“So say yes.”
I looked up at the ceiling. I was tired of always pushing him away. If I went out with him once, maybe then I could convince him too that this was a bad idea. I covered my face with my hands. “All right,” I mumbled through my fingers.
“What was that?” I felt the warmth of Ethan’s hands as he pulled my own away from my face.
“I said all right,” I repeated, my insides fluttering.
He gathered my hands and pulled them close to his chest. His scent, clean and fresh like sun-warmed denim, made my knees go weak.
With his head tilted back, he exclaimed in a mock reverent tone, “Yes! Thank you! Six-thirty on the dot. Be ready. I’m picking you up!”
“Cut it out. Don’t make me change my mind.” I laughed, pulling my hands away.
“Oh, no. You can’t back out now!”
I ushered him toward the door. “Ha! Watch me!” I couldn’t believe I was flirting back—it went against everything I was trying to do.
But it felt surprisingly good.
I was in big trouble.
***
Even on weeknights, Inland Seafood was always packed. The smell of fried clams and french fries would be on our skin for a week, but the food was so worth it.
Dinner was the easy part—I could sit across a table from Ethan just fine and make mundane conversation. But when Ethan and I walked to his truck, all I could feel was the heavy air between our swinging arms. Then he stopped in front of the ordering window at Dee Dee’s Ice Cream Parlor and looked over at me expectantly.
My eyebrows shot up. “What?”
He laughed, showing his dimples. “Were you really gonna walk past ice cream without demanding some?”
I felt the warmth rise up my neck. “I do have self-control, you know.”
“So I see.” He snorted. “But I want ice cream. You don’t mind, do you?” His smile glinted in the bright lights outside the ice-cream window.
“Ice cream’s fine,” I shrugged, trying for nonchalance.
After we each had a cone in hand, we walked straight to his truck. Ethan opened the door for me, but when I moved to climb in, he put his arm across the doorway. I glanced back at him, confused.
“Actually, let’s sit on the tailgate and eat these,” he said, yanking a quilt out from behind the passenger seat. He handed me his ice cream and opened the tailgate. After he laid the quilt down, he glanced over at me, mischief clear on his face. Before I had a chance to question him, he hoisted me up onto the tailgate. I yelped in protest, but it was no use.
“It’s a perfect night,” he said, jumping up next to me and grabbing his ice cream. His arm brushed my bare shoulder, igniting my skin where he touched me. I inhaled sharply, breathing in his scent.
“The stars are all out tonight. There’s the Big Dipper,” I said, pointing with my free hand. I had to keep talking, even if I was just babbling, so that I wouldn’t think about how close he was.
“Allison?” His voice was soft and serious, sounding warning bells in my mind.
“Mm-hmm?” I was afraid to look at him, afraid of the way he said my name, so I kept looking at the sky.
“I want to know why you never date,” he said.
I opened my mouth, but I couldn’t come up with an appropriate answer so I closed it.
“You could have anyone you wanted. Why is it you’re always alone?” I could feel his eyes on me as I stared into the star-studded night.
“Anyone I wanted? That’s a little excessive.”
“Come on, I’m being serious.”
I sighed, trying to think of the right response, one he would understand. “I guess I’m just always busy.”
He chuckled. “Everyone is busy. You have to give me a better reason than that.”
My mouth felt like cotton. Why did I have such a hard time forming coherent sentences when he was looking at me like that? I licked my lips and looked over at him. He stared directly into my eyes, the question still hanging between us.
“I want to take care of my mother. It’s all I want. So, I need to make that happen.” I curled my fingers into fists and pulled my shoulders back, looking back up at the stars. I’d had this conversation countless times with Nicole over the years.
“I know you do,” he said softly. I glanced back at him, surprised he wasn’t telling me that what I wanted was ridiculous. “But...who will take care of you?”
“I will take care of me.” I shook my head sadly. “My whole life everyone has had to take care of me. My grandparents, my aunt and uncle. They all sacrificed so much for me.”
