He shrugged. ‘No. But I can’t change that.’
‘You could look at the reasons. Why you blatantly disregard everything your head is telling you.’
‘Is this your usual psychology chat?’ He narrowed his eyes, and Nell could see that he was only half joking.
‘No. This one’s just for you.’
* * *
Nell had a habit of asking all the questions that Hugo didn’t want to answer. He supposed that on some level, he must have known that she’d get around to this sooner or later. Perhaps on some level he’d wanted her to.
‘I can’t fall short, Nell. I’ve been given a great deal in life, and it’s my duty to repay it.’
‘What makes you think you aren’t?’
‘You’ve seen the kids at the hospital.’ He knew that Nell would understand that.
‘Yes, I have. And I know you’re doing your best for them. We can’t do any more than our best.’
‘And my best may not be good enough.’ Hugo’s greatest fear was right there, on his lips. As if somehow Nell had managed to entrance it, and coax it from its hiding place.
‘It’s all we have. And we’re allowed to take some time out and have a life, to have holidays and take some time off when we’re sick.’ Nell frowned, and Hugo braced himself for whatever was to follow. He knew that look.
‘I can’t believe that you don’t have someone to come home to at night. That you’re so sure you won’t that you can commit yourself to a fake engagement for the next few months.’
Hugo had got used to coming home to Nell at night, and it was almost a shock to be reminded that it wasn’t real. But he’d made that decision a long time ago.
‘That’s not as easy as you think, Nell.’
‘It’s never as easy as anyone thinks. I know that.’
Suddenly he wanted to explain. It was the first time that he’d felt that someone might understand, as a friend.
‘I did have someone once. I was going to get married. Anna and I met at medical school in London, and we lived together for a couple of years. I told her that I wanted to come back to Montarino and she wanted to come with me, but when we got here...’
Nell nodded him on.
‘I had a new job and got caught up in that and the round of engagements that the palace had planned for me. I was happy to be home and... I didn’t look closely enough at what was going on within our relationship. I didn’t see that Anna was feeling trapped on the sidelines.’
‘She didn’t have a job?’
‘Everyone expected that she was going to be a royal bride. She was offered a lot of roles as patron of various medical facilities, which would take effect after our marriage, but she didn’t want her success to come through me. Anna was worth a great deal more than that, and leaving me and going back to London was the best decision she ever made. She has a fulfilling career now, and a husband who doesn’t take up so much space that she can’t breathe.’
‘It seems a bit unfair to give yourself all the blame.’
‘I knew what my life was going to be like, I should have seen that it wouldn’t be enough for Anna to live through me. I could have followed her back to London but I didn’t, because I felt it was my duty to give whatever I could back to Montarino. That’s what I have now, and I feel I’m failing.’
‘You’re not failing, Hugo. You’re just recovering from an operation.’
Hugo looked for the understanding he craved, and found it in her eyes. Suddenly it was too much to bear and he got to his feet. ‘Is that our chat done, then? I’ll go and make dinner...’
‘No, it’s not done. I’m not finished with you yet.’ She called the words after him, but there was humour in Nell’s tone. Maybe she knew that the burden of his duty was feeling a little heavy at the moment.
‘What are you going to do?’ He chuckled, turning on the tap to wash his hands. ‘Find me someone who doesn’t mind trailing around after me and playing princess?’
‘Are there women like that?’ Nell professed just the right amount of surprise, before turning her attention to the box of chocolates. He wanted to walk back into the sitting room and hug her, but right now it was probably better to keep his distance.
‘Plenty of them.’
‘That sounds a bit boring.’
And that was it, in a nutshell. A career woman, someone like Nell, would always want their own life, free of the constraints of his life. Women who wanted him just because he was a prince generally weren’t that interesting after the first couple of dates.
It was a catch-22 situation that held him in limbo. There was no way out that Hugo could see, and he suspected that Nell couldn’t either. If she could, she would have mentioned it.
* * *
The invitation to spend a weekend on the royal yacht had been given again, and this time Nell had accepted it straight away. If his admission that he felt no woman would want the life he offered her was horribly sad, it also neatly let Nell off the hook. There were no expectations from him, and she could match that by allowing no expectations to infiltrate her own thinking.
They set off early. As they crossed the border into France, the sun came out and Hugo retracted the roof of his convertible. A warm breeze and a handsome prince beside her.
As they approached the motorway, Nell took over the driving, and Hugo lounged in the front seat of the car, enjoying the journey. Dressed in a pair of shorts and a sweatshirt, his short hair ruffled in the breeze, he seemed to finally be getting it into his head that they were on holiday.
It was almost midday when they reached the small, bustling French port where the yacht was moored. Hugo took his place at the wheel again, negotiating the narrow streets of the old town, before driving along the quayside and into the marina.
He drew up alongside a young man in pristine white shorts, with the name of Montarino’s royal yacht sewn across the sleeve of his white shirt. He stepped forward, opening the passenger door of the car before Nell could reach for the handle.
Hugo gave him an affable grin. ‘Thank you, Louis. How are you?’
‘Well, Your Highness. It’s good to see you.’
