by L A Cotton
Slipping inside, I closed the door and turned the lock. “Eva?”
“Oh, Rafe, I... uh...” She dried her eyes, avoiding looking directly at me. “I just needed a minute.”
“You’re supposed to be on the bus.”
“I was but I couldn’t find my cell phone.”
“You could have sent Letty to look for it.” She had to get used to using the people around us and letting them do their jobs.
“Confession. I wanted five minutes alone.”
“I can...” I thumbed to the door.
“No, don’t,” she blurted out, her cheeks burning the second she realized what she’d said. “I mean, you don’t have to leave, unless you want to.” She finally gave me her big ocean eyes, and fuck, if I wanted nothing more than to drown in them.
She was so beautiful, even with tears rolling down her cheeks.
“Did something upset you? It wasn’t my brother was it? I’m sorry he ambushed you like that again.”
“It’s okay. I actually really enjoy performin’ with him.” She might as well have stabbed me in the heart. “I mean, it’s petrifyin’ and surreal but it’s kinda fun too.”
“Well you rocked it. The crowd loved you.”
“Yeah?” The smile lit up her whole face. “What did you think?”
“I...” I swallowed hard. She was no longer crying, her eyes glittering with something else entirely.
“I rendered you speechless, huh? I hope that’s a good thing.”
Eva’s laugh was like my own personal lullaby. I wanted to bottle it. To keep it with me always.
“You were fucking amazing,” I finally said, breaking the thick silence.
We’d moved closer, gravitating like magnets unable to resist the pull. “Why are you here, Rafe?” she whispered.
“I heard you crying.” I wanted to see you.
“I’m not cryin’ anymore, you should probably go.”
“What if I don’t want to go?” What if I want to stay here, locked in this room with you for all eternity?
“What do you want, Rafe?”
You, I just want you.
I inched closer, desperate to touch her, to feel her soft skin beneath my fingers again. I needed to leave, to turn around and get the hell out of here before things went too far. Before I did something I couldn’t take back. But all I could see was her on stage smiling at my brother, singing with him. Laughing with him.
When it should have been me.
Everything was so messed up, and we were only a couple days into the tour. What would it be like in a month? Two? By the time the tour ended?
“Rafe?” Eva stared up at me with lust and longing in her eyes. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
Jesus, she was too good, too pure, to be stuck in the middle of this mess. She wasn’t supposed to be here and yet, there a part of me that was so fucking relieved she was.
“You shouldn’t be here,” I said, reiterating the same thing I’d said to her too many times before. Only, my conviction was no longer there.
Hurt flashed in her eyes but it quickly gave way to anger. “Stop pretendin’ you don’t feel it. I know you do,” she rasped. “I feel it every time you look at me. I just wish you’d tell me what happened.”
Her words reverberated through me. She saw through me. It was almost a relief to know Eva knew the truth; that she knew how hard it had been keeping her at arm’s length. But it was bittersweet because it still changed nothing.
Then she said five little words that made me see red. “I think Levi likes me.”
“Is that right?” I deadpanned, barely holding onto the thin line of control that kept me going off the deep end. “You think my brother is going to sweep you off your feet?”
“No, I didn’t... that isn’t what I meant.”
I crowded Eva against the wall, pressing one of my hands at the side of her head. “You think just because Levi flirts with you, it means you’re special?”
“Rafe,” panic filled her voice, “that isn’t what I meant.”
“So what, Angel?” I threw his nickname for Eva at her, feeling anger zip up my spine. “What exactly did you mean?”
“It should have been you, okay?” she shrieked, her words like a jagged knife slicing me open. “It should have been you reassuring me and making me feel like I can do it. It should have been you, Rafe. But it was Levi. It wasn’t you and I still don’t know why.”
“Because I can’t have you!” The words tore from my throat, raw and painful. Eva gasped, jerking back against the wall. I dropped my head to the crook of her neck, breathing her in. It was the worst possible thing I could have done because all I could imagine was kissing her there. Tasting her salty-sweet skin.
