by Colora, R.
He doesn’t say anything. He just leans his head against the wall and starts punching it.
“I don’t know, Estelle. I don’t know what the hell you want from me anymore. I’m trying my best, but you seem to be stuck in reverse while I’m in drive. We seem to be going in two different directions. I can’t be the only one all in with this relationship. You need to want it too. He pulls his hair in frustration and blows out a heavy breath.
I try to hug him, but he won’t... Instead he sits on the floor with his back against the wall and his arm resting on his knees. His eyes are closed and he looks like he is trying to weigh all his options.
I kneel between his legs, I’m crying because I know we are over. He is right, our relationship has been one-sided; he has been the one pushing for us, while I’ve been focused on doing my own thing.
My phone rings. It’s the Salvation Army, they must be at the house.
I hit silent and Rhydian looks at me.
“It’s the truck driver from the Salvation Army. They are at the house on Anderson Street. I’m supposed to meet them and a few other organizations.” I say with hesitation I know I’m making the situation worse.
My phones rings again. I look down, and so does Rhydian. When he sees its Tristan, he get pissed off.
“Go ahead... I’m sure it’s important.”
“Why are you mad that Tristan is calling? What is this really about?”
“You're always with Tristan, talking to Tristan, text messaging Tristan. He was the reason you went missing, if he would have walked you up to the apartment, you would have never been taken.”
“That’s super unfair. It wasn’t Tristan’s fault that guy had been stalking me since I was fourteen years old. And you are way the fuck out of line" I say in defense of my friend. I’m already upset but now I’m confused as to why he is angry at Tristan, "Where is this all coming from?" I could feel the ache in my heart.
“You should have been here with me. That’s where this is coming from!” he screams.
“Don’t you yell at me, Rhydian. You’re not being rational right now. You need to calm down. I’m going to go before we both say something we will regret.
“No, you’re not!” As I made it to the door, he slammed the door back shut and cages me in with his arms.
“You’re not leaving. You want to talk about what wrong with us? You're always with your friends instead of your man is a huge fucking part of our issues. Whenever you need something, your first call is always to Tristan or Kennedy, but never me.”
“You're making me feel threatened right now and I want to leave, I say pushing his arm off the door so I can turn around and open the door.
“Fine, you want to go, then get the fuck out! You're never here anyway, I don’t need you here now.”
“Are you sure about what you’re saying, Rhydian? Because I’m telling you, once I’m out that door, I’m gone, I’m trying to work things out but if you're ending us make sure that’s really want you want, I’m not going to be anyone's doormat or let anyone abuse me ever again!”
“Well, what the fuck you waiting for then, get gone. I’m sure Tristan has room for you at his place.”
“I will be back for my stuff.” I'm trying to hide the quiver in my voice. I’m a mix of hurt, sad and scared but I have to stand by what I said, if he wants me gone, I won’t be coming back.
“Don’t bother, I will have it sent to you” he says with his voice full of venom.
I walk to the side table by the door and pull my key ring out, take the apartment key off, and lay it on the side table by the door.
I turn and head toward the door, not bothering to look back. I know I have fault in the breakdown of our relationship, but he took it to a whole other level. I understand he is upset and hurt but he wasn’t even trying to listen he was just telling me how selfish I am... I’m not sure how it escalated so fast from our arguing to him kicking me out. Whatever it is, I don’t have the time or energy. My focus is on my recovery and getting myself together. Oh shit, he’s right. I’ve only ever thought about me. I am a selfish bitch. I love Rhydian. I run back towards the door and raise my hand to knock when I hear things crashing inside. I lean against the door and cry as I hear him destroy his apartment. It takes me a few minutes to get myself together. He’s ended us, yes I’ve messed things up, but I was willing to try. He told me to get out. After watching all the bullshit that Kennedy went through at the hands of a Kerrigan, no thanks, I think I’ll pass on that. Rhydian is right about a lot of things though, I always do depend on Kennedy or Tristan. I can’t believe I’m about to do this. I stop at a mattress store and ask them to deliver a bed and frame to my address. I head to the only home I’ve ever known. The house looks like a regular, beautiful house, there isn't any evil here—this isn't Amityville. I give the Salvation Army everything but the contents of the office. I call a locksmith to get the gate coded and all the locks changed. I call the alarm company and tell them I need someone to come out to upgrade and reset all the alarm codes. My mattress comes and I have it set up in the now empty living room. I contact my school and switch all my classes to online. Then I head to Edwin’s office, the desk is so huge it's almost comical. I start looking through the papers on his desk and the files on his computer. I see checks with my name on them as well as credit card statements with my name. I keep looking and everything has my name on it.
