Blue Saturn

by Jay, Libby

  “Reassured?”

  “Yeah. Mikey is going to be okay.”

  “You thought that maybe he wouldn’t be?”

  “Do you remember the first day I met you? Do you remember what was happening in that room? Do you remember what happened in the weeks that followed that initial meeting?”

  Mike is nodding. “I know.”

  “I’m not reminding you to make you feel bad. I’m reminding you so you can see how far you’ve come. And that brings me comfort.”

  Mike tilts his head to the side. “You love him, don’t you?”

  “Of course I do.” I take a sip of my drink. “He’s a beautiful little boy, on the inside and outside.”

  “I kinda love him too.” And for now, I know that’s the most Mike can give.

  We pull up outside a large building. There are people lining up outside in the cold. Wayne gets out of the car and goes to speak to the security guy at the door. After a short exchange, Wayne returns to the car and opens the passenger door for me. He holds out his hand and I take it as I exit the car. Mike comes to me from the other side and wraps his arm around his shoulder, pulling me in close to him, offering protection from the cold.

  He briefly greets the bouncer and we’re instantly ushered into the club.

  The heat instantly hits me and it’s a relief. Mike moves his arm from around me but takes my hand. “We’re going to a private room upstairs. There are going to be a lot of girls up there.” He shakes his head. “For Paul and Steve. If you’re uncomfortable, I can get us another room.”

  I nod that I understand and appreciate his concern.

  He leads me up a staircase and along a short corridor. A man standing outside a door greets Mike by name.

  “This is Lyndsay. She’s with me. Get her anything she asks for,” Mike says as he ushers me into the room.

  My eyes instantly meet with Gavin’s. He’s sitting at the rear of the room, on a large sofa. He’s flanked by two very pretty girls. But when he sees me, he stands up and comes to me, giving me a tight hug.

  “I forgot how beautiful you looked tonight.” He holds me at arm’s length and looks me up and down. “Stunning.” He kisses my cheek and goes back to his spot on the couch.

  “Come with me.” Mike takes me to a spot near the front of the room. There is a large window overlooking the dance floor. “What do you want to drink?”

  “I’ll stick with water, please.”

  He nods and signals for a waitress. “Two waters please.”

  The waitress smiles and walks away, returning moments later with a tray and two glasses of water.

  My eyes go to the other side of the small room. Paul and Steve are sitting on a long sofa, girls all around them; to their sides, behind them, sitting at their feet, sitting on their laps. Paul is kissing one of the girls, his hands are freely roaming over her body. They’re moments away from breaking into a massive orgy.

  “You know what,” Mike says before he drinks the entire glass of water in one go. “Let’s go dance.”

  Mike takes my hand and leads me from the room. He pushes past the hoards of revellers on the dance floor and soon we’re surrounded by moving bodies. He gently takes my hips in his hands and pulls me in closer to him. My hands instinctively go to his chest, but I’m quick to move them to his upper arms. Then Mike starts to move. He’s a good dancer and I find dancing in time with him is easy.

  Once I’ve found my rhythm, he removes his hands from me and without moving any further away from me, he continues to dance with me. I soon find myself relaxing to the heavy beat of the music.

  We’ve been dancing for about ten minutes. I’m feeling warm and Mike has beads of sweat on his forehead. A girl wraps her arms around Mike from behind. He quickly turns around, removing the arms from around his torso. He leans in to whisper something to the girl, before she looks at me, raises one over-plucked eyebrow and looks me up and down. She slips a card into the pocket of Mike’s shirt and goes back to wherever it was she came from.

  Mike turns around and takes the card from his pocket. He drops it to the ground before putting his hand around my waist and pulling me in closer to him. He leans down and I feel his breath on my neck. “Let me know when you want to leave.”

  Part of me wants to leave. The part that is always a little bit afraid. But the bigger part of me wants to stay and dance. I’ve never been to a nightclub before and I’m enjoying the feel of the music filling my body. I’m enjoying the heat and the near darkness and...the company. I’m enjoying being with Mike.

  I shake my head. “I don’t want to go.”

