by Colora, R.
After everyone has introduced themselves, he sits down and puts the journal and letter aside.
“What’s going on, Princess?” My dad asks.
I flinch at the nickname I used to love. Now it hurts to hear it, so I tell them everything. When I get to the part about what happened with Rhydian at the house, Crash takes it from there. He also fills them in on what happened at the lawyer’s office and was said in the letter. Before anyone can stop him, Vaughn is out of his seat and out the door. He jumps into his Hummer and peels out.
“Where the hell is he going?” I ask confused.
“My guess is to beat the shit out of Rhydian.” Antonio answers with a shrug.
“Aren’t you going to stop him?’
“No, Rhydian brought this on himself.”
I say bye to my dad and head home.
“Damn, I forgot to lock the gate again.” I say to Crash.
When I arrived home, Rhydian is sitting on the front steps of my house. I stop in front of him and sit down on the concrete banister. I wait for him to talk, but he only signs.
“I made a mistake coming here. I thought I would know what to say to you, how to make this right, and to start fresh, but I get here and I have nothing to say. I thought I could swoop in and have all these clever things to say to make you want to come back to me, but I don't. And seeing Viking biker here only makes it more evident that I’m not what you want.”
“His name is Crash” I respond.
“Things are never going to work for us, are they? Rhydian hangs his head.
“Honestly Rhydian, I don't know. What you said hurt me to the bone. You took a weakness I exposed to you because I trusted you, and you used it to stab me in the heart. You kicked me when I was down, Rhydian. Why would I want to be with someone like that; someone who took the single worst thing that happened to me and used it to embarrass me and make me feel worthless? Like I don't have enough of that to deal with on my own. You made what happened to me about you, and you not being able to handle it, guess what? I don’t need you to handle a damn thing, I just needed you to be there.” I say, looking towards the waiting town car. I wipe my tears away with the sleeve of my shirt.
“You know the saying time heals all wounds? I guess I'm still healing from my first batch of battle scars. Right now, I can't deal with it all of this. It’s too much for me to handle. Maybe in time somewhere down the road, I can look past what you did and said, but as things stand right now, I can't have you in my life romantically. Maybe as an acquaintance, but I honestly don't even know if I can be friends with you. You're gonna have to work your ass off to prove you’re not the complete asshole I think you are right now.” I say solemnly with a frown on my face.
“What are you going to do if I have a panic attack, are u gonna turn your back on me every time things get a little hard to handle, or are you willing to prove that you're the man I know you can be? If we have kids, are you going to wonder if I will abuse them? Would you worry that I wouldn't trust you around our children?”
“These are all the things you really need to sit and seriously think about. As far as Crash goes, he was there for me when I had to go to the lawyer’s office for the reading of the will. It was Crash that was there while you were out throwing a tantrum. When I needed to go furniture shopping, it was Crash that was there to help me look at dresser number two hundred and fourteen, and he never complained.”
“You know why he is a part of my life and you’re not? It’s because you kicked me out of yours after we had a few magical nights together. I just want you to figure out what you want out of life because honestly, I don't even think you know. Your problem is that you fell in love with broken, needy Stella, and I’m not her anymore. If you can’t love Estelle, then I'm not sure there is anything for us to ever talk about. Have a good life, Rhydian. Now please leave.” I say point towards the waiting car resigned to the fact that I have laid all my cards on the table.
He didn’t say anything, but I can see the same hurt on his face that I must have had on mine when he told me to get the fuck out his apartment, he just turned and walked to the waiting town car.
Antonio’s POV
After hearing the shit that went down at the lawyer’s office, I ask Estelle if she would go make us some lunch. I look over at Crash and tell him, “You seem like a nice guy and all, but you do realize she is completely in love with Rhydian, even though I don’t really like him all that much right now.”
He just stares back at me for a moment, then says, “I understand and respect that, but what you need to understand is, she needs someone in her corner that is not part of the Kerrigan circle to fight for her. I may not be fighting for her love, but you can bet your ass I will be making Rhydian fight, I’m fighting to keep her strong. I’m not looking for a romantic relationship of any kind right now. I have my own issues to deal with, I just want to be a friend. Under all the bullshit that Rhydian spewed at her house, I could see the love, but I will not let him back in her life easily.”