“You act like it’s your fault, but it’s not.”
Now I was back in familiar territory. “My mother was normal before I was born, Ethan. When I came along she began her descent into schizophrenia. You don’t think that’s connected?”
He shifted in his seat. “I just know sometimes things happen, things that can’t be explained. But you still deserve to be happy.”
I glanced over at him before looking down at my hands. I uncurled my fingers. “I am happy. I’m enrolling in grad school, working and saving the money I make at the store. It’s what I want.”
“But what about friends? What about fun?”
“My idea of fun is just different from yours, I guess. I don’t need to be with a lot of people to be happy.” I hoped he would pick up the double entendre of my answer.
Ethan sighed and turned his body to face mine. He reached up and lightly traced a finger down my cheek. A shiver ran through my body. I turned my face away and focused my attention on finishing my ice cream. There were people everywhere. I didn’t want anything that happened between me and Ethan to be the subject of town gossip.
“Thanks for coming tonight,” Ethan said, unaffected. He reached down and picked up my left hand, interlacing his strong fingers with mine. “It seems like I’ve been trying to get you to go out with me forever.”
I stared down at our joined hands, too shocked to move. “Ethan, you’ve never had a lack of dates. I’d even say you’ve had more than your fair share.”
He ducked his head and laughed. “You think I’m a jerk, don’t you?”
I looked at him and smiled. “No. I don’t, actually. What you did today, for my grandparents . . . that was really great. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. It was no big deal.” He squeezed my hand and jumped down from the tailgate. “I’m going to take you home now, while you still think I’m so great.”
***
A girl stands in a poorly lit room. There are no windows or lights, but behind her, a flashlight beam brightens the loose dirt beneath her feet. When the girl turns in the direction of the light, it’s my face that illuminates. The man holding the flashlight is huge, wearing a tight, black T-shirt, black cargo pants, and enormous black leather boots. His head is shaved like a soldier’s, his expression grim. He looks around, and my eyes follow. Broken-down wooden shelves line the stone walls, each one holding all manner of dusty glass jars and bottles, some broken and lying on their sides. It looks like a cellar of some kind.
Liam appears, placing his hand on the wall as blinding light fills the room. I turn to look at the big man, eyes wide. He gestures for me to go after Liam, who has disappeared into the wall of light.
I walk into a large, bright room. The ceiling and walls are rounded, like they are in an enormous dome, something straight out of a fairy tale. I notice an oversized wooden table in the center of the room, where a glass ball the size of a fish bowl sits. It shimmers and glitters from within. I walk toward it, almost as if I’m under a spell. When I reach out to touch the orb Liam grabs my arm and shakes his head. I look up at him, disappointed. I can’t tell what he’s saying but his lips move as he pulls my arm away from it. Inside the glass ball, suspended in a sparkling prison is a tiny black-haired woman.
I sat up in my bed—another strange dream—and sighed in relief to find myself in bed at Gram’s. But as my heart settled, I considered how many dreams like that I’d had
in the past six months. A whisper in the back of my mind taunted me. Crazy. Just like her.
I couldn’t remember if my mother’s illness began with bizarre dreams, though. The days before my mother really lost her sanity were hazy at best. Memories of her in the mirror combing my hair were outnumbered by the breakdowns and vacant stares.
I look over at my clock. It was early but there was no way I’d be able to get back to sleep. Might as well get my run in before the heat became unbearable.
***
The rhythmic thumping of my sneakers soothed me when my mind worked overtime. I had always been fast, so fast I sometimes felt like I was flying. It had won me countless medals and awards over the years, but that’s not why I did it. Running was something that was for me and only me. Things like schizophrenic mothers, reappearing fathers, and boys with dimples didn’t exist when I ran. All I felt was the wind and my heartbeat, my feet carrying me along. And the less I felt right then, the better.
