Liss turned to Gray and sighed.
He was slumped over on the bench. His right pants leg was wet and smelled suspiciously like urine. She wondered briefly if it was from a dog or a human. Then decided urine is never good, no matter the source.
“What’s going on?” she asked him and got an incoherent mumble for an answer. “Come on, big guy. Let’s get you home. You reek.”
“I don’t want to go home if she’s there.”
“Who’s she? Me?”
He blinked and then let out a sigh. She guessed that was all the reply she needed.
“Look, I know you’re upset, but I can’t leave you outside all night where people or things will piss on you. So get up and come home. Don’t be a baby.”
“I am a baby. No, I’m worse than a baby, I’m a teenage girl. I’m all about feelings and shit,” he slurred while attempting to stand.
“Feelings really suck, don’t they?”
No answer.
He was able to walk, though he was leaning heavily on Alyssa’s offered shoulder.
After the first half block, she realized walking was going to take too long and she hailed a cab. The first driver took one look at Grayson and kept going. The second one didn’t seem as selective, but frowned as she maneuvered him into the backseat.
“He’d better not get sick in my cab,” the man threatened.
“I think he’s okay. It’s not far. Just two blocks.”
Two blocks later, she shoved at Gray until he woke up again. She tugged him out of the cab. She’d never seen him so bad off and wondered what he had been drinking.
“Were you doing shots?” she guessed.
“Yeah,” he told her. “A whole bunch of them.”
“I see.”
He groaned when the elevator moved, and for a moment Alyssa thought it was all over. He took a deep breath and reached for the wall to steady himself. When the door opened on their floor, they stepped out.
Alyssa opened the door and Gray headed straight for the sofa.
“Oh no, you don’t. We need to get you out of those clothes and cleaned up first. Someone pissed on you.”
“Did I piss on me?” he muttered, looking down.
Alyssa hadn’t considered that possibility, but studied him again.
“I don’t think so. Not that it would matter. You still need to get cleaned up first.”
She guided him to the bathroom and helped him with his clothes while she turned on the water.
“It’s very ‘roary’ in here,” he said, making her laugh at his made-up word.
“Come on.” She helped him get the offending pants off and tossed them toward the trashcan. Then she pulled down his boxers and assisted with his socks while he managed to get his shirt partway over his head. “Here. Let me,” she said, pulling it back down and undoing the buttons before pushing it off his shoulders.
She glanced down at her denim shorts and T-shirt and decided to go in with him to help, worried he’d drown otherwise. She washed his hair and lathered up the soap, paying special attention to the offending leg. As she stood up, she saw he had taken notice to her bending down in front of him and his body had responded to her closeness.
He made a strangled sound as she stood and turned him to rinse. He slumped back against the wall and hung his head.
“Why can’t you love me, Liss?” She didn’t know what to say so she said nothing. “Please just love me the way I love you. Everything would be so much easier if you could love me. Why…?” He faded off as he leaned his head back against the wall. Water dripped from his nose, lips and chin as he squeezed his eyes closed. “I wouldn’t ever hurt you. Please, Liss?”
In that moment, she didn’t see him as the guy she was trying desperately not to fall in love with to save her heart, but as the man who already had her heart, and wanted to give her his own in return. Grayson was safe. It was that simple. The fear washed away and the answer was easy.
“Okay,” she whispered and leaned up to kiss his wet lips. Water poured all around them as she let her feelings for him well up around her like the steam in the small room, comforting and warm.
Gray stumbled back and she steadied him while she turned the water off. When the water stopped, his hands were on both of her cheeks, pulling her to his mouth again.
“Alyssa?” he whispered against her wet neck.
“Yes. I love you, Grayson. I’m sorry I’ve been fighting it. I was so scared.”
“Please don’t be afraid of me, Liss.”
His lips claimed her as he leaned against her heavily. She quickly understood the shower was not the safest place for someone who was intoxicated.
“Come on,” she said and helped him out of the shower. She helped him dry off then looked down at her dripping clothes. Rather than make puddles, she slipped her clothes off and led him to his room. When she got him settled—in the nude because she wasn’t going to struggle to get him redressed—she stole one of his T-shirts and pulled it on.
He was already snoring softly with his arm out as if in invitation. She slid in next to him and closed her eyes.
“I love you, Grayson.” She waited for the panic to settle in, but it didn’t come. She relaxed and let the rightness of the moment cover her like a warm blanket.
It was easy to fall asleep in his arms, listening to his steady breathing and his heart reassuring her with each beat that he would be there for her always. Safe.
She awoke before him. No doubt, he would sleep until noon. She went out to get breakfast. She wasn’t just making breakfast, though; she was also smiling.
And thinking.
Where would this go from here? Love changed things. They already lived together, but would he want to get married someday? What about kids? She found herself wanting all of those things. Because she loved him.
She was ripped from her joyful moment by Grayson as he shouted from his room.
“Fuck!” he yelled. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”
Alyssa dropped the frozen waffle and went running to help the man she loved.