“Well, since you plan on getting nice and chummy with my daughter, I’m going to need your real name. And don't give me any of this road name crap. I want the real deal.”
Crash mumbled something under his breath.
“What was that, son? Speak up, I didn’t hear you.”
“I said my name is Ashley Francis III and if you run around telling anyone, you might not wake up in the morning.”
I can’t hold my laughter back after hearing that. “Son, I was killing men tougher than you when you were still in your daddy's nut sack. If I had to walk around with that on my driver’s license, I would hide it too, so don't worry. Your secret is safe with me. Now shut it because here comes our lunch.”
Rhydian’s POV
I really have no excuse for what went down with Estelle. I am an asshole and Easton is right, I don't deserve her. While she is piecing her life together, she shouldn't have to worry about us crossing paths. Reed Sterling gave me a call, he has some friends that need help setting up a few secure networks in safe houses around the U.S. They don't want to do it internally, just in case it’s ever leaked, so he contacted me.
I make arrangements to leave my second in command, Ashleigh Hawke, in charge. She has been there since the beginning, and I'm starting to wonder if I should make her a partner. I’ve found her as a snot nosed juvenile delinquent, who hacked in to my un-hackable system, and when the police questioned her she told them to go fuck each other. Apparently, she has been living on the street and spending hours in the library learning to code. I’ve never gotten her full story, but it was either come work for me as restitution or go to big girl prison. She’s obviously chosen to come work for me, I’ve even helped her get emancipated and made her get her GED.
I’ve tried to get her to stay in one of the Kerrigan apartments, but she wasn't having it. She’s found a loft space that she worked out of, since at the time she wasn't really old enough to come to the office. Besides, I can’t stand to listen to that death metal music she plays all day. She’s just turned nineteen, but still looks fourteen, but I couldn't run my business without her.
I’ve tried to hook her and Killian up, but she said he was too pretty and she has a rule that she had to be the pretty one in the relationship. I know that her parents live off the grid and are some kind of anti-government, stockpile weapons, kind of people. When she dared to have a black friend, they went ape-shit crazy and she got the hell out of there and headed west for California. Only she never made it there, she got stuck with me in Denver instead. She hates coming into the office, but she knows that something went down with Estelle and she is taking one for the team.
She should be properly dressed for a day at the office, but refuses to dress in anything but band shirts, jeans, and Doc Martens. I don't have any clients scheduled so that shouldn’t be an issue at least. I wheel my bag out to the waiting car and head to my first stop. Here I come, Worcester, Massachusetts. After a week there, it's off to Brooklyn, New York.
I’ve scheduled some time so I can meet with Dr. Franklin. When I called him, he yelled and cursed at me for twenty minutes before he told me when he saw me he was punching me in the face. After that, it’s Sarasota, Florida and then Culbertson, Montana. I have a few stops in California and two stops in Oregon, then I make it back to Colorado with a job in Thornton. In total, it looks like I will be gone about fourteen weeks.
Hopefully, by then I can find the words I need to say to Estelle. I know nothing is unforgivable. Well, except cheating, that shit is unforgivable, but anything else can be worked out. I am giving us this time and space because I know the hurt I caused her is still fresh and I don’t want to chance a run in and make it worse. I know she has been hanging out with the biker, I see the trucks and bikes when I drive by in Ashleigh’s car. She told me to stop being a fucking level ten creeper and just go and make shit right. Then today, I saw them coming out of a building downtown and he touched her face and said something to her.
If I would have watched for one more second, I would have rear ended an eighteen wheeler with lumber on the back. It took everything in me not to whip my truck around and jump out and kick that biker’s ass for touching my fucking girl.
Loading my shit into the back of the town car that’s taking me to the airport, the driver looks out the window and says, “Holy Shit, is that Giovanni, ‘The Gladiator’ De Luca that just hopped out of that Hummer? I saw his fight last weekend on pay per view. He beat the brakes off his opponent in like five minutes. I didn’t know he lived in this building.”
