by Deena Bright
“So, what all did you tell him, Briggs?” I asked. Had he told Vince all about our “lessons,” our intimate secrets, secrets I’d already told Char? How could I be mad? I opened my mouth to Char, Hell to Sarah and Leo too. As much as I wanted to blame Briggs, I knew it really wasn’t his fault.
“I swear, nothing really,” he said. “That first night when I saw you at Last Stop, he went with me to get your car. That night, I told him about dancing with ya, but nothing else.” Resting his head in his hands and then rubbing his head, he groaned, “But then, that morning he stopped over to get his clubs; he must’ve….Shit, this is all my fault.”
“Briggs, this is just as much my fault as anyone’s,” I explained. I pulled his hands away from his face, “Look at me, it takes two…” I looked away, embarrassed. The truth hurt; everyone knew that. “Vince didn’t post anything that wasn’t true.” I shook my head. Hating myself.
“So, you and Leo?”
I nodded, feeling guilty. He dropped his head, shoulders slumping. “Yeah, I know, ‘No Strings Attached.”
“A lot of good that did me,” I joked sarcastically.
Char and Sarah came back in, both of them eyeing us suspiciously. Char said that she was hungry and wanted pizza and beer, lots of it; she emphasized. Sarah and Briggs both jumped on the order; they were starving. Why did personal tragedies always turn in to a social gathering around food? I didn’t know, nor did I care. Pizza and beer sounded great, just another reason to drown out my woes.
Sarah said that she had two free pizza coupons for pickup only. She offered to run to get beer and pick up the pizza, needing to stop by the ATM on the way. Char and Briggs both volunteered to go with her, waving them off, she said it wasn’t necessary. She claimed that she was a big girl and not some “dumb chick who had to travel in packs.” Char laughed; I could tell that she was already digging Sarah. Sarah was so likeable; I couldn’t imagine anyone not taking to her.
As she was leaving, Sarah picked up the guitar sitting by the kitchen table, “Briggs, I didn’t know you still played…” she said.
He laughed, “Nah, not really much anymore, just when I have a lot on my mind,” he added. For the first time since I’d ever known Briggs, he looked shy and insecure.
“You play the guitar?” I asked incredulously.
“Does he play? He’s fucking awesome,” Sarah announced. “We took lessons at the same place. I took violin; he took guitar. His timeslot was right before mine.” Briggs grinned, bashfully, his shoulders hunched. Briggs Alexander was being modest? No way. “You should hear him; I always thought he was better at guitar than football.” She laughed and waved as she left to get the pizza.
That shook him out of it, “Hey! That’s not true,” he blurted. “Football was my thing, my only thing. My parents said that I had to put as much time into music as I did into football,” he said, defending himself. How was it that I knew nothing about my students and thought I knew everything? “I had to take lessons once a week for eight suck-ass years. “
“You took lessons for eight years?” I couldn’t believe this. “So take the guitar for yourself, start playing again.” I grabbed the guitar, forcing it into his hands.
“I never quit playing; I have three guitars at home,” he confessed. He handed the guitar back to me, “I just figured that if we ever got, I don’t know, like bored, I could teach you some time.” His smile was slight, unsure.
“You bought her a guitar?” Char was shocked. “So you could teach her?” Briggs nodded. I could tell that she was going to continue to grill him, making him more uncomfortable than he already was.
“Yeah Char,” I said, giving her the “shut the fuck up” look. Defeated, she slumped down on the couch, waving me off. “That was the plan. Are you planning to teach me to be a ventriloquist too? Tennis?” I asked sardonically.
He laughed, shaking his head, “Nah, I suck at tennis; you’d probably beat me. And the puppet, that was just to be funny.” Now, it’s funny; then, it was creepy and spooky…until the roses came.
Char was eyeing us again; she and I definitely needed some alone girl time. She couldn’t be kept in the dark too long, otherwise, she’d find another way to get answers to her questions. Char could pry things out of people better than anyone. She should’ve gone into the FBI, CIA, or something like that, been someone who intimidates the fuck out of someone until disclosure occurs.
