But I couldn’t bring myself to care. I’d told myself time and time again that all I had to do was see it through to the end of the school year, but we were only just coming into October, and the thought of another seven to eight months wasn’t realistic. I couldn’t keep taking what he wanted to dish out, so I’d take the pain I felt right now because I was sure it would save more in my future.
My cell screen was lit up, so I reached for it slowly, feeling a twinge in my side as I did. And as soon as I saw who the message was from, a smile stretched on my face.
Leo: You okay? I didn’t see you at school this morning.
I unlocked my cell and typed a reply.
Elodie: Yeah, I’m good.
A breath whooshed out of me as Asher’s words from last night echoed in my head. Leo was my only friend, and although my instinct was to keep what happened from him, I was sick of hiding. Sick of putting on a front so people didn’t question my life. I still had secrets, but maybe this was one thing I could be honest about. Maybe, just maybe, I could show someone a part of me I’d always been taught to keep aside.
I lifted into a sitting position and bit down on my bottom lip, immediately regretting it because the cut reopened. Blood trailed down to my chin, and I wiped it off, not caring if it smeared over my face.
Elodie: Actually, no, I’m not. I don’t know how to say it…
My heart pounded in my chest as I watched the three dots appear to signal he was writing back. What would he say to that? It wasn’t like I’d given much away, but damn, I’d never been open like this, and I was scared it was going to smack me in the face. Should I have kept it a secret? Should I carry on like I always had and keep it locked up inside?
Leo: We’re friends. You remember that, right? :)
I blew out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. Leo was my friend. He was the smartest person I knew, but more than that, he felt like a little brother. Someone who I wanted to protect, but fuck, I was overthinking everything. Swaying back and forth with my decision. I either had to bite the bullet and spit it all out or make up an excuse to cover why I wasn’t at school and why I wouldn’t be for the rest of the week. I shot off a quick message to give me a little more time to figure out how to say what I needed to.
Elodie: Ha, ha.
Elodie: Okay, so don’t freak out…
Leo: Usually, when you tell someone not to freak out, that’s exactly what they do.
I snorted at his reply and clenched my shaking hands. I needed to get myself under control. I needed to just come out with it. I was going to do this. I was going to tell him what Knox had done, and then it would all be over. My only friend would know, and I’d be firmly out of whatever fucked-up-ness Knox had created.
Elodie: I know, I know. Okay, so…OMG. Right, okay…
Leo: Spit it out, Elodie.
Elodie: Me and Knox had a disagreement last night when I went to get my car.
There, I said it. The start of it anyway.
Leo: …
I cringed, knowing I was going to have to actually write the words. I could compartmentalize it when it had happened to me, and maybe that was one of the reasons why I’d never told anyone when he’d hurt me. Because once I’d said it out loud, it was so much more real.
My pulse raced as I wrote the message, and I stared at it for entirely too long, debating whether to send it or not. That one message could change everything. It could change the way Leo looked at me. It could change our friendship. It could end things as I knew them. I was being overdramatic, part of me knew it, but it was a big step, a step I’d never taken. Asher’s voice in my head pushed me forward. He hadn’t sugarcoated anything last night. He hadn’t insisted I go to the police or see a doctor. He’d let me make the decisions. He’d let me have the control.
And this was also in my control.
Elodie: He …well, he hit me.
Leo: What?! What do you mean he hit you?
Elodie: It’s nothing too bad. And besides, your uncle was there and helped.
I was in a panic, trying to diffuse something I wasn’t even sure was there.
Leo: My uncle was there?! Holy shit, Elodie. What the fuck?
Damn. I didn’t think I’d ever heard Leo curse.
Elodie: You shouldn’t really be cursing, Leo.
Leo: You’re not my mother! Anyway, back to you…
I snorted, and my shoulders relaxed. I was so tense I could feel it in my entire body. I had a feeling Leo wanted to ask questions, and I didn’t think I could answer them. Not right now, anyway. My body was tired, but my brain was exhausted.
Elodie: I really don’t want to talk about it.
Leo: You think I’m going to let you say something like that and then not worry? No way, Jose.
I should have known I wouldn’t be able to get away with dropping something like that in his lap and not have to explain. The more I talked about it, the more I hated what I’d let Knox do to me. But I hadn’t let him, had I? He’d done it, and I had no say over it. I could have hit him back, but I knew if I had, it would have ended up ten times worse.
Elodie: Fine. What do you want to know?
Leo: How bad are you hurt?
My ribs ached from where he’d kicked me a couple of times, but it was my face that took the brunt of the hits. I hadn’t looked in the mirror, too scared to really see what was really there. But I needed to confront it. I needed to see exactly what he’d done.
