by Niquel
Sarah and George tagged along with me and made sure I got there safely, before they went on their own date at the pizza palace. I looked through the glass and saw Ramous standing by front door. He smiled when he saw me walk by. He opened the door and placed his long arms around me. “You’re wearing a new cologne.”
“Yeah, do you like it?” It was light and had a little vanilla spice smell to it.
“I do.”
“Good. I have a surprise for you. Close your eyes.” I could feel he wasn’t by my side any more, but he quickly returned. “Open them.”
He had a bouquet of all white lilies, a small stuffed tiger, and a package of my favorite energy bars. “You’re so sweet. Thank you so much, you didn’t have to do all of this Ramous.”
“I did, it’s our six month anniversary.” Hearing him say that caught me off guard; I hadn’t even noticed how long we’d been together, because we’d never spent much time apart.
“Now I feel bad.”
“Why?”
“I didn’t get you anything.”
“You’ve already given me everything I could ever want, Michelle.” He flashed one of his charming dimpled smiles at me and I felt my insides heat. This man is so sweet.
He led me to my favorite booth in the back of the restaurant and we left our things on the chair so we could grab food. The salad bar always had the freshest ingredients to make salads and sandwiches, and they even had an all you can eat pizza buffet on Wednesday nights. Ramous and I always made the same thing. We loved their grilled chicken salads with green peppers, red onions, black olives, and their homemade croutons. They had a whole bar full of freshly made salad dressings and vinaigrettes. I could never choose just one and neither could he.
On our walk back to his place, I had a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach and told Ramous about it. “Something doesn’t feel right, Ramous.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know. I just have a weird feeling, like I shouldn’t be going to your house tonight.”
“Mickey, if you’re nervous I could always take you home. You know I’d never make you do anything you’re uncomfortable with.”
“It’s not that, but maybe we can try again tomorrow.”
Ramous walked me home and texted me as soon as he got in.
Ramous: You were right. My dad is back in town.
Me: Why is that a bad thing?
Ramous: It’s complicated. I’ll tell you more about it another time, okay? Have a good night my love.
Instead of focusing my time trying to figure out a way to talk to Mickey, I decided to lay low for a while. In due time, we’d reunite as friends, and I was okay with that. Besides, there were plenty of girls that could have my attention for the moment and I didn’t have to fight for it.
Landon introduced me to this girl named Trina and she was hot—long legs, short skirts, and huge breasts. Her face was nice too, and she had long dark hair. Say what you want, but I wasn’t really in the mood for a relationship right then; I wanted to get laid. That was the only way I’d stop myself from becoming obsessed with Mickey again.
Trina lived near a park and she told me her parents were never home after she got home from school. As soon as we got into her house, she dropped to her knees in front of me, and I had no complaints.
Ramous wanted to go for a walk after school through the common park and I agreed. It was a nice spring day and the leaves and flowers were finally in bloom. The grass had been recently treated and many police horses were patrolling the paths.
“Let’s sit here.” We found a bench directly across from the senate house and my stomach was in knots. Ramous looked at me with such sadness. His eyebrows were drawn up, his eyes were glossy, and I watched him take hard swallows.
“What’s going on, Ramous?”
“I don’t know how to tell you this, but I’m leaving.” Oh my god, not again. Please let this be a joke.
“What do you mean, leaving? As in going on a trip? Or going away and never coming back?” The tears were already sliding down my face.
“My father was in Brazil and he’s come back to finally retrieve his family. That includes me and my older brother, Ramón.”
My mouth went dry, and my cheeks were hurting from crying so much. “Did you know this was going to happen?”
“No. I had no idea. I thought he was away on business, at least that’s the way my mom made it sound.”
“Why now? The school year is almost over.”
“He doesn’t care. This is just how he does things. He secures a place for us to stay and then we have to leave whenever he says leave. I hate it. I wish I were eighteen so I could make my own rules, but I’m not. This hurts a lot. I fell in love with you. I’ve never felt like this in my life. I’ve never met a girl worth actually celebrating half anniversaries. I’ve never met a girl that was worth spending every single minute of every single day with, until I met you.”
“You know what Ramous, I love you too, but I need to go. I can’t do this. Every single time I fall for someone, they leave me, and I just can’t do this any more. Goodbye. I wish you well in Brazil with your selfish father and the rest of your family!”
I ran down the trail and blindly bumped into a girl that was jogging. “Sorry.”
I found an empty bench up a path surrounded by trees. I saw a few houses around, but I didn’t care. “Why does this always happen to me!” I yelled aloud.
I pounded the wooden bench with my hands as I screamed into the air. I was so upset that I didn’t care who heard me. I just needed to let it all out, because I was tired of this.
As I walked out of Trina’s house I heard some crazy chick screaming at the top of her lungs. What the hell? I ran down the steps and across the street through the park until I located the source of the noise. Mickey.
I ran over to her and put my arms around her.
“Get the—”
“It’s me.”
She turned and faced me, her eyes bloodshot and red from the crying she’d done. I didn’t ask her a thing. I just held her in my arms and ran my hands through her hair like I had when we were younger until she calmed down.
“What happened?”