Hugo got out of the car, taking a draught of sea air into his lungs, as if it felt easier to breathe here. ‘It’s very good to be back. How are your studies going?’
‘I’ve just been sitting my exams. They went well, I think.’
Hugo nodded, tossing the car keys to Louis. ‘Let me know when you get your results.’
‘Will do, Your Highness.’ Louis got into the car, driving it towards the car park, leaving Nell and Hugo standing on the quayside.
‘Which one is it?’ Nell surveyed the boats moored around the marina. Smaller yachts were tied up against the piers, which extended out into the water, and larger ones were anchored further out.
‘That one.’ Hugo pointed towards one of the yachts. It wasn’t the largest of the boats there, but it seemed the most elegant, glistening white, and bobbing gracefully on an azure sea.
‘It’s beautiful. How do we get to it?’
He grinned. ‘This way.’
Another man in the same uniform as Louis’s helped her down into a motor launch. She looked around for her luggage, but it didn’t seem that they were going to be waiting for that. As soon as Hugo was on board, the engine was started and they began to speed way from the land.
‘This is wonderful.’ Hugo’s arm was slung across the back of the seat and she had to move a little closer to him, so that he could hear her over the noise of the engine. ‘I already feel spoiled.’
‘That’s exactly how you’re meant to feel.’ Hugo’s lips brushed against her ear.
She was helped up a set of steps onto the deck of the yacht, Hugo following. Waiting for her was a man who bore the word ‘Captain’ on the sleeve of his shirt.
‘Welcome, Dr Maitland.’ H
e stepped forward, holding out his hand. ‘I’m Captain Masson.’
‘Thank you.’ Nell shook his hand, looking around her. The yacht looked just as white and gleaming close up as it had from the land. ‘This is a beautiful vessel.’
‘Thank you, ma’am.’ Captain Masson beamed at her. ‘Where would you like to go?’
Nell turned to Hugo and he shrugged. ‘Your call. We can dock somewhere for a little shopping. Or if you prefer swimming there are some nice places to stop off.’
Nell thought for a moment. It seemed a little bit of a waste to spend time shopping and swimming when she could enjoy being here on the yacht. ‘The sea. I’d like to go...somewhere on the sea if that’s all right?’
‘A short trip along the coast perhaps, ma’am?’
‘Yes, I’d like that.’ Nell glanced at Hugo, wondering if that was what he’d had in mind.
‘That’s an excellent idea. Thank you, Captain Masson.’ Hugo smiled.
‘Very well. We’ll be on our way very soon, we just have to wait for your luggage. In the meantime, drinks have been laid out on the main deck.’
The captain gestured to his right, and Nell took a couple of uncertain steps in that direction. She felt Hugo take her arm and followed his lead, walking towards a short flight of stairs that led up onto a deck, shaded by awnings and dappled by the sun.
‘It’s...very formal here.’
Hugo nodded. ‘This is the royal yacht, my parents bring important visitors here. The crew don’t call the captain by his first name, and neither should I. When we’re at sea, his word is law, and it’s his responsibility to keep us in one piece if we run into a squall.’
‘Are we going to run into a squall?’ Nell looked up into the blue, cloudless sky.
‘I very much doubt it. Captain Masson will have already looked at the weather forecasts all along the coast, and he’ll be counting on giving us a smooth ride. It’s just a principle.’
He led her onto the main deck, where a table was set out, with champagne on ice and canapés. Nell ignored the seats arranged around the deck in both the sun and the shade, preferring to lean against the wooden-topped rails to watch as the motor launch sped back towards the land and then returned with Louis and their luggage.
As the muted sound of the engines reached her, and the yacht began to move slowly, Hugo joined her, leaning with his back against the rail. ‘What do you think?’
‘This is wonderful, Hugo. A real treat, thank you.’
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
HUGO WAS HAPPY. Nell was happy, and shining with excitement as he showed her around the yacht. She expressed surprise at the size of her cabin, insisting on looking through each of the portholes to ascertain whether there was a different view from any of them. She explored all the decks, leaning over the rails to see as much as she could.
When the expected message came from Captain Masson, inviting her to the bridge, she ran after Louis’s retreating back, seemingly determined to deliver her acceptance of the invitation herself.
He watched as she asked questions about all the instruments and examined the navigation charts that were brought out for her to see. When she was accorded the singular honour of being allowed to take the helm for a while, Captain Masson talked her through making a small corrective manoeuvre, rather than simply letting her hold the wheel, and Hugo saw the helmsman smile. If they weren’t careful, the crew would be renaming the yacht after her.
‘I hope I didn’t take up too much of Captain Masson’s time.’ The yacht lurched suddenly and she almost stumbled down the steps from the bridge. Hugo caught her arm to steady her.
‘All right?’ She’d stopped, clutching the handrail, one hand on her chest.
‘Yes...yes, I’m all right. I felt a little bit queasy just then. It’s passed now.’ She squinted out towards the horizon. ‘Are the waves getting bigger?’
‘A little, yes. You’ll get used to the motion of the ship soon, but if you feel sick we’ve got a full stock of medication to choose from.’