I call Doug at the dealership and ask him if he will take the cars in the garage. He says they don’t, but he gave the name and number of someone who would. I arrange to have all of Edwin’s cars taken and sold. When the locksmith knocks with his bill, I ask if he can crack a safe. He asks where it is and I tell him that I honestly have no idea, but I’m the owner of the house. As soon as I show him the mortgage paperwork he starts looking around. He finally tells me to move; he slides the desk forward and there it is, right under the desk, a large floor safe. He asked me to stay while he works so I know nothing comes up missing and he begins to try to unlock the safe. Once it's open, he leaves instructions for it so I can reset the combination. As soon as I pay his bill, I walk him to the door and wait until I see his truck leave before I open the safe. There is cash. A lot of cash in neat bundles, there is also a ledger and a flash drive. I see tons of pictures of me and mom and some other paperwork. I start looking through and there is a safety deposit key with a bank name and box number that is also in my name. I recode the safe and close it.
I look at the clock and see that it's four-fifteen I still have time to make it to the bank. I rush out, lock up, and head into town. I make it to the bank by four-thirty and am led back to the vault. I open the large box and inside are six journals and another large sum of cash along with a letter from my mother. I also find paperwork with my name on it, showing I have dual citizenship for France, and that yes, my grandmother was a drunk, but she was a stinking rich drunk. When she died, she left her entire estate to my mom, who has secretly left it all to me. I empty the box into my bag, hand the empty box and key to the banker, and make my way home.
As I sit on my bed in the living room, I’m about to read the letter I found in the safety deposit box.
Mon trésor,
I would first like to tell you how much I love you and I am sorry I was not able to be with you. If you are reading this letter, I am most likely dead, and Edwin has killed me. I have enclosed my journals. I started writing them when I met your real father—his name is Antonio DeLuca. The last I heard, he was in New Mexico. When you find your father, please tell him how very sorry I am, and that he was my one and only true love until the day I died. The blue journals are for you, but the gold journal is for your father and him alone. I have liquidated all of my assets and put them in a trust for you that no one knows about—the trust information is enclosed. Please, my heart, forgive me for my errors and weakness. When I realized the monster Edwin really was, it was too late—I was trapped. I will not make excuses, but I do have an explanation, which is enclosed in the journ
als. Please be well, my heart. I love you with all my heart and soul.
Your Mother,
Celine Roux
Chapter 10
I open the blue journal with the number one in the corner. I fall asleep reading my mother's words of growing up in France and dancing. She goes on to describe meeting my father and how it was love at first sight. That night, I dream of my mother.
I wake up to knocking on the door. I must have forgotten to activate the gate out-front. When I make my way to the door, I see three large and scary bikers, causing me to refuse to open the door.
“I don’t know who you are, but I want you to leave.” I say through the door.
“We are friends of Kennedy,” the biggest biker says in a calm voice.
“How do I know you’re telling the truth?” I say, stepping closer to the alarm pad.
“My daughter’s name was Trixie Falcone.” He replied in a calm voice. That makes him Seth “Renegade” Falcone, I know the name I’ve heard about his daughter from Kennedy, and so I open the door.
“What can I do for you fellas?”
