“He gave us another box of condoms,” Matthew admitted.
“Oh my god,” I replied, brain shutting down because I wasn’t going to picture a threesome starring me and the twins for Orin’s entertainment.
Jackson laughed first.
“Matt, she thinks Dad meant the condoms to be used for epic twincest.”
I wanted to die.
Matthew laughed harder.
“Are they cherry flavoured? That’s Evie-baby’s favourite.”
They were like toddlers, remembering every naughty thing I ever said and repeating it at the most embarrassing time.
“I hate you both.”
“We love you, Evie-baby,” Matthew said.
“Don’t ever scare us like that again, Evie-baby,” Jackson told me, cuddling me from behind.
“I may have a problem keeping a promise like that,” I admitted, suddenly serious.
“We’re going to work with your new friends to keep you safe,” Matthew said.
“We’re quitting football to take up archery and swordsmanship,” Jackson said.
I thought about it. Of course, it was a habit to tell them I didn’t need their help. Clearly, that was also a lie.
—You do realize your brothers don’t need your permission.—
I gave Orin a kick to the ribs. There was evil horsey laughter in my head.
—What makes you think you can get away with kicking a god?—
“The god of what?” I muttered out loud.
—Sex.—
Jackson started to ask me to repeat myself and Matthew hushed him, telling him I was talking to Orin. So, apparently, Matthew knew who called himself a god. Good thing to know I wasn’t the only one forced to listen to this arrogant drivel.
“You sound crazy if you talk out loud to a unicorn,” Jackson said. “He can read your mind.”
I elbowed Jackson.
“We can’t tell our parents if you want to help,” I said, agreeing to the twin’s help without committing to what that would entail. The boys happily let it go at that.
—Well, you can’t tell your father. He’ll give us more condoms. Completely useless and the wrong size, anyway.—
Did you try on a condom?
I tried to think the question hard, scrunching up my nose and eyes as I focused. The thought of Orin breaking a condom over his enormous dick? That, I tried to bury.
—They said lubricating. I wondered if it might help when I penetrate you. Perhaps if we cut two or maybe three and then joined them together?—
This is the stupidest conversation I’ve ever not had because we are not doing any penetration.
—I’m a fertility god.—
I thought you said fertility Fae last time.
—It's a matter of perspective. Humans worship unicorns.—
No, they don’t.
—What else do woman call a man they all want to fuck but a sex god?—
I couldn’t do it. I broke down and giggled, then I stopped and had the scary thought that Orin had probably been my brothers’ source of information about the Fae with his mind link.
“So...” I said, stretching it out. I would have to ask, totally casual, nothing giving away that the horse we were riding on probably had been feeding them a ton of his own manure. “Did Orin tell you anything about the Fae?”
“Everything,” Jackson confirmed.
—Did you just say I’m full of shit? Also, I am not a horse.—
Jackson and Matthew went on to tell me everything, which was so incredibly wrong and ridiculous that it made my explanation to Dain about the Fae seem like the World Encyclopedia, or at least a level higher than stealing the first paragraph off Wikipedia.
This stinks, I thought back to Orin.
Evil horsey laughter, seriously.
I clipped him in the ribs again. You always had to watch for the quiet ones. I should have known that any guy claiming to have the biggest sausage was full of it. Oh dear, I wouldn’t want to hurt you with my giant cock, so I’ll let the evil demon of the night break you in first if he doesn’t break you first. Hardy har har.
—My laugh does not sound like a hyena.—
Suck my sausage, I thought back to him.
“Giddy up,” I said out loud, and dug both heels in this time. I was still barefoot, so the damage was minimal.
Matthew got embarrassed.
“Orin is a unicorn, Evie-baby. Not a piebald mare for you to cowboy.”
“Quiet. I’m the only one that took riding lessons,” I pointed out.
“It’s PTSD from being kidnapped by the Dark Elf,” Jackson excused. “She’s not herself.”
Wait a minute.
I pulled the braided reins back and ordered a halt. The lying, perverted, dream pony with a huge horn stopped.
“Gotta pee?” Jackson asked. Bless his delicacy.
“Why yes, I do,” I said.
Jackson and Matthew hopped off before I could stop them.
“You should let Orin take you somewhere private. He can guard you,” Matthew suggested.
“I don’t think we should separate,” I responded. There were bears and wolves and Dain.
“Orin says it will be fine. He is connected to our minds, remember?” Jackson said.
How could I forget? I tugged on the reins, so my pony would stand a few more minutes. Look at that, all my riding knowledge was back, just like a bike. I remembered exactly how to handle hot-blooded hunters with too many oats in them.
“What do I look like to you?” I asked Jackson.
“Well, you’re a bit of a mess,” Matthew said.
Aeric had called me a hot mess the first time I unglamoured.
“How so?” I said trying not to sound offended. I wanted honestly.
“You’ve got a cut by your mouth and some bruising down your left cheek and your hair is all tangled up with leaves and some twigs and possibly a rodent or two.”
That was Jackson. I scowled at him.
“What kind of Fae do I look like?” I prompted, a lot louder. Couldn’t they see the big evil written on my forehead?