‘No, thanks. I’m fine now. I think my sea legs are kicking in.’
Hugo nodded, watching her down the remainder of the steps. It was probably best to take her mind off the idea of being sick, and mention to Captain Masson that a smooth ride would be appreciated.
‘The captain doesn’t let just anyone take the helm, you know.’ He took her arm, strolling towards the main deck so that they could sit in the afternoon sun.
Nell’s cheeks regained their colour suddenly. ‘He’s very kind. And it’s all so interesting. I wonder if he’d let me watch when we stop for the evening and put the anchor down. I’d keep out of the way.’
‘I’d be very surprised if he hasn’t already got that in mind.’ Nell didn’t seem to care much for the prestige of being here, but she loved the yacht and wanted to know everything about it. Captain Masson and his crew had seen that, and Hugo reckoned that the dropping of the anchor would be carried out under Nell’s command.
And that was the difference. The one that meant that Nell was beyond his reach. She didn’t care to spend her days off in the usual leisure pursuits, she wanted to know how things worked. He’d seen her out in the garden at his house, questioning the gardener about how the mix of planting gave year-round colour and helping him weed. She threw herself into her work with the same gusto. Her life had purpose, a life that should never be squashed by his.
But for today and tomorrow, he had her here with him. That had to be enough, because it was all he dared take from Nell.
* * *
At dusk, they came to anchor outside a coastal town, and Nell watched the lights begin to come on, growing brighter as the sky became darker. Then stars appeared in a sky that looked as if it were putting on a show just for her.
Dinner was in the open air on the main deck. Candles on the table, protected from the warm breeze by glass shades. And Hugo, looking far more handsome than he had any right to, in a white open-necked shirt.
‘Tonight’s a night for dancing.’ They’d had their after-dinner coffee, and all that Nell could think was that he was right. Tonight was a night for dancing.
She rose, smiling, wondering where the music would come from. Hugo took her in his arms, humming the snatches of a tune and moving her to its slow rhythm.
Perfect. On a perfect night like this, it seemed quite natural that he should kiss her. When he did, it felt as if she were melting into him. As if together they could be at one with the stars and the breeze and just be, without needing to think about the consequences.
‘I wish...’ They were still moving, dancing together as they kissed.
‘What do you wish? If it’s anything that I can grant, it’s yours.’ He whispered the words, leaving a kiss behind them.
‘I wish that there was nothing to stop us.’
He knew what she meant. Every line of his body hinted that this could so easily be a seduction, if they’d only let it.
‘Is there anything? What happens at sea might be persuaded to stay at sea.’
‘We’re not exactly at sea.’ Nell clung to the last vestiges of her sanity. Even if stars were dancing in the sky, the lights of land were closer than that.
‘We’re not on dry land either. We might be able to see them, but they can’t see us.’
It was tempting. Very tempting. Surely she and Hugo could leave everything behind, just for one night?
‘I can’t leave myself behind. I brought my baggage with me, and you brought yours.’
‘You’re right. As always.’ He kissed her again, warm and unhurried, as if to show that being right didn’t mean that she could escape his tenderness.
‘Thank you for a wonderful day, Hugo. And a wonderful evening...’ The thought that this wonderful evening might so easily become a wonderful night was tearing at her resolve. Nell broke free of his arms. She had to go now, while sh
e still could.
* * *
What...what...had he been thinking? Hugo put his head around the galley door to thank the chef for his efforts tonight, and walked to his cabin.
It had seemed so natural. Taking her in his arms, letting the breeze take them with it, away from the land and into a place where only desire mattered. But Nell was always the more sensible of the two of them. He should heed her judgement, and remember that there was no possibility that they could make a future together, however tantalising tonight might be. He sat down on the bed, slowly unbuttoning his shirt.
And there was another thing. Hugo rose, walking into the en suite bathroom, pulling his shirt to one side, as if seeing the scar could finally convince him. However many times Nell told him he wasn’t, he still felt flawed. And Nell deserved only the best.
A knock sounded, and he dragged his gaze away from the mirror, closing his shirt before he opened the cabin door. Hugo froze.
‘You’ll keep me standing here?’ Nell smiled up at him. Her hair was still gathered up around her head, stray curls escaping around her face. Her eyes were as bright as the moonlight, as if she’d brought a little of it below deck with her.
‘No! Come in.’ He stood back from the door and she walked into his cabin. For a moment, all he could think was that her feet were bare, and that she walked as if she were floating on air.
Hugo closed the door behind her and leaned against it, as if somehow that might stop this dream from escaping.
‘I came to ask you if you’d like to come to my cabin. We could...see the sunrise tomorrow.’
He reached out and touched the sleeve of the ivory-coloured wrap that covered her body. Even that seemed unbearably erotic, since it was clear that she had little else on.
‘I would love to come to your cabin. Although I can take or leave the sunrise.’
She nodded. ‘Me, too.’
Suddenly she was in his arms, and Hugo found his strength again. He kissed her, tracing his fingers across the soft, silky fabric of her wrap. It was so thin that he could feel her response, the heat of her skin and the sudden tightening of the muscles of her back. He could do this. He could make her cry out for him.
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