Only this time I wasn’t just annoyed with myself and with her.
I was pissed.
And this time I didn’t even know who I was most angry with—myself or her.
No, that wasn’t true…
I watched her hover in the doorway, looking beautiful beyond belief with her wild curls and her sparkling eyes. She had more energy and life in that little body of hers than all the other students in our school combined. She naturally exuded charisma and an intoxicating enthusiasm. Everything about her was beautiful and alluring.
I let out a long exhale. I was pissed at myself, not her. It wasn’t her fault I’d gone and fallen for her charm. She was who she was—I was the idiot in the room.
I was the one who’d gone and done the unthinkable.
I turned my eyes back down to the textbook on my desk. Nope. Still not able to actually read a word.
She apparently took my ignoring her to be an invitation to enter because I felt her hovering beside my desk. When I glanced over I saw her toying with some of the pens and pencils that were stuck in a coffee mug on the edge of the desk.
“I was thinking,” she said softly.
My head snapped up at the quiet hesitation in her voice. I met her gaze head-on and nearly fell off my seat at the uncharacteristic softness I saw there. Her eyes held a question. A vulnerability that I’d never seen before, except for those few moments when I’d caught her struggling with emotions over that ex of hers.
The thought of him helped to harden my resolve and my features. No way would I fall for it again.
She’d used me. She’d needed to get back at her ex and I happened to be there. That’s all it was. That’s all it would ever be.
She must have seen the change in me because she drew in a quick breath and bit her lip. Then she blurted it out. “I was thinking we should talk about it.”
When I didn’t say anything, she clarified. “I think we should talk about that kiss.”
I stared at her because I was unable to speak. That kiss. She made it sound so simple, like it was this little thing that happened and not an event that had changed the course of the world’s orbit.
For me, I reminded myself. It had been life changing for me.
Not for her.
That thought brought with it all the bitter resentment in the world. I turned back to the book on my desk. I didn’t have anything to say about that kiss and I didn’t trust myself to open my mouth even if I did.
I didn’t look up when she moved. I half expected her to walk back out the way she’d come in, but I guess I should have known better.
Instead of the door clicking shut behind me, I heard the bed squeak as she sank onto it. My head shot up and I turned to face her.
Yup. There she was. On my bed, giving me this saucy little grin that was pure Maddie. It was brazen, presumptuous, and full of that mischief that was her and her alone.
I drew in a deep breath. At what point I’d come to see her so clearly I didn’t know but Maddie had become the most vivid person in my life. She was fluorescent neon lights in a sea of white and black. When she was in a room it was impossible not to notice her, and having here here? In my bedroom?
Every part of me was on high alert.
She licked her lips and folded her legs so she was sitting cross-legged. The fact that I hadn’t invited her in or even acknowledged her existence didn’t seem to faze her. A big part of me was happy she was here, but an even bigger part of me wanted to slap that part of me upside the head for being such a chump.
I’d fallen for the nice friend routine once before and look where that had gotten me. For a little while there I’d thought Maddie might be different. She wasn’t like Eve at all. She was different from all the other kids I’d been friends with once upon a time.
Her voice brought me back to the present with a start.
“You know why I’m always volunteering for these charity events?”
I blinked at her. What? How did this even come up?
She didn’t seem put off by my lack of interest. Like usual, she took my silence as a sign that she should keep talking.
“The softball tournament, and now this flag football league…” The fact that she was tapping her fingers on her knees was the only sign that she wasn’t altogether comfortable sitting here on my bed, chatting away to a guy who was currently glaring at her.
“They all benefit the local youth athletics program,” she said. “It’s the same organization that sponsored the soccer camp we volunteered for.”
We volunteered? More like, she enlisted me. As usual, Maddie hadn’t taken no for an answer. The girl had practically forced me to be her friend. Out of pity, at first. She hadn’t even tried to deny it. And then…well, and then maybe she just liked having a guy around who’d do her bidding. What did I know?
She turned her gaze down to my navy comforter and smoothed it with her palms. “Anyway, that youth athletics organization is responsible for all sorts of programs, but their real focus is on giving kids from low-income families the opportunity to play sports. They cover registration fees and supply the equipment…that sort of stuff.”
I narrowed my eyes as I watched her watch her hands. Why was she telling me this? And what the hell did this have to do with that kiss?
I saw her swallow, but her voice was normal when she continued. “Anyway, that’s why it means a lot to me.”
I continued to stare until she looked up and met my gaze. She shrugged. “I was one of those poor kids who they helped. So now, I figure it’s my turn to pay it forward.”
I didn’t know what to say. I mean, I never knew what to say, but at this particular moment I really had no idea how to respond. That vulnerability was back in her eyes. That openness I’d rarely seen in her.
It left my chest feeling like it had been wrenched open and exposed to the elements.
“Also,” she continued, her voice filled with a teasing that sounded forced. “You know, I have a lot of energy and I can’t stand being bored so…” She trailed off with a shrug. “Volunteering helps me use my powers for good rather than evil.”
Her smile was false, her voice a little too high and shrill. She was trying to sound natural and failing.
