I was beyond humiliated that I could have been so wrong about someone. On top of that I battled guilt because I’d never even told my friends about him, about us. At the time it had been so nice to have this delicious little secret that was just between me and him.
That’s how he’d spun it. Keeping our relationship a secret had been Alex’s idea.
Of course, I found out later that he wanted it to be a secret because I wasn’t the only girl he was seeing. I wasn’t even the first in line. He had a girlfriend, he informed me. Apparently she’d found out so he’d had to end it.
I clenched Ox’s shirt in my hand as another wave of emotion swept over me. I hated that selfish, lying, manipulative jerk who’d led me on and lied to my face. I couldn’t believe that I’d actually fallen in love with a guy like that. But that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was, I hated myself just a little because I was still heartbroken that he didn’t love me back.
Ox’s shirt was soaked by the time I calmed down. And by calmed down, I mean I exhausted myself from crying. God, how did people ever do this on a regular basis? It was the worst. My eyes were puffy, my head throbbed, and I had to wipe my nose on my sleeve or ruin Ox’s opinion of me forever by getting snot all over his collar.
I pulled back but I couldn’t bring myself to meet Ox’s eyes. He didn’t say anything and when he made no move to push me away or get me out of his truck, I felt a totally irrational surge of anger.
Realistically I knew it wasn’t his fault that he’d seen me cry. I was positive if given an option he would have opted out of this little cry-fest. He’d just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. It wasn’t like he’d sat around waiting to watch me cry.
But still… This gigantic silent brute had seen something no one else had ever witnessed—well, not since kindergarten, at least.
I couldn’t deal if I looked up and saw pity in his eyes, and I had a horrible suspicion that I would. I’d see it now and I’d see it every time that dark, glowering gaze of his met mine in the hallway at school.
“I’ve got to go,” I mumbled, scrambling off his lap with as much grace as I could muster.
It wasn’t much. Scrambling off laps within the tight confines of a truck was beyond the scope of my grace and agility. I ended up sort of tumbling toward the passenger side door and I moved to open it before he could do it for me like he’d done earlier tonight. The jerk. What kind of guy opens car doors in this day and age?
It was a flimsy sort of anger but it was better than feeling pitied so I stuck with it. But then that voice of his—the one I so rarely heard but kind of adored—came out of the darkness again. “Did he hurt you?”
I turned back around because quite honestly his voice scared me. “What? No,” I said quickly.
“He made you cry.”
I stared at him with my mouth partially open. I forgot for a second that my face was a puffy mess and my nose was red and runny. I was more interested in seeing his face, but it was masked in shadows. I could see his eyes, though. They gleamed in the dark like some sort of predator, and the anger there made my breath catch in my throat.
He was angry at the drunk guy.
On my behalf.
My heart and my belly went into turmoil. Some of my earlier hurt came back, along with shame and guilt and a million other annoying emotions that I didn’t want to face. Not again. But above and beyond all of those was a warmth in my chest that made breathing physically impossible.
“I’ll kill him.” He said it so simply and with a creepy lack of emotion and that was enough to shake me out of it. Irritation rose up again, this time with myself. I was a mess tonight. I needed to get away from him and every other guy on this planet until I could get my head on straight.
“He doesn’t deserve it,” I said, making another move for the door.
“If you want me to talk to him—” he started.
I cut him off with a short laugh that held very little humor. “You? Talk?” When I looked back he was glaring at me, but I knew he wasn’t angry with me. He was just a guy being a guy—he wanted to hurt someone and I could understand that urge well. I kind of wanted to hurt someone myself. But I wouldn’t because I wanted something else more than I wanted revenge.
I wanted Alex and the heartbreak he’d caused to go back to the dark recesses of my heart where they belonged.
Tomorrow I’d go back to normal. I’d hang out with friends and I’d get to work on my next charity project and, and… I just had to take care of one thing first.
Turning back, I met his gaze. “Don’t get involved, okay?”