  Mike smiles down at me and pulls me in a little closer again. “Good.”

  This time, he doesn’t remove his hand from my hip as we continue to dance.

  During the night, Mike is recognised by a few people. He’s polite to them but quick to give his attention back to me. After a while, Gavin joins us on the dance floor with a girl. They dance, or grind, together until Gavin leans in to Mike and whispers something. Mike looks at his watch and his eyes widen.

  “It’s almost three o’clock,” he says to me.

  “It’s that late already,” I say. “I’m not at all tired.”

  “The time difference probably has something do to with it. But the club will be closing soon. Do you wanna go?”

  I nod. Then a pair of arms wrap around me from behind. I know by the smile on Mike’s face it’s nothing to worry about.

  “You owe me a dance,” Gavin says in my ear.

  I laugh and turn around in his embrace. “Lead the way.”

  We dance for a few songs before Gavin takes my hand and leads me from the dance floor. “Mike’s waiting outside,” he says.

  I’m surprised that Paul and Steve are sitting in the van with Mike when Gavin and I finally exit the club. I take a seat next to Mike, Gavin climbs in after me and once Gavin pulls the door shut, Wayne drives off.

  We drive in silence for a few minutes before Paul speaks from the back seat. “You don’t like me, do you Lyndsay?”

  Mike turns around and looks at Paul. “Shut up.”

  “I want to know why she doesn’t like me.”

  “Because you’re a dickhead, that’s why.”

  “I think Fraulein Maria here finds my behaviour shocking,” Paul says. “Her virginal instinct is to instantly...”

  Mike tenses beside. “Shut up Paul.”

  “What? I’m just saying that if she weren’t so innocent she wouldn’t be so disapproving. Maybe I could rough her up...”

  I’m not sure what happens next. A body flies over the backseat, I get hit in the head with a foot or a knee, and suddenly the car is coming to a halt and Mike and Paul tumble out onto the street.

  Wayne is quick to separate the two and Gavin holds Mike back while Wayne and Steve hold onto Paul. I watch on in horror.

  Mike struggles against Gavin. “You’re out. That’s three strikes. When we get back to the hotel...”

  “We’ve got a show tomorrow night. You think you can find someone to replace me at short notice?” Paul taunts.

  “Damn right I can.”

  There is a crowd gathering and Wayne is quick to notice. He grabs Paul and shoves him into the front seat of the van. Mike get’s pushed into the back. Gavin takes the seat next to Mike and Steve sits next to me.

  We drive in a heavy silence before I speak. “You know what Paul, if you had wanted to really shock me, you should’ve tried being nice to me.”

  Gavin stops Mike from exiting the van until Paul and Steve are out of sight. I get out of the van and wait on the sidewalk. Mike gets out and takes my hand and pulls me along behind him as we go through the lobby of the hotel and get into an elevator.

  Gavin doesn’t join us, he waits for another lift.

  “I’m really sorry, Lyndsay,” Mike says as the elevator begins its ascent.

  “It’s okay. He didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.” I think about what he said exactly and quickly add: “Except the virgin
thing. I’m not a virgin.”

  Mike laughs and puts an arm around me, pulling me in tight to his side. “You’re all right, Lyndsay. I like you.”

  I look up at him and smile. “I like you too, Mike.”

  The lift opens and Mike and I step out together. “You know, you were not at all what I was expecting when I said I wanted a nanny.”

  “What were you expecting?”

  “A matronly woman. Fat. Ugly. Old. A Nanny McPhee type.”

  “Wasn’t she a witch?” Maybe I should’ve asked how on earth he knows about Nanny McPhee.

  “I have no idea, but she sure was ugly.”

  I laugh as Mike opens the apartment door.

  “But when I saw you...well let’s just say, you’re no Nanny McPhee.”

  We walk through to the living area. The babysitter is asleep on the couch. Mike nods his head toward his bedroom, indicating that he’s going to disappear and I go to wake the sitter.

  Mike’s bedroom door is open and he is sitting on the end of his bed as I head toward my own room. “Come here,” he says.

