That’s when it hits us. A cold sheet of ice crashes into us, dulling the heat. No, he can’t do this. He will not stop us from taking down our prey. We try to take a step forward and the cold winter wind beats us back. His power pours into us with the rush of a gale force wind.
My mind becomes my own again. The wolf whines in my head, unable to disobey. Devon speaks no words, but neither of us needs words. We both understand. NO. He tells us no and she shrinks back, leaving me alone, exposed to the hurt that fills me with his presence.
“Is something wrong, Janna?” I hear Jason ask as my mind orients itself back into its human reality. What just happened? I blink and try to focus. Janna—Janna said she has taken Devon from me. The fury roars back, but the icy wind cools the fire. Some of my better sense surfaces and I close my eyes. Good God, what had I just done? Did anyone see? I focus my attention on Janna. She’d seen something, but I hope she passed it off as my being pissed at her.
“Jason,” Janna purrs. “There’s nothing wrong. Your sister and I were just having a little chit-chat.”
The wolf stirs. She is still challenging us. We know Devon will never let us do what we want to. We look up and see our answer to her challenge staring at us out of curious brown eyes. The wolf is satisfied and retreats.
“That’s right, Jason,” I say, surprised at how calm my voice comes out. “We were just having a chit-chat.”
Her head snaps up and she looks at me out of narrowed eyes.
I walk over to where Tom Wallace stands watching our little drama play out. Janna has been trying to get Tom to ask to the dance. I know from Jason that Tom plans on asking her to the dance. So what does little ol’ moi do?
“Hi, Tom,” I smile up at him.
“Hey,” he smiles back, uncertain. He’s used to me bolting for an exit whenever he tries to talk to me these days so I don’t blame him for sounding unsure.
“I was wondering if you’d ask me to the Masquerade?”
The entire herd of hoe-hags gasps behind me. I pay them no mind. I look at Tom expectantly, a smile plastered to my face. There are two things that I know. One: Janna wants Tom. Two: Tom likes me. How do I know this? My brother told me about Janna and I know how much Tom likes me. I see it on his face every time he looks at me. I’ve run from him long enough. Time to let Tom Wallace catch me. My wolf almost purrs.
“Sure,” he breathes, eyes gone huge.
I laugh softly. “Is that an invite?”
“Oh . . . uhh . . . ,” he stammers. One of his friends gives him a shove and says something I can’t catch. “Will you go to the dance with me?” he tries again.
“I’d love to, Tom. Thank you.”
I turn and see the hatred on Janna’s face. Her mossy eyes blaze with anger. Her face is a strange mottled shade of red and her lips are screwed up in a half-snarl. That’ll teach the little viper to challenge me. Jason’s mouth is hanging slightly ajar.
“I’ll ruin you,” she promises in a deathly quiet voice.
“Nah,” I tell her. “I don’t think you will.”
“You little . . . ”
“Do you really want to say it, Janna?” I ask softly. “I’m off my meds. God knows what might happen if you say One. More. Word.”
I have no idea what my eyes look like, but her face pales slightly and she backs away. I laugh and then turn and start walking in the opposite direction.
“Oh no, girlfriend did not just start a war with the Queen herself,” one person says.
I guess maybe I did just declared war.
Chapter 26
I go looking for a quiet place to try and get control of the emotions running riot in me.
I end up in the auditorium. I need time to think, to adjust to the new sensation of something stretching under my skin. Going to class like this is out of the question
When Janna told me she was responsible for the hoe-hag, I snapped. It amounted to waving a red flag in front of bull. The wolf broke free of her prison and our minds melded until I couldn’t find my own voice separate from hers. In that moment, all I knew was this trespasser challenged me, dared to confront me . . . STOP IT!
My hands shake. I know I have to stop, to gain control, but all I can feel is the urge to sink my teeth into her and shake . . . NO. For cripes sake, Alex, get a grip.
Morgan hovers at the edge of my consciousness, but he’s smart enough to leave me alone right now. He’s there if I need him and that’s all that matters.