Chapter 26
How could he have done this? He could not believe how stupid he was. He couldn’t even remember who he’d brought home. Had Alyssa heard them?
“What’s wrong?” Alyssa asked as she popped her head in his room. He was still lying in bed naked, so he pulled the sheet up quickly to cover himself.
“Uh, nothing.”
“Are you sure?” She took a step into his room and he felt his shame multiply.
“Did you…?” He sighed. “Did you happen to see a woman leaving here this morning?” He hung his head, unable to look at her. He was never going to be able to convince her he was a good person after all of this.
He took a breath and held his head up. It was only a week, two at the most. He would be leaving, and she wouldn’t have to deal with him anymore. He wouldn’t have to deal with living with a woman he loved who didn’t love him back. It would all be over. He would send her an email on her birthday to show he remembered, and that would be the extent of their relationship.
Two weeks.
“A woman?” Alyssa looked confused as she turned to look down the hall.
“I apparently brought someone home last night, but I don’t remember. Is anything missing?”
Alyssa looked down at her T-shirt and bare legs. Except…it wasn’t her T-shirt. It was his, and he knew it had been in his room before he left the day before.
Bare legs?
He swallowed loudly, trying to gather the courage to ask the unaskable question.
“I was with you?” he said in barely a whisper.
For a moment, he thought he might be sick. She’d made it clear she didn’t want to be with him. She stared at him with big eyes and then shrugged.
“I slept in here, but nothing happened. You don’t remember
… anything?” Her voice sounded tiny and far away.
He shook his head quickly, unable to look her in the eye. He was focused on his shirt she was wearing and saw her shift her weight from one foot to the other.
“I’m so sorry, Liss. I know you wanted things to go back to—” He stopped short in that thought. “Wait. Were you drunk too? Did I take advantage of you, Liss? Christ!”
“No! No. I wasn’t drunk. I came to get you. I helped you get home, and showered. Then I stayed with you, but we didn’t have sex.”
He must have been in pretty bad shape if she slept next to him despite her plan to keep a twenty-foot buffer between them at all times.
“I’m sorry.” He couldn’t say it enough.
“Do you want waffles?” she offered. He knew her well. Better than anyone beside himself. She was trying to play it off as if she were fine, and he cowardly wanted to let her. Even if they hadn’t had sex, he still crossed a line. He shouldn’t have put her in a position to have to come rescue him from his own stupidity.
“Uh, yeah, sure. That sounds good.”
She vanished out of his room like a racehorse out of the starting gate.
He took his time getting dressed, noticing he was clean. She said she helped him in the shower. That must have been uncomfortable for her. He stopped himself from chasing her down to apologize yet again.
The thought sparked a fleeting memory of them kissing under the stream of water. It was an excellent memory, but he pushed it away painfully. He didn’t deserve to have a memory of that.
She was quiet when he came out to the kitchen fully clothed.
“I think we need to talk,” he said, but she shook her head quickly.
“No. We don’t need to. Nothing happened. Just snuggling.”
“But we agreed we weren’t doing that anymore.”
“It was nothing. No big deal. Just forget it.” She put his plate in front of him. “Oh that’s right, you already did.” She was trying to be funny, but neither one of them laughed.
“If you don’t want to talk about last night, fine. But we need to talk about something else.”
“So talk,” she said holding up her fork in annoyance.
The way she refused to take any of it seriously was beginning to piss him off. He was a human being with feelings. Didn’t anything get through her walls?
“I’m moving to San Diego in two weeks. You’ll need to find a new roommate if you want to keep the apartment. I can spot you for a few months.”
He regretted spitting it out like that because obviously, he had finally made those impenetrable walls shake. She had that same sick look he had a moment ago when he realized what had happened between them. Only this time it was much, much worse.
“I’m sorry. I should have given you more notice, but we haven’t had a chance to talk much lately, and I…” Don’t want to leave you, he finished in his head.
“I need to go meet Mia,” she said as she pushed her uneaten breakfast aside. “I’m late.” Only then did Grayson notice she had changed into real clothes instead of just his T-shirt.
“I tell you I’m moving across the country and you’ve got to go?” He couldn’t believe she would be this cold.
“What do you want me to do? Mia and I have plans to go to Connecticut to see the new baby. And I’ve got two weeks to find a roommate or a place I can afford on my own. What else do we need to talk about?”
“I told you I would help for a few—”
“I don’t need your help. The last thing I need is anything from you.” Her voice shook with real emotion as she snatched up her phone from the counter and headed for the door.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” he asked himself out loud when she was gone.
* * * *
“Leaving?” Alyssa said to no one as she waited for the elevator. “He’s just leaving? He tells me he loves me, begs me to love him back, and once I do he says he’s leaving?” She couldn’t believe her life at the moment.
When she’d gotten out of his bed that morning, everything seemed perfect. How could it end up in such a mess so quickly? This could only happen to her.
