Finished stocking the fridge, Marco stood and glanced up to see Will Anders, Kristen’s cousin, and Kayla and Roxy London joining the group in the backyard. He was surprised when Kayla squealed upon spotting Harper putting some snacks on one of the tables and pulled her into a hug. “Harper! Oh my God, girl! You look amazing. I haven’t seen you since we left Heat and joined here. Do you still go there?”
Marco froze. What the fucking hell? Harper had been to Heat? Oh, no, no, no, and fuck no! He had to have heard wrong with all the other chatter going on—Heat was the second-most-popular private BDSM club in Tampa, behind The Covenant. Harper in a fetish club? He was about to clear out his ear with a finger when he spotted her guilty-as-hell expression as she glanced over her shoulder at him. Turning away again, she hugged Kayla’s wife and then excused herself, hurrying back over to where the other women were preparing salads and sides to go with the barbecue, obviously hoping he would ignore what he’d just heard. Oh, hell, no.
Checking to see that Mara was being taken care of by Jenn and Alyssa, he strode over to the outdoor kitchen and wrapped his hand around Harper’s bicep. “May I have a word with you, Harper, in private?”
She paled a little and bit her bottom lip. “Um, I’m helping get the food ready. Maybe later?”
“It may have sounded as a request, but consider it an order.” He purposely dropped his voice an octave causing Kristen, Kat, and Angie to stop what they were doing and look at him in surprise. It was clear none of them had heard Kayla’s announcement, but they knew his tone well from the club. It was the tone of a Dom who wasn’t going to take no for an answer.
For a split second, it appeared Harper was going to argue with him before she relented and gave him a slight nod of her head. As he led her toward the parking lot, she glanced over her shoulder.
“Don’t worry,” he reassured her through gritted teeth. “Mara is being well taken care of and spoiled rotten. I’d be worried about yourself, right now, if I were you.”
She tugged against his moderate grip, but he refused to let go. “Where are we going?”
“Somewhere where we can talk in private.” And where I can flog your ass...
Marco didn’t say another word as he marched her across the lot, through the inside gate, and then up the stairs to the club. Placing his hand on the security scanner, he waited for the click signaling the door had unlocked, pulled it open and escorted Harper into the lobby. But he didn’t stop there. A few moments later, he had her downstairs in the pit, and finally came to a standstill next to one of the spanking benches, whirling her around so she was facing him. Her downcast eyes and the fact that she wasn’t taking in what should be unfamiliar surroundings, filled with an array of BDSM equipment and implements, told him he wasn’t mistaken. Harper was a submissive in the lifestyle. How the hell had he missed that all these years? Sure, they never hung out together unless Nina was with them...holy shit! “Please tell me Nina wasn’t in the lifestyle.”
Startled, her gaze met his stern one. “What? Because she was your sister, she wasn’t allowed to enjoy the benefits of a Dom/submissive relationship?”
“No! Yes!” He let go of her upper arm and ran the hand through his hair in frustration. “I mean…yes, she was allowed to do whatever she wanted, but I’ll be upset if she hid it from me. She knew I was a Dom and what that meant, but always told me it wasn’t for her.”
“Calm down. She wasn’t a submissive, or in the lifestyle at all.”
A flash of relief went through him before he focused on the real issue at hand. Crossing his arms, he frowned. “But you are.”
Her gaze dropped to his chest. It had been a statement, not a question, but she responded anyway. “Yes.”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything to me?”
She didn’t answer, and while he would normally let the silence continue until a sub began to squirm and felt compelled to talk, he couldn’t wait that long. “Answer me, Harper. Why?”
“Because…damn it!” She threw her hands in the air. “Because I was afraid you would want to play…and then I was afraid you wouldn’t want to play. I was attracted to you, but while I wanted a husband, in addition to a Dom, you’d made it clear on several occasions, to both Nina and I, that a wife and kids were out of the question. I was afraid if we played, I…” She turned her head away and her voice dropped to a whisper. “I was afraid I would fall in love with you and I couldn’t take that risk.”
Tears spilled over and ran down her cheeks, and Marco wanted to kick his own ass. How the hell had he been so stupid and blind? It would never have worked between them, but at least he could’ve nipped her insecurities in the bud. Or maybe he couldn’t have.
Fuck! Part of him was thrilled at this revelation while the other part was scared shitless. Was it because of their past, and not just their mutual attraction, that the urge to top her was so strong? To be her one and only? Was it because of the permanent connection they now had to each other in the form of a child? A child who was growing on him every time he came in contact with her. Maybe this could work. Maybe he could do the right thing—and reap the benefits of it— without feeling trapped in a relationship he never expected to be in. But she’d already turned down his offer to get married, and she’d made it clear that she would only marry for love. Did he love her? Shit, he wasn’t sure. He cared for her, yes, but what the hell did he know about love? Of course, he’d loved his sister, but that wasn’t the same thing. And what about what Harper was feeling? She hadn’t said she was in love with him, only that she was afraid she could fall in love with him.
“Maybe we should give this a shot?”
Returning her gaze to his, her brow furrowed in confusion. “Give what a shot? What the hell are you talking about?”