He didn’t respond. Suddenly he was back to being mute. How convenient. I sighed. “Seriously, Ox. He was just a drunk idiot. He’s not worth it.”
He didn’t nod or disagree, but I took his steady silence to be assent.
“Okay then,” I muttered.
It wasn’t until I was in bed later that night that I realized the truth of the matter. I couldn’t stop reliving the whole sorry event. Not just the drunk guy—actually, little of my stewing was over that creep. No, I couldn’t stop thinking about Ox. About the way he’d looked at me, at the protective anger in his voice on my behalf that bordered on possessive. On the way he’d held me against his chest, the way he’d stroked my back and let me cry.
I nearly hyperventilated at the memory of it all. By the time I fell asleep one thing was clear. I couldn’t face Ox. Never again.
I’d just have to avoid him forever.
Chapter One
Two days later…
Maddie
Forever didn’t last very long. Not only was my decision to ignore Ox for the rest of my life just a tad melodramatic, I also didn’t take into account the fact that he and I went to the same school and were in the same calculus class.
I’d managed to avoid him all day Sunday but come Monday, my ban on oversized silent football players came to an end.
The weirdest part, though? He was the one to make the first move, coming to stand next to my desk during a teacher-sanctioned free time at the end of class.
The intensity of his scowl was like a laser cutting into the top of my skull as he hovered over my desk. Kate was sitting next to me and we’d spent the past few minutes of our teacher-sanctioned free time at the end of class talking about how she and Levi finally made their relationship official. Finally.
For a little while there I’d been so engrossed in my friend’s happy drama that I’d managed to forget that Ox was in the back of the classroom watching me.
I’d been determined to ignore him and I’d assumed he’d let me. Heck, a little part of me thought he’d silently thank me for it. I’d been pestering him to be my friend ever since the softball charity league we both played on this past summer, but his friendship had always been grudgingly given, to say the least.
But now here he was. Standing over my desk, waiting for me to acknowledge him and I just…couldn’t. Panic had me frozen in place and all I could think about was how he’d seen me cry.
I never cry.
As expected, he didn’t say anything. He just stood there waiting for me to look up.
Coward that I was, I stared down at the notebook on my desk as if there was some hidden meaning to be found in the doodles there rather than tip my head back and force a smile.
“Um, hey Ox,” Kate said, mercifully breaking the tense silence. I could hear the confusion in her voice. Rightfully so. I was normally the one who did all the talking in this little trio.
Great. Now I’d have to explain to Kate why I was acting like such a weirdo. And I was acting odd, there was no denying it. Me staying silent was odd. Me not smiling was unheard of. And the fact that Ox was the one taking the first step toward friendliness rather than me?
We’d basically just entered The Twilight Zone.
The thing was, I knew I was being weird but I couldn’t help it. He saw me cry.
I scribbled on my notebook, my stomach a mess of knots and my heart pounding furi
ously as I frowned at the doodle, which ended up being a twisted sort of black rose.
Finally, finally, Ox walked away. I felt his big, ominous presence retreating and saw the dark denim of his jeans vanish out of the corner of my eyes.
Only then could I breathe and I let out a loud exhale of relief.
“What was that about?” Kate said.
I shrugged. “It’s nothing. Just…” I frowned down at my black rose as I searched for an explanation. The enormity of how much I hadn’t told Kate hit me full force. She didn’t know about Alex or his jerky friends, she didn’t know that I’d had my heart crushed one year ago, and she had no idea that I was still heartbroken.
She couldn’t have known that last part because I hadn’t even realized how hurt I still was until Alex’s name had come up again and I’d been thrust back to that awful day one year ago when my first real love had made it clear that I meant nothing to him.
You’re a cool girl, Maddie, and we had fun, but…
But. There was always a ‘but.’
A solid twenty-four hours had helped me to put the breakup back in its rightful place. Had it sucked? Yes. But had it taught me a valuable lesson? Undoubtedly.
