"It isn't anything like that. AP is not a form of psychotherapy. If pursued with care, AP is a lifestyle that has the potential to be therapeutic and tremendously satisfying. The more damaged the Little, the more experienced the Big needs to be."
"Are Littles always girls?"
"Both Littles and Bigs comes in every gender, age, size, shape and culture. The primary difference is how the couple or family interacts with one another. The key is drawing out both the fundamental nature of the nurturer and the nurtured. Titles are often used to define the parts, such as calling the Big 'Daddy' or 'Uncle', but they are not necessary, and in some cases can even inhibit the participants."
"Is this lifestyle temporary, like in real life? Do you move on from this AP eventually and let the Little grow up?"
"Some do, but for most the constant and unchanging age of the Little is very satisfying and becomes a permanent part of the relationship. Like I said, when it comes to the adult sexual relationship, the AP roles are abandoned and a Dom/Sub role is assumed. What do you think so far?"
"Honestly? This is very interesting from a psychological point of view. However, I feel like I am sitting in a classroom," Piper sighed, rolling her eyes. "Am I going to be tested?"
"Hmm, I might very well quiz you later and see how well you retained the information," Jeoff grinned, winking at her. "Do you want me to go on?"
"Yeah. What exactly do you expect to get out of AP, if it isn't a game? If it's not fun, won't it flop?"
"It is fun for both parties unless discipline is involved because our little darling decides to be defiant. Age-play is a form of total power exchange that draws the Little to a place of freedom to explore childhood boundaries and develop a nurtured trust-bond. It allows her the chance to start over and allow that wonderful little child inside to be accepted unconditionally as she is, with the anticipation she will grow and thrive under the love and care of her Big. The trust that exists between the couple is one of the strongest in the lifestyle. It requires the Little to surrender the most vulnerable part of her soul to her Big. She permits him, or her, to remold and perhaps undo some of the lies she was taught to believe about herself since childhood. She learns to behave out of love, not out of fear. AP is also excellent for breaking bad childhood habits," he grinned, "like rolling your eyes."
Piper spontaneously stuck her tongue out at him. "I have no habits that I wish to break, thank you. This AP thing sounds like it has the potential to be very empowering as well as extremely destructive. Does that ever happen?"
"More often than it should. Damage usually occurs when the Big has an agenda that does not focus on the Little, but rather is concerned for his own needs or issues. Littles tend to be very fearful at first because of the trust issues. Because of the admitted desire to be vulnerable, they are easily hurt by ignorance regarding the essentials associated with the lifestyle, a lack of sensitivity to their emotional state, or are shamed by a careless statement questioning their mental health."
"I can see how the wrong comment, assumption, or action directed at a Little's persona can destroy that part of her," Piper considered, thoughtfully. "I know how easily discouraged I am when I am trying something new or scary, and I hear a negative remark. Why do people get involved with this without learning the basics?"
"That is the question we always ask," Jeoff sighed. "Things have changed in the scene. There was a time when mentoring and apprenticeship were sought out, honored, and appreciated. It frustrates me when I see these kids who call themselves masters, and yet they have not even begun to learn about life and the responsibility that comes with that title. Heck, the majority probably is still supported by parents or lives at home. It just seems that they feel it is too much work to put in the time to learn. That means they lack the patience that is required for the position. The same goes for a sub who buys a collar online and claims she is collared without paying the dues. Instant gratification is a product of our world and the Internet. The result is that the subs ultimately suffer."
"I understand that. That problem touches the vanilla world, too, you know. Anyone can get a degree online without ever stepping into a classroom. Yeah, it's more convenient. But, what good are we in the real world if we have no hands-on experience? I can't imagine anyone would assume that I know enough to teach kids because I pass a couple of courses on the computer. At least with my program they require student teaching and internships in a real classroom. I'd be terrified to start without having had that type of supervision."