  I go to his door and stop.

  “I meant all the way here.” He pats the empty space next to him.

  I smile and take a seat next to him at the end of his bed.

  “Did you have a good night tonight?” he asks.

  “I did. I had a really great time. Thank you for taking me out.”

  “I had a good time too.” He takes my hand in his and looks down at our entwined fingers. He looks like he’s about to say something but he stops. Then his eyes rise to meet mine. “You should go to bed. I’ll get up with Mikey in the morning, but I have to be out the door at eleven. If you’re not up by then, I’ll wake you.”

  “You should sleep in. You have a show. I can always have an early night.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I’m positive.”

  We stay sitting on the end of the bed looking at each other. There is something about the way he’s looking at me now that makes me want to stay here, holding onto his hand forever.

  He leans in and softly kisses my cheek. “Good night Lyndsay.”

  I smile. “Good night, Mike.” I stand up slowly, but he doesn’t release my hand. There is still something he wants to say. He looks up at me, takes a deep breath, and as I slowly step away, my fingers fall away from his. And for the first time all night, I feel cold.

  14.

  Liane is screeching. I swear she sounds just like a cockatoo. It’s just past ten in the morning and she is hollering on about Paul leaving the band.

  “He crossed the line Liane. A very clear line,” Mike says.

  “Mike, you have a show tonight. Who is going to play lead guitar?”

  “Are you forgetting who wrote the music for my songs?”

  “You can’t play lead and sing Mike. It’s not what you do. You entertain the crowd. You can’t do that with a guitar in your hands.”

  “Well, for now I will.”

  Liane screams. It echoes through the apartment and out to the balcony where Mikey and I are having a morning snack.

  “Would it help if we replaced Lyndsay? I can get another nanny on short notice.” Liane doesn’t even try to lower her voice.

  “Lyndsay stays.” Mike’s voice is firm. “And if you suggest again that she gets replaced, it’s you who will be looking for a new job.”

  Liane grunts and moments later I hear a door slam.

  Mike comes out onto the balcony and lights a cigarette. “Did you hear all that?”

  “It was a bit hard not to,” I answer.

  “It’s not your fault. Paul was on thin ice anyway. Last night was the last straw.” He takes a long drag of his cigarette. “It wasn’t your fault.”

  “Okay,” I say and look down. Somehow I think it is entirely my fault.

  *****

  I’m waiting up for Mike to get back from their show. I’m hoping he’ll be back soon because I’m beginning to feel tired. I had planned for an early night, but after seeing the entertainment news, I’ve decided to stay up to talk to Mike.

  It would seem that the media are running wild with speculation as to why Paul has left so close to the end of the tour. The statement released by Blue Saturn’s management claims that a family emergency took Paul home at short notice. But the media are alleging that there is a “Yoko Ono” situation and the prime suspect for this division amongst the band members is the nanny, me, who has been photographed on numerous occasions with the lead singer and his son. The photo’s all show Mike and I looking rather cosy, although it’s really just the angles and I’m sure a little photo shopping that add to the romanticising of the outings.

  I hate to have to admit it, but the tiny scared girl inside me is worried that I’ll have eggs thrown at me the next time I’m out in public.

  I’m sitting on the couch. I can hear a strange noise, like a rumbling noise, and it’s getting louder. Then I hear a loud crash. I feel the floor start to shake and somewhere, someone screams.

  I stand up from the couch and I run straight to Mikey’s bedroom.

  Dust is falling from the ceiling as I run past the window. I grab onto Mikey, who is sleeping soundly, and without second thought, I shove him under the bed. Above me, glass breaks. The ground is moving violently as the rumbling sound gets louder and louder. A car horn sounds and I hear more breaking glass. I’m wriggling my way under the bed when something heavy falls against my legs and pins me.

  I’m unable to move.

  There is dust everywhere. I hear Mikey coughing. And suddenly, everything becomes still.

  “Indsy,” he says. “What happened?”

