“You know, Rose, Tina drives to Cincinnati twice a week to visit her mother.” I let the fog clear momentarily to glance at my dad. I really hoped he read the “I don’t give a damn” look I shot him.
“Oh, really?” I said with forced politeness.
“Yes, and she’s offered to take you with her each week so you can start up your dancing again.” His face was bright and expectant for my reaction.
Pulling my eyes from him, I looked over at Her in concentration. The thought of being stuck in a car with Dad’s plaything for hours every week was not appealing in the least. As a matter of fact, jumping into Lake Michigan in the middle of January sounded better. But the dancing part was intriguing. I had turned into a zombie lately, sleeping all day and prowling around the house at night when everyone else was asleep. I never wanted to have a conversation. Even walking seemed to exhaust me.
The thought of putting on my ballet shoes, stretching my body again and gliding along the dance floor to the sound of music on the tips of my toes was inviting. Especially after the nasty things Noah had said about me dancing. That really made me want to go out and do the sexiest routine I could to some pump-and-grind song.
But could I stand to be around Her? I deliberated in my mind while I took a large sip of water, peering over the rim.
“Rose, did your father tell you I used to dance? I was even on a dance team in college for two years, until the practice schedule started to interfere with my other classes,” she said cheerfully.
She definitely wasn’t as pretty as Mom, who had been born with natural, earthy good looks, but I could kind of see why Dad found her attractive. She was one of those people who had a very upbeat personality that made her seem prettier than she actually was. And she did have a dancer’s body, even in her middle-aged years. Of course, it was easier to stay slim and trim when you hadn’t popped out three babies the way Mom did or eight like Mrs. Miller—poor thing.
With the new information, I loosened up a bit. “No, Dad never mentioned it.”
“Well, I want you to know that not only am I willing to drive you to your classes, I would really enjoy watching you. I’ve missed being in a dance studio,” she said in a soft voice. I could tell she really meant it.
My brain must have frozen up or perhaps I was in the middle of a nightmare I’d soon wake up from, because I found myself replying, “Sure, that sounds good.”
“Wonderful. I’ll call Ms. Lily next week to start the ball rolling,” Dad said with uncontrolled excitement.
I, on the other hand, was disgusted by my weak nature. That I could so easily be lured into acting nice to the woman, just because she had been a dancer and was willing to drive me far away from my torturous memories here in Meadow View. The guilty feeling was the worst part. How could I do that to my poor dead mom?
Sometime after my shocking agreement to bum around with Dad’s mistress, I had also agreed to go to the movies with Sam and his new friends. Again, either my brain wasn’t working at all or I was still dreaming.
After we’d all finished our lemon Italian ice, Dad took Justin with him to drop Her off while I rode silently with Sam to the theater. I rationalized that at some point during our weekly drives I’d have to say her name, but until then, I wasn’t budging.
When we arrived, I was surprised that the lot was packed, forcing us to park all the way in the back. Watching kids walk by, we waited in the truck like a couple of rednecks until two SUVs and a pickup truck parked nearby and Sam’s friends got out.
Sam had been unusually quiet about the Noah thing for days, hardly bothering me at all. Now I knew why. Jumping nimbly out of one of the cars was a gorgeous blond-haired girl who bounced over to Sam’s window and wasted no time in planting a sloppy kiss on his lips. I now knew how grossed out he must have been seeing me kissing Noah. I had to look away before I threw up. Erin had been a much more reserved girlfriend, keeping all their major kissing sessions behind closed doors.
“Rose, I want you to meet Amber,” Sam said, a little flustered.
“Great to meet you, Amber.” I reached over him and shook the girl’s hand, not able to miss her long pink nails with little yellow starburst applications.
“Oh, I know we’re going to be good friends, Rose. I can’t wait to introduce you to everyone,” her melodic voice rang out, and I had to ask myself if this chick was for real. She seemed more like a life-size Barbie doll than a real human being.
Sam had managed to fall in with a large group of good-looking jocks and their girlfriends. Everyone was overly nice to me, making me feel a little bewildered at their automatic acceptance of me into their gang.
My confusion turned to total discomfort, though, when Amber dragged me over to a very tall, attractive guy. Not shocking me, he was the only other person in attendance, other than me, without a date.
“Rose, this is Hunter Braxton.” She nearly pushed me into him. I had to stomp the bottom of my tennis shoes into the pavement to keep from skidding into his personal space.
“Hi,” I said shyly, glancing up to see that he had dark blond ruffled hair and expressive brown eyes. One glimpse and I knew what he was thinking. I had more experience reading guys now. Noah had looked at me like that all the time.
Blushing, I shifted uncomfortably in front of him, wondering how the heck I was going to get out of having to sit next to him in the movie. In another lifetime I might have been thrilled to have such a cute and normal guy eyeing me that way. But now I was an emotional disaster, not interested in ever having another relationship again.
“Hey, it’s really nice to meet you.” He had a pleasant voice.