“Oh you know. I fell in love and he left. The usual.” Ouch. Her words felt like an uppercut to my jaw. I never expected to be on the other end of this. I thought she and pretty boy were strong, but I couldn’t say I was too shocked. I was glad to have the chance to make things right.
Mickey and I sat on that bench until the sun set. We talked about everything. I apologized for leaving and told her that I was too much of a coward to come and see her when I came back. I thought she’d never forgive me, but she did.
Age: Sixteen
Diary Entry: History Repeats Itself
Dear Diary,
I hate guys. You fall for them, you give them a special part of you, and then they leave. This has happened to me twice now and I won’t stand for it again. Somehow Johnny and I reconnected, but it will take a long time before I let him back in. Ramous and I just broke up and now I am left a broken mess, but I know how to recover this time.
My heart will no longer be worn on my sleeve. It will be locked away in a box that only I have the key to, and no one will have access to it unless I want them to. Screw this. Screw love. Screw Ramous. Screw everything.
Mickey
Mickey and I started hanging out again, but only as friends. We both agreed that opening the door where our feelings once were was not a good idea, and any feelings we had needed to remain inside. We agreed that we’d see other people, but would still remain close. I wanted to repair our friendship, but she told me we’d let it happen naturally and that if we get involved with other people we’d keep things cordial. We basically would look out for one another, but nothing would ever happen between us again. It hurt, but I had to respect her wishes.
“Alessandra, not now all right? I’m not in the mood!” I said, removing her death grip on my arm as we walked throu
gh the hall.
“You’re never in the mood. Sometimes I feel like you don’t want me at all, Jonathan!”
“Don’t call me that! Don’t you ever call me that again.”
Alessandra was the newest girl from school to become attracted to me. I’d started hitting the gym hardcore again and most of the high school girls found an excuse to be around me. Mickey had warned me about this, but I didn’t care. There was only one girl I truly wanted, but she was off limits.
Alessandra was beautiful, and I was sure any guy would be happy to bang her, but I wasn’t any guy. Plus, my best friend Eric had had sex with her the week before. I was a firm believer in the bro code and she wasn’t going to make me break that. If any of my buddies or I slept with a girl, she was off limits, even if it was the best thing we’d ever had.
“Hey man, what’s up with easy A?” Eric said, nudging me in the ribs. Eric and I had become friends at a new gym I’d applied to as a maintenance repairman. He was a lot taller than me, with dark spots across his face and a buzz cut. He was training for a triathlon and took his health very seriously. He never used any supplements and that’s exactly what I wanted to surround myself with: a positive dude who wasn’t all jacked up on steroids.
“I guess you couldn’t satisfy her enough so she was coming to get some from me.” I laughed.
“Right—and I am the queen of England. Anyway bro, who are you taking to the dance? Shelly Michaels has been eyeing you for a while dude, and she’s smokin.’”
“Eh, she’s all right. I don’t know man, she seems kind of out of my league.”
“Bro you’re crazy. She’s perfect for you. Oh and I heard she’ll let you get to second base before the date is over.”
“Thanks for the info, but I’m not sure who I’m taking to the dance. I hadn’t given it much thought.”
“I know who you’d like to take, but dude you need to let it go. You’re always going to be in the damn friend-zone, so don’t even bother.”
“Shut up! Mickey is the last person I’d ask to take. It’d be weird anyway.” I was lying through my damn teeth. I’d have loved more than anything to take her to our junior dance, but I thought it would be kind of weird. I’d want her to come with me as more than friends, and I knew that wasn’t possible.
“Speaking of the devil,” he said as Mickey made her way down the hall toward us. She was looking at me like she’d just opened her favorite toy on Christmas or something.
“Hey guys! How is your day so far? Mine? It’s going great. You have to ask me why though.”
“Why?”
“You know Seth Hendricks?”
“The quarterback jerk off?”
“He’s not a jerk off, Johnny. He’s actually pretty nice. Anyway, he asked me to the dance and I said yes!”
“Yay!” I yelled sarcastically. I felt like I was sucker punched in the gut when she said that. He was the last person I’d expect to ask her out—not that she was bad looking. She’d gotten more gorgeous as the years had gone by. She was still a shrimp, but she lightened parts of her dark brown hair, had started to wear a little makeup, and her eyes were so bright. She’d been in remission for a few years now, and had changed a lot from the little girl that used to wear knit hats. She was a woman.
“Are you not happy for me, Johnny? I feel like there was a hint of sarcasm in your tone just now.”
“Nah, I’m good. I’m happy for you, I guess.”
“So, who are you taking? I heard Shelly Michaels really wants to go out with you.” What the hell? Did the whole school know something I didn’t?
“I didn’t have anyone in mind, but maybe I’ll have to dial Shell up.”
Johnny was seething at the mention of Seth Hendricks. He was never much of a sports guy; he much preferred to build things and work with his hands in shop. I wished he would have asked me out, but he didn’t, so I didn’t think he cared. Every girl in school wanted to be with Seth and it made me feel so honored that he chose me over all of them.
