My flatmates were still hiding in their own rooms, doors shut, lights out. I knew that I should be tired – aside from my nap, I’d been awake for almost thirty-six hours.
But seeing David again was making me feel anxious and jittery, like I’d just drank three cups of espresso.
“Nice,” David said quietly, running his hand along the inside of the door frame.
I forced a laugh. “Yeah,” I said. “I was kinda worried – I didn’t see many pictures of this place before I got here.”
David sat down on the edge of my bed and produced a bottle of wine from his backpack. He raised an eyebrow at me as he propped the bottle between his thighs and unscrewed the cork.
“I’ll go get glasses,” I said nervously. To be honest, I was glad for a distraction. I thought David would follow me from my bedroom to the kitchen, but when I got back, he was lying down and staring at the ceiling.
David smirked when he saw me. “Elizabeth, relax.”
“Sorry,” I said, stepping forward and sitting down gingerly at the edge of the bed. The mattress was an old one – it was hard not to sink back towards David, and after a few seconds, I moved to the desk.
David poured two glasses to the brim, then carefully handed it over.
“I didn’t sleep for a week when I first got here,” David said, running a hand through his black hair.
“Jet lag?”
David shook his head. “Not exactly. More like…amazement. I couldn’t believe that I was really here, that I’d gotten out of the States for good.”
I nodded. “It feels surreal,” I said. “I’m here, and I don’t feel any different. But everything’s different now.”
David nodded. He reached forward and we clinked glasses.
“You were right,” I said. “This is good.”
David nodded. “Not exactly known for their wine, I know, but there’s a little vineyard around here. I’m friends with some of the people who work there.”
I licked my lips nervously and took another long sip. The wine was fruity and almost smoky. It wasn’t round, like a California wine, but it seemed to be imbued somehow with the melancholy of England.
“It’s different,” David added. “But it’s grown on me.”
For a moment, we sat in silence. The question was tearing me apart inside, but I couldn’t even think of how to ask.
Finally, I knew that I had to get it out and over with.
“Do you ever think about Monica?”
David cocked his head to the side and gave me an odd look. “Yes. All the time.”
“I miss her,” I said. I shivered and set my glass down, wrapping my arms around my body. “No one ever talks about her anymore.”
David shrugged. “It hasn’t been that long,” he said.
“It feels like a lifetime.”
“Maybe to you,” David said. He drained half his glass at once. “But as soon as I left Vermont…I don’t know,” he added, shaking his head. “Something changed.”
I frowned. “How? What do you mean?”
“Hard to explain,” David said dryly. “I miss her. But there’s something inside of me, almost like a tangible object…and it’s not time for me to move on yet.”
Desperate for something to do with my hands, I grabbed my glass and took a long swallow. The wine burned my throat on the way down but I kept drinking, suddenly hungry for that hot, bleary sensation that told me I was well on my way to getting drunk.
“Things never went back to normal,” I said softly. “After she died, I mean.”
David raised an eyebrow. “So you believe it, then? You think she died?”
“It feels crazy to say that I feel like she’s still alive,” I said. “I don’t know, David. I miss her. But I had to get on with my life.”
“I wish I felt the same way,” David said. He peered at me intently. “Seeing you, though…”
“What?” I flushed.
“Eh, nothing.”
“Oh, god, don’t do that,” I said, shaking my head and draining my glass. “Tell me.”
David smiled – a faint curl of his lips. Someone who hadn’t met him before wouldn’t have even seen it but somehow, I knew. Somehow over the years, I’d learned to read him.
“Seeing you almost makes me feel like pushing past it,” David said. He sat up and refilled his glass. When I handed mine over, he did the same thing for me without being asked. We clinked and drank in silence.
“Why?”
“I don’t know,” David said. “It’s crazy. I hadn’t thought about you in years…and here you are.”
Something warm and fluttery inside of my chest twisted at the sound of his words, at the sound of his voice when he said ‘you.’
“Here I am,” I said quietly. Suddenly, the idea was almost comical to me. I’d flown halfway around the world to escape one man in my life. I giggled, flushing hotly when David gave me a skeptical look.
“I somehow should’ve guessed you have a low tolerance,” David said dryly. “Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.”
“No, it’s not that,” I said. I licked my lips. “I’m glad you called, David.”
Just then, a new thought – a darker thought – sprang into my mind. She can’t be dead, I realized as I stared down into my glass of crimson wine. She’s still alive – somewhere – because otherwise, her spells would have faded. David said he feels like he can’t move on. I glanced down at my phone, willing the screen to be empty. My heart sank when I saw the fifteen notifications from Steven D’Amico.
“You got serious all of a sudden,” David said. He frowned. “What’s wrong? I was kidding,” he added. “I’m glad I called, too.”
My heart was thudding in my chest as I stood up and walked over to the bed. When I sat next to David, the mattress shifted and rolled and suddenly I was pressed up against him.
“Elizabeth?” David looked at me for a second. I shivered – the look in his dark eyes made me feel exposed.
“I think this happened for a reason,” I said softly. “I…I can’t believe we would’ve found each other like this if something wasn’t supposed to happen.”
