by Penelope Sky
I wiped my forehead with the back of my forearm and then stood with my hands on my hips. When I looked at my reflection in the mirror, I saw a tall man with dark brown hair walk up to my side. He held two free weights, both heavier than the single barbell I was using.
He started to do biceps curls, a charming smile on his face. His eyes were on me in the mirror. Under his gray shorts, the muscles of his toned legs were visible. His t-shirt hugged his powerful body, showing the outline of his strong arms. But no amount of working out could make his face handsome. That was all natural. “I’ve been trying to find an excuse to talk to you all week, but I haven’t been able to come up with anything original or smart. A woman like you must get hit on all the time, so I tried to think of something witty…but that didn’t happen either.” He set his weights on the ground and turned to me, his hand extended. “So I’m just going to introduce myself. I’m Nox.”
I wasn’t looking for a date right now, but he seemed like a nice guy, and I didn’t want to be rude. If he wasn’t just feeding me a line, then it would be cold to shut him down right off the bat. “Sapphire.”
He shook my hand, his blue eyes pretty in contrast to his masculine face. “I thought I recognized you. You’re that model.”
“Guilty.” Without makeup and special clothes, I probably looked like a whole different person. I was surprised he recognized me, even when he knew my name. “It’s nice to meet you, Nox. I hope when you’ve been watching me all week you haven’t been laughing at my workouts.”
“Never,” he said with a chuckle. “You’ve got great form.”
“Thanks to all those YouTube videos I watched.”
He smiled. “That’s what YouTube is for.” He tapped his foot against my barbell. “You’re lifting good weight. For someone at your size, that’s perfect.”
“You seem to know stuff about working out.” Since he was all muscle and no fat, I guess that wasn’t surprising.
“A thing or two,” he said. “I opened this gym five years ago. Fitness is my passion.”
“This is your gym?” I asked in surprise.
“Yep. But if you have any complaints, that’s for the manager,” he said with a laugh.
“No, of course not,” I said. “I like it here. There’s plenty of space. It’s nice.”
“Thanks,” he said. “This introduction went pretty well. For a supermodel, you’re pretty easy to talk to.”
Now I laughed. “So not a supermodel.”
“So, how about we have dinner tonight?” he asked. “You like sushi?”
I loved sushi. I hadn’t had it since I left New York—the first time. It would be nice to get out of my apartment and socialize with someone who wasn’t a model or a photographer. And it would be nice to think about someone else besides Conway. But it was way too soon. I was hopelessly hung up on Conway…and I would stay that way for a long time. “You’re very charming, Nox. But I’m not dating right now…” My lips fell into a frown. I felt the comfortable air between us slip away when I hit the brakes on our casual conversation.
Nox didn’t seem discouraged. “Well, you’re still looking for friends, right?”
“You can never have too many friends.”
“So how about we just hang out? Two friends getting sushi.”
I wanted to say yes, but I couldn’t. “I don’t want to waste your time.”
“I don’t think making a new friend is wasting time. How about that place on Fifty-Seventh and Broadway? I’ll see you tonight at seven.”
If I didn’t go out tonight, I would just sit in my apartment all alone. I would watch TV and stop myself from digging into a pint of ice cream. And then I would think about Conway…wondering if he’d just woken up and gotten his day started. The idea was so depressing that I would do anything to avoid that fate.
Avoid picturing him walking up next to someone else.
“Alright,” I said. “I’ll see you then.”
We each ordered a sushi roll and shared the two varieties. With our chopsticks in hand in the small restaurant, we ate our dinner and enjoyed our sake.
“My dads left me everything they had in their trust, so when it was handed over to me, I decided to invest in something. So I bought three gyms in Manhattan. I have their place near Park Avenue. I could have sold that too, but I decided to keep it. Living there makes me sad sometimes, but it also makes me feel closer to them.”
“I’m sorry about the accident…that’s terrible.”
“It’s alright,” he said. “It’s been a few years now.” He placed another piece of sushi into his mouth. “Do you have family in the city?” He didn’t ask about my romantic situation and kept our meeting friendly. We talked about work, school, and family. Even though he was just a stranger, he started to feel like a friend by the time we finished dinner.
“No. My brother passed away almost a year ago. My parents have been gone for a while. I’m all that’s left…” I tried to dissipate the sadness by drinking my sake and avoiding the sadness in his gaze.
Even when he wore a pitiful gaze, he was still hot. “Looks like we’re in the same boat. I don’t have any siblings. I never knew my grandparents because they never approved of my father being gay. And my other grandparents both died young. So…I’m all that’s left.”
“I guess it makes me feel better knowing I’m not the only one.”
“And when you have your own family, you’ll never feel that way again.”
I’d always wanted children, but I pictured having them with Conway. I pictured them having Barsetti looks and strength. With olive skin and beautiful eyes, whether they were boys or girls, it didn’t matter. They would be gorgeous.
When I realized I was thinking about Conway, for the tenth time during dinner, I forced myself to stop.
