She felt like he’d slapped her. Was she really letting him down so badly? “Rico—”
Again, he held up his finger as his eyes flashed. “When you’re exhausted day after day, your body and your brain slow down. I can’t have you out there if you aren’t at your best, and boss, you aren’t.”
His steady glare sucked the air from her lungs. She let out a shuddering breath and nodded as she spoke, “Okay, I hear you.” She looked away because she could feel the burn behind her eyes. She felt humiliated. She never wanted to endanger any of her people. They depended on her to make good decisions in an emergency, be it an evacuation or diving over a table to break up a fistfight.
Hadley squeezed her hand. “He’s telling you this to help you. If something happened to you, it would devastate us. Hell, it would kill Jimmy. We love you, and without question, we respect you, but you are worn out to the point where you’re scaring us.” Hadley slipped her arm around her shoulders. “I, we, don’t want you to burn out or get sick.”
“You need to cut back, Francesca,” Rico said, his voice firm. “I thought we were on the right path, and you were doing less. You hook up with this guy, and it’s like you have to prove that you can do it all. You don’t, babe. You got us, and I know how good we are. Hell, you hand-picked us.” He nudged her foot under the table. “I care about you, chica.” He then gave her his patented, dazzling smile.
Damn if her stomach didn’t flutter just a little. “If Remy saw you smile at me like that, he’d kick your ass,” she grumbled. After considering what Rico had said, she let out a deep sigh. “I get it, and I hear you both. I won’t be joining you in a security or a tactical operation until you give me your approval.” She glanced at Rico, and then turned to Hadley. “I’ll figure out how to lighten my load.”
“If the folks at The Rose saw you with circles under your eyes and so pale, the Jimmy problem would be taken care of. You’re just really good with concealer,” Hadley said with a wry smile. Then her smile faded. “You are going to have to deal with Jimmy.”
Luckily, the food came, and she didn’t have to comment.
While they ate, the topics of conversation were much lighter. When it was time to go, she hugged Hadley tightly to show her that she appreciated her concern.
In Rico’s car, she gathered her courage to speak about something that had been on her mind. “I met one of Remy’s friends, and he’s a lot like you.”
“Handsome and brilliant?” Rico wiggled his eyebrows.
“Of course,” she said with a quick grin, then drew a deep breath before adding, “...and he’s...sexually fluid. He and Remy have shared women in the past.”
“He tell you that?” Rico ground out. “The friend?”
“No, Remy told me.” She saw Rico’s hand relax on the wheel of the Porsche. “I want to talk about this with you. I need to work through my thoughts, and I hope that you can help me. But you have to promise—no, you have to swear—to never mention this to anyone.”
The traffic light turned red, and Rico swiveled his head to meet her gaze as he pushed up his reflective shades. “Is this contributing to your not sleeping?”
“A little,” she hedged, fidgeting with the cuff of her sleeve.
“You’ve got my word. This is between us only.” He took her hand for a moment and gave it a squeeze. Then he put his sunglasses back in place and faced forward.
Francesca swallowed. Okay, now the more difficult part... “Remy has a lot more sexual experience than I do.” God, her mouth was dry. “I’ve read about stuff so I’m not totally stupid. But he’s into things that I’ve never tried. I sort of freaked out a little.” She felt sweat trickle down her back.
Rico’s mouth pursed. “Maybe you need to pick a starting point and begin there. You’re jumping around in your story.” His voice was calm, no hint of his thoughts. He made a turn that would take them away from the city.
He wasn’t going to let her make this quick. “I’m sorry, if this is a bad time, we can talk later.” She knew she was chickening out, but talking about this was difficult. Her feelings for Remy were hers; she wasn’t sure that she was ready to share them with her friends.
“Frankie, if we don’t have this talk, you might never have the courage to bring it up again. Plus, if it can get that haunted look out of your eyes, I’ll drive all day and night to help you work through this.” He headed toward the desert.
How had she earned such a great friend? Her eyes burned with unshed tears. “I like him a lot, Rico. I might even love him,” she blurted. He didn’t respond, so she continued. “We were in bed Friday, and he wanted to do, uhm, anal play, and I freaked.” She glanced at Rico. Damn those sunglasses—she couldn’t read anything.
“I take it that you didn’t want to do that.” His tone was neutral, and he kept his head faced forward.
“I don’t know. I mean, no, not then, I didn’t. I’ve done it once before, and maybe the guy wasn’t doing it right. I wasn’t prepared. He hurt me, and I just wanted that to end.” She felt like an idiot as she kept on. “I know a lot of people do anal so they must enjoy it. You do stuff back there, right? And like it, I mean?” Now she was babbling. Her face burned with embarrassment.
He chuckled. “Yes, Francesca, I enjoy penetrating men and women anally, but I’m the top—the fucker, never the fuckee.” He continued, his words tinged with pride. “I make sure my partner is ready, and there are ways to assure they enjoy it.”
“Uhm, gotcha.” Of course he would be in charge and the dominant. She didn’t know a lot about the dynamics between men during sex, but in reality, she couldn’t see Rico letting anyone have control. In the office, there were times she could see him struggle with his need to be in charge. His effort and respect meant a lot to her.
