People hushed and mumbled amongst themselves and when Ally heard a deep, familiar voice say, “Good evening.” Her heart leapt into her throat, and she fumbled with her drink.
“Good evening, ladies and gentleman.” Jesse stopped at the top of the stairs. He held a champagne glass in one of his large hands and looked over the crowd, a frown marring his perfect features.
Ally looked at Jesse, really looked at him, for the first time in four years. The years had been kind to him. His hair was darker, and how he’d gotten that muscular, she’d never know. He’d never been scrawny as a teenager, but had always been medium build. He’d apparently been in the gym every day since he’d left for college. His chest bulged under his sweater and his face was more chiseled and defined. His legs were covered nicely with khaki’s and brown boot-like dress shoes. Captivated and breathless at the sight of this man she’d grown up with, she took a step back in disbelief. He owned this place?
And he had glasses now. Yes, she thought, as a lens caught the light, he had thin wire rimmed glasses giving him the Clark Kent look. He hadn’t been wearing those at the station when she’d gone to report the murder. Her heart stopped at the beautiful sight of him and her body stirred in a way it shouldn’t after so long. Her memories flooded back of Jesse holding her, kissing her like time had never come between them.
As his eyes continued to scan the hushed crowd, she was shocked when his gaze fell on hers and held it. She couldn’t look away, didn’t know if she wanted to. He put her under his spell then, and she was lost. Hadn’t that always been the case?
“Ladies and gentleman… I want to thank you for attending my New Year’s Eve party. I wanted to get reacquainted with old friends, family, and loved ones.” He looked away, yet she couldn’t help but stare up at him, loving every inch of him and smiling as she realized going to college up north had taken away his southern accent. “As these years passed me by, I noticed something vital was missing from city life,” he said, and his veiled eyes fell on her again then looked away. “I missed walking downtown and being able to talk to a stranger and getting a response. I missed having friends that didn’t expect a dissertation every time we hung out. In short, I missed all of you.” He was looking at her again, his eyes clouded over with what resembled nostalgia and sadness.
When he swallowed noticeably, Ally realized he was talking directly to her and suddenly there was no one else in the room but them. His eyes burned through hers and refused to let her look away. His voice was low, deliberate and thick with gruffness. “I’ve missed our friendship and coming home in the evenings from school and watching movies, playing outside and goofing off. I’ve missed studying for exams. I’ve missed the laughter, happiness, and love we shared. When I first left, I wanted to be able to click my heels together three times and come home. But I didn’t, and I lost much more than I ever bargained for. I want it… you… back.” He paused and looked away, pressing his lips together.
Tears involuntarily choked her. Several people in the crowd had their hands at their throat fighting tears as well as they watched her reaction to his speech. The whole town had once been their cheerleaders, everyone talking about the high school sweethearts like their marriage was a done deal. Now, it seemed like Jesse was up to his old tricks again, and he was going to make sure everyone here was his witness.
When he finally did continue, Ally’s eyes were moist with all the memories he was bringing back. “Thank you all again for coming. And remember if any one needs a detective, please don’t hesitate to stop by the station.” He held up his glass of champagne and the crowd followed suit. “Here’s to new beginnings. Cheers,” he said as he stepped down a step, then two.
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to be ringing in the New Year with a kiss from an old friend.” When a sly smile spread over his handsome face as he sought her out, Ally realized he was talking about her. She looked around for an escape, anything to put between herself and Jesse, but there wasn’t any room to move. The crowd had gotten thicker during Jesse’s speech, and she only backed into someone behind her. She couldn’t hurt Michael again, not like this. Not in front of these people who knew their history and would surely talk.
And what was wrong with Jesse? He was giving her whiplash with all the different emotions. One day he kissed her like he had finally come home, the next he seemed to feel sorry for himself and not want anything to do with her.
So it was going to be up to her to put a stop to the insanity. She could do that, couldn’t she? For both their sakes.
But to Ally’s horror, the crowd parted as he walked through as if he were Moses himself parting the water and creating a path directly to her. Everyone seemed to know where he was headed. Ally barely registered the count down to the New Year as it began.
Ten… nine… eight…
Jesse was getting closer. It was suddenly something more than just a New Year count down. Her world and the barrier she had worked so hard in the last few days to erect were about to crumble to the ground.
As he neared closer, her hands clenched into tiny fists hanging rigidly at her thighs. Her breasts heaved with wariness. He was like a predator walking toward her in slow motion that she’d never be able to stop. But it didn’t stop her as soon as he was within earshot to protest.
“Don’t,” she said, her voice sounding weak and feeble even to her own ears.
Seven… six… five…
He pulled her into his massive arms and chuckled, his eyes laughing but his voice stern and his intent clear. “I’ve waited a lot of years for you, and I intend to make it worth my while…”
He stared at her, watching her reaction as he mumbled the count down along with the rest of the crowd. His hands came up and roughly tangled in her hair.
Four… three… two… one…
“Happy New Year, Ally,” he said and his mouth covered hers so harshly that she whimpered and hated herself for wrapping her arms around his neck and encouraging such a senseless act. But she’d never known being in someone’s embrace could be so right… so perfect.