He held out his hand to me. I stared at it for a long second, trying to decide whether I should take it or not. Somehow it just didn’t seem right to touch this strange guy’s hand. Especially the way he was looking at me, openly interested.
In the end, I gave him my hand. I was relieved when his skin didn’t cause any fluttering in my stomach or tremors to my heart. Okay, I felt much better knowing I wasn’t doomed to fall for another guy. I decided that if Hunter didn’t make my belly do flips, then no one else would. Well, except for Noah. So I guess my body would feel pretty bored for the rest of my life.
Even though I begged Hunter not to, he bought me a medium popcorn and Coke, and just as I guessed, he made sure to sit next to me. He wasn’t shy about leaning in close to make small talk either. I was forced to sit as far as I could to the side of my chair away from him, pushing into Sam’s arm. When Sam saw what I was doing, he just shook his head at me. I would have loved to smack the rotten look off his face, but I still didn’t feel quite energetic enough to pull it off.
I couldn’t even have told anyone what the dumb movie was about, just the usual action flick with lots of special effects and no story line. I spent the entire time thinking about Noah. I wondered what he was doing at that moment. Had he already gotten over me? Did he miss me even a little bit? Was he courting Ella Weaver? The last question caused a sick feeling to develop in my stomach and halfway through the movie I left for the restroom. I stayed in there for the next hour, leaning against the wall, crying as quietly as I could. Life sucked even more than I ever imagined it could. This breakup with Noah was hauntingly familiar to Mom’s death. I knew from experience the numbness, the agonizing pain…and the crying would eventually go away, but right now they were killing me. A knock at the door shot my head up.
“Rose—are you in there?” Sam’s voice whispered frantically.
“What are you doing in here, Sam?” I said, completely stunned that the buffoon was in the ladies’ room.
“I wouldn’t have to be in here if you were watching the movie like any normal person. Now, come on and get out of there.” I hid a smile at the fluster in his voice and opened the door to see him nervously glancing toward the entrance door.
Seeing my face, he sighed. “Why are you crying now?”
“Oh, I don’t know—maybe because I’m miserable, sad and lonely, just t
o name a few reasons,” I challenged, annoyed at his total lack of understanding.
“You know, Hunter told me he really likes you. He wants to ask you out.” He said it enthusiastically, as if that was going to change the world for me.
Putting my hands on my hips, I snorted, “Do you think I care? He’s just some guy who’d go out with anyone.”
Shaking his head vigorously, he countered, “No, Rose, he’s a cool guy. You’d like him if you gave him a chance.”
“What—are you pimping me out or something? My love life is none of your concern,” I said, losing any composure I had left.
“You’d feel a whole lot better if you started dating someone else. It would get your mind off the guy with the suspenders and keep you from spending your entire time at the movies crying in the bathroom,” Sam pointed out with the pinched expression of someone who’d tasted something bitter.
We had a stare down for several seconds until Amber pranced in like Bambi and relieved Sam of his caregiving duties. She performed her job very diligently, giving me a superstrong minty piece of gum, drying my face with a paper towel and then brushing some powder over my nose and cheeks to mask the redness.
By the time I walked out of the restroom, I only looked as if I’d been crying for a half an hour instead of a full one. Hunter was waiting in the lobby with Sam. I could have just died when he looked at me with concern.
I was at least thankful that he didn’t say anything to me as we all walked out, pushed tightly together in the middle of the exiting crowd. Reaching the truck, I quickly crawled in. I sat staring straight ahead while the new gang hung out in the parking lot. I only halfheartedly listened to all the chattering until I heard my name mentioned. I honed in on what Sam was saying in a flash.
“Yeah, sorry, I’d like to go back to your place, Hunter, but I should get Rose home before she starts leaking again.”
“What about the party tomorrow? Do you think your sister will come?” Hunter asked in a much too nosy way.
“Maybe—I’ll see what I can do.” He paused, and I could tell he was thinking, a foreign activity to him. He went on to say, “You know what would be a good idea? Why don’t I pick you and Amber up tomorrow afternoon. I’ll bring Rose, and we’ll go get supper at that little diner on the corner of Route 48 and Maggie Road.”
“Sounds great—call me with the exact time in the morning,” Hunter said brightly to Sam. Then turning away from my brother, he stalked over to the passenger-side window like a hungry lion. He rested his arms in the opening and said, “I’m looking forward to seeing you tomorrow, Rose.”
“Mmm-hmm,” I mumbled, trying to ignore him. Maybe my rudeness would deter him. Grinning at my discomfort, he stared at me for a few seconds, his eyes roaming over my face before turning and hopping into his Blazer. His action signaled the rest of the group to begin dispersing. His self-confidence bugged me. It was as if he expected me to faint at his feet or something absurd like that. Well, I’d show him. He was cute, but he didn’t hold a candle to Noah. Besides, he didn’t make my body go nuts when he came near me.
I had to sit for another few minutes while Sam rammed his tongue down Amber’s throat before she finally left with a few of her girlfriends. He jumped in the truck beside me.
“You’re really disgusting, you know that?” I informed him.