“Well, your step-daddy used to manage our money for us, and he died owing a lot of money. I brought my guy here, Crash, because he said he might be able to find it, if you let him.”
“Crash, I’ve heard a lot about you.” I say with a smile. “Ride you like you ride your bike.” He instantly blushed and the other two bikers start ribbing him. “Kennedy told me all about it when I was in the hospital. You can look at anything you need in the office. I’m trying to figure out what the hell is going on in there myself.”
“I have an MBA in Finance and Accounting from Harvard. I would be happy to get your shit in order.” Crash said. I just stare at him dumbfounded for a moment.
“Well, Crash, you just became my new bestie. I need to know how much money I have or don’t have, and if Edwin lost your money I will get it to you. I promise, I’m good for it.”
Renegade sighed “Look sweet pea, it isn’t about the money. It's the principle, if you got it, great, if not, no hard feelings. That shit was out of your control.”
“If I wasn’t Kennedy’s friend, would I be getting a pass?” I look at him with a slight smirk on my face.
“Hell no, but you know how I feel about the Duchess,” he smiles.
My phone is ringing, when I see it's Tristan I grab it.
“Why the fuck is a delivery service here with your clothes, Estelle?” Tristan screams into the phone.
“Rhydian and I got into a fight yesterday. He told me to get the fuck out his house.” I reply feeling my heart crumble a little more since yesterday.
“Where are you, Estelle?” He asked calming down. “I’m at my house on Anderson Street.”
“Fuck, babe, that is not a good place to be,” he says in a clipped voice.
“It's okay, Coop. Can you just give the delivery guy my right address? I’m entertaining right now, so I need to call you back.”
“Who’s there, Estelle?” He sounds panicked. “Friends of Kennedy’s. I'm safe” is all I say and turn back to the bikers in my foyer.
“I don't have any furniture, but there are some stools in the kitchen if you guys would like some breakfast and coffee.” The three bikers looked at each other.
“Well, I’m sure Bison here is famished, and I never turn down a breakfast invitation from a beautiful woman,” Crash says with a boyish grin. Damn he is hot, like hotter than the sun hot. He has blonde shoulder length hair, the color of wheat, pulled back in a messy ponytail. He is tall and built, his T-shirt stretching across his chest, and you can see the outline of his abs it's so snug. His eyes are such a bright blue, they look unnatural, and he has a straight nose and a beautiful set of teeth.
The guys follow me to the kitchen. I start the coffee pot and pull out some stuff for some corned beef hash and home fries. I hear a knock on the door and Crash follows me to the entrance. It’s a delivery guy. “Ms. Roux, I have a delivery from Mr. Kerrigan, can you please sign here?” I nod and he proceeded to bring in a few boxes of my clothes and other things.
I sit on the stairs.
“Sweetness, any man that put that look on your face isn’t worth his weight in salt.” I’m too choked up to speak, so I put my arms over my knees to hide my face.
I have tried to be strong. I once read that the hardest to thing a woman could ever have to do is bury a child and leave the man she loves. I can honestly say the last 24 hours have proven to me that I’m not as strong as I thought I was.
“I don’t know what happened, Crash. We had that kind of fight that has itself, we were trying to not argue but the fight just seemed to take on a life of its own. It started out calm, we were just talking, trying to figure out where the bump in the road was, then we were yelling, and then we were breaking up. It’s not what I wanted. I have wanted to go to him fifty times during the night. It was awful. I’ve been here, and I realized that all I want is to be with him.”
“I’m gonna give you some privacy, sweetness.” I hear his boots walk away.
I go to the bathroom to wash my face and try gather myself. I look at my phone. I have no calls, no texts. I think about texting Rhydian, but I don’t know how to even begin to say sorry. Instead I text him the link to a song that has been playing in my mind since I walked out his door,
Rhydian, I'm sorry, please listen. I love you so much and I'm sorry. When he clicks on the message, the song 'Wrong Side of a Love Song' by Melanie Fiona will play.