  I cough before I answer. “I think there was an earthquake. But we’re okay. We’re okay.” I try to move my legs again, but I’m most definitely stuck. “We’re okay. We might have to stay here for a little while but we’ll be able to get out soon. Come here.” I put my hand out to him and he wriggles closer to me. He puts his head down next to mine and holds onto my hand.

  “Don’t cry Indsy,” he says. I wasn’t aware of the fact that I was crying, but as I take stock of my surroundings, I realise tears are falling from my eyes.

  The lights in the room begin to flicker and then go out completely. We’re in complete darkness.

  It takes me a minute, but I’ve just realised I have my phone in my hand. I have no idea what the emergency number is for New Zealand, so I go through my call list to call Mike. I’m about to press his number when my phone rings.

  Mike is calling me.

  “Mike,” I breathe into the phone.

  “Are you okay?” he asks. I can hear the panic in his voice.

  “Yes. Mikey’s safe. We’re okay.”

  “Where are you?”

  “We’re under Mikey’s bed.” I try to move my legs again. “Mikey’s unharmed, but my legs are stuck.”

  “What do you mean they’re stuck?”

  “I didn’t get under the bed in time. Something has fallen on them and I can’t move.”

  Mike curses under his breath. “We’re on our way to the hotel now but the streets a hectic. I don’t know...” His voice becomes quieter as he speaks to someone else. “Would it be quicker if we walked? We can run.”

  I hear Wayne’s voice in the background and then I hear a car door open and close.

  “Stay on the line Lynd’s. I’m on my way. Can I speak to Mikey?” Mike’s breath quickly becomes laboured as he runs and talks.

  “Okay. I’m going to put you on speaker.” I put the phone down between Mikey and me.

  “Hey little man,” Mike says down the phone.

  “Hey Mike.”

  “I’m going to see you real soon, okay. Are you okay?”

  “I’m okay. Indsy is crying.”

  “Is she? Do you think you could sing her a song to make her feel better?”

  “Yes. Should I sing the Indsy Indsy spider song? She likes that song.”

  “She loves that song.”

  With the
light from the phone, I see Mikey smile and he wriggles a bit so he can do the actions the best he can considering our confined space. When he finishes the song, he frowns. “Indsy is still crying.”

  “Lyndsay,” Mike says. “I’m right around the corner. I’ll be seeing you real soon.”

  “It’s okay, I’m okay. My legs are hurting, that’s all.”

  Then I hear Mike swear. He swears again and again.

  “Sir, I can’t let you through,” I hear a voice say through the phone.

  “My kid is in that hotel. He’s alive. He’s on the fifteenth floor. He’s under the bed with his nanny. I need to get to them,” Mike says through laboured breath.

  “Sir, I can’t let you through.”

  “This way Mike.” I recognise Gavin’s voice.

  I hear yelling and shouting and Mike grunts and he’s running again. I’m pretty certain he and Gavin have just run through the road block.

  I can hear a lot of commotion through the phone. But as time passes, I can hear a lot of noise from everywhere. It seems to be echoing around me.

  I hear Mike swear again.

  “Mike, you’re still on speaker,” I remind him.

  “I’m at the hotel. Thank god you’re alive.”

  “What do you mean?” I ask.

  “The whole front of the hotel is missing. It’s collapsed. Lyndsay, it’s a mess.”

  Mikey’s bedroom was in the front of the hotel. So I can only imagine that I have a wall of bricks and goodness knows what else pinning my legs.

  “Sir, you need to step back,” I hear another uncompromising voice say.

  “My kid is up there. Right there on the fifteenth floor. He’s alive. Listen,” Mike urges.

  “Sir, we have a procedure...”

  “I don’t care about your bloody procedure. My kid is alive up there...”

  “And other people’s kids are going to be dead,” the man says. “Step back. We will get to your son when we can.”

  Time passes. I’m not sure how much time, but Mikey has fallen asleep and the pain in my legs has become a dull ache.

  I can hear a lot of noise now; voices and banging and cars and sirens. I don’t know if I can hear them through the phone or from outside. More time passes and Mike tells me that people are starting to come out from the hotel. Most are alive, some a dead.