by Harley Wylde
Pitch grinned. “That bitch is long gone. You’ll never find her.”
I’d have Wizard look into it. Maybe he could check into their finances and see if money changed hands. If she was alive, we’d find her.
I got to work, taking my time, mimicking the marks he’d left on her face. Slicing into his cheeks, I made the exact cuts he’d given Phoebe. As I gazed into his eyes, I saw the nothingness. He didn’t scream. Didn’t beg. There was a void, the complete absence of a soul. I peeled the flesh from his arms, cutting off his tattoos. When I realized he wouldn’t give in, wouldn’t break, I decided I’d wasted enough time. I buried my knife in his chest, right where his black heart would be, if he had one.
Gravel placed his hand on my shoulder. “Go clean up, brother. Get back to your woman. We’ll take care of the trash.”
I gave him a nod and went back to the room that had been Phoebe’s. I washed off using her sink, checked my jeans and boots for blood, then went back for my shirt and cut. I shrugged them on and walked out, not so much as glancing back or hesitating. I’d done what I needed to do, and now my woman would be safe. No one would come for her.
I’d promised to protect her, and I damn well would. No matter the cost.
Chapter Ten
Phoebe
Three days. Three long, miserable days of being scared out of my mind. Kraken hadn’t left my side since I woke up, but I could tell by the look in his eyes, what Pitch had done to me would haunt him. He wouldn’t look at me the same as before. I’d bear scars that would never go away, both on my body and in my mind. I couldn’t bring myself to look in the mirror at the hospital, but at the hotel it wasn’t something I could avoid. They’d only kept me overnight, and only then because they’d wanted to run tests. A large mirror ran the length of the counter in the bathroom. I couldn’t brush my teeth without seeing the stitches in my face, the lines on my chest that spelled out whore.
The worst part was having Kraken see me like this. Every time he looked at me, it would be a reminder of where I’d come from, what Pitch had done to me, and what the club had intended to do. His touch was gentle. He still whispered words of comfort and love, but in my heart, I worried he saw me different now than before. Damaged. Ugly. Someone to be pitied. Even though a plastic surgeon had tried to make the scarring minimal, no one could make it disappear completely. The stitches in my face and chest would dissolve within the next few days, or should according to the doctor. They’d said sometimes it took a little longer.
Standing long enough to wash or use the bathroom exhausted me. I’d heard the doctor tell Kraken I needed more time to heal before going home to Mississippi. I missed my daughter, and yet, I didn’t want her to see me this way