“What do you mean you can’t have me?” Eva’s fingers slid under my jaw and tilted my face to hers. “I was yours, Rafe. I was yours and you cast me aside like I was nothing.”
Even now I couldn’t tell her the truth, so I did the only thing I could think of to distract her—the one thing I’d wanted to do since she walked into Razorsharp Records HQ.
I kissed her.
My hands drifted to either side of Eva’s neck, teasing the soft curls there, as I brushed my lips over hers. She opened for me willingly, letting me push my tongue inside and swirl it with her own.
Eva tasted just like I remembered.
She tasted like a huge fucking mistake. But I couldn’t stop myself. I needed this. Her. I needed one more kiss to remind me that what we shared in Camdena wasn’t a figment of my imagination, that it was real.
Eva’s hand slid against my chest, twisting into the damp material as our tongues danced together. I didn’t care if I needed a shower or a change of clothes. In that moment, I only cared about this. I should have known it wouldn’t be enough, should have known the second I kissed her lips I’d want more.
So much more.
I fitted my body against hers, pressing Eva into the wall. She moaned softly, rolling her hips into me. “Rafe…” My name was a prayer on her lips.
“We can’t do this,” I murmured unwilling to break the kiss, tracing my mouth over her jaw and down the column of her neck.
“We can…” Eva smothered a moan when I nipped the bare skin along her collarbone. One of her hands slipped between our bodies, palming me through my jeans. If my dick was hard before it was rock solid now and desperate to feel her. But we couldn’t do this.
We couldn’t fucking do this.
Sliding my hand to the base of Eva’s neck, I held her there, brushing my nose featherlight over hers. “We can’t.”
“Because you don’t want me?”
“Want you? I fucking…” I stopped myself dead, sucking in a harsh breath. “Because you’re strictly off-limits and this will complicate things, and I don’t want to do that to you.”
“So you’re doin' this for my benefit?” She levelled me with a gut-wrenching look.
“Alistair will have my balls if I touch you. If any of us touch you.”
“I don’t want anyone else to touch me, Rafe. I only want you.” She tried to kiss me again, grazing my lips with her own. “You’re really doin’ this… again?”
My jaw clenched, my silence deafening.
“Fine. I get it. Just tell me one thing and we’re done here.” Her gaze turned icy, the lust that had been swirling there giving way to fiery anger. “Tell me you don’t want me. Look me in the eye, Rafe. Look me in the eye and tell me I’m nothin’ to you.”
“Eva…”
“Say it,” she seethed.
But I couldn’t do it.
And that was the problem—Eva clouded my judgment.
“Coward.” Eva shouldered past me, catching me off guard. I slumped against the wall. “Molly was right about you, Rafe Hunter.” Glaring out at me, Eva’s walls slammed up and pushed me out. “I should have kicked you in the balls the second I laid eyes on you again.” She yanked the door open and stormed out of the room, leaving me alone.
I shoul
d have been relieved.
I wasn’t.
Eva
“You’re sure something didn’t happen?” Letty asked me for the third time since I dragged my exhausted body onto the bus. It was late, I was cranky, and there was no escaping the other four people on the bus with us. Thankfully, Riley had already retired to her bunk, so I wasn’t forced to sit and look at her sour face.
“Nothin’ happened. I just got overwhelmed. It isn’t every day a rock star drags you onstage to perform with him.”
“I already told you, you don’t need to worry. Everyone loved it. It’s all over social media. There’s even a hashtag. #hunterwalkermagic.” Letty’s eyes lit up. She was loving this; the whole damn team was. By all accounts, as far as opening shows went, this one had been a roaring success. Alistair was already talking about making me a permanent feature of their set which was… un-freakin-believable.
But I had other things on my mind.
Other Rafe Hunter shaped things.