I’d admired him for a long time, but I’d never had the courage to say more than hi and bye to him. I was almost star-struck whenever our paths crossed. He was so sexy, tall with short blond hair, amber eyes, and the deepest dimples in his cheeks. He worked out—a lot, and it was very noticeable on and off the field. How could I not say yes?
He did have a reputation though, but I wasn’t going to be an easy lay. I refused to be another notch on his belt.
When Johnny said he’d actually call Shelly up I felt like I was going to puke. She also had a reputation and I didn’t want him to fall victim to her hold on guys. One night with her and she had guys eating out the palm of her hands. Most called it the Curse of Shell and I felt awful, but I guessed Johnny could make his own decisions. I mean obviously I had and I didn’t think twice. And why would I? I’d told him not to cross the line and he hadn’t, even though sometimes I desperately wished he would.
It was the night of the dance and I was so freaking nervous. Mom had my dress professionally steamed and hemmed at the cleaners and was on her way back with it. It was a purple floor length gown with silver sequins around the bodice and it hugged my hips and breasts perfectly. I normally wouldn’t care about making other girls jealous, but that night was a big deal and I hoped I made at least one hate seeing me with Seth.
As I was applying the final touches of my makeup, my cell phone rang and Seth’s name appeared on my screen.
“Hello?”
“Hey. I should be at your house in about thirty minutes. Will you be ready?”
“Of course.” I hesitated before I heard my mom’s van alarm chirp in the driveway. “I’ll definitely be ready. See you soon!”
I rolled a few extra rounds of deodorant under each arm before Mom came bursting through my door out of breath. “So sorry, honey. Park Street was insane! I got caught in a major funeral line and couldn’t pass the intersection for over twenty minutes.”
“That’s okay, but Seth is on his way, so please help me get this on!”
After a few minutes of sliding my way into the dress, my mom helped braid my hair into a lose side ponytail. I flipped the shorter hairs by my face and curled the end of the ponytail with my flat iron. I kicked my mom out before I added the last minute touches and told her and Dad to come in when I was finished.
“Wow—I—wow,” Dad said, almost speechless, which was definitely a good sign. I knew Seth would probably have a similar reaction once he saw me.
“You look amazing, honey. You smell great too. What is it you’re wearing?”
“Some new Katy Perry perfume I picked up. I love it. It smells so nice and not too overbearing right?”
“Right,” they both said simultaneously.
I heard the doorbell ring and I ran to the end of my bed to slip my feet into my matching purple heels.
“I’ll grab the door. I need to have a chat with Mr. Seth before he takes my daughter anywhere tonight.”
“Don’t scare the boy off, Dean!” Mom yelled. “Honey, are you okay?”
“Yeah, why?”
“I don’t know. You seem off. Like I can tell you’re happy, but are you really happy?” Mom was always able to read me like a book. If anything was off with me, she could tell before I opened my mouth. Sometimes I hated it, but most times I welcomed it because it showed me that she truly cared about me and my feelings.
“Honestly, I feel like I should be going with someone else. Seth is nice and all. He’s the star quarterback, so any girl would be lucky to be seen with him, let alone go to the dance with him, but I feel weird about it, you know?”
“I see. I’m sure you’ll be fine. If anything feels off, give me a call and I’ll haul ass to the school to save the day, okay? I love you Mickey, my beautiful girl.”
“You can come down now ladies!” Dad yelled from the stairs below.
“I’ll go first. I need to see their reaction together. Don’t forget your butterfly clutch.”
Mom ran down the hall and I
started to feel nervous again. I hoped Seth thought I looked nice. I didn’t dress up like this often, so I hoped to make a good first impression.
I sucked in a deep breath before I placed my foot on the top step of the staircase, and the look on everyone’s face made me feel like I was the most beautiful person in the world. Seth had the biggest smile on his face and his dimples were very prominent.
“Wow, Michelle. You’re absolutely beautiful.”
“Thank you,” I said, placing my hand in his. He was wearing a black tux with a dark shirt and purple tie that complimented the purple of my dress.
“Don’t worry, your dad already debriefed me. I promised to have you back at a decent hour. Oh and these are for you!” He grabbed a bouquet of flowers from my dad and handed them to me. I could see the tears in my mom’s eyes and tried not to cry with her. They were beautiful lilac flowers.
“Let me take a few pictures of you two and then you can head on out!” Mom said.
After countless pictures, I was starting to see spots from the flashes from the camera. Seth opened the door for me and I handed my flowers to my mom before we walked outside. It was a little windy and Mom handed me her favorite purple shawl on the way out. Seth placed it around my shoulders on the front porch.
His older brother Spyder was waiting for us in his red Mustang GT and he waved to us on the way over. Seth opened the passenger side door for me, and then slid in beside me.
I reached into my clutch and saw a text message from Johnny.
Johnny: Be careful tonight. If he hurts you at all, I’ll slit his throat ;)
I smiled to myself before I put the phone away. I hope tonight goes well.
Deep down I didn’t feel right going to the dance with Shelly, but I’d been too scared to ask Mickey out. I didn’t want to make things weird between us. First a dance, then what? Boyfriend and girlfriend? We’d been through enough stuff already and I had no intention of adding any more stress to things.