How had I missed the signs? I’d seen the change in Jason when his wolf started waking up. I should have realized all the rage I’ve been feeling lately was more than simple anger. I seem to stay angry anymore, same as Jason had. I’d dismissed it. Stupid move that. I’d almost lost it right there in the hallway. If it hadn’t been for Devon . . .
A weary sigh escapes. Going back to the nut house was sounding more and more like a possibility. It was safe and I’d never have to worry about hurting anyone again. They’d keep me locked up in the padded cell and heavily medicated. No more worries about the wolf getting out or of my hurting someone.
How did my life manage to get so screwed up that the place I’d worked to escape sounds more and more like my salvation? All I wanted was to fit in, to make some friends, and to maybe learn how to have some fun. What do I end up with? Shifters and freaky magic. I want to scream at the unfairness of it all. It’s just plain wrong.
All I really want is to be normal, but is that what I get? No. Instead, I’m sitting here trying to deal with a creature stretching her limbs under my skin. How is that even remotely fair?
I never hear the door open, but I am aware of him the moment he steps into the auditorium. He sinks down into a seat in the row behind me.
“Leave me alone, Devon.”
“I cannot, Cara.”
Why, oh why must he call me that? My heart does a little flip-flop of pain.
“You almost shifted in a hallway full of children, Alexandria. I had to push a lot of power into you to stop the shift. I need to make sure you are well.”
“I know,” I whisper. Like I could forget something like that?
“What happened?”
“I really don’t want to talk it about it.”
“Are you alright?” he asks.
“What do you care?”
“Alexandria.”
“I’m fine, Devon,” I sigh. “I’m always fine. Please, just go and leave me alone.”
He sighs. “Cara, I cannot leave you like this. Please tell me what happened. I need to understand.”
He’s as bad as Saidie when he starts worrying a bone. “It was Janna.”
“Obviously.”
“She told me she put Felicia up to making you go out with her and I just . . . I don’t know . . . I snapped.”
“Alexandria, no one can make me do what I don’t want to.”
I know that. It’s why it hurts so much.
“Why?” I ask, staring at my clenched hands. “Why her and not me?”
He curses. “Alexandria . . . ”
“No, I want to know, Devon.” I turn around and stare into his beautiful emerald eyes. “Why?”
It takes me only seconds to realize he isn’t going to answer. I face forward again, unable to bear to look at the stone mask of his face. Even his eyes have gone expressionless.
“I did not mean to hurt you, bellisima . . . ”
“Don’t call me that,” I bite out. “Just go away.”
“No, I will not just go away,” he sighs. “You are angry and hurt. I care about you . . . ”
“You care?” I snap.
“Yes, of course I care,” he snaps back, beginning to get angry himself.
“Go away!” my voice cracks and tears threaten. Why won’t he go away and just leave me alone? Stupid, stupid boy.
“No, I will not, Alexandria,” his voice softens. “You do not understand what you mean to me, do you? You are my . . . friend and I haven’t had a friend in centuries. When you look at me, you
don’t see the monster. You see me. That is more precious to me than anything in this world.”
Stupid, stupid boy, please go away.
“Do you remember that day in the car when you asked me if I knew what I wanted? I thought about it for a long time and decided that I would, for once, do what was best for someone besides myself. What I want is you, but that means I might lose you, that I might not be able to keep you safe. You are in pain and I’m sorry, but getting you killed is not an option. I know you don’t understand my choices, but don’t doubt that I care about you.” He leans forward and his voice whispers softly against my ear, sending shivers down my spine. “Never doubt for a moment that I care, my Cara.”
With that he leaves. I smash my hand into the back of the seat in front of me needing to hit something. It splinters.
My head falls into my hands and I cry until the tears will no longer fall.
Stupid, stupid boy.