I lifted my cell in the air, clicked the camera app, and turned it to selfie mode. My eyes closed as if my brain was trying to protect me from the image, but I didn’t need protecting, not any longer. It was time I faced it head-on, and this was the starting point.
Slowly, I opened my eyes and snapped the picture.
Elodie: *sent an attachment*
I reopened the image and stared at it, not recognizing the girl in the photograph. Her eye was almost swollen shut with green and purple bruising. She had two cuts on her face and scrapes on her forehead. Her top lip was twice the size with a cut extending into her skin. She was a mess.
But her eyes. There was something in her eyes that hadn’t been there before. Relief.
She was relieved.
Leo: Fucking hell. You need to see a doctor.
Elodie: I’m good. Promise. Besides, I’m still in bed.
It was the truth. Sure, I was in some pain, but it was nothing compared to the emotional pain I’d been through almost every day. And what would a doctor have done that Asher hadn’t already done last night? I didn’t need strong painkillers, not that I could afford them at the moment anyway. I’d push through it all like I always did.
Leo: Why am I getting the feeling this isn’t the first time this has happened?
I glanced away, scared that if I kept looking at my cell, he’d know I was here still. I didn’t want to admit it had happened over and over again. Maybe not to this extent, but the violence had slowly creeped in a few years ago and become worse and worse. At first, I’d thought it was a one-off, the apology the day after and the groveling which commenced. But I should have known from the first time that it wouldn’t end. I’d showed him I was weak the moment I’d forgiven him, and he’d taken advantage of it.
Leo: Elodie? Don’t go quiet on me.
Leo: Elodie?
Leo: Fine. You don’t need to tell me, but damn, you know I’m here if you need me, right?
I didn’t intend to tell Leo about the past. I’d told him enough already.
Elodie: I know. Thanks, Leo.
I was about to lock my cell when another message popped through.
Leo: And now this makes sense.
I frowned and regretted it right away as pain echoed over my face.
Elodie: Why what makes sense?
Leo: Why my uncle asked for your number earlier.
I sat up straighter, sure I’d read that wrong. But, nope, his uncle had asked for my number. As in Asher. Asher had asked for my number. Holy shit.
Elo
die: What?! Did you give it to him?
Elodie: Leo?
Elodie: Leo?! I swear to god…
My heart pounded in my chest at the thought of Asher having my number. I wasn’t sure I liked it, but I also wondered if he already had my number, then why hadn’t he reached out to me yet?
Leo: Leo isn’t here right now
I snorted, a laugh escaping me so loud and brash I almost scared myself.
Elodie: Great. You made me laugh, and now I’m in pain.
Leo: Shit. Sorry. :(
My stomach rumbled, and I glanced at the top of the screen, seeing the time.
Elodie: It’s all good. I need to go get something to eat. And you should be in class.
Leo: I’m in French class. Kind of boring without you copying my work.
I grinned like a little girl who’d just been given her favorite ice cream.
Elodie: I’ll be back before you know it.
Leo: Good. Message me later, okay?
Elodie: Okay <3
I locked my cell and pushed out of my bed, going slowly so I didn’t cause any more damage than I already had. My head pounded as I made my way out of my bedroom and into the kitchen/living room section of our trailer. Mom was sprawled on the sofa, her boyfriend next to her as he rummaged through stuff on the table, and by stuff, I meant drugs.
“What the fuck happened to you?” Mom’s gritty voice asked.
I didn’t intend to tell her the truth, not that she’d care anyway. “Fell over at school,” I murmured, grabbing the loaf of bread and package of ham I’d bought a couple of days ago. I’d only had one sandwich from it, but there were only two slices of bread left and a tiny bit of ham. I should have known they’d eat it.
I huffed out a breath and made the best sandwich I could. It would curb the hunger for now because it wasn’t like I could go out in the state I was in.
Mom laughed, the sound broken, and her boyfriend joined in. They thought it was hilarious, which was the exact reason I didn’t tell them the truth. I hated being home in the day, especially when they were here, but I had nowhere else to go. At least I was relatively safe here, right?
They were still laughing when I went back into the bedroom, and even the thin door didn’t stop me from hearing them.
“Fuckin’ hate you,” I murmured at the door, but I wasn’t talking to it. I was talking to the two people on the other side. My mother should have been the one person in this world who I could have gone to, but she wasn’t. The last time I’d confided in her, and she’d actually listened and given me advice, was so long ago I could barely remember it.
I took a bite of my sandwich and moved back to my bed, intent on sleeping the rest of the day away. But as I pulled the covers over me, my cell screen lit up again, and my heart almost exploded.
Unknown: Hey, Elodie. It’s Asher. I realized this morning…
All I could see was the preview of the message, which meant I’d have to click on it and open it to be able to read the entire thing. And I was scared. Scared to open it and see what it said, but also afraid of what it meant. He’d seen me at my most vulnerable, and he was the only person in the world who knew my secrets, and yet he hadn’t told anyone a single one of them.