“He doesn’t, he is looking for me. I broke his sister’s heart, so I’m guessing he was coming to kick my ass.”
“Well, good thing you’re in this car, mister, because I wouldn’t want to be on the other end of that guy’s fist.”
“Yeah, lucky for me. I’m an asshole, he should kick my ass. His sister was the best thing that ever happened to me and I called her a whore in a room full of people. Can we make a stop, please? I need to go to thirty-three twelve Anderson Street first.” When we get there, the gate is open. I wait about twenty minutes before Estelle pulls up in her bright red Mini Cooper.
When she sees me waiting on the steps, she takes a seat on the concrete pillar. She calls me on all my shit and all I can do is take it, when I look over at the Viking watching. He isn’t gloating, and he doesn’t seem happy that my entire world is falling apart. I see something I have never seen on anyone’s face when it comes to a Kerrigan, he is looking at me with pity, like he knows I just fucked up the best thing that would ever happen to me. He nods and I know he is going to take care of her. When I nod, it’s a nod that says I’m going to get my girl back. I see the corner of his mouth pull up in a smirk and his eyes say you can try. Getting back into the waiting town car, I tell the driver to take me to the airport. I sit back and close my eyes.
“I take it that was the sister you almost got beat down about?” he says with a questioning glance in the rearview mirror
“Yes, that would be her.” I tipped my head back against the seat feeling dejected.
“Well sir, she is pretty. She also had a look of love and hurt in her eyes as I watched her, sir. That girl isn’t over you.”
“How can you be sure of that?” I ask.
“Well sir, I’ve been married fifteen years and I can tell you flowers fix everything. It’s not cheap, but you look like you aren’t hurting for money, so start sending the girl flowers. I once went shopping with my wife, and she asked me if the pants she tried on made her look fat. I said, ‘Well, you have put on a lot of weight in the last year.’ You would have thought I told her I slept with her younger sister. So here is what I did, I found me one of those real sappy love songs and I went to the house and I pulled my truck right up to the door, ruined the grass, but who cares when you're trying to get the woman you love back. I can't sing not one note, in fact I hear myself sing and cringe, but when the missus was mad at me, I started singing Andrea Bocelli’s 'Somos Novios'. I don’t even know what the guy was saying, but it sounded smooth and the missus melted like butter, so you learn one of them Spanish or Italian love songs and you sing for your girl, bring flowers and she will forgive you.”
“I think it's too late for that.” I admit solemnly.
The driver continues to drive and when I arrive at the airport, I tip him really well. Maybe he has a point though. I pull out my phone and download the Pro Flowers app and sent my first bouquet. I sent yellow tulips. I wasn't a romantic kind of guy, I never had to be. So I googled the most famous couples in literature. When I found the quote I thought expressed my feelings the best, I add a card to be enclosed, then I go and download the book Pride and Prejudice. I needed to find out why this guy Darcy seem to get the girl, even though he insults her in every way possible. As I check my order, I smiled at the quote.
"In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."
Chapter 12
Flowers, every other day I get a new bouquet of flowers. I asked the driver who they are from since the cards aren't signed, but he says he doesn't have that information. A lot happened this week. We had a small memorial service for my mother—the entire Kerrigan family, Tristan, Antonio, Salvatore, and Vaughn, and all of my new biker friends attend. I thought I wanted to bury her, but I decided to keep her in a granite urn in my new study. As a housewarming gift, Antonio has made a large painting of one of the pictures of my mother dancing. It now sits over the fireplace where her ashes are. Gone is all the darkness of the house on Anderson Street, all the dark colored walls were replaced with warm, homey ones.
The house was going from white on white with a bland entry way, to a butter yellow with white accents. It looks great with my dark roof. The depressing shrubs have been transplanted to the pool area and in front I’m having multi-level flower boxes. There is nothing left from the old house, just my new home, my new safe haven, not a prison. I erased all the ugliness, removed all the starkness from the kitchen, and remodeled it back to the way my mother had originally had it. Now instead of harsh white and stainless steel, it was a French country home with off-white and green accents.