"There is a tremendous amount of responsibility when you call yourself a teacher," Jeoff said, thoughtfully. "I think that some Bigs don't realize the honor and respect that is given when they assume the role of Daddy, Uncle or Guardian in a special sub's life. Even the part-time ageplayers can have an incredible impact on a submissive's tender heart."
"Part-time?"
"Yes, there are many subs who 'adopt' a Big, either via Internet or in person. He or she is someone with whom they can express that part of themselves safely, even if they don't get to see the person face-to-face. The mental interaction can be very satisfying for a lot of Littles and fulfills a need that might not be available at home. Some even are blessed with finding a permanent partner this way."
"Wow, Internet dating has sure changed."
"You would be surprised how many people find their soulmates this way, Pips. This lifestyle requires complete honesty and trust. There is no room for lies or deception."
"I had no idea that any of this existed. I can't even begin to imagine the responsibility that comes with this type of thing. Personally, I know that I would have a major problem because there is no way I would allow myself to be that vulnerable or that fragile to anyone. Especially someone I never met or whom I hardly knew."
"Sweetheart, every person has a piece inside of them that can crumble. There is no shame in being fragile unless you choose not to seek ways to become strong. In the scene, the only time a submissive is truly considered delicate or fragile is when she abandons all her defensives to the care of her Dom. That takes an innocent and unconditional childlike trust. You were right when you commented about the responsibility of a Big; it requires diligence and constant awareness of the Little's mental state, her body language, and how she responds to his care. In my opinion, age-play is the most intimate form of BDSM that exists. It should never be trivialized because of how powerful it is for both people."
Piper frowned distastefully. "You said something about seeing me as an APer. Does this mean you assume that I want to be a little kid again and have a daddy to look out after me?"
"That is exactly what I think. Why the face? Are you disputing it?"
"Absolutely. First, I hated my childhood. I told you that my father was a cheating and abusive son of a bitch whose absence brought about more cheering than tears." She poked him in the stomach with her index finger as he frowned. "Don't even think of scolding me for cussing because it is a fact. Second, my mother berated and ridiculed every single thing I did, until I was so beaten down that I stopped doing anything. I would never want to recreate that."
"Of course you wouldn't. That is not what AP is about. The lifestyle just allows you the opportunity to substitute a new, healthy way of being loved for the old. Tell me, do you deny the desire to have had a father who paid attention to you and treated you like his princess?"
Piper was quiet, choosing her words carefully. "Every person has desires for things that will never exist, no matter what they do. I spent a lifetime trying to be loved and accepted by parents who were not capable of loving anything except their own habits and the need to make everyone around them miserable. I learned very early that being an adult is recognizing that fairy tales are nothing more than stories and that the only way to survive was to let go of empty wishes, hopes and dreams. None of us can change the past, Jeoff. Why waste the time and energy trying?"
"You are too young to be so skeptical. Your dad really hurt you with his behavior, didn't he?" Jeoff sighed, t
ouching the back of her hand.
Piper pulled away. "They both did. More than you could ever know," she said, bitterly. "Just the term 'dad' makes me sick to my stomach. That disgust was followed by my marriage to a man who was just as repugnant."
"There is a solution for that, you know," Jeoff said, handing her a napkin. "Give me some time, and I will show you. Wipe your face. You have chocolate on your chin."
Piper obliged without considering how his parental tone affected her or how easily she slipped into a playful, younger version of herself when he did so. Jeoff shook his head and teased her about missing a spot. Impulsively, she stuck her tongue out at him and earned a finger-wag.
"That's bratty of you, peanut. One more time and I will have to put your bottom in the corner. Would you like to hit the Lego store?"
"I've never been in one," Piper admitted, ignoring his threat. "Don't you think we are too old for that?"
"Sweety, when you see what they have, you will think twice about that statement.
***
Piper gazed upon the shelves, her mouth slowly opening as she took in the displays. The model of the Eiffel tower caught her eye, and she ventured towards it. "This is incredible! These are serious grownup toys, aren't they?"