As his tongue pressed her mouth open, she tilted her head for him to have better access. He still smelled the same as he had years ago. A mixture of soap, spice and pure male. Ally had never forgotten that smell. She thought about how it made her feel like she was at home again. Safe, where she belonged. Ally felt a tear escape her closed lid, and her body trembled with the sudden emotion of having him so near, so inexplicably perfect. So willing.
The kiss deepened and their breath mingled, hot and wet against each other’s lips. She didn’t care that the whole room was probably looking on, she didn’t care that this would probably get back to Michael and anger him… all the better, she realized. Less for her to have to explain. Where Jesse was concerned, she didn’t have an ounce of self control.
Jesse’s hands released her hair and traveled down her arms and around to her back and waist, pressing her closer and closer against him. She could feel him against her stomach and smiled inwardly, ecstatic to know that she could still affect him. Oh, how she’d missed him!
Ally locked her fingers behind his neck, playing with the hair at his nape. It was even shorter than it was last time she’d seen him. It fit him more and made him look more like a man than a boy. She placed her palm on his neck to feel his pulse where she confirmed that his was beating as fast as hers. Their tongues still danced in a way they had created just between them. She had never felt anything more moving, more powerful than Jesse’s kiss.
A few moments later, he pulled away. He teased her lips with his tongue, obviously as immune as she was to everyone else around them. When she didn’t meet his eyes but instead brought him back down for another powerful kiss, Jesse took her wrists about his neck and pulled them in front of them, threading their fingers together. He squeezed gently.
“Where’s Michael?” he asked softly, as he pressed his forehead against hers. She continued to avoid his searching gaze.
“Out of town,
” she said equally as soft.
“Then come with me,” he said, leading her through the crowd and out the back doors into a garden. When they had finally slowed down for Ally to catch her breath, but still keeping her gaze from his from sheer embarrassment, he pulled her to him again.
“No,” she protested weakly.
“That’s not what you were saying a minute ago,” he teased, moving her to the slow music of Old Lang Syne drifting from the double doors of the patio.
Fireworks began above them, and he turned her so her back was to his chest and wrapped his strong arms around her. He nuzzled her neck and nibbled, stirring her dormant body to life once again.
“That was a mistake,” she insisted, trying to move away from him. But when she finally looked into his eyes to show him how serious she was for him to let her go, her protest died on her lips. His face was so hurt and so vulnerable she couldn’t stop her hand from touching his brow.
Jesse stopped moving. She could read everything inside him, just as she had while they were growing up. He’d never been able to hide anything from her.
I’ve missed you. I love you. Why didn’t you come to the airport?
“Ally—” he began, but she shushed him.
“It’s in the past. That’s where it needs to stay.” As well as everything else between them, but their bodies weren’t listening.
“I need to know what happened,” he said, his voice catching.
“I didn’t come, that’s what happened,” she said, desperately wanting a way out of this conversation, but knowing it had to be said.
“I know that. But why?” His emotions were slowly going behind a dark cloud of anger.
“I did what I had to do at the time. Let’s not fight,” she begged as he tore away from her and began pacing.
“Try me, Ally. Try telling me what happened eight years ago when I laid it all on the table. Try telling me why you never contacted me in the years since. Why didn’t you write me a letter or go to my parents and tell them something! Anything!” He jabbed a hand through his hair roughly and exhaled through gritted teeth. When he turned to look at her again, she could have cried. He looked so distant with determination that it scared her.
“I tried, Jesse,” she began softly. “I tried, but it seemed better to just let it go. Let you go. I had to take care of my father, and it wasn’t fair for me ask you to wait for me. You deserved more than that.”
“You didn’t bother to ask me how I felt about it? Ally, you had no right to make assumptions about how I would feel. I would have waited for you! Back then, I would have done anything!”
Her heart sank. “But not now?”
“Things are different now. I’m not a boy being strung along by the ring in my nose. Thank goodness I came to my senses, huh?”
“I never meant to hurt you, Jesse.”
“So you’ve said. But you loved me so much back then that you thought you were doing me a favor, right?”
She nodded.
For the first time, as Jesse looked down at her necklace, a necklace she remembered all too late that he’d given her for Christmas his senior year of high school, and she yearned to take it off. She hadn’t known this was going to be his party, so she hadn’t bothered. But she always wore it on special occasions.
But then she also remembered there was another piece of his jewelry she wore. Something she’d never removed since the day he’d put it on her finger. The emerald. When she tried to snatch her hand behind her back, Jesse calmly reached behind her and took her hand in his large palm. Ally lowered her head to avoid his gaze again as he stood in front of her.
“Look at me,” he demanded. “And what about this?” His grip tightened around her wrists, but the hard lines around his mouth and forehead softened a little.
“I did love you, Jesse. Not once did I forget anything.”
“Not even when Michael came along?” he asked, his eyes mocking her.
“Not even then.”
His eyes fell again to her chest as he shook his head. “I’ve never forgotten how it looks against your skin.” His words were jumbled together. He reached out and a finger dipped unnecessarily low between her breasts and brought the necklace between his fingers. Her breath caught, but she tried to say what she thought would sound the most appropriate.