Chapter 27
I try to concentrate on what Saidie prattles on about, but can’t seem to focus. I’m too nervous. I’ve alternated between trying to deal with the wolf, who seems to want to let her presence be known at the oddest of times, and hyperventilating over the Masquerade Ball. I still can’t believe what I’d done. Since I’d basically forced Tom to ask me to the dance, I’ve been forced to stop fidgeting and running whenever he comes within speaking distance—mostly. I spend as little time as possible with him because he still makes me nervous. He doesn’t push the issue, though. I think he knows better. Smart boy.
Tom, however, just isn’t Devon. My heart still feels ripped open and bloody, but I’m getting a grip on it. No matter how much Devon hurt me, I don’t want to lose him. He means too much to me. He told me I was his first friend in centuries. No way can I take that from him. I can see the loneliness on his face sometimes when he doesn’t think anyone is looking. I know that look, know that feeling intimately. I’ve felt like that my entire life. I can’t hurt him like that, no matter how much I’m hurting.
Plus I still haven’t given up on him. Devon is mine. I just need to figure out a way to get him to understand that. Felicia “Hoe-hag” Roberts won’t be around for long. I’ll make sure of that. Every time I see her though, I have the urge to rip her bleach blonde hair out by the roots.
Do I sound like a jealous twit or what? Yup. No brownie points for me today.
I’ve read a lot of romance novels over the years thanks to the girl that was down the hall from me at Compton. Her sister used to sneak them in for her and she’d let me read them when she was done. The one thing I never understood was how the female heroine could fall so in love with the guy almost from the beginning. It used to irritate me, but now I find myself in the same position. I love Devon Cameron. I have maybe since the very beginning. It just sort of creeped up on me. Does it make sense? No, it makes absolutely zero sense. Dad always told me, though, that love never makes sense and that anything worth a grain of salt is hard and you have to fight for it. So, I will regroup and figure out how to sneak up on Mr. Devon Cameron.
My thoughts come back around to me—the freak show. Morgan hates it when I refer to myself like that, but truth is truth. What else can you call a shape-shifting witch? I don’t feel normal anymore. My ears always buzz with a low hum and my skin constantly crawls. Sabien says it’s my power trying to settle into my skin. He’d also promised that it would become less noticeable. It wouldn’t go away, but it would ease up. I think he lied through his teeth as I still have the urge to scratch like every second of the day.
Let’s not forget my wolf stretching under my skin either. I work hard to keep our minds separate. She tends to assert herself whenever I get upset or angry. Morgan says it’s a protective instinct that’s hotwired into all shifters. They’d taken me to meet the rest of the pack, afraid I’d shift at any minute, but so far the old girl has been content to stay put. Please, please stay put, I whisper to her. No way can I deal with shifting right now. I have too many other things to worry about.
My friends are at the top of the list. They’re in constant danger around me and don’t even know it. They deserve to know that much of the truth at least. It isn’t fair not to tell them.
Morgan and Devon vehemently disagree with me. Apparently it’s like breaking some kind of supernatural law to let normal humans in on the big secret. Neither of them want to spill their secrets. I can understand that. I don’t really want to tell everyone I’m a monster either, but their safety is more important to me than my feelings.
“Alex, have you heard one word I’ve said?” Saidie demands, exasperated.
“Nope, not really.”
“Thank God you pay more attention in class or we’d all fail,” she grouches.
“Sorry,” I mutter. “I was thinking about the hoe-hag.”
“Evil skank,” she agrees, causing me to smile.
God, I love Saidie. I had still been sniveling in my bed, feeling betrayed on Saturday when she came over and pulled me out my misery. She refused to let me feel sorry for myself and threatened to beat Devon to within an inch of his life. As if. I bet she’d try though. I don’t know what I’d do without her.
“I really am sorry I’m such lousy company today,” I tell her.
“Alex, something’s been bothering you for a while now and it’s not just the hoe-hag. Do you want to talk about it?”
More than anything.
“I’m fine, Saidie,” I lie. “Just an off day, I guess.”