“You and I. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe there is something between us besides the sexual attraction. I honestly don’t know, Harper, but the more time I spend with you, and with Mara, the less I want to walk away after we find out what’s going on and put an end to the threat. I’m...I’m just scared, I guess.” What the hell? Where the fuck had that come from?
She placed her hand on his forearm, her eyes filled with concern and bewilderment. “Scared of what? Me? Mara?”
Desperate to touch her, to get closer to her, he cupped her chin with both hands and silently urged her to take a step forward. “I’m scared I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I’m scared because I have no idea how to be a father…or a husband. I have no role models. How do you know I won’t fuck this up? I’m terrified I’m going to do something wrong…something that would be harmful to Mara or you. Not physically…thank God that wasn’t something Nina and I had to deal with growing up. Only neglect. But what if I’m such a horrible father Mara grows to hate me?”
“Marco...” She closed and opened her mouth again, taking a moment to gather her thoughts. “What do you think makes a good father?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, if you could conjure up the ideal father you would’ve loved to have had growing up, what would he have been like? I’m sure you had dreams of one before you became jaded.”
Needing a minute to think about it, he took her hand and stepped over to a wing-back chair in one of the nearby conversation and after-care areas. Sitting, he pulled her down on his lap, encircling her hips with his arms. Communication was a huge part of the lifestyle he’d participated in for years, but usually, he was on the listening end. Many of the subs came to him for advice, comfort, or a sympathetic ear. He didn’t know exactly why they were drawn to him, but over the years he found he enjoyed being needed, and he’d become good at being a Dom the subs could trust with their troubles and trepidations.
But this time, the shoe was on the other foot and the normally confident Dom needed to trust someone else with his fears. If he was honest with himself, he’d admit seeing his teammates find their significant others had him wondering what it would be like to have someone permanent in his life. Someone to grow old w
ith. Someone to love and who loved him back.
He had to try to open up and trust someone with his heart. Well, not just someone. He didn’t want just any woman—he wanted Harper. And not just physically—although there was no denying he wanted to be inside her as often as possible—but he was getting used to her being around all the time again. Like when the two of them had devoted all their spare time to taking care of Nina. He suddenly realized the silence that had nearly driven him crazy the nights he’d been home alone those first few weeks after returning from his mission, weren’t only because Nina was suddenly gone, but Harper had been gone, too. Damn, Nina must be laughing her ass off in the afterlife right now.
Clearing his throat, he adjusted her on his lap to give his growing erection some room. He couldn’t help it—the feel of her lush bottom, so close to his cock, was making it impossible to ignore how much he wanted to bend her over a spanking bench and take her from behind. He pushed the thought from his mind and concentrated on answering her question. “I don’t know. I guess a father who was there all the time when I needed him. You know, took me to ballgames, played catch on a Saturday morning, taught me how to fish…how to be a man. Someone who taught me what it was like to be loved, someone I could look up to.” He paused and he swallowed the sudden lump threatening to block his next words. “Someone who took the burden of me having to grow up so quickly, in order to take care of Nina.”
“Oh, Marco.” Harper reached up and caressed his cheek as he leaned into her touch. “I think Mara would love to have a father to take her to ballgames, play catch, and teach her to fish. She also needs a man to show her how a woman is supposed to be treated, so she knows what to look for in the men she’ll date someday. Someone she can look up to and respect because he’s a good man. He doesn’t have to be perfect because that’s unrealistic—nobody’s perfect. As long as she knows she can go to him when she needs comfort or help with a problem…or a burden…then I think she’ll have a damn good father.”
It hit Marco dead in the face. Carter had been right. Whatever made him a good Dom, who the subs came to in their time of need, could be channeled into parenthood. Nothing would change the fact he was now a father, but honestly, he already had the skills to be a dad like the one he’d wished for as a child. Realistically, no one was prepared for raising a child, it was something you learned as you went. Trial and error. Could he do this? Could he seriously be the primary male figure in his daughter’s life? Images of Mara and him experiencing the milestones of her life—big and small—flooded his mind. Her first steps. The first day of school. Teaching her to ride a bicycle, fish, and anything else she was interested in. Helping with her homework. Showing her how to defend herself against the creeps in this world. Watching as some snot-nosed kid took her to the prom after Marco warned what would happen if the boy didn’t treat her right. Her wedding day.
He didn’t realize tears had begun to roll down his cheek until Harper brushed them away with her thumb. “I want to…” Damn, there was that lump in his throat again. “I want to try. No…not try. I want to be Mara’s father. In every sense of the word. I’m sure I’ll fuck up along the way, but I hope it won’t be often.” He cupped her chin. “But I want the package deal, Harper.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Package deal?”
“You, Mara, and me. A family. I want it all.”
Before she could say no, he pulled her face toward his and took possession of her mouth. Now that he was in for the long haul, it was time to convince her that he wouldn’t settle for less than everything he never knew he wanted.