I wiped the sweat from my brow as I got closer to home, my heart pumping, each beat throbbing in my ears. My body felt strong, but inside I felt weak, scared, overwhelmed. I needed to cool down—in more ways than one—so I slowed my pace, trying to match my breaths to my footsteps. Anger at Liam was sitting heavy on my chest, a cannonball filled to the brim with years of guilt and hurt threatening to implode. Why did he have to show up? My mother was sick enough already.
As I approached my grandparents’ driveway, a flash of black caught my attention. Those damn black birds had been watching me whenever I came or went. They hadn’t caused any more upsets with my mother, at least, so I tried to ignore their beady little eyes, even though I wanted to chase them all away.
I pulled my ear buds out as one flapped its wings. But it was a movement beyond the bird that startled me.
Several yards in from the street I could just make out the figures of two men standing by a pickup truck in the clearing. They were on my grandparents’ property, so I edged closer to the tree line to see what they were up to. Through the branches I could see one of the men gesturing with his arms. I couldn’t make out their words, but I easily recognized the rich, low voice. Ethan.
What is he doing here? I squinted to identify the man he was talking to, but Ethan’s frame obstructed my view. I moved up the path to get a better look.
And when I did my jaw just about hit the dirt.
The man in front of Ethan was a few inches shorter, one hand rested in his light-brown hair, as if it helped him concentrate on what Ethan was saying. I’m not sure what gave me away, but those sharp blue eyes quickly shifted to where I stood. What was Liam doing here talking with Ethan?
As I began backing away, Ethan followed my father’s eyes, nailing me in place. His entire demeanor changed upon seeing me there. One minute he was all business, the next his eyes brightened like he was a man in the desert and I was a cold drink of water.
Ethan started toward me, and I was filled with dread as my father walked alongside him, both pairs of eyes trained on my face.
“Hey, Al,” Ethan said.
I did my best to smile at him, but my attention was on the man walking to his left.
“I didn’t even know your grandparents sold this plot,” Ethan said as he approached.
My eyes darted to Liam. This was news to me, too.
“This is Liam McKeown. Liam, this is Allison O’Malley—Tom and Jane’s granddaughter.”
I nodded politely, and Liam cleared his throat. Being around Liam and Ethan at the same time wasn’t something I’d anticipated, and obviously neither did Liam. The tension between us was palpable. When Ethan’s cell phone went off, the air in my chest heaved itself out. I couldn’t hold my tongue for much longer. He held up his finger and walked a few yards away to take the call.
“What’s going on? What are you doing here?” I hissed, glancing over at Ethan who was laughing heartily into the phone.
“Well,” Liam began, not meeting my eyes. “I’ve just bought this lovely piece of land, and I’ve hired the Magliaros to build a house for me.”
“What kind of game are you playing?” My voice was much louder than I’d meant it to be. Ethan looked over his shoulder at me, holding his index finger up.
Liam sighed. “We all have to have a home, don’t we?”
Anger licked at the base of my neck. “I won’t let you hurt my mother again.”
“Easy now, Allison.” The sad expression from the first time we met reappeared. “I’m not going to hurt your mother. In fact, I think I can help her. I just need a little more time.”
My jaw clenched as cold fear gripped my heart at the memory of mother’s tear-streaked face staring out the window. She was so beautiful, so fragile. She would shatter like hand-blown glass if Liam made an appearance in her life. I just knew it.
Ethan hung up the phone and start back to us. “You don’t know what you’ll do to her if she sees you,” I said quickly.
Ethan looked between Liam and me, puzzled, as he stopped beside us.
“Everything okay, Al?”
“Everything is just fine, my friend,” Liam answered, his smile reappearing. “Ms. O'Malley and I have just learned we have a lot of the same interests. Isn’t that right?”
I swallowed down the first reply that came to mind and glanced down at the ground. Then, looking at Ethan, I put my mask back in place. “Yeah, it seems that way.”
Ethan cocked his eyebrow at me and turned to his new client.
“Thanks for meeting with me today, Ethan,” Liam said evenly. “I’ll be in touch with your office to make arrangements.”
Ethan and I stood quietly as Liam walked down the path toward the road.