He’d felt so good pressed up against me. My walls had crumbled like sand and I’d pretty much thrown myself at him. But the second his lips touched mine, I felt it. The connection between us. The tether that had rooted itself deep inside me that weekend in Camdena. I was prepared to come here and be civil—to do what I needed to do to get through the tour.
I wasn’t prepared to discover Rafe still cared.
Now I knew the truth though, and I couldn’t just switch off my feelings. It didn’t work like that. As I was quickly discovering, I didn’t work like that. But I was treading unchartered waters. I knew he was worried about Alistair’s rules about me being off-limits. But I couldn’t help wonder if there was more to it. If his complicated relationship with Levi had anything to do with why he was fighting his feelings for me.
“You don’t have to sit up with me,” I said to Letty. “Get some sleep, it’s late.”
“You’re sure?” She smothered a yawn, and I nodded.
“Go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Congratulations on your first show, Eva. I know it still doesn’t feel real, but it will. Give it time and don’t listen to anyone who says you don’t deserve to be here because tonight you more than proved you do.” She traipsed down the bus to the bathroom. It was so quiet, with only the low rumble of the engine beneath my feet, that there was nothing to drown out my thoughts.
And there were many.
I was here for my parents—to repay them for everything they’d given up for me. But now that I was here, and I’d seen Rafe again, I couldn’t help but wonder if my motivations were entirely selfless. Or if a small part of me, a part I’d locked away, was here because I’d clung onto the idea that there had been something real between me and Rafe.
Because I wanted it to be real.
I needed it to be.
I didn’t want to be that girl, the girl pining over love lost and hearts broken, I didn’t. But I also refused to accept that was it. I’d felt something with Rafe, not just inside me, but coming from him. A deep-seated need that transcended attraction and lust. I filled something inside him just as he filled a missing piece of me. But I wouldn’t push. Not until I had answers.
Finally, unable to sit with my thoughts for a second longer, I made my way to my bunk and climbed inside, pulling across the curtain. Soft snores drifted over from Letty’s bunk while Riley mumbled something in her sleep from the bunk above. I’d only ever had a sleepover with Molly and now I shared my nights with five other people; three of whom I’d barely had time to get to know thanks to their intense schedules. But when you were assistants to the production and road managers, the very people whose job it was to make sure the tour ran without a hitch, there was a lot to do.
My mind drifted to the other bus. I wondered if Rafe was already sleeping or if he was lying awake like me. I’d heard the stories about the bands crazy tour antics but had yet to witness any. There was plenty of time yet, I supposed. I knew from my brief visit onboard their bus that it was flashier, with not one, but two artist bedrooms. I’d even asked Letty how the guys agreed who got what room, but she’d simply smirked and told me not to ask questions I wouldn’t like the answers to.
I guess I’d walked right into that one.
Maybe they weren’t asleep at all. Maybe Levi had them all playing some crazy drinking game or Hudson was annoying them with his lame-assed jokes. Damon would be sitting there rolling his eyes like the dad-figure I sensed he was. But I would never know because although I was on tour with them, I wasn’t with them. They were Black Hearts Still Beat, four friends bound together through more than just their music, and I was Evangeline Walker, a small-town girl swept up in their world. They could joke with me and make me feel welcome, invite me up on stage, and treat me like one of the guys, but they would always share something special.
Something no girl would ever come between.
And I was starting to wonder if maybe that was going to be a problem.
“Great, Eva, hold that, right there.” The photographer, a flamboyant guy named Tobias, directed over the top of his camera. “Chin down a little, eyes right at me.” The flash went off in a rapid succession of click click clicks. “Yes, that’s it, that’s the one.”
I let out a quiet sigh, relaxing my shoulders. I’d been positioned and posed for the last thirty minutes. There had been no time to take in the sights of Orlando. Alistair had been contacted by The Rock Report. Following the press release, they wanted to run a double page spread article about my joining the Blood Runs Thicker tour. I hadn’t even finished my first coffee when Riley breezed onto the bus looking every bit the assistant to a huge rock band and dropped the bombshell that a car would be picking me up to take me to a hotel downtown. She’d obviously forgotten to mention the band would be coming along because when I had stumbled into the car, still half-asleep, I’d landed half in Rafe’s lap. Levi and Hudson had found it all very amusing while I’d scrambled off his lap quicker than you could say ‘more coffee’.