David didn’t reply, but he put an arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to his lean body. When I felt his fingers skimming along the back of my neck, I closed my eyes and sighed softly.
“What do you think,” I asked softly. “I…I can’t read your mind, David.”
David set his wine glass down and shifted on the bed, facing me. The mattress lurched again and I fell against his chest, bracing my hands on his body. We stared at each other, not speaking. Then David reached up and stroked my cheek, cupping my chin.
“I’ve thought about you for a long time,” I said quietly. My cheeks flamed and I desperately wanted to look away but I couldn’t tear my eyes free from David’s gaze.
“Elizabeth…”
I leaned in and closed my eyes, putting my mouth close to David’s. I could smell him – the dark, musky scent of his body and whatever cologne he wore, and the smoky blend of wine.
“I have to break up with Steven.”
David’s hands on my shoulders were firm, but gentle as he pushed me away.
“I can’t do this, Elizabeth,” David said, climbing off the bed and getting to his feet.
My heart sank as I watched him sling his pack over his shoulder.
“No, please, don’t go,” I said quickly.
David shook his head. “If you’re still with that guy, I’m not staying,” he said. “I’m not going to sneak around like this, Elizabeth.” He gave me a long, hard look. “I really like you, but I’m not gonna sit around and wait for you to make up your mind about me.”
I closed my eyes and sighed as David left, closing the door quietly behind him. Part of me wanted to run after him, but I knew he was right. Before, back when we were kids, things had been different.
So why did I still want him so much?
I barely sl
ept that night. I kept dreaming of men – David, Steven, some horrible combination of the two of them. When I woke up, Steven’s angry face was clinging to my mind as fiercely as if the image had been burnt to my brain.
I knew I should be nervous. But in that moment, reaching for my phone and settling back against the pillows, I felt nothing but cool, collected serenity washing over me.
Steven answered on the first ring.
“Elizabeth, what the hell is going on,” Steven demanded loudly. Wincing, I pulled the phone away from my face as his voice grew louder and louder. “I was so fucking worried about you! Do you know it’s been almost twenty-four hours since I heard from you? I was about to call the goddamned police,” he snapped. “Why would you do that to me?”
I sighed. “Steven, this isn’t working.”
“No shit,” Steven said angrily. “This nothing like what we agreed on, Elizabeth! How the fuck am I supposed to support my girlfriend if she won’t even talk to me?”
A twinge of anxiety sparked in my chest and I took a deep breath. “No, not this trip,” I said slowly. “Us. We’re not working, Steven. I can’t do this – I can’t be here and give you what you want.”
“I knew this would happen,” Steven growled. “I knew you just wanted an excuse to be away from me.”
I bit my lip.
“Elizabeth, tell me,” Steven demanded loudly. “Be honest.”
“You know what?” I said, not even thinking of the words as they tumbled from my mouth. “I did come here to get away from you. I’ve been trying to get away from you for years,” I added, shaking my head.
“Elizabeth, I—“
“Don’t,” I said. “We need to take a break, Steven. I need to be here on my own and figure some things out.”
“That’s bullshit,” Steven snapped. “You just want to have it both ways!”
“No,” I said. “I don’t. I want to break up, Steven.”
“You’re being crazy,” Steven said. The derisive edge in his voice made me roll my eyes. “You’re throwing away a really good relationship just because you’re selfish!”
“Me, selfish?” I said incredulously, shaking my head. “That’s the farthest thing from the truth! All I want to do is maintain my own life, Steven. And you’re not happy with that – you won’t be happy unless we’re completely merged!”
“Because that’s how relationships are supposed to be,” Steven growled angrily. “We’re supposed to want each other all the time, Elizabeth. And that’s how I feel about you – that’s how much I want you!”
“Steven, I can’t do this,” I said. “I need some time.”
“Do I need to fly over there and bring you home? Christ, Elizabeth! I don’t know what’s going on but you’re completely losing your mind.”
Tears of anger and defiance pricked my eyes and I blinked them back. “No, Steven,” I said coldly. “You can do whatever you want, but I’m not coming home until the end of the semester.”
“Elizabeth, I love you. Come on, please don’t do this. I can’t live without you, I feel like I’m losing my mind!”
For a moment, I felt guilt burning me. But then I took a deep breath and shook my head.
“We’re breaking up until I get back from England,” I said. “And then we can decide what we want to do, but you’re not going to bully me into staying with you.”
Steven didn’t reply. I wondered if I should say something else, then I heard the buzz of a dial tone in my ear.
“Fine,” I said into the dead space. “Bye, Steven.”
Chapter Seven
Elizabeth – Present Day
“Elizabeth,” Ligeia said. “This is a warning. If you leave, we cannot assure you of anything. And your betrayal will not be so easily forgotten.”
“I’m not leaving forever,” I said quickly. “I told you – I just have some things that I have to take care of, that’s all. I’ll be back. I promise.”
“This is what you wanted, remember?” Ligeia glared. “You wanted your best friend, your Monica. And now she has returned, and yet you are still not happy. Why, Elizabeth?”