“What just happened here? It sounded like you were arguing.”
“I was taken by surprise, that’s all.” I smiled, hoping to be convincing. “I had no idea someone had bought this plot.” I looked back down the path after Liam. The only vehicle on sight was Ethan’s pickup truck. How had Liam gotten here? And what on earth was he up to?
Chapter 5
I ran my finger over the clingy, green tank top hanging in my closet. It was a little revealing for a Fourth of July cookout. Maybe I should wear a simple T-shirt. I stood pondering my outfit, focusing on something I could control for a change. Why was I so worried about how I looked for this cookout anyway? I’d known the Magliaros forever. I’d known Ethan forever.
I sighed and reached for the green tank when a flash in the woods stole my attention. There was no way that was just the sun reflection off an aluminum pie plate. I walked over to the window and saw . . . nothing. What was wrong with me? I let out a frustrated groan, threw on my top, and jogged down the stairs. I was going to find those pie plates hanging from trees in the backyard—there was no other explanation for it.
I walked out back, my eyes scanning the trees. I heard footsteps behind me and whipped around, my hand flying to my mouth when I saw my mother standing directly in front of me. She stared over my shoulder into the woods, her gaze intent. She must’ve seen it too.
“Mom? What are you doing out here?” I asked, looking around for my grandparents. My mother only left the house to go to doctor’s appointments, and even then she had to be heavily medicated. She didn’t answer me, just kept looking beyond me into the woods where Liam and Ethan had met the other day.
“What is it?” I asked turning back toward the tree line. I bit my lip, hoping she hadn’t glimpsed Liam that day.
My mother started walking toward the trees. Oh, no. Not a good idea. I rushed up beside her. “Uh, why don’t we go back inside, Mom? I think The Ellen Show is coming on.”
She stopped and turned to me. She stared into my eyes for a minute, her expression full of longing, then she nodded, the light in her eyes flickering out as she allowed me to lead her toward the deck.
As we climbed the stairs Gram opened the slider, still holding a dishrag in her hand. “There you two are,” she said, casting me a curious glance.
“We we
re just listening to some animals squabbling in the woods, Gram. But we’re heading in now since we don’t want to miss Ellen.” I raised my eyebrows and hoped Gram caught my I’ll tell you later look.
“Oh, I see,” Gram said, nodding.
After I got my mother situated in front of the television, I joined Gram at the kitchen counter where she was chopping a cucumber and adding it to a salad.
“I heard something in the woods,” I explained. “I guess Mom followed me outside.”
Gram continued chopping. “Hmm . . . that’s strange. Was there anything out there?”
“Just some birds squabbling,” I said, grabbing a cucumber slice. “But that reminds me. Ethan told me he’s building a house on that empty plot?”
Gram placed the knife on the counter and wiped her hands on a towel. She looked into my eyes and smiled. It wasn’t a happy smile, but a silent plea for understanding.
“You’re wondering why Pop and I didn’t tell you about selling the property. I understand.”
“I know it’s none of my business, but it was just a surprise.”
“No, of course, it’s your business. That land was supposed to be your mother’s, just like the property on the other side belongs to Aunt Jessie,” she said. “Pop and I talked it over, and we decided to sell it to Mr. McKeown. He paid more than twice what we asked for it, and we’re putting the profit in an account for your mother’s future.”
I nodded and smiled. They had tried to give the land to me after my high school graduation. I hadn’t wanted it then, and I didn’t want it now. Their plan was definitely a good use for it. But the fact that Liam was the one to instigate it shot off major warning bells in my mind. But I couldn’t tell her that . . .
“Is this for me to bring to the cookout?” I asked, changing the subject.
She glanced up at me, then continued chopping. “It is.”
“I don’t have to go, if you and Pop want to instead,” I offered. “You guys are always cooped up here.”
Gram placed the knife on the counter again and turned to look me in the eye. “Don’t be silly, Allison.” She bent to pull a box of plastic wrap out of the bottom drawer.
PANDORA Page 45