I hadn’t spoken to him since. When we’d arrived at the hotel, I was ushered off into one room while the band was taken somewhere else.
“You looked great.” Letty said taking the guitar from me. It wasn’t mine. I wasn’t sure if it was even tuned, but they’d wanted the shoot to speak to my country roots.
“I felt ridiculous,” I lowered my voice. “How much longer do we have to be here?”
“The band is just finishing up and then there’s the—”
“Right,” the photographer hollered, “if we can get the guys in here, we can do the group shoot.”
“Group shoot?” I repeated, scowling at Letty.
“I just found out.”
“Of course you did,” I mumbled just as the door opened and the guys piled in, laughing and joking. Rafe’s expression fell the second he saw me though, clouding with desire and regret.
My stomach tightened.
“Okay, Eva, let’s get you in the middle with your guitar please. Boys fill in around her.” Tobias began repositioning the lighting reflector. “Levi, Rafe, if you two stand either side and Damon and Hudson take a knee at the front.”
“Take a knee, really?” Hudson muttered loud enough for everyone to hear.
“Just go with it,” Tobias insisted.
The guys closed in around me. “Don’t look so worried, Angel,” Levi smirked.
“Okay, Levi, let’s have your body angled toward Eva, but I want you to look at the camera. Move in closer.” I felt his breath on my cheek and my own breath caught. “And now, Eva, if you lift your guitar a little and Rafe, slide you hand around the neck too so it looks like you’re both holding it up.”
Rafe let out a low hiss as his hand slid up the neck of the guitar and brushed my pinky finger. Nervous energy vibrated inside me, making me feel a little lightheaded. This was too close, too intimate.
“Good, good,” Tobias cooed. But it didn’t feel good. It felt downright awkward, standing there wedged firmly in between the Hunter brothers. C
ountry’s rose in the middle of two thorns.
I knew there were thousands of girls out there who would pay good money to find themselves in this position, but I was too tense to enjoy it.
I caught Letty’s eye, but she was too busy smothering her amusement.
“Relax, Country,” Levi whispered. “It’s supposed to be fun.”
Fun.
I shot him a hard stare and he howled with laughter. “Someone still has their panties in a—”
“Lev,” Rafe all but growled his brother’s name.
“Everyone needs to lighten the hell up. That shit this morning was funny. Come on, Evangeline,” he taunted, “you know it was funny.”
My eyes slid to Levi’s, narrowing. I didn’t expect him to cross his eyes and pull a silly face at me. The corner of my mouth lifted as I fought a smile, refocusing on the camera. Levi was like a child. A child who was always getting up to no good but in an endearing kind of way.
“Behave,” I hissed.
“Right, if everyone can look at me on three, two, one.” The flash went off. “Now Damon and Hudson look up at Eva. Rafe and Levi too.”
My face burned with embarrassment.
“Looking good, Eva,” Hudson tried to make light of the situation, but I felt ready to combust. As if that wasn’t bad enough, I was sure I felt Rafe’s fingers brushing back and forth over mine. I didn’t look out of fear of giving him away, but I felt it.
I felt it all the way down to my soul.
I only wished I knew what it meant.
If it meant anything at all.
“Okay, now let’s get a couple with just Levi and Eva.”
Rafe went rigid beside me. I peeked over at him, expecting to see anger rolling off him, but his face was a mask of indifference.
“Just you and me, Angel.” Levi grinned.
“Is this really necessary?” I blurted out.
“Alistair wanted a range of shots, and it makes sense to play up your relationship,” Riley sauntered over to us, her saccharine-sweet smile hardly fooling me. She knew I was uncomfortable, but my feelings didn’t enter the conversation.