Did that mean I could trust him?
I took the plunge and opened the message.
Asher: Hey, Elodie. It’s Asher. I realized this morning I told you to call if you needed anything, but I didn’t give you my number. So this is my number. Call if you need anything, okay? A x
My shaking hand reached for the reply button, but I couldn’t bring myself to click it. He’d know I read it and hadn’t replied, but right then, I had no idea what to say. I had no idea what to do. So instead, I stayed silent and locked my cell, pretending he wasn’t there on the other end.
Chapter Ten
ASHER
Laughter rang out in the small cab of the Humvee, and I joined in. We’d been in this part of the world for nearly two months, and so far, all we’d done was make sure the villages were safe and given them supplies when they’d needed them.
But there was something different about the patrol today. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end the closer we got to the next village, and my gut told me to not go any farther. I was trained to look danger in the eye and tackle it head-on, but that didn’t mean my body’s instincts didn’t kick in and try to make me run as far away as I could get.
I sat up straighter and turned to look at Jax, who was next to me. There were six of us on this patrol and in this vehicle: two in the front and four in the back facing each other. Our uniforms were on, guns attached to us as we gripped them with our hands. We were ready for anything. We were always ready.
Jax’s gaze met mine, and I knew at that moment he felt it too. I opened my mouth to tell the driver to pull over, but I was too late. An explosion went off and catapulted us all into the air. We rolled several times, and it felt like the Humvee disintegrated into nothing. Burning flesh seared my nostrils and screams of pain ricocheted in my ears. My breath had been forced out of me as I got thrown out of the remaining part of the vehicle and hit the ground. I couldn’t get my mouth to work. I couldn’t get any words out and—
I gasped, flung myself out of bed, and whipped my head back and forth, searching for the imminent threat. Beads of sweat rolled down the sides of my face, and I swore I could feel the heat surrounding me and the heaviness of my Marine uniform weighing me down. But I wasn’t there. I wasn’t back in Afghanistan. I was home. I was in the States. I was in my bedroom.
A dream. It was just a dream.
My hand clutched at my chest as my racing heart started to slow, and I swiped my arm over my face, trying to bring myself fully back to the here and now. Light shone through a gap in my blind, so I ambled over to the window and let it up completely, needed the morning light to wake me up and bring me out of the hazy state I was in.
It had felt so real—they always felt so real. It wasn’t a dream I was having, though. It was more like a memory being replayed over and over in my head. We’d lost four of the other people in the Humvee that day. Four men who had fought by my side. Four men who became like brothers to me. But now there was only me and Jax left. We got to come back stateside still breathing.
And they hadn’t.
I placed my palms on the glass pane of my window and stared out into my backyard. The grass needed cutting, and the deck needed blasting with a power washer, but I hadn’t had the time to do either of those things. My house had been my first big purchase, the thing I’d saved up for from the moment I started earning my own money, but it was empty with only me in it. It didn’t matter how much furniture I put in it, or however many throw pillows Belle kept buying me, it was still a place which felt half complete.
Shaking my head, I pushed off the window and spun around. My king-size bed sat in the middle of the bedroom, and I ripped the sheets off it, knowing after the dream I’d had they’d be full of sweat, and there was no way I’d sleep on them again tonight. I threw them in the hamper in the bathroom and stepped right into the shower. The cold water blasted over my skin, and I sighed in relief.
I needed to be on full alert today because it was family cookout day, a tradition that was started before I was even born. My mom and dad always hosted them in their backyard, and the entire family turned up, including the unrelated people. We were a big extended bunch, but I knew I could turn to each and any one of them if I needed to.
I thought about Elodie and what had happened to her a few days ago. I’d messaged her, but she hadn’t replied—not that I’d expected her to. Maybe I shouldn’t have sent her a message. Maybe I’d overstepped some invisible line I hadn’t even realized was there. Or maybe I was overthinking it. I’d helped her as much as she’d let me, but that didn’t mean she didn’t need more help. But it wasn’t my place. It wasn’t like she was anything to me, so why did that single thought cause a heaviness in my chest? Why did I want so badly to knock on her trailer door and
see if she was okay?
I closed my eyes and let the water rain over me as I tried to get all my thoughts in order. My brain was a jumbled mess, which I needed to sort through. I had to compartmentalize everything just so I could survive the day ahead.
I finished washing, then stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist. The large mirror above the basin was fogged up, and I didn’t bother wiping it as I brushed my teeth. Sometimes it was hard to look myself in the eyes and witness what shone inside them. The past was exposed for all to see, and I was afraid everyone would see it, which was why I had to lock it all down before I left.
Fast Burn: Burned Duet: Book One Page 13