Briggs, Char, and I sat in the living room discussing what my next plan of action would be regarding Vince and his slanderous posts on Twitter and Facebook. Damn social networks. Char thought that professionally I should just ignore it, but slash his tires for revenge. Briggs didn’t know what to think or say about my career, but thought that I should let him beat Vince to a pulp. It was evident that these two weren’t going to be much help, other than by cheering me up and taking my mind off things. Jasper and Jocelyn would be my best bets for advice, and maybe my school union rep, if it came to that. It would come to that; the school would find out. I just knew it. Leo. Leo’d probably have an idea of what to do, too; he was intelligent and level-headed. Me? What did I want to do? Crawl in a hole and die, wish the whole thing away. Yeah, then I could fly away on a purple unicorn with fairies flying out my butt….
Strangely, I became keenly aware of the situation, mainly the scene and seating situation. Here I was in a total state of personal panic and possible career ruin, and I was sitting alone in my house with my best friend and my…my…what did Vince call him? My boytoy. Char was sprawled out on the double-sized chair, and I was snuggled up on the floor, with my head in Briggs’ lap. This looked entirely too intimate, like he was my boyfriend, there to comfort me with my best friend in my time of need. This certainly wasn’t at all an example of “No Strings Attached.”
“So guys, we don’t have much time until Sarah gets back,” I started. They both looked at me quizzically. “We need to plan your rendezvous,” I said. When they still looked perplexed, I said, “Your hookup, fooling around for me. Let’s set it up now.” I wanted them to get on board with this, see how important this was for me. “Char, whattya got going on tomorrow night?” I asked.
Fumbling for words and looking at me like I’d lost my mind, she said, “Tomorrow? Umm…tomorrow night?” She looked at Briggs; he was speechless and stunned.
“Yes tomorrow night, Sunday night, day after today,” I was getting exasperated. They both had already told me that they were in. Why were they acting so surprised now? “Do you have time to..to..ya know, fuck Briggs?”
Briggs let out a gasp, covering his face with his hands, shaking his head in disbelief. Suddenly, he said, “Janelle, I don’t think….”
I cut him off, “You better not think; you just DO,” I explained, emphasizing the DO. “Do you wanna come over here, hang out with me, and…” looking at Char, I paused, and said, “Do me?” Char burst out in laughter. He just dropped his head in defeat.
“Nelle, so you’re saying, he can’t schlep you again, until he’s schlepped me?” she clarified. I looked at both of them. They looked at each other. The room filled with an awkward, unchartered air. Neither of them spoke.
“That’s exactly what I’m saying, Briggs.” He looked at me with disbelief. “No Strings Attached.” He maneuvered out from underneath me.
“Can we talk about this in the other room?” he whispered to me.
Annoyed, I yelled, “No! That’s the point. This is fun, casual sex. You need to prove to me that this is just two people having fun, nothing more.” Char got up to leave the room, and I said, “Sit down, don’t move.” She plopped back down on the chair, rolling her eyes.
I sat there waiting, waiting for someone to say something. When they didn’t, I said, “You both have slept with strangers for just plain, old sex before. Why is this any different? Why can’t you do it for me? For my sanity, my sense of peace?” I didn’t understand why they were making so much out of this. Char had slept with maybe hundreds of men; Briggs, I’m sure had been
around too. They were both good-looking people with crazy sex-drives. Why was this such a big deal?
Finally Char said, “Yeah, that’s fine. If you’re serious, then 6:00 tomorrow is fine with me.” Good. Great. Wasn’t that easy?
I looked at Briggs hopefully and expectantly. Still staring at both of us, he finally nodded and said, “Tomorrow’s fine. Come by my place; I’ll text you the address.” Was I imagining things or did they both look sad and defeated? Char and Briggs loved sex. Why wouldn’t they love sex together? I couldn’t understand why they looked so distraught by the idea.