“So, I’m just asking as a friend…what’s your romantic situation?” He held his chopsticks in his fingers but didn’t take another bite. His blue eyes were on me, watching every move I made. He had the same intensity as Conway, looking at me like I was all that mattered.
I decided to be honest—and blunt. “I’m madly in love with a man…but he doesn’t feel the same way.” It hurt just as much to say it out loud as it did to say it in my head. But I felt good telling Nox the truth. I didn’t want him to waste his time. Most men would be turned off by that confession, and they had every right to be.
But Nox didn’t blink. “So, he’s a douchebag.”
I chuckled because I hadn’t expected him to say that. “No…he’s a good man. He just doesn’t want the same things I want.”
“And what do you want?”
I didn’t just want marriage, kids, and a happily ever after. “Forever.”
His eyes softened. “And this douchebag doesn’t want to spend forever with a sweet and gorgeous model? He really thinks there’s something better out there?”
“Don’t call him that,” I said quietly. I was loyal to Conway, even now. I couldn’t stand to hear anyone talk badly about him. He might have broken my heart, but he was a good man. “He’s a lingerie designer, so he always has beautiful women who want him.”
“Ooh…” He nodded his head slowly. “Conway Barsetti. I think I remember seeing something on TV about you guys. Forgot about it until now.”
“Yeah…”
“I don’t think it matters how successful or rich he is. You’re still out of his league—and that’s my professional opinion.”
I smiled. “That’s a sweet thing to say.”
“And thanks for being honest with me. That’s really cool of you.”
“Like I said, I don’t want you to waste your time.”
“Waste my time?” he asked. “I’m a patient guy. I don’t mind being on the waitlist for a while.”
“Waitlist?” I asked.
“Yeah. Eventually, you’re going to be ready to start dating. And I’d rather make sure I’m the first name you think of instead of moving on with my life. We can be friends in the meantime. So, basical
ly, I’m wait-listed. Once this guy is out of your head, I’ll be the first in line.”
“That’s really sweet. But honestly, you’re out of my league.”
He chuckled like I made a joke.
“I’m serious. You could find some other super awesome woman.”
He shook his head. “I’ve been in the dating game for a while now. There’s not a lot out there, unfortunately. You’re the first woman I’ve spent any time with and actually had a nice connection with. It’s easy to talk to you. You’re down-to-earth and real. Most people only show the image of themselves they want you to see…but you show everything. It’s refreshing.”
“Thanks…”
“I was engaged a few years ago. She was fooling around with my best friend. I had no idea. A few weeks before the wedding, she told me she wanted to be with him instead of me, and that was it. Haven’t spoken to either one of them since.”
“Wow… I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t feel bad for me,” he said with a smile. “I’m glad we didn’t get married and she just kept fooling around on me. It hurt at the time, but whatever. It’s in the past now. I was heartbroken for a while. I really thought I was going to spend my life with this woman. And the betrayal of my best friend hurt just as much.”
I felt so terrible for him.
“I tell you this story to give you hope. No matter how low you feel right now, you will get better. You’ll fall in love again—with a much better man.”
“How do you know?” I whispered.
He grinned. “Because I want that man to be me.”
7
Conway
Vanessa was calling me.
I stared at her name on the screen as the dread filled up inside me. My sister never called me for a simple chitchat. It was always with a purpose. The phone rang exactly the same as it did any other time, but somehow, her rings sounded angry.
I sat on the couch in my bedroom and took the call. “Hey.”
“Don’t hey me,” she snapped.
Yep. She knew.
“I’ve been trying to get a hold of Sapphire, but her phone isn’t working. What’s that about?”
No point in hiding it now. I couldn’t lie to my sister, especially when it was pointless. The truth was going to come out at some point anyway.
“And why am I seeing her all over the news working for Lady Lingerie?” she snapped. “Con, did you guys break up?”
I closed my eyes for a brief moment, feeling sick to my stomach. “Yes.”
“Yes what?” she asked. “You broke up?”
She was going to make me say it again? “Yes…”
“What?” she snapped. “Did she leave you for Andrew? Did she two-time you? Because I’ll fly my ass to America and yank that pretty hair out of her—”
“It wasn’t like that. I ended it.”
Vanessa finally became quiet.
“It’s a long story, but basically…she wanted more. I didn’t.”
Vanessa’s silence was actually more terrifying than her words.
“She wanted to move to America to start over. That’s why she’s working for Andrew now.”
“Con, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me right now. That woman was perfect. Are you out of your goddamn mind? You really think you can do better?”
“No.” I know I couldn’t.
“That woman was so good to you. Mom, Dad, and I loved her. How could you not see a future with her? Why did you ask her to move in with you in the first place if you didn’t see it going anywhere?”
“It’s not that simple…”
“Maybe I need to make it simple for you so you’ll understand. Con, you’re an idiot.”
I listened to my sister berate me, a grown-ass man. “It doesn’t matter. It’s over now.”
“You’re making a huge mistake.”
“Just stay out of it.”
“How can I stay out of it? Sapphire is a great person.”