She was a little curious about the ways he mentioned. “Like you touch her clit and finger her, right?” She felt like she was in back in school, having whispered discussions about sex. It wasn’t like Rico wasn’t cool or very open. He would gladly over share.
He grunted. “That’s one way. What I really want to know is how Cooper handled your feelings?”
“He was fine. Well, he wasn’t fine. I mean, we were in the middle of things, and we stopped abruptly. But we talked, and I know that he would’ve liked to have done it. I told him we needed to work up to it. He seemed okay with that.” His acceptance was another of the ways he showed that he cared about her. He didn’t ever force her or humiliate her.
Still, her face was on fire, and it had to be fire-engine red. God, she sounded so idiotic explaining all of that.
“So are you saying that you’re okay with waiting or how he handled your feelings, or both?” he asked, his voice gentle.
“Yeah, to all of it. I’ve done research, and I know there are things I can do to, uhm, condition those muscles, to prepare them.” She was stammering and blushing like a virgin, not a divorced woman who had grown up in Sin City. She’d browsed several websites and looked at anal plugs. The thought of buying one and wearing it was unnerving. Even the smallest size looked huge. No way was she going to ask Rico about buying one.
“If you have any questions, you can ask me. Or if you need any help...” He smirked.
The fucker could read her thoughts! “Thanks,” she blurted. But she knew she’d never shop for sexual aids with Rico, ever.
“Is that all?”
“No.” She licked her dry lips and continued. “He told me that he and his friend Trevor had shared women...and did more...” She shifted to reposition her body in the seat, she was so uncomfortable even broaching this subject, but she needed to talk about it. The thoughts in her head were driving her crazy.
“I’m going to need you to define ‘more’ for me. That’s a little vague,” he said, his lips twitching; he wanted to smile.
“He told me that one night they were with a woman, and they were all drunk.” She waved her hand, trying to be casual while inside her stomach knotted. “Anyway, she passed out, so he and Trev
or... continued.”
“On a woman who was passed out?” he shouted.
“No! God, Rico, he would never do that. Christ.” She ran her hand through her hair. “He said that after she passed out, they—he and Trevor—continued. They fooled around with each other. He said it happened just the one time.”
There was a long pause. “Okaaay, I didn’t expect that.” Rico rubbed his nose, maybe to hide a grin. “I’ll venture to bet Cooper wasn’t the bottom.”
He was totally missing the point. “I didn’t ask. I don’t even know what all they did.”
“Gotcha, and it concerns you that he was with a man?” Rico asked, his tone neutral.
“No.” She bit her lip. “That makes me hot. I mean, really hot.” She couldn’t help it, a giggle escaped. “Trevor is really good-looking, and Remy is all man. It’s a girl’s man-on-man dream.” She started to giggle again, then cut that off with a frustrated sound. “It concerns me because they had threesomes more than once, and then Trevor and I hit it off. He’s funny and makes me laugh. I like him. He told Remy that if we ever wanted a third, he was volunteering. So Remy told me and I….”
“You what, honey?” Rico patted her hand. “You’ve told quite a tale for only being gone two nights.”
“He told me that if I wanted to do that with them, he’d arrange it. He also said that once he puts a ring on me, that the offer is off the table.” She let out a dramatic sigh. “I don’t even know what to think, and that scares me most. I mean, a threesome, or the fact he’s thinking about marriage?”
Rico was shaking his head. “Wow, I thought he had more control. He dropped a lot of truths on you, and then you two got on planes and went home. Takes fucking balls.”
“Our phone calls have been a little weird since then,” she confided.
“I can well imagine. He probably doesn’t know where to start, and he doesn’t want to pressure you. Poor fucker, I bet it’s killing him, not having a clue about what to do with you.” Rico shook his head and then laughed.
She slapped his shoulder. “Rico, I’m looking for some insight here.” So looking for help from a man was different than sharing with Hadley. But this was definitely Rico’s world, and Hadley, well, she was pretty conservative about sex. She didn’t even own a vibrator.
Rico didn’t say anything for a few moments, seeming to take time to consider his words. “I guess I’ll start with the sex with another guy thing. Are you thinking that he is bi-sexual and isn’t admitting it?”
She appreciated that Rico didn’t add, “like me.” “I think that if he is, he would have told me. If he can tell me he’d been with a man, then I would think he’d be able to say the word. He said it was a one-time deal. Trevor’s hot, and he’s like you, he has that sexual vibe. I imagine that he’s probably really good at sex. To be honest, I’ve always been curious about how you could be in a ménage and not...interact.”
Rico shrugged. “Sometimes you do and sometimes you don’t. I prefer all of us... interacting.” He flashed a knowing grin.
She knew he was enjoying her word choice. “I thought that if you all were enjoying it, there would at least be some touching.”
“At least.” He gave her a side-ways look. “So, what is the most troubling aspect?”
“The most troubling?” she mumbled to herself. She answered with the first thing that popped into her head. “He tells me that he can share me with another, and in the next breath he says that he intends to put a ring on me. If he cares about me enough to think about marriage,” Christ, she needed to pause to catch her breath, “why would he want to share me? We agreed that we’re exclusive, so I don’t get it.”