And I still didn’t know what to say. “Why are you telling me this?”
I’ll admit it wasn’t the nicest response, but it was what I was thinking. She bit her lip but this time it looked like she was holding back a smile—probably at my expense. Then she shrugged. “Because it’s something that not a lot of people know about me. I’ve never told anyone about that before, actually.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s embarrassing, I guess.” Her expression turned thoughtful. “I mean, I’m not embarrassed by my family or anything, but it’s embarrassing to admit that I was a charity case.”
“But you don’t see those kids as charity cases,” I said.
She shook her head. “No, of course not. But some people see it that way.” She picked at the blanket. “I’m sure some people would have seen me that way.”
I stared at her. I still wasn’t sure why she was sharing this history with me, but I also had a warm sensation growing in my chest. The room felt smaller, the air thicker. It felt like there was a connection here and that had me feeling like I was walking on a tightrope.
To give in or not to give in.
Her gaze met mine and I felt her pulling me over the edge, into the dark side. “Playing sports gave me a way to get out of our crowded house. It gave me a place to run off all my energy and to put my focus. I just want to pay it forward.” She repeated that last part with a shrug.
“That’s…nice.” A muscle in my jaw twitched as I waited for her to mock me for my ineloquent response. I never had been good with knowing what to say and in genuine moments like this I typically ended up sounding like a moron.
But she didn’t laugh. She just kind of made a face and said “eh” as if she didn’t really agree with me. “I don’t know i
f it’s all that nice, but it’s what I do to feel like I’m giving back to the people who helped me and my family when I needed it.”
I nodded because yeah, that made sense to me. After a silence that stretched too long, I found myself asking the same question. “Why are you telling me this?”
One side of her mouth quirked up in the best little smile I’d ever seen. “Because I’m sharing, Ox.”
I stared at her blankly until she sighed. “Okay, fine. Why do they call you Ox?”
I frowned. Wasn’t it obvious? I was built like one.
She rolled her eyes. “Why did your family move to Fairfield?”
I drew my brows together in confusion. Did she really want to hear about my dad’s job promotion?
She groaned when I didn’t answer. “Ox,” she whined. “I shared something about me so now it’s your turn.”
I stared some more as I tried to figure out what the hell was going on here. “Why?”
“Why?” she repeated. “Why?” She uncrossed her legs and came to stand, planting her hands on her hips in a ridiculously adorable stance. I felt my lips tugging up despite my best intentions.
I didn’t want to find her cute. I sure as hell didn’t want to find her endearing. This girl didn’t care about me and if that kiss proved anything it was that I was already in too deep. I needed to back away. I needed to get some distance. I needed—
“Why don’t you talk?” she practically shouted the question.
I blinked in surprise. Why didn’t I talk? Did she want the real answer? Probably not. No one wanted to hear about a stuttering kid with a weight problem. I’d been pathetic. I just hadn’t realized how pathetic until my last friend standing had made fun of me in front of half the school.
But that was then, right? And right now, Maddie was waiting for a response. Her hair was as wild as ever and she was still wearing an oversized football jersey from practice. I felt that now-familiar twitching sensation. Almost like I was going to smile, if smiling were to come easily for me. I could smile—I was human—it just didn’t come as naturally to me as it seemed to for this girl.
But I had other natural talents. Ones that I found out today she definitely did not have. Why didn’t I talk? The answer was easy. “Why don’t you play football?”
She pursed her lips and gave me a wicked glare. “Because I suck at it.”
I lost the battle and my lips curved up in a small smile that felt unnatural and weird but… not bad.
I was rewarded with a wide grin that made my heart pound loudly in my chest. “Also, the misogynistic patriarchy drilled it into me that football wasn’t for girls,” she added with a pert look. “I blame the system.”
I nodded. “Right. There’s that.”
“But also, I suck at it.”
I grinned. It still felt unfamiliar but she was just too damn cute.
“Also, you’re a midget,” I added.
She nodded. “Right. There’s that.”
We stood there smiling at one another for a minute before she tilted her head to the side. “So is that your way of saying you don’t talk because you suck at talking?”
I nodded. Something like that.
She screwed up her nose and I waited for her to argue, but she just said, “Maybe you just need practice.”
I let out a huff of laughter because, honestly…she was probably right. It was amazing how hard it was to start talking when you hadn’t done it in a while.
Same went for smiling, I supposed. Everything about it felt creaky and rusty. I suddenly felt like the Tin Man facing Dorothy.
And that right there was why I’d learned to keep my mouth shut. Can you imagine how lame I would have sounded if I’d said that out loud? Not to mention, there was no doubt in my mind that she’d try and force me to be the Tin Man for Halloween. She was crazy like that.
Maddie sighed softly and the sound made me want to reach for her.
I kept my hands at my sides.
“Maybe you could practice with me sometime.” It was the wistful way she said it that caught me off guard. Like it meant the world to her that I talk. Like she really wanted to hear what I had to say.
“Remember how you wanted us all to dress up like the Wizard of Oz characters?”