"I don't know too many children who can build models of this caliber. I have the Death Star at home. I spent a fortune on it, thinking it would be a fun project when it was too cold for my workshop. I can't figure out the directions," Jeoff chuckled. "I think they were designed for ages eight and up. It is really very humbling."
"You're funny. I bet I could figure them out. It's not rocket science, you know," Piper grinned, pinching him playfully in the ribs.
"I will take that as a challenge, little girl. In fact, I will make a wager with you. If you can figure it out, I will take you to dinner."
"Oh yeah?" Piper looked at him slyly. "And what if I can't?"
"Then you have to take me out."
"Somehow this seems like your wager gains you the same results. You aren't very slick."
"Can't blame a man for trying. How's your headache? You seem to be doing better."
"I am. Thanks for this, Jeoff. I mean it. You're a pretty decent guy, despite your weird quirks."
"Gee, thanks. What?" he asked as she began to say something and then stopped herself.
She wanted to tell him how special he made her feel and that his reassuring words gave her hope that her life could improve. She held these thoughts inside, too afraid of sounding needy. "Nothing. I'm just getting tired but didn't want to interrupt your fun," she fibbed. "Do you mind if we go home soon?"
Home. It sounded so right to her. Jeoff brushed her blonde hair behind her ear, smiled and took her tiny hand in his large one. Piper bit her lip. She could not deny that she enjoyed the attention he was paying to her. How long would it last? She had concluded that she was a novelty to him: a vanilla, new divorcee who did not even know what she wanted out of her own life or a relationship. She felt her hope start to sink as she struggled with the likely possibility that she was not the type of women this man was seeking as a partner.
***
"You are awfully quiet. You hardly spoke two words on the way home. Cat got your tongue?" Jeoff asked, placing the Lego box on the kitchen table.
"I'm just thinking. There has been a lot of stuff to digest today. I am curious about Tanya's story. Can you share anything with me? I don't want to invade her privacy."
"What I can tell you is that she has been my client for almost two years. Her husband is an IT tech and travels frequently. She has two daughters; the eldest is twenty and the youngest seventeen. She works for a real estate broker and has a habit of not listening to the needs of her clientele. Apparently, she has a need to impose her own thoughts and opinions on her clients, and she will use intimidation to get them to look at properties that they are not interested in purchasing. This gets her into quite a bit of trouble."
"I'd say. I would never do business with someone who acted that way. She would chase me right out of her office if she pushed me like that. She's daunting enough as it is."
"In real terms, she is a bully, and that is exactly what has happened. Her attitude, and need to be right, has cost her boss a lot of money, return business, and referrals. His problem is that, when she is behaving professionally and taking the time to consider the client's needs, she is excellent at her job. That is why Phil insists she come see me for what he refers to as 'attitude adjustments'."
"Why can't he just do it himself? Or get her husband to do something?"
"It's not in his blood, and her husband is, well, weak-willed. She walks all over him and he just runs off. I've met him. I think he rubbed his hand for two days after I shook it."
"You do have a hand as big as a bear paw."
"You shook it and didn't whine, remember?"
Piper screwed up her face as she considered his words. "I still don't understand this behavioral modification thing. I mean, won't it just cure her problem the first time? It's not complicated, is it? Seriously, Jeoff, how much intelligence does it take to treat people decently and with respect? Why does she keep doing the same stuff? Does she like being punished?"
"Those, my dear, are age-old questions. If you asked her, she would tell you she comes back because it makes her feels safe. D&D, even in the limited amount she experiences, reinforces the strong, defined boundaries that she requires. She needs to know there are consequences to her actions and that there is someone standing nearby who won't shirk when it comes to making her pay for mistakes. The issue I have is that she wants more frequent and increasingly severe disciplinary sessions. I won't allow it, and it angers her. I don't promote dependence, and hers is the type that no self-respecting top would ever try to encourage—especially since I am attempting to pursue a romantic relationship with another woman. Jealousy is a huge problem in Tanya's case, and I have to be very careful."