CHAPTER 12
Harper’s eyes fluttered shut and every thought of why this was a bad idea flew from her brain as their lips touched. As much as she had dreaded this moment since Marco had reentered her life, she had dreamt of it, too—for so much longer. And now her reasons for keeping him at arm’s length seemed to have disappeared. He was willing to try to see where this went between them. The key to the locked armor she’d wrapped around her heart to protect it from him slid into place. Now it was only a matter of time before she knew if she could let him turn the key and free her. Everything she knew about the man said she could trust him with her mind, body, and soul, but only if Marco knew it himself. Once he realized he was the good man his friends and she knew he was, then it would be possible for him to fall in love, and let her fall in return.
His hand snaked up into her hair, tightening and pulling the strands just to the edge of being painful. She gasped against Marco’s mouth and he took full advantage of it, plunging his tongue between her opened lips. He tilted her head to the side to give himself better access to taste, tease, and torment her with everything he had. A moan from deep inside her escaped when his other hand found her breast and massaged it through her thin T-shirt. A thought popped into her brain, she wished she’d put on a sexier bra today. After giving birth, her breasts remained fuller than their original size, so she’d had to purchase new bras to accommodate their girth, and since she hadn’t been out to impress anyone, she’d picked up only drab, utilitarian ones. At least she wasn’t wearing one of the nursing bras she’d used at first. Then again, easy access at this point wouldn’t be a bad thing.
Shifting, she brought her legs up to straddle him, grinding her pelvis against his erection and giving him access to both breasts. He didn’t disappoint, grabbing her shirt and pulling it over her head. She hadn’t needed to worry about the bra since he never even saw it as he popped the catch and dragged the garment off her body. Tugging on her hair, he left her mouth and trailed kisses and nibbles down her jaw, neck, shoulders, and chest. Cupping her left breast, he lifted it as his mouth closed around her flesh, and she cried out at the electricity which shot through her entire body. The moist, wet heat of his tongue on her nipple was replaced with cool air as Marco blew on it, causing the center to extend toward him. He moved to the other nipple and gave it the same treatment.
“Beautiful,” he whispered, sounding almost in awe. “You don’t know how much I want to clamp your nipples right now. But these beauties deserve ones with jewels on them.”
He closed his teeth around one of the taut peaks and sucked. She couldn’t control her response if she wanted to. As she cried out again, her hands dove into his hair and held his head in place. She knew what she was doing was wrong—topping from the bottom or trying to control the scene that was playing out—but they hadn’t taken the step of negotiations yet. She hoped he would forgive her indiscretion…or maybe it would be better if he didn’t. She was certain any punishment Master Marco doled out to his submissives would eventually result in something which would repeatedly drive her over the brink of insanity.
His hands went around to her back and caressed the soft skin he found there. Releasing her nipple, he pulled his head back, forcing her to ease her grip so he could look up at her with eyes heavy with desire. “How long, baby? How long have you been in the lifestyle?”
Trying to catch her breath, she twirled his soft black hair with her fingers. “Since college.”
“Tell me more,” he ordered as he kissed her collarbone. “How’d you start?”
“Our second year, one of our housemates took Nina and I to a munch and I felt like I found a home, you know?” Oh, yeah, he knew. Munches were get-togethers for people interested in the lifestyle. It gave them an opportunity to talk to experienced Doms and subs without diving head first into play. He often saw that ‘found-a-home’ look in newbies eyes when they realized they were more normal than they’d thought. “Nina said it wasn’t for her, but she supported my need to learn more about it. I think it was our senior year when you told her you were a Dom. Of course, she told me, since we told each other everything.”
His thumbs came to her front and brushed against her ribs. “And yet, she didn’t tell me about you, which in hindsight, I would have reamed her if she had. Privacy and all that. So was any Dom lucky enough to catch your eye for a long period of time? Any relationships?”
Nodd
ing, she tried to focus on answering him and not on what he was doing to her flesh. “A few. I usually dated a Dom before I played with him. The longest relationship I had was two years, but in the end, we both realized forever wasn’t meant to be. We just grew apart, and soon play was the only thing we really had in common. I don’t have to ask you the same question, since Nina knew you never had a long relationship with anyone—sub or not.”
“The longest one was about five months and that was years ago. I never introduced the woman to Nina. I knew it wasn’t forever, so why bother to get either of their hopes up?” He shrugged and she wondered why he suddenly wanted to talk instead of putting his mouth to better use…or at least, a more pleasurable use. His eyes met hers. “I want you, Harper.” His hips flexed toward her, showing her just how much he wanted her. “There’s no denying that. But last time we put the proverbial cart before the horse. So this time, I want to take you out…on a date, before I take you to my bed. Can we do that? I’ve never courted a woman before and this time, it feels wrong not to. I can’t believe I’m saying this with you half naked in my lap, but I’m asking you to get dressed. I’m sure Jenn would love to help your mother babysit and they’ll be perfectly safe here with the team. I want to take you out to dinner tonight and romance you…” He raised his brow and chuckled. “And then I want to pick up where we’re leaving off…after you’ve completed a limit list, so I know what toys to bring along.”
She smiled at his teasing. Clearly, this was important to him. As much as she wanted to jump his bones at this very moment, she gave in to his request. “I’d be honored to go on a date with you, but do you think it’s safe?”
Watching From The Shadows: Trident Security Book 5 Page 12