“You should talk. You’ve ruined me forever with the image of you lip-locked with Noah on the bed.” He said it with amusement until he saw that I was crying again.
“Goddamn it, Rose. You’ve got to stop crying every time you hear the guy’s name.” He sounded worried and angry at the same time.
“I can’t help it, Sam—it just hurts so bad. Noah and I were meant to be together and he’s the one I want to be dating, not some jock named Hunter,” I said, flinging my head onto the seat back with a thud.
“If you two were meant to be together, then you would be.” He sighed heavily and continued, trying to be compassionate and failing miserably, “The fact is that the whole thing was screwed up from the beginning. Noah has to marry an Amish girl, probably before he turns twenty. You, on the other hand, are destined to go to college, have a career and eventually meet the guy of your dreams. You’ll get married and have a couple of kids when you’re in your thirties. You can’t mess with Providence, Rose.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Just that your life is still ahead of you and you can’t drastically alter it by becoming Amish, marrying when you’re a teenager and starting to pop out babies immediately. If you did, you’d be seriously messing with the universe.”
“Yeah, I know,” I said weakly.
“Well, if you know, why won’t you just move on?”
“It’s just hard to, that’s…all.” I hiccuped.
“Well, I’m going to make it a lot easier for you. Tomorrow you’re having a very distracting dinner with me, Amber and Hunter. Then you’re going to that party with us and having a buttload of fun. Okay?”
“Okay,” I agreed weakly, feeling as if I’d just sold Noah out.
22
Noah
Seeing Is Believing
WITH BORED INDIFFERENCE, I sat in the front seat of the work truck, watching the English filling their gas tanks, the same as Mr. Denton was doing now. Lucky for me today, Father had remained home to meet with the mechanic who was supposed to fix up the Bobcat, giving me the opportunity to escape his probing eyes for a while. He’d been extremely supportive since I told him of my breakup with Rose. But aggravating me to no end, the man followed me around closely every minute of each day. I was enjoying the moment of solitude alone in the truck.
It gave me more time to brood about the mess I’d gotten myself into. It had been over a week since my talk with Sarah. Each day that passed, my desire to see Rose again grew to the point of physical pain.
I had it so bad that every time I heard hoofbeats on the pavement in front of the house, I would stop whatever I was doing and anxiously search down the roadway. I’d hold my breath, hoping to see Rose riding Lady in the direction of the gap in the fence and the cornfields. Of course, that never happened. The only other chance I had to possibly see her was when the work truck passed by her house daily. Those times I would peer out the window, careful not to be noticed, for any sight of her. Again to no avail.
I was determined to see her one more time before I made a decision about Ella. It would haunt me forever if I didn’t give Rose a chance to change her mind. But time was running out. Tonight we were once again picnicking with the Weaver family. Only this time it was at their place. I knew the gatherings were purposely being arranged to throw Ella and me together. I sighed in annoyance, running my hand through my hair at the thought.
The air was frustratingly hot, making me wish for the cooler days of autumn. Now that August had arrived, it wouldn’t be too long a wait for summer to fade away. The heat reminded me of Rose, and I didn’t need anything else helping me with that. As it was, I couldn’t eat Mother’s cinnamon rolls any longer. Just looking at them brought images of Rose’s lips to me.
Shaking the vision from my head, I focused my gaze on the little diner attached to the market. The smells wafting from the restaurant were pleasant enough, but I knew from experience that the food smelled better than it tasted.
A green sliver in the corner of my eye caught my attention. I glanced out the window to see a green dually truck pulling into the lot. Swiveling in the seat to get a better view, I saw that sure enough, it was Sam. He had a blonde girl sitting almost on top of him in the front seat. My eyes followed the truck as it pulled up to the diner and parked.
Finally, my chance had arrived to find out how Rose was doing. Gripping the door handle with anticipation spreading through me, I began to step out but stalled for a second after seeing a guy climbing out of the backseat. Must be one of Sam’s football-player friends, I assumed. My thoughts were suddenly rattled by the appearance of a slender bare leg from the doorway of Sam’s truck.
The air caught in my throat and my heart beat wildly in my chest while I waited for her to fully exit the truck. Somehow, instinctively, I knew it was Rose. Then she was out, and for the first time in two weeks, I saw her again. I couldn’t keep my eyes from roaming intensely over her. Immediately, I noticed that she had lost weight, which was impossible to believe since she’d been tiny before. Her skin was paler than I remembered, her coffee-colored hair striking against the fairness of her face.
The other thing that slammed into my sight and caused a ripple of anger to bubble up inside me were the short jean shorts she wore and the pink sleeveless top that hugged her breasts tightly. Granted, her shorts weren’t as skimpy as the blonde girl’s, but still, they were incredibly inappropriate. The shirt didn’t leave much to the imagination either.
Not moving a muscle, and with a sick churning developing in my stomach, I watched her huddled together with the others by the truck. Her face wasn’t smiling and she appeared to be studying the broken pavement at her feet as intensely as I was watching her.
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