Chapter Thirty-One
Sarah returned with the pizza and beer; the four of us spent the rest of the evening, eating drinking, and just hanging out. It was a good time, but I couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that I was minutes from losing my job, just as I had lost my husband. My world was falling apart, bit by bit, and I couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it. Just when the beer and pizza had run out completely, I got a text from Leo, asking if he could stop by. I looked at Briggs, lying on my floor, feet away from me, and told Leo that it wouldn’t be a good idea. Guilt overcame me. There would be no way I could juggle both of these guys. It just wasn’t in me.
Around midnight, Char and Sarah decided they wanted more to drink, and took off to a nearby bar. I wasn’t surprised that they’d hit it off so well. I doubted either one had ever met anyone more fun and carefree. Part of me lamented for introducing them to each other; I’d be the odd man out soon enough, once they realized that they were more exciting and daring than I.
After they left, Briggs asked me if I wanted him to go. I didn’t. I wanted him to stay, but I was torn, because I was not in the mood for sex at all. I just wanted his company, someone to stay with me. It had been a rough, troubling day. I explained that to him. He smiled and led me to my bedroom. Upon entering my room, he saw the flowers Leo had strewn about. I braced myself for the fight, the accusations, and verbal battle. Briggs just ignored them and walked to my bed. Ending the silence, he said, “I’d gladly hold you while you sleep.” He pulled the blankets back, I slipped into the bed. Taking off his jeans and shirt, he crawled in behind me, wrapping his arms around me. Quietly in my ear, he whispered, “That’s some stiff competition,” chuckling nervously.
Rolling over to face him, I said, “I’m sorry. I know this contradicts what I want; I just can’t bear to be alone right now,” I explained, hoping he’d understand and not call me out on it. I knew I was giving him mixed messages. And now, he was lying in a bed with me that was covered in flowers that some other man had put there. How much longer would either of them tolerate this? They were being nice now, because Vince had broadcast my affairs all over two social networks. But soon, soon, someone would want answers, decisions made.
Briggs pushed my hair back, and stroked my cheek with his finger, “I understand; I’m not holding you to anything. I’ll take all the time I can get, with or without sex.” He kissed my cheek and snuggled into my neck. Comforted, I suddenly felt very tired and fell asleep quickly. I had a fitful night of dreams, tossing and turning.
In one dream, I dreamt that I was Robert Frost and each road I took led me to Vince, but it wasn’t really Vince. He transformed into a rabid angry dog that wouldn’t let me go down the road. I was terrified and tried to run back, but there were two more forks in the road. I chose a path and rabid, Vince-dog was there again. I woke up in a sweat, shaking. Briggs was wrapped tightly around me, sound asleep. I relished his protection and went back to sleep.
In another dream, I was in my classroom teaching, when a masked gunman entered the room and told me that I had to choose one student, just one, and he was going to shoot him. I told the gunman to choose me, but he said that it had to be a student, only one student. If I didn’t choose, then he was going to kill all of my students and then kill me. So, I chose a small, quiet boy in the back of the room. Right before the gunman shot the little boy, he took off his mask. It was Vince. The last thing I heard or saw was the boy screaming. I woke up screaming, soaked in sweat. Briggs held me, attempting to console me. My heart was racing; I was terrified. Briggs got up to get water for me, but I pulled him back to bed. I was too frightened to be left alone.
Briggs stayed awake, rubbing my back until I fell back to sleep. When I woke up the next morning, he was gone. He’d collected all the flowers and put them on the counter. He left me a note that said: You were finally sleeping good, so I didn’t wake you. Talk later.