It’s going to be a waiting game now. I have to wait until he will listen to me. I take one more look in the mirror before attending to my guests. I walk out and Crash is putting food on plates. When he sees me, he motions towards the counter.
“Thanks Crash. I haven't eaten since yesterday morning, I’m starving.” He smiles and nods.
“I know it's none of my business, but where is all your shit?” Bison asks.
“It’s okay” I look around at the house, part of my therapy is openly talking about what I survived, what happened to me isn’t my shame. I look at Renegade who lost his only child, and at these giant bikers and I know they understand what judgment feels like, so I answer Bison’s question honestly “I had the Salvation Army come get it. This was my prison. Edwin abused me until I was fourteen in this house. And when he figured that beating me wasn't enough, he took it further. He had me raped by his minions and he tortured me here for nine years.” It’s then I see the men have stopped eating. “I got rid of everything he ever touched, but I need to be here. This was the last place my mother was alive.”
“Why the fuck would you come back here, sweetness?” Crash asked me, shocked.
“Because it’s just a house and I remember my mom baking cookies in this kitchen. It’s been updated, but she stood in here.”
“Where was your momma when all this was happening?” Renegade ask dismayed.
“Edwin killed her when I was four—threw her down those stairs when she tried to leave him one night.”
“We could burn this place to the ground,” Bison chimes in methodically.
“No! I can't let this house beat me, I have to beat it.” I start getting frantic.
“So, you and a Kerrigan?” Crash asked, changing the subject.
“Nope.” I sip my coffee giving Cash a wink to show my thanks.
Renegade shakes his head.
“I tell ya, them Kerrigans, for all their money they sure are a dumb lot. Throwing good women away and think with a twinkle of their eyes and them dimples, y'all will just come running back” Renegade says. I smile. We all hear a loud ass knock on the front door.
“That would be the boys” Bison says
I walk to the entryway and there are about eight giant bikers standing there.
“Hi guys. Your friends are back in the kitchen.”
They all follow me back. I need to make some more coffee.
Renegade looks at me. “Estelle, these guys are a bunch of jacks of all trades. You need this house s
orted and we got nothing going on so I called in some reinforcements. I owe Kennedy a lot.”
Bison and Crash nod their heads, agreeing. “Let us do this for you, sweet pea.” Renegade said with a warm smile.
“I have cash. I can pay for paint and floors and stuff. The house is mine, it's in my name. I’m keeping it and turning it into someplace happy.”
Renegade turned to Bison. ”Call the rest of the club, even the old ladies. I want everyone here in the next hour. Sweet pea, call our girl. We are past time for a reunion. And tell her to bring those babies.”
An hour later, my driveway is filled with work trucks and bikers. Tristan arrives first, he recognizes Renegade immediately and they shake hands.
Then Easton comes in and he looks upset. “Estelle, why did you come back here?” Easton ask.
“Oh, didn’t you know? Your brother kicked me out yesterday.” I answer him sardonically.
“You could have come to Kennedy and me.” He gives me a knowing look.
“No, according to your brother I always run to Kennedy or Tristan. I need to deal with this on my own.”
“Did you bring what I asked for, Tristan?” I yell across the room.
“Yeah, Easton help me get all this beer and the folding chairs out my car.” Tristan calls out.
“Everyone, I have made sandwiches, and I have some beer, if you guys want to come into the living room. I also have some folding chairs, so you guys don't have to sit on the floor.”
Just then, Kennedy, Stacy, and Rose walk in, each carrying a car seat with a baby, when Renegade sees her, he open his arms.
“Darlin’, it's been awhile.”
The entire club stands, a sign of respect I assume.
“I don’t know who you are, but if you want to keep those arms you better unwrap them from around my man.” We hear an acerbic female voice say as they enter the room.
The minute Renegade stands to the side, the women see Kennedy.