Her visit with Kenley and the new baby was torture. It was nearly impossible to keep a smile on her face all afternoon. Kenley didn’t buy it either. She’d asked once already, but Alyssa just shook her head and smiled wider. She wouldn’t let her heartbreak interfere with Kenley’s happiness.
Being with the happy family forced Alyssa to face the future that waited for her in New York. She was alone and had no one to blame but herself. Kenley had a family. Mia was leaving for Philadelphia soon. And Gray…
“What’s going on with you?” Kenley asked when they were alone. “Don’t say you’re fine or I’ll start talking about how I cry with joy every time I’m breastfeeding.”
Alyssa sniffed and shook her head.
“I’ve been overly emotional myself, and I can’t even blame it on hormones.”
“The guy? Grayson?” she guessed. Liss nodded and pressed her lips together, feeling the tightening in her throat.
“I told him I loved him. Can you believe that?” She let out a snort of disbelief. “I wasn’t even drunk. I meant it.”
“He doesn’t feel the same way?” Kenley asked.
“It doesn’t matter. He’s moving away.”
“Last time I checked, there wasn’t anything keeping you here. Take it from me, sometimes starting over somewhere you didn’t expect to be is a great thing.”
“I’m not cut out for this kind of life. I should have known better. I don’t deserve it.”
Kenley sucked in a breath, her eyes wide.
Alyssa hadn’t meant to say that. She didn’t want to have to explain.
“What does that mean? Of course you deserve to be happy.”
“Just forget what I said. I’m just being silly over a guy. I’ll be fine.”
Alyssa managed to convince Kenley she would be fine; however, Liss had her doubts it was true.
* * * *
Doug came home from work to find both his girls wearing aprons and covered in clay. It was a welcome sight, one he looked forward to seeing frequently now that Lucy would be staying with them more often.
“What are you making?” he asked as he picked up Lucy and bent to kiss Chanda on the head.
“I’m making a sculpture of a lion.”
“I see.” It didn’t look like a lion one bit, but he didn’t care. Not when his daughter was smiling like that.
“Chanda is going to come to my school tomorrow and teach us how to make an animal.”
“She is? That is very nice of her.”
“Chanda is very nice.”
“Yes. I couldn’t agree more.” He kissed Chanda again and let Lucy slide down to the floor.
“I’m going to go put on my new princess dress,” Lucy announced.
“Wash your hands first,” Chanda called with a smile.
It was that moment. Simple and ordinary when he knew.
After the divorce, he vowed to never marry again. He was sure most men had the same thoughts after having their balls handed to them.
Doug’s reason for not wanting to try again had been more than just the pain of a failed marriage. He realized in the months leading up to the separation that he’d made a mess out of all their lives.
He’d taken the easy way out and married Julie so he wouldn’t have to date, or entice someone into caring about him. He’d been lazy and married the first woman who said she loved him back.
It was easy to see, years later, that he never loved Julie. And because he basically coasted through the rest of the marriage, he could now understand why she hadn’t been happy. The guilt made him shiver, even though he knew that Julie was responsible for the role she played as well.
She’d gotten pregnant on purpos
e, knowing they were having problems in their marriage. It had been her plan to take him for child support, but she needed the child first. Lucy was the best thing to ever happen to him, but her presence didn’t heal their damaged marriage. Instead, it gave them something new to disagree on.
He thought he’d never marry again because he didn’t want to fail someone else, including himself. But as he stared into Chanda’s eyes, he knew he wouldn’t fail at this. It was so simple that there wasn’t any reason not to try.
“I love you,” he told Chanda, feeling it down to his toes. He knew he cared about her enough to follow through. Every day he would put in the effort so she knew how important she was to him.
“I love you too. Are you okay? You look a little pale.”
“I’m better than okay.”
“Don’t be mad about the princess dress. It was on sale and she looked up at me with those eyes. I can’t help but give in.”
“I’ve been told she has my eyes.”
“She does.”
“So does that mean you would give in if I looked at you all pleading and begging?” He bent to kiss her neck and she giggled, squirming closer to him.
“What can I say? I’m a pushover,” she confessed.
He’d seen how fierce she could be. She definitely wasn’t a pushover. But if he had an advantage, he would very well use it.
“I’m going to use this skill to get what I want,” Doug said.
“I don’t think they make princess dresses in your size.” They laughed as Lucy thumped down the steps in a glittering atrocity.
“You look lovely, your highness.” Doug bowed elegantly. “And you, my queen, will be mine after bedtime,” he whispered only to Chanda.
* * * *
Alyssa and Grayson were back to being strangers. Over the last two weeks, she’d thrown herself into her work to keep from dealing with her life.
Grayson was busy packing and taking care of last minute arrangements, while Alyssa stayed in her room in denial of the fact he was leaving.
There was no farewell party or even a toast at the bar. He’d refused.
The moving company came in that Saturday and took all of his boxes and furniture. Their home echoed as he walked back inside, picking up his bag and handing her his key.
Getting Down to Business Page 25