
“But I don’t look like Natalie Portman,” I pointed out.
“Who?” Zac asked.
“Never mind.” I ruffled his hair as I went into the kitchen to finish dinner.
Izzy followed.
“How come I didn’t need to get tested?”
I held my breath for a second. “Excuse me?”
“Me. How come I didn’t get tested for allergies before Dad got the dog?”
I tried to think. Chase had done the swabbing so quickly and matter-of-factly, we assumed Zac wouldn’t even give it a second thought. Apparently, he had told Izzy.
“I know you’re not allergic to dogs, that’s why.” I scraped long, thin peels of carrot into orange ribbons.
“I thought allergy tests were done by scraping the skin and leaving behind some of the potential allergen. I’ve never heard of a home allergy kit.”
The buzzer for the chicken went off. I grabbed the potholders and busied myself as Izzy began to set the table, knowing full well she wouldn’t drop it.
“I’m not really sure. Dad picked it up. But it seems Zac isn’t allergic, so we’ve nothing to worry about.” I filled a pot with water, dumped in the carrots, and put it on the stove to boil. “So, how did you do on your math test?”
“Spanish.”
“Excuse me?”
“I had a Spanish test.” I caught the little eye roll, and I hoped she was chalking up my confusion to neglectful parenting and not outright lying.
“Oh. How did you do?”
“I’m not sure. The results don’t come back as fast as allergy tests, you know.”
<
br /> That’s the trouble with smart kids. Too difficult to pull one over on them.
“I wouldn’t really know about that. Would you pour some milk for you and your brother, and then tell him to wash his hands? Dinner’s almost ready.”
The roast chicken smelled great, but my appetite had disappeared.
Chapter Sixty-Six
Late December
I came home from work to find the house dark and quiet, even though Rain’s car was in the driveway, and found her sitting on my side of the bed, holding an envelope. It looked as if it was still sealed.
I sat down beside her. “Where are the kids?”
“My mother took them to the mall and then out to dinner.”
“Are those the results?”
She nodded.
“Did you open it?”
“I couldn’t do that without you.”
I waited, but she didn’t seem ready to open it with me either.
“Do you want me to do it?”
Chewing her lip, she handed me the envelope. I’d already studied the sample test result on the lab website, so I knew exactly where to look for the results.
I flicked on the bedside lamp.
“Rain, look at me.” The fear in her eyes shocked me. Maybe we should have just hired the lawyer and tried to bluster our way out of it, tried to stall him. Or maybe I should have gone to Preston and convinced him that what he was doing wasn’t right for Zac.
“Baby, we don’t have to look at this if you don’t want to. We can wait.”
She shook her head.
“Okay, but whatever it says, we’ll all be fine. I promise.”
I slid my finger under the flap of the envelope, more slowly than I would have thought possible. I took out the paper and opened it. Numbers jumped all over the page, none of which meant anything to me. I remembered to look in the bottom right corner.
I squeezed Rain’s thigh so hard, it had to have hurt. When I said nothing, she leaned across to read for herself, then collapsed against me.
Probability of paternity: 0%