“Orin says you get grumpy when you have to pee. Why don’t we trade beauty secrets when you come back?” Matthew suggested.
“You look like yourself,” Jackson said, catching on. “You’re taller, which is weird, and your ears are pointy, which really is Liv Tyler kind of hot, but otherwise, everything’s the same. You even have freckles across your nose still.”
“My hair is black,” I said.
“Uh yeah. The same as always,” Matthew said.
Wow. Did Orin brainwipe them or something?
“I have dark hair like a Dark Fae...”
“You’re a Halfling.”
“Halfling.”
That simple pronouncement, echoed by them both, smacked of Orin’s interference.
I squeezed Orin’s sides with my heels. “Hurry up, I have to piss like a racehorse.”
We got just out the sight of my stepbrothers when Orin reared, and I had to cling to him for dear life. “I hate falling,” I mumbled into his neck. Freezing cold drenched my skin along with golden sparkles and suddenly I was clinging to Orin’s naked back, arms wrapped chokingly around his neck.
“Geezus, you sparkled,” I accused, completely disgusted. “I hope you didn’t get any of that crap on me.”
It felt like I had bathed in it. I sneezed at the thought.
—Get off.—
How did he sound so grumpy in my head? I dropped to my bare feet and watched as more golden crap sprinkled around him and clothes appeared on his body. What the fuck?
—Magic, Sparkles.—
I brushed off gold glitter from my skin. It stuck to me like it was yellow diamond dust, digging under my skin. I itched everywhere.
“Sparkles better not be your idea of an endearment, pretty boy.” I could not think of a more inappropriate nickname for myself.
—It’s your sparkling personality.—
“How are you lying
if you’re Fae?”
—Same as you, Sparkles.—
“I will buy a nice bit for you when we get home and shove it in your mouth if you call me Sparkles one more-”
My stomach hit Orin’s shoulder and the air needed for speech whooshed out of me. He started carting me off further into the woods.
—You do have a nice seat from all those riding lessons, Sparkles. He patted my butt. Unfortunately, I prefer to do the riding most of the time.—
I felt a thread of worry tug my mind away from the perving of my ass as we kept walking and walking.
“Where are we going?”
“Here,” Orin said and dumped my butt unceremoniously on the ground.
“Ouch, fuck,” I muttered.
My feet might be impervious to the rocky ground, but I nearly got my butt impaled by a stick. I pulled a twig out from under me. Well, it had felt bigger.
“A little low on padding, Sparkles?”
I threw the twig at his smug face. It hit him mid-thigh.
“Suddenly found your voice?” I grumbled to his thigh. I wonder how’d he feel with my arrow stabbed there?
—If I must disarm you it is only going to add to your count.—
I pulled the stupid charm out of my pocket, with effort because my outgrown jeans were super tight, and grunting I threw that harder at him. It hit his chest, bounced off and smacked me in the face.
“I’m going to kill you,” I screamed, batting the stupid charm away.
I lied about the charm, too.
“Well, I also lied. I don’t have to pee,” I announced and stood up. Orin was annoyingly taller even with my new form.
—In your head, already knew, Sparkles.—
“Pretty boy,” I cooed, smiling up at him and scratching under his chin. “If I don’t think it ahead and just snap out and kick your balls into your throat do you think you’ll hear it in time?” I asked, already grabbing his shoulder with my other hand and making good on my threat.
Orin growled at me while shifting sideways, grabbing me by the hips and throwing me. I screamed until I landed in the water and had to shut my mouth to keep from drowning.
The water was warm, but I still shivered as I popped my head out. It was adrenaline and pure rage.
—You look like a drowned puppy caught in a downpour, Sparkles. Don’t be afraid, I’ll warm you up.—
“How are you in my head?” I asked, mystified.
“I’m in everyone’s head,” Orin stated.
I froze. Luckily, the sandy bottom was in reach of my feet.
“Your brothers think you’re having a bath and we’re stopping here until the others catch up. It’s a meeting point and the waterfall over there leads out of Faerie. I spoke in their minds to tell them while you threw a stick at me-”
“It was a twig.”
“You’re damn lucky it wasn’t the birch you deserve,” he told me, reminding me of strict Kheelan. I shivered and this time it really wasn’t the water. They had been very clear about spanking still being part of Fae life, at least for the females. Falin’s preview had been enlightening.
“Nobody gets birched anymore. They threw out the rod in school rooms with the slate,” I snidely informed him.
Orin didn’t respond, walking into the water very naked after another cloud of gold glitter.
I closed my eyes. “That is going to get old fast,” I grouched.
“The powder is an aphrodisiac,” he told me, much closer.
My eyes popped open.
He laughed. —I lied.—
I thought he was going to grab me and prepared myself to fight him off, but he simply let his body slip backwards in the water and floated.
I looked. I couldn’t help it. I was curious.
—Well, I warned you, didn’t I?—
“It’s proportional,” I said like it wasn’t my first time seeing a real penis this close and I had lots to compare.
Evil horsey laughter.
I splashed him with water. At least, this time, I got him in the face.