She nodded, a hesitant smile flickering in her eyes. “Yeah. Why?”
I couldn’t bring myself to say it.
“Why, you don’t want to be the Cowardly Lion?” She tilted her head to the side to study me. “How about the Tin Man?”
Her eyes held me captive. There was something hypnotizing about that mischievous twinkle, or maybe it was that intimacy of being alone together in my room. “Maybe I’m the Scarecrow.”
She let out a loud laugh and rolled her eyes. “Oh please. He doesn’t have a brain and I know for a fact you’ve got a killer GPA.”
That was true. But it didn’t mean I wasn’t an idiot sometimes—like right now, for example. How many times did I have to remind myself that this girl didn’t want any more from me than friendship. If that.
She narrowed her eyes. “I was wrong before. You’re definitely not the Cowardly Lion, either. That much is obvious.”
Was it?
Her smile broadened, if that was even possible. “So you’re the Tin Man, huh? In need of a heart?”
I’d actually just meant that I was out of practice speaking, but yeah. Sure. I guess I needed a heart, too. Sometimes it seemed like mine had been left behind when we moved.
Which was good. It was the way I’d wanted things. I’d tried the whole friends’ thing. I’d even gone and had feelings for a girl. And I’d made the decision that it wasn’t worth trying again.
But here. Now. God, my chest ached in that place where my heart used to be. For a second I forgot about the hard parts—the betrayal and the pain and the hurt.
For a second there I felt a flicker of hope.
Her smile made me hyper aware of the heart we were discussing because it was pounding away like a bass drum.
“Well,” she said, her tone soft and shy. “I’m not exactly Dorothy, but maybe I can help you with that.”
Help me. She wanted to help me. With a jolt I came back to reality. I was still a charity project in her eyes. I was the guy she’d befriended because that was what she did. She befriended the unfriendable.
That was me.
“I should study,” I said, turning to face the desk and rudely dismissing her in the process. I didn’t particularly care how rude I was being.
“Wait. I just meant—”
I paused in front of my desk. I could practically feel her breathing as the air between us pulsed with some tension that I couldn’t name. I could hear my own heart pounding at the sudden silence.
“I didn’t kiss you to make E-Coli jealous.”
I frowned down at the desk. “What?”
“My ex,” she said quickly. I felt her move closer and her voice came from right beside me. “I didn’t think he was watching. I thought he’d left.”
Her words sank in slowly and I tried to process them but they slipped and turned in my brain, meaningless and odd. She hadn’t known he was there.
She hadn’t used me.
So then… “Why?”
When she didn’t immediately answer, I turned to face her. She was standing so close, her eyes so wide. I almost gave in the temptation to kiss her again.
I gripped the back of my desk chair to keep from reaching for her.
“Why?” she repeated. She made it sound like it was a ludicrous question but I couldn’t fathom the answer.
“Why,” I repeated. Because I had to know. That flicker of hope was back with a vengeance and I hated it.
And I loved it.
I didn’t know what she would say or even what I wanted her to say because I couldn’t let myself go there.
I saw her swallow. I couldn’t look away when she licked her lips. When she glanced up at me, she met my eyes through the thick fringe of her lashes. “Because I wanted
to.”
Chapter Twelve
Maddie
My breathing sounded too loud. My heart was beating too quickly.
Oh God, what had I done?
Stupid honesty. Stupid truth. Stupid sharing.
This was a mistake. I was standing here stark naked—well, not literally. But that’s how it felt. I was standing there trembling and metaphorically naked and I had no idea what he was thinking.
Terror rushed through me as I met his stare. His gaze darkened, his breathing grew deeper. Those were the only signs that he’d even heard what I’d said.
Until he kissed me.
In one quick move he reached for me, tugging me against his chest as he claimed my mouth in a kiss that was so much hotter, but no less intimate, than the first. His lips slanted over mine, hot and needy as his tongue tasted my mouth and his arms held me so tightly it made me feel more secure than I’d ever felt in my life.
I felt more than secure; I felt adored. I felt seen and heard, and like the most important person on the planet. I felt cherished. I felt…loved.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back, trying to show him without words how much I loved being with him, how much I loved that he looked out for me, how much I needed him in my life.
Maybe I succeeded, maybe I didn’t. Nobody knows. All I knew for certain was that he was the best kisser the world had ever known.
And he was mine.
There it was again. That weird possessiveness that had driven me into a frenzy when I’d seen him on the field with my flirtatious friends. Frenemies. Whatever.
When we finally parted for that silly little thing called breathing, the truth kind of just tumbled out. Like all the sudden I dipped one toe into the “sharing” arena and now it was no-holds barred. “I lied.”
His frown was sudden and intense. I could feel his shoulders stiffen beneath my hands. “What?”
I blinked a few times. Well, shoot. That had come out all wrong. “I mean, I didn’t lie. I wanted to kiss you just because…I wanted to kiss you.”
That didn’t help. His brows drew together and holy jeez, he would have been intimidating if I didn’t know what a teddy bear he was. “But?”
The Perfect Score (Kissing the Enemy Book 3) Page 11