What was the lesson?
Glad you asked.
The whole miserable experience had taught me what I should already have known.
I wasn’t that kind of girl—the kind that guys wanted for the long term. I didn’t have that sweet, wholesome, girl-next-door charm that my best friend Callie had or Kate’s shy mystique. I wasn’t a drop-dead gorgeous stunner like my friend Tiffany or a serial monogamist like my other friend Kelly.
I was fun. Everyone knew that. I liked to flirt, and I liked to have a good time. I liked boys and they liked me, and as long as I remembered that I wasn’t the kind of girl who got the hero in the end, I enjoyed myself.
Alex told me you were easy.
I gripped my pen so hard I was surprised when it didn’t break. Having fun didn’t make me easy. It just made me a realist.
I knew what guys wanted from me and I enjoyed myself in return. Win-win. Everybody was happy.
Everybody except for Kate, who was still staring at me. She was quiet, like usual, and I knew she was waiting for me to talk.
Talking was normally my specialty. Unlike Kate and Ox I had no problem making small talk or cracking jokes. But this? Trying to explain today’s recent episode of awkward times at Fairfield High meant having to tell her everything that happened at the party, which meant having to explain everything that happened a year ago, and that…
That I couldn’t do. Like, physically I could not do it. I couldn’t even begin to formulate the words. I had a years’ worth of pain trying to get out and it was stuck somewhere near my jugular threatening to choke the life out of me.
I took a deep breath and gave myself a mental eye roll. I mean, seriously. Choking the life out of me? Way to be melodramatic, Maddie.
It wasn’t like I had to tell Kate everything right this minute. She just wanted to know what was up with the weirdness between me and Ox. That I could handle.
I lifted my head and faced Kate with a sigh. “Okay, fine. The party didn’t go so well.”
She stared at me and I knew she was waiting for me to continue but I just met her gaze evenly.
She tapped her pen against the desk. “Did you and Ox get into a fight or something?”
I let out a little snort of amusement at the thought. “Fight?” I repeated. “With Ox?”
Kate smiled too, probably because we were both trying to imagine Ox saying more than a few monosyllabic words, let alone raising his voice.
“I guess he’s not really the emotive type,” she said.
I laughed even harder at that understatement. Laughter helped to ease some of the tension and for the first time since that epically awful party I felt like I could breathe without an ache in my chest.
Kate was still giving me a curious look and I shook my head. “It was nothing serious, just some guy at the party who was kind of rude.”
Her wide-eyed horror clued me in to the worst possible scenario she was envisioning. “Oh my God, Maddie. Are you okay? What did he do? I should never have left you there. Are you—”
“Relax, Kate,” I said. “Nothing tragic happened, I promise. I didn’t get roofied and no one got too handsy.” Cynical amusement had me arching a brow. “I would have liked to see someone try. Ox was the dream chaperone.” I shook my head at the memory of how he was always there, watching over the party with that intimidating glower. “Seriously, he should be a bodyguard or something. The minute a guy got too close he’d come up behind him and do that growling thing he does.”
I tipped my chin down and glared at Kate with a growling sound that so didn’t even come close to sounding like Ox. I couldn’t get my voice to go that low if I tried.
We were both laughing again and then Kate grew serious. “So then, what happened?”
I shrugged. “I told you. A guy was rude. He said some unpleasant things.” I shook my head, trying to rid myself of the bad memory of a drunken jerk. “Seriously, not even worth talking about.”
“So then, what was that?” Kate nodded toward the desk in the back where Ox had returned.
“What was what?” Okay, yes, I was playing dumb. But that anxious feeling was coming back the closer we got to the heart of the issue.
Kate leaned forward slightly and lowered her voice. “What was that weirdness between you two?”
I swallowed. “Oh. That.”