“It’s beautiful. I wear it all the time.”
“You’re beautiful,” he whispered, his voice thick again with emotion. “Despite how much I want to hate you, I can’t. I still need you, Ally,” he said, his brows furrowing in confusion and thought. “Nothing’s the same without you. I know you said before you needed me, and I guess that means we’re stuck with each other. I’m tired of fighting it. I’m tired of wondering. I just… I just need you.” His eyes returned to her lips and his face came toward hers.
“I can’t do this,” she said, tearing away from him and unhooking the necklace. She held it out to him, but he didn’t take it. “I can’t pretend all these years never happened! Didn’t the other day prove that?”
“Why are the tables turned now? Because I’m here, and you can’t run? You know I’ll come after you this time. I’ve made my decision.” It was more of a statement than a rhetorical question.
“It was unfair, Jesse, and you know it. You were asking me to give up everything for you. You wanted me to move in with you, go to college with you and spend the rest of my life with you. My dad was alone, and my sister was in trouble, and I felt like my place was at home! How can you blame me for that?” She was raising her voice and expressing her words animatedly with her arms.
“I don’t blame you for staying at home with your dad, Ally, I just wish you would have told me. I didn’t find out about Lana until a few months ago. I couldn’t very well come back after so long and beg for your forgiveness. You left me standing there, remember?”
“I did what I had to do, and I don’t make apologies.”
“Ally.” His jaw clenched and his fists tightened as she watched him lose his temper slowly.
“No, Jesse, save it. I don’t know why we’re even having this discussion. I swore to myself years ago that whatever this was between us is over. I don’t want any part of it anymore. I’m moving on with Michael, and that’s the end of it. The other day, well, that was a mistake.”
“Where is your engagement ring, Ally? I remember when we were little you used to dream about the big diamond you were going to have. To be honest, it’s not so big if I haven’t noticed it yet. ‘Cause believe me I’ve been looking and the only ring I see on your finger is the one I gave you to symbolize the very thing he’s avoiding. Why is that?” he ground out.
“We haven’t discussed marriage yet, but it’s coming.” Ally realized how ludicrous it sounded even as she said it. She’d admitted to Jesse they didn’t love each other.
“Sounds like a cop-out if you ask me. Do you sleep with him regularly so that he thinks marriage isn’t necessary?”
“You’re crazy!” Ally yelled at him, jabbing a finger at him in the bitter cold air. “In fact, I don’t want to talk to you. I shouldn’t have wasted my life regretting something you deserved.”
Ally stalked off toward the house when a rough hand grabbed her arm and spun her around. She was ready to deck him when she saw and heard his laughter, ringing like a melody in her ears.
“You know, they told me you’d lost your spunk. That Michael had sucked the life right out of you, but I guess it just took someone who knows you so well pushing the right buttons to bring it out again, huh?”
“Go to h—“ she spat as his hand covered her mouth.
”There it is again. I doubted that I could bring you out of that pity-me mode you’ve been in for so long, but I’m pleased with myself. It didn’t take much at all. And twice in one night? I’ve still got it.” He chuckled and tilted her face up to his so that she would meet his gaze. “While we’re setting the record straight here, Ally, I’d like to get a few things settled before we meet up again.”
/> His eyes turned dark and sensual. “I’m sick of the whole town telling me your every move. I’m sick of people dropping hints. From now on, I’m going to be your shadow. You wanna play hard to get, we’ll play. But I think you’ll remember quite nicely how I don’t like to lose.”
Ally swallowed. It was true. She’d never won anything when he was her opponent.
“I’m all grown up now, Jesse. I don’t like to lose either.” She lifted her chin and met his gaze squarely, but she saw the knowing grin he tried to hide.
“Get rid of Michael. Or I will.”
“Just because you said so? I think I need a bigger reason than that.”
Jesse leaned toward her so close that he forced her to take a step back. Intimidation. Nice. She wasn’t buying it.
“Then how about this? We still have the hots for each other. And we owe it to ourselves to figure out if it could ever work between us. If it can’t, at least we know. If it can, then we won’t have any regrets, will we? I, for one, have a quite a few when it comes to you. I think we should start with cleaning the slate. Get rid of him. You’ve already told me you don’t love him. Let me know when it’s done. We’ll celebrate.” He presented his back as he walked back in the house.
Ally hesitated. He was right, but the circumstances were wrong. Having the hots for Jesse didn’t mean they would fall in love again. But like he said, at least they would know. This was her chance to put him behind her.
Sitting down on a bench overlooking a goldfish pond and fountain, Ally tried to control her shaking. She heard the soft click of the patio door but it was futile to try to keep the tears away. There was so much hurt, could it ever be forgiven? Could they ever stop thinking about the past long enough to look to the future?
A sob escaped her and her body began to tremble as she let the tears flow freely. She loved Jesse; she’d never stopped. What could she ever do to let him know how much? If by telling Michael she needed a break would ease some of the unspoken animosity between her and Jesse, she would do it.
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