“More like an off couple of weeks,” she says wryly. “You’ve been, I dunno, different since your mom died. Not a bad different, just different. You know you can talk to me, right? About anything.”
I so can’t talk to her about this.
“I know, Saidie.”
But I want to.
I hear him sigh.
Bessie Mae.
“Alex, you’re off in la-la land again,” Saidie snaps.
“Wait.” I hold up a hand, still listening to Morgan.
Go ahead and tell her, Bess.
Really?
Yeah, really, he sighs again. You’re right. They are in danger and should know the truth. Devon and I will just have to deal.
Both of them?
He hesitates before saying, yeah.
Indecision halts my excitement. What if we lose them, Morgan?
Then they were never really our friends to begin with.
And I have you, I remind both of us, feeling his own anxiety at the prospect of losing our friends. It bothers him as much as it does me. Connor and Saidie have become as much a part of our little pack as me, Morgan and Devon are.
Yeah, you’re stuck with me and Devon whether you like it or not, Bess.
I can hear the grin in his voice and I smile in reaction.
He’d included Devon in his little proclamation. They are back to being buddies again. Just like that. Boys. Who would ever understand them? Certainly not me.
He’s right, though. I do have Devon. It’s weird, but I know he will never leave me. He’s mine. That thought echoes in my mind suddenly and I know it’s true. The wolf snarls in agreement. Hoe-hag or not, Devon Cameron belongs to me as much as Morgan does.
Bess, Morgan sighs in exasperation. Hoe-hag? Is that really necessary?
Sure is.
He laughs at my cheerful tone and I feel him fade out of my awareness. Morgan is one of the really good things that have come out of this whole nightmare. I’ll never be alone again. He is always just a thought away.
I’d been a little freaked at first thinking he was way old, but he explained that he was only seventeen same as me. Our Lupine genes are different. His had been born into his family. Mine had been forced there by a bite. Mine is a mutated version of his brand of fur-face. He matures into a wolf naturally. I won’t. Maybe.
“Hello?” Saidie waves a hand in front of my face.
My smile fades as I look at her. She needs to know the truth. She and Connor both do, but now I’ve gotten Morgan to agree, I’m
afraid. It will hurt to lose my friends, but losing Saidie will be the worst. She was the first friend I’d made since I was seven and she’d become my best friend. What will I do without her?
“You’re right, Saidie,” I say at last. “There is something I need to tell you and Connor, but I don’t want to.”
“Why not?”
“Because it might cost me your friendship.”
“Never happen.”
“Don’t be so sure of that,” I warn her. “Can you help me call everyone to meet us here in about an hour or so?”
“Sure thing,” she tells me, her frown worried.
An hour and a half later, we are all seated in the gazebo.
“So why are we sitting out here freezing our butts off?” Connor demands with a frown.
“I need to tell you guys some things,” I tell him. “First I need to confess that all those rumors of a mental institute weren’t rumors. I really was in one.”
“Wicked cool,” Connor grins from ear to ear. “You owe me stories.”
“It wasn’t that kind of place, Connor,” I shake my head. “It was a school that catered to the emotionally challenged. Compton Academy. I went there when I was twelve and got out right before school started.”
“Are you okay?” Saidie asks me, her eyes worried.
“I’m fine,” I assure her. “Mostly. Let me tell you why I was there. I used to have these awful night terrors. When I was in junior high there was an incident with Janna that caused me to snap. All I could see, even when I was awake, were the images from my nightmares. I couldn’t tell reality from dreams for a while and I needed help. I’m better now.”
“Don’t be all better,” Connor winks. “We all need to be a little crazy.”
I smile gratefully at him. I remember thinking that first day I met him that it didn’t matter to him if I was crazy or not and that still holds true. He doesn’t care.
“When I came back to Jacob’s Fork, I started having the dreams again and hearing voices,” I explain softly. “Then I found out that my dreams weren’t just dreams. They were memories and that . . . that . . . because of me . . . you’re all . . . ”
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