“You hardly knew her.”
“But I knew she loved you—and that’s all that mattered. When I saw the way she looked at you, like you were the only man on this planet, I knew we would be good friends. Because even if she were high-maintenance, annoying, or whatever, I wouldn’t have cared. She loved you, and that was good enough for me to be friends with her. All those other skanks you hang around only care about your wallet, Con. Sapphire didn’t.”
I bowed my head and rubbed my fingers across my eye.
“Is it because she went on camera and said she loved you?”
I stayed quiet.
She sighed into the phone. “She wore her heart on her sleeve, Con. I think that’s brave. If you don’t, you didn’t deserve her anyway.”
Click.
Carter sat beside me at the bar, drinking his whiskey and looking at the girls dancing in the background. In nothing but thongs, they worked the poles and danced for the cash men stuffed into their panties.
I hardly paid attention to them.
Carter didn’t mention Muse anymore. He’d finally laid off it and moved on.
It was a relief, but it was also depressing.
Carter eyed two women sitting together at a table. Cosmos were sitting in front of them, and they both wore tight black dresses. It wasn’t clear why they were hanging out in a strip joint, but judging by the way they made eyes at us, we were on their radar. “What do you think their story is?” Carter asked without looking at me, somehow knowing I was looking at them too.
“No idea. Maybe they’re into perverts that come into a joint like this.”
“You know that would make us perverts, by your logic.”
“I don’t think that statement is incorrect.”
I drank my scotch again and watched them walk over to us. Both brunettes.
“I got the one on the right.”
I didn’t care which one I got stuck with.
They joined us at the bar, and the girls made small talk with us as the music played overhead. The one near me played with my tie when she got comfortable, and she pressed closer into me, as if she was looking for a hard-on in my slacks.
She would be disappointed.
She finally called me out on my coldness. “I’m dropping moves left and right, but you’re responding like a wall.”
I’m not hard like a wall.
Carter was busy making out with his girl, so he wasn’t listening to us anymore.
“I just got out of a relationship…”
She continued to spin my expensive tie around her fingers. “First time out, then?”
“Basically.”
“Breakups are hard,” she said. “But the sooner you get on top of someone, the sooner you move on. You want to get on top of me tonight?”
I didn’t like her forwardness—it was too brash. “I’m happy to buy you a few drinks—but that’s it.”
“Or maybe start with a bathroom blow job?”
I didn’t think any woman as attractive as her would be handing out sex and blow jobs that easily. She must know exactly who I was. She must know Muse was gone, and she wanted to be the woman to replace her. I could just fuck her mouth and walk away—but I still wasn’t turned on.
If Muse asked to suck my dick in the bathroom stall, I’d be all over that.
But with some random woman…it wasn’t appealing.
Carter wrapped his arm around his woman and took her out of the club, probably heading back to his place for a great night of meaningless sex.
Now all I wanted to do was go home—alone.
Dante knocked on my office door. “Sir?”
I was staring at the screen of my laptop, but I wasn’t actually doing anything productive. She’d been gone for nearly two months now. It’d been seven weeks and three days—to be exact.
And I still wasn’t over her.
I didn’t stop thinking about her.
I didn’t stop jerking off to her photos.
I didn’t sleep with other women, staying just as monogamous as I was
before.
What the fuck? How did she do this to me?
How did she change my life so drastically?
My life used to be so simple.
Now, it was nothing short of complicated. “I’m not hungry, Dante.” My waist was getting smaller with every single week because my appetite hadn’t returned.
“Actually, Mr. Barsetti is here to see you.”
“Which one?” There were too many Mr. Barsettis in my family.
“Your father. Shall I send him up?”
My father never stopped by unannounced. It was obvious Vanessa told him what happened between Muse and me, and now he was coming by to check on me. A phone call wouldn’t suffice because he couldn’t see my face.
My father was the kind of man who would drive five hours just to see me for five minutes. “Send him in.”
“Will do.” He shut the door.
I closed my laptop and put it in the drawer before I broke out the scotch. I poured two glasses then moved to the two couches in the room. The walls of my office were surrounded by two enormous bookshelves stuffed with books. But honestly, it was just for decoration because I couldn’t remember the last time I touched a book. I leafed through fashion magazines for inspiration sometimes.
My father stepped inside a few minutes later, dressed in black jeans, an olive green V-neck, and a black leather jacket. Fall had crept into the land, and now it wasn’t warm like before. The wind had started to get cold, and the golden fields had started to turn green from the rain.
I didn’t look up at him as he walked in. I wasn’t being disrespectful. I just didn’t have the energy.
He sat across from me and eyed the glass of scotch.
“I can get ice if you want.”
He took a long drink before he set it down again. “You know why I’m here.”
“I have a hunch.” I rubbed my fingers across the coarse hair of my face. I didn’t shave anymore, so I practically had a beard. Physical presentation didn’t seem important to me anymore. I hardly left the house, and when I went to the studio in Milan, I didn’t give a damn how I looked.