Crash has been spending days shopping for new furniture with me, and never once complained. He is my friend, no strings attached. When we part ways, he doesn't hug me, he gives me a fist bump like I’m one of his biker buddies. He’s helped me get all my finances in order, all the accounts transferred, and set me up so I could live off the interest the money will make and live well. When he tells me to enjoy the time and space because when Rhydian comes back, he will come at me full force—and I need to make him work for it. He assures me that he is going to make sure Rhydian comes crawling back. He is like my best girlfriend, but he has a dick. He gossips and gives advice. I’ve even asked him straight up if he was gay and he laughed so hard he fell off the sofa. I smile at that, but when I ask him about Ashleigh, he gets serious all of a sudden.
“Estelle, that girl made me blush. She told me she was gonna ride me like I ride my bike in front of a room full of people. She kept calling me Viking names and said she was gonna take me home. She freaks me out. I’m used to aggressive women, but those women have that slutty, I’m gonna fuck you in front of everyone, vibe. This girl, she is all innocent and new like a kitten.”
“Did you just say Ashleigh was a kitten? Oh my god, you dirty old man. You have the hots for Ashleigh Hawke,” I’m now screeching.
“I don’t, fuck off,” he yells. “She is nice to look at.”
“I was locked away with some, it puts the lotion on its skin psychopath, and you were scoping out Ashleigh Hawke. I’ve never met her, is she pretty?” I sit up straighter, and Crash looks towards the door.
“She is okay, if you like tight, little bodies with crazy hair that looks like someone's been pulling on it while fucking her from behind, and a nasty attitude and beautiful eyes and plump lips and did I mention her tight, little body? Jesus
, that girl is like my fucking walking wet dream, but she is nineteen and I’m twenty-nine. I’m just trying not to go there, sweetness.”
I didn’t know a lot about Crash, but I knew he had stand up morals. I know he has grown up with three younger sisters and three older sisters. He is the middle child, so he admits he does have bitch tendencies, in his words, but he is as straight as they come. I finally build up the nerve to ask if he sent the flowers, but he just laughs and shakes his head. “Do I look like the kind of guy to quote eighteenth century romance novels?” I have to laugh because actually he looks like he should be guarding Asgard, or storming ashore as a Viking.
When I ask him to tell me his story, all he says is that it's in the past and he doesn't want to talk about it. I've asked his thoughts on the flowers, and he says they were all from great love stories—the hero always messes up epically, but in the end true love always wins.
I used to think that too, but these last couple of weeks have proven true love doesn't always win, in fact, it was losing really badly. I get another delivery, this time it is thirty-six Rainbow Roses, with a handwritten card that quotes Jane Eyre.
“I have for the first time found what I can truly love–I have found you. You are my sympathy–my better self–my good angel–I am bound to you with a strong attachment. I think you good, gifted, lovely: a fervent, a solemn passion is conceived in my heart; it leans to you, draws you to my center and spring of life, wrap my existence about you–and, kindling in pure, powerful flame, fuses you and me in one.”
Estelle,
I am using the words from some of the greatest love stories of all time, because these fictional men were the other half of some of the most beloved couples in the history of literature. I know you love to read, and I hope you understand how much you really mean to me and how sorry I really am. I've been to see Dr. Franklin and his wife, she kneed me in the dick. I'm not sure a doctor is supposed to do that, but she said if I got up from the floor I would be sorry, so I laid there and listened and for the first time in a long time, I really understood, and I wanted to tell you what an amazing person you are. I want to be selfless and tell you to move on with the knock-off Thor, but I'm a selfish bastard and I want you for myself—for always. I wish I could give you an explanation or a reason for the way I acted, but I can't because I was just being an asshole. I saw you with Thor and I was upset, so I lashed out even though you didn't deserve it. Just like you didn't deserve it when I kicked you out. If you ever forgive me, I will make everything up to you. I only need one more chance, I don’t want to be the wrong side of our love song, Princess, please give us another chance.