—You would be more comfortable if you removed your clothes.—
He was still floating around, eyes closed. I was tempted but I had no idea how to get them off me now they were shrunk by water and they already had been a tight fit. Getting them back on would be impossible, too.
—I’m very good at removing clothing and tight fits.—
“Don’t touch me,” I warned.
He floated.
I squelched my way to shore.
—Do you know where Dain has gone?—
“To fight Lord asshole,” I guessed.
—Romantic. A knight in shining armour to rescue you?—
Dain had looked more like the devil. There was brimstone in the air and he threatened Eloden with ritual animal slaughter. I had been foolish to kiss him.
Orin turned over onto his side and sucked up a mouthful of water, then returned to his back, spitting it high into the air like a fountain jet. It landed on his belly, splashing all over his rippled abdominals. I slipped and fell onto my ass.
“Thanks a lot,” I grumped at him. “Now my pants are wet and dirty.”
—It’s called mud. I hear rolling around in it naked can be lots of fun. And what did I tell you about thanking Fae?—
“I lied,” I told him. “There is this thing called sarcasm. Also, I’m sure that’s not sanitary.”
I looked at the muddy bank and back at the pond with clear, inviting water. The first light of morning was trickling through the night, bringing a little brightness to the deeper depths of the pond. I did not want to be walking around with dried mud caked all over me.
—Do you want to know where Dain really went?—
I looked over at Orin’s floating body suspiciously. “He was armed for fighting,” I said.
—Where is everybody? They all disappeared so quickly.—
Orin flipped back over on his belly and stuck his face in the water, dead man floating. His buns were possibly hotter than his abs. I was almost distracted.
“What game are you playing?”
—There are so many games I want to play with you, Sparkles.—
I threw a rock at his ass. My aim sucked. The plunk of it hitting the water seemed to startle him, though, flipping back over and standing.
“Hand quicker than your mind?” I bragged.
—If only you knew what I know.—
I smirked at Orin. “How stupid do you think I am?”
He strode out of the water with the confidence of Poseidon.
“Sparkle yourself,” I ordered, closing my eyes and scrambling back on the bank. My hand slipped.
“I strongly suggest you ask me where Dain is right now,” Orin whispered as he dropped to all fours and crowded me against the embankment. He was naked.
I risked opening my eyes. “Tell me.”
“Use your bargain,” he said, those deep, indigo blues bottomless as he met my eyes.
“That would be a waste. It’s sunrise.”
“It’s dawn. The sun won’t cross the horizon for a few more minutes. I wouldn’t waste those.”
“I don’t need to know,” I said. Curiosity burned me.
—Yes, you do, Sparkles. You need to use your bargain for it.—
Something about his pressure to waste my favour owed for his Mark made me think about what Eloden had said about Falin only being able to remove my complicated glamour because he had the magic of the bargain to help him. They had also told me their magic was weakest around the change in light. Was Orin telling me he needed to be compelled and it had to be now?
The seconds were counting down like a bomb about to go off in my chest.
“Tell me the answers to my questions in as short a time as possible in a way I can understand and that I will remember without doing anything to cut that memory short or to mislead me into wasting my questions.”
I felt cold magic tingle between us. Orin smiled.
“Where is Dain?”
“He is tracking down Kheelan to kill him.”
Kheelan had said it. I had joked about it, but totally not what I would have guessed. I really thought Dain would provide the backup Kheelan needed against his asshole father.
“What? Why?” I spat out, furiously thinking of a dozen questions at once.
“To kill. For lying.”
“What lie?” I said. Orin’s answers were too brief and specific to only what I asked.
“Kheelan lied about Aeric being his brother when they are in fact, half-brothers.”
“I already knew this.”
“That is not a question.”
Wasted time. I quickly thought up my next question.
“Why does Dain want to kill Kheelan over this lie?”
“Aeric is his greatest enemy and now Dain is tied to him by the Claim.”
“Why is Aeric Dain’s greatest enemy?”
“Aeric is a pure-blooded Fae prince and heir to the Summer throne.”
I had to think about how to word the next one, my mind racing the sunrise. Of course, Aeric was an arrogant prince. If they were enemies, what would that make Dain?
“Is Dain the Winter King?”
“No.”
I paused. I really thought I had it.
“Is Dain Winter court?”
“Yes.”
“Is Dain a Halfling?”
“Yes.” Orin smiled at me.
“Is Dain’s father the Winter King?” I asked with excitement.
“Yes.”
I almost fist-pumped as I finally got somewhere, except my next question was too morbid for that kind of enthusiasm.
“Is Dain going to kill Aeric?”
“No.”
I let out a sigh of relief.
“What protects Aeric from Dain?” I asked next. If I knew, I might be able to help Kheelan. I shouldn’t care, but I did, especially knowing that everything Kheelan had done was for his brother. I understood fighting for your family.
“You protect Aeric.”
“How do I protect Aeric?”
“His Mark.”
“Kheelan Marked me!” I pointed out, not able to logic this one. One brother was protected, but not the other and both had Marked me.
“That’s not a question.”
“Why is Kheelan not protected by his Mark on me?”
No Faerie Tale Love (Faerie Series Book 1) Page 34