“That is something to work through with your man. Now, I can give you my gut reaction, but I don’t know if that is what he’s thinking.” Rico pulled the car into an abandoned gas station.
“I need some guidance, Rico. I need a starting point.” She twisted in her seat to face him as he engaged the brake.
Rico shifted toward her. “It’s true that men can keep sex and love separate. I do it, and I know that others can, too. I think Cooper was telling you that, what you do together is emotional, maybe even love.” He raised an eyebrow at her. “To him, a three-way would be sex. Something that felt good, and hopefully, would get you all off, but there would not be love involved between all of the players.”
She chewed her lip as she thought about that. “So, if I wanted to do it, he wouldn’t think that I didn’t lo—that I wasn’t into him?”
“It would affect him, but you would be with a trusted friend, and I expect that Remy would lay down the rules before your third got anywhere near you.”
“What kind of rules?” she asked, discovering that she was becoming very curious and a little turned on thinking about the two men.
“Like no kissing you on the lips, no coming in you, for starters.”
She leaned her head against the headrest. “It’s a lot to take in.” Having feelings for Remy made every decision seem so important.
Rico tugged on a lock of her hair. “Now, let’s move onto the marriage thing. Feeling some panic about that?”
“Honestly, yes.” She felt her heart rate increase with her anxiety level.
Rico smoothly pulled her into his arms for a hug. “Chica, why?” He ran his hand up and down her back.
“I ruined my first marriage, Rico. You guys just spent an hour telling me how I’m screwing up again, still working too much. Maybe I’m not meant to be in a relationship, maybe I can’t give enough to make it work?” She let out a sob.
He spoke softly, “I don’t believe that at all. Yes, you need to stop living for your work, and you need to change that now. I know you have the capacity to love. You’re one of the few who’s loved me for more than a month.”
She pushed him away and gave a rueful smile.
“He hasn’t proposed yet, so you have time. I think he was simply telling you that he’s serious, and that he wants you to know that marriage is his goal.”
“That really scares me,” she confided.
His smile was gentle. “I’m sure it does.”
“What do I do?” she blurted. She hated whining, but she felt lost one minute and panicked the next.
“Well, you stop obsessing. If you can’t get your head straight, then get your ass on a plane and talk to him face to face. He’s been honest with you, and you should feel like you can be just as honest in return. Don’t make assumptions and shut him out. You’ve got a good man who understands casino life. Don’t give up so soon.”
“I need to think this through. You’re right.”
Rico somehow found a packet of tissues and handed her one to wipe her eyes. “You bet your sweet ass, I am.” He flashed another warm smile. “Your sweet and soon to be tender ass.”
She slapped his arm with some force. God, he’d be teasing her forever about that now.
He rubbed his upper arm. “I’ll want you to fix me up with a hot date for your wedding.”
“I’ll give you Trevor. The two of you can burn through all of the women together.” She laughed, relaxing into the seat. Ooh that was a hot thought—Rico and Trevor naked, sweaty, their bodies touching.
“Christ, you are a dirty girl.” He chuckled and put the car in gear, and then headed back to The Red Rose.
Chapter Six
Weeks had passed since she and Remy had been in the same city. What was it they said? Life gets in the way. Remy had been busy wrapping up his time at the Indiana Commission for Gaming and Betting, and she had been slowly trying to rearrange her life and her goals.
She’d invited Jimmy to dinner at a resort that was miles out of town. She wanted his undivided attention as she had explained her feelings about her workload and her concerns that she was burning out.
When Jimmy arrived, he gave her a kiss on the cheek and then took his seat across the table from her. He had removed his tie but kept his suit coat on. “I haven’t been here in a while.”
“I w
anted someplace where we could talk and relax.” If they had met in the office, then she knew that she would lose her nerve.
Her father gave her a brief grin. “Let’s order and then you can tell me what’s on your mind.” Jimmy knew her so well. They didn’t share blood, but she was his child. He’d discovered her love of numbers early and nurtured it and her. She remembered sitting on the floor of his home office reading while he’d worked. Every once in a while, he would explain what he was doing or show her something on the computer screen. Their bond had always been through work.
While they waited for their food she broached the subject. “This is nice, being out and able to enjoy a dinner.”
Jimmy gave her his total focus. “We’ve had a good quarter, a busy one.”
Thank God, he gave her an intro. She took a deep breath and started. “For me, it’s been very busy. Too busy, Dad.”
He moved his glass of merlot to the corner of his place setting. “Go on.”
“Your confidence in my work and my opinions means everything to me,” she paused.
“I hear a but,” his deep voice rumbled.
In Jimmy-speak, that meant that she needed to get on with it. “I have too much to do,” she blurted. With a quick shake of her head she hurried on. “I created Team 2, with your approval and input,” she added, but watched for a reaction.
Jimmy gave her nothing.
“My job is to be hands-on in your absence from The Red Rose, available to our patrons and employees.”
Jimmy gave a single nod of his head.
All In (Casino Nights #2) Page 7