“Because,” I growled through gritted teeth. “She’s not the same.”
“Isn’t she?” Ligeia clicked her tongue against her teeth and shook her head. “Or have you just remembered things which you’d rather have forgotten?”
The words hit me like a punch to the chest. Dropping to my knees, I closed my eyes and surrendered to my own emotions. Tears came to my lids and I blinked them back hotly, covering my face with my hands.
“I just don’t know why I was able to forget everything that happened,” I moaned, sniffling. “I don’t know why I forgot! And now, I can’t un-see the past. I can’t…” I trailed off, biting my lip and sighing. “I can’t forget about her stabbing Andrea.”
Ligeia gave me a cold look. “You are weak, child,” she said. “Take time – return home, regain your strength.”
Relief washed over me.
“But then you will return,” Ligeia said harshly. “You will return, and serve me, for as long as I please.” She held her chin high in the air.
As I ran from the coven, I wondered just what exactly Ligeia had in mind.
I ran for what felt like hours and hours, until my legs were threatening to give way from under my body and my chest ached so badly that I felt like I’d been stabbed in the lungs.
It felt like a much, much longer way out of the woods than usual. By the time I got back home, the moon was high above me and the night sky was dotted with stars.
I didn’t know what I was going to do. The only thing I was certain of was that I couldn’t go home – not like this, not when I didn’t have any answers.
And now when I didn’t feel like dealing with Steven or Karen.
Instead, I wandered around until the dark sky began to fade into a tawny pink and orange sunrise. I was starving and dehydrated, but somehow it was like the needs of my body weren’t even a concern. I was running on autopilot, on fear.
On anticipation.
Finally, I reached for my phone. Please work, I thought as I scrolled through my contacts. Please let me find him.
When he answered, the voice was deeper and almost unrecognizable.
“Hello?”
I cleared my throat. “It’s Elizabeth,” I said nervously. “I need to talk to you.”
David sighed. “This is a surprise,” he said. His voice was neutral, impossible to read. “What’s going on?”
Oh, nothing, your long-lost girlfriend is miraculously still alive and the witches I swore fealty to want me dead, I thought sarcastically. But of course, I knew I couldn’t say anything like that.
“The coven,” I managed to say. “The leaders…they’re lying to me,” I said. “About Monica.”
David was so silent on the other line of the phone that for a moment I thought I’d lost the call. I had no idea what I was doing – if I brought Monica home, what was going to happen? Would she call off the spells? Or would everything just revert back to the way it had been before – complete and total insanity. I shuddered. I didn’t want that back – I didn’t want to be standing in the eye of the hurricane, watching as Steven made a fool of himself day after day.
But I knew something had to change.
“Well, what do you want me to do about it?” David sounded petulant, peevish. “Elizabeth, why did you call me?”
“Because something’s wrong and I don’t know how to handle it,” I said softly, slumping down and sitting on the wet ground. “And you’re the only one I can trust.”
David inhaled sharply. “What about your fiancé?”
“We’re broken up.”
“Elizabeth, I don’t know what you think I can do,” David said. “It’s not like I can flip a switch and have everything back to normal.”
“I know that,” I said. I couldn’t lie – the way he was talking to me like I was a little kid was hurtful. But I de
serve this, I thought, thinking back over the years. I’d never been honest with myself when David was concerned. And now, I was paying for that.
David sighed. “Look, if you’re really that worried – why not try to go back? Why not see if you can find out what they want on your own? You’re smart, Elizabeth – I’m sure you’ll think of something.”
“What if I can’t find it on my own?”
“Then I can’t help you, anyway,” David said. Even though I couldn’t see his face, I had a feeling he was smirking. “So you might as well just give it a shot on your own.”
“But if they’re lying to me, how am I supposed to outsmart them? That’s not fair, they’re both much more powerful than I am.”
“Well, they obviously want something from you,” David drawled. “Just try, Elizabeth. If there’s a chance of your helping Monica, it’ll be worth it.”
That stung, too, but I nodded and bit my lip, determined not to let him know that he’d hurt me.
“I have to take a chance,” I said, more for my benefit than David’s. “I have to try.”
“Yeah,” David said. “Look, I’m sorry…”
“About what?” I narrowed my eyes.
“Forget it, Elizabeth,” David said. “I’m worried about you, that’s all.”
I sighed heavily. “Well, I got myself into this,” I said softly. “The least I can do is try to help myself out.” I wouldn’t have admitted it, but hearing David say that he was worried about me was like a soothing balm on my fear.
“Good luck,” David said. “I’ll be in touch, okay?”
“Okay,” I said numbly. “Thanks.”
We hung up and I slipped my phone back into my pocket. By now, the humid night air was drying up and I was feeling exhausted. It was with a heavy heart that I walked the distance from the edge of the woods to the house that I still shared with Steven and Karen. I sighed with relief when I saw that the driveway was empty.
Good, I thought as I slipped inside and kicked off my muddy shoes. At least I don’t have to worry about a fight.
“There you are.”
At the sound of Karen’s voice, I jumped in alarm and clutched my chest.
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