Kate waited in silence and I gave in with a sigh. “Nothing. Just…oh God, it’s so embarrassing.” My mind flashed back to my meltdown in Ox’s truck and I could feel heat rush to my cheeks.
Ugh. What was this? I didn’t blush. I never blushed.
I also never cried.
Kate read it all wrong. “Did you…did something happen between you two?”
I groaned and rolled my eyes. “Of course not. It’s just…” I dropped my face into my hands. “He saw me cry.”
“Over the rude things that jerk said?”
I nodded. It was…partially true. The guy’s words had made me think about Alex. Not only that, he made it abundantly clear that Alex had been talking smack about me.
But why? What did I ever do to him? I frowned down at the drawing again. Nope. No answers there.
“And that’s why you’re embarrassed?” Kate asked softly. “Because a friend saw you cry?”
I shrugged. It sounded stupid when she put it like that. But she hadn’t been there. She hadn’t witnessed my humiliating meltdown in the car. Just thinking about it made me shift uncomfortably. It would have been easier to swallow if he’d caught me in any other embarrassing situation.
He could’ve walked in on me naked or read my diary and it would have been better than having him witness that level of emotional insanity. Still, Kate seemed to think I was being melodramatic, and maybe she had a point. I glanced up at her. “You think I’m overreacting?”
“I think that if he’s really a friend, he’s not going to be freaked by some tears.”
I nodded. “You’re probably right.” I glanced back at him but he was staring down at a textbook, not at me anymore. “He’s already acting weird around me though. I mean, he just came over here. On his own.” I widened my eyes. “Like he actually wanted to talk.”
We both burst out laughing because it truly had been bizarre. Ox never approached us without a massive amount of cajoling on my part.
“He’s a friend,” Kate said with a finality that gave me a burst of confidence. “He’s probably just worried about you. Once you’re acting normal around him, he’ll go back to normal too.”
For the first time I had some hope that maybe my burgeoning friendship with Ox hadn’t been totally ruined by the dope at the party. Maybe Kate was right. Maybe I was overreacting.
Maybe nothing between me and Ox had to change just because of one bad night. The thought made me happy beyond belief. I liked Ox.
I liked our friendship. The fact that I might not lose it was a relief. “You think so?”
“I do,” she said. “You’ll both be back to normal in no time. No one changes overnight, right?”
Normal. I could do that. The next day I spotted Ox in the hallway and I pasted a smile on my face. That was normal. Smiling was normal.
I could so do this.
I took a deep breath and headed toward him. It was now or never. Time to get it done. Just like pulling off a Band-Aid.
His dark, short-cropped hair was all I could see of him since he was facing his locker. The fact that he towered over every other student in our school was convenient when trying to locate the guy.
Unfortunately, right at this moment I would have paid money to lose him in the crowd. I so didn’t want to do this.
He would look at me with sympathy. Maybe even pity. I highly doubted the guy would ever be able to face me without imagining me with a runny nose and tears soaking his shirt.
Worse. Maybe he’d heard what the drunk guy had said.
I swallowed, coming to a stop two lockers down from Ox’s and unable to move any further. Dread had me standing still as I contemplated the question that had been driving me crazy since Saturday night.
How much had Ox heard?
He’d been so quiet in the truck—obviously—and it never occurred to me to ask him what he’d heard, or at least try to get some sort of gauge on what he was thinking. About me, about the situation, about all of it.
And now—well now the side of his head told me nothing. I tried to give myself the same pep talk Kate had given me the day before.
This was Ox. A guy I’d come to consider a friend. If I acted normal, he’d act normal. Like nothing had ever happened.
I studied his strong profile, the firm jaw and the brow that was furrowed even now as he rifled through his locker. For a second my smile stopped feeling fake.
This guy. My heart warmed a bit at the sight of him and at the memory of how he’d held me so tenderly. I eyed those renowned biceps—the giant tree trunks that have helped lead our football team to victory for the past two years.
The Perfect Score (Kissing the Enemy Book 3) Page 2