Piper ignored the reference to their dating. "It still doesn't make sense. It just sounds like you are a hired disciplinarian."
"That is exactly what I am to her. She refers to me as her dom … that means a dominant, but she has no desire to follow the protocol of a true submissive. When it comes to that type of relationship, I don't waste my time with wanna-bes."
"What do you mean? She lets you, you know, punish her, right?"
"The dom/sub relationship goes beyond corporal punishment and discipline. It is about the sub's learning to give up her perceived rights and trusting her top to lead her to where she needs to be. Tanya, for example, continues to try to manipulate me as though I were a regular vanilla man like her husband. She argues with everything, makes demands, and has this attitude that she can get what she want when she wants it—especially if she throws enough of a tantrum."
"I can't blame her. I wouldn't want to be controlled, either. And it sounds like she is frustrated in her marriage. He probably isn't very attentive. For a strong woman, a passive man can be a major turn-off."
"You are correct in your conclusions; however, there is a difference between being guided and being controlled. Take this Lego project for example. The directions are difficult to understand and take effort. If you put forth the effort, take your time, and learn how to follow the guidelines, then the project will start to come together, right?"
"Yeah, but …"
"Try building it without the instructions. It is impossible to do it correctly, and even if you constructed something that looked similar, you would still be missing the inside foundation that holds it together. Understand?"
"Hmmm," Piper contemplated. "Yeah, it makes sense. But we are talking about human beings, not a toy."
"People are even more complex and require more structure. You have to take classes in college that have nothing to do with your major, right? Do you know why?"
"I assumed it was for the school system to make more money."
"That, too," Jeoff chuckled, "but the truth is that those classes allow you to be better e
ducated and well- rounded in subjects that you might not otherwise be acquainted with. They are building blocks … foundations ... helping you become a more social being. Would you throw a temper tantrum if your school said you had to take a humanities class, and you didn't want to?"
"No, of course not."
"Exactly. You do as you are told, trusting the system will eventually award you a degree. You might hate the class, but you still make your way through it. D&S is no different. The dom is the instructor and determines the curriculum you need to become the best you can be."
"So people like Tanya are like college dropouts?"
"In a way," Jeoff said. "College, just like D&S, is not for everybody. You have the players and you have the academics. Each has his or her own place. Tanya is a player. She messes up, gets her fix, and I won't see her again for several months. I have several gals like that in my care."
"What do they say when you refuse to see them more often?"
"It infuriates them. They fight among themselves because they compare how I treat them against one another and will even go to the extent of being verbally disrespectful to provoke me into giving them more attention. They will talk about anything, from the time I spend with each during a meeting to how many strokes they receive for a transgression. They are what I call typical subbys, and have this distorted belief in fairness, which translates to getting their own way. I am looking for a true submissive, though. She would be someone who would never involve herself with such things because she knows that I would wish her to exhibit dignity and self-respect."
"What exactly is a true submissive? Is she a sex slave or something?"
He drew in a breath. "You already know that I'm old school, which might be a problem in the more modern community. My relationship with my girls is strictly disciplinary, so no sex in my camp. Other relationships are different. My mentor taught me that a serious sub did not entertain an attitude of entitlement or make demands that I am obligated to serve her. A natural submissive accepts responsibility for herself, does not impose herself on her dom, and she finds every opportunity to grow and emulate those she respects. Believe it or not, the need for heavy, hands-on training is unnecessary with a natural sub. She would willingly accept her place in my pack, trust my judgment, and show no jealousy towards other women that I worked with. I learned the hard way about the destruction an unhealthy D&S relationship can bring, and I have no desire for anyone to be dependent upon me in that manner again."
Piper's Journey (Into Submission 1) Page 5