I immediately texted him and thanked him for staying the night and taking care of me. I also thanked him for not destroying my flowers. I typed a smiley face, hoping he wouldn’t get mad. Then, I group texted him and Char, reminding them of their 6:00 date. Since it was a group text, Char took the opportunity to make me laugh, attaching a picture of three people in an inexplicable sex act. She asked if I wanted to make it a three-way? I graciously declined but told them both that I wanted details, explicit details. Briggs texted us both and said that he would bite the bullet and stop by later to show me everything he was planning with Char. He also asked Char if she could get that picture blown up and bring it to him later that night. She was offended and told him that he didn’t need a visual to get turned on, she’d handle it expertly on her own. I knew Char was just being funny, her usual vulgar and flirtatious self, but that last text sent a twinge of jealousy through me. I knew I wasn’t being rational or fair, but I knew that forcing Briggs to realize that this wasn’t a real connection would be the only way I could continue this casual sex thing.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Jocelyn and I met for breakfast. Being the perfect big sister, she had printouts of stories of women who married their former students. School districts had tried to fire these teachers, but they couldn’t find anything in their teaching contracts that would justify grounds for termination. Apparently, there is nothing unethical about beginning a relationship with a former student, as long as he/she was no longer a student and was over the age of 18. Jocelyn was perfectly at ease with the whole situation, completely convinced that my job was not on the line. However, she knew that it would take some time for my reputation to recover from this slander. I hated that my name was being dragged through the mud by a student, a creepy-ass student, who had manhandled me and threatened me in my own driveway. Why was that allowed?
Joz and I went shopping, and she sensed that there was something else on my mind. Finally, I caved and told her about Char’s date with Briggs. She looked at me with disgust and annoyance, and said, “You’re the dumbest person on the whole freaking planet.”
When I asked her why and what made her say so, she simply said, “I can’t even talk to you; you’re so stupid.” She knew everything about Briggs and Leo, well mostly everything. Some things were not meant for Jocelyn’s prude-like ears. She wouldn’t talk to me anymore about either of them once I told her about Char and Briggs. Wouldn’t hear of it.
Rick met Jocelyn and me at the poolhouse with the kids; they were all staying to swim and cookout. Jasper brought hamburgers down to grill. It was nice to spend the day with my family. Nobody spoke of the Tweet or Facebook post. We had a nice family day, swimming and playing in the water. Kids could really take your mind off things; you didn’t have time to dwell and feel sorry for yourself. They could really keep you distracted.
Just as the burgers were ready, the girls squealed and ran to the pool’s gate. Leo stopped by. Each girl had a hold of his hand, dragging him to the pool deck. He smiled at everyone and said, “I’m sorry; I didn’t know you were having a cookout today.” He looked apologetic and tried to tell the girls that he couldn’t stay.
Jasper told him to grab a beer and a burger, and hang out for a bit. Leo tried to decline, but Jocelyn was already handing him a plate with a burger, chips, and macaroni salad piled high on it at the same time Rick cracked him open a beer. Leo smiled, and thanked them, mouthing, “I’m sorry” to me. I laughed, and said, “No, I’m sorry; you’ll see.”
We spent
the entire afternoon talking, drinking, and playing in the pool. Leo fit in well with my family, too well. It was almost as if he’d always been there, been a part of us. At one point, my niece, Kara, called him “Uncle Leo.” When he explained that he was just a friend, they told him that he was more fun and more of an “uncle” than Jasper. Jasper gave them each fifty bucks to never say that again. Rich and happy, the girls plunged back into the pool, ruining their brothers’ game of water basketball. My nephews convinced their dad, Jasper, and Leo to play basketball with them; the girls pretended to be cheerleaders, jumping off the diving board and sidewall whenever anyone scored. Joz and I sat with our feet in the water, on the steps, talking.
“I don’t envy you,” she said honestly.
“About what? Marcus? My job? What?” I asked, knowing it could be an infinite number of possibilities at this point.
Slapping me, she said, “You know what. Having to choose one.” Our legs were getting hot, she splashed water onto our thighs. “I don’t know how you’re gonna do it. “
“I’m not; we’re just having fun. I made that clear from the start,” I explained, trying to convince her, and maybe myself too.
She gave me her infamous “all-knowing Jocelyn” look, and said, “We’ll see.”
It took Rick and Jocelyn what seemed like an eternity to round up all their kids. Every time they’d get one out of the water and drying off, another would jump back into the pool. It was hilarious watching the fiasco that was now my sister’s life, a fiasco that she loved and couldn’t imagine any other way. Once they finally left, Leo told Jasper that we’d clean up and put all the recreational toys away. Jasper was out the gate, before Leo could say it twice or thank him for the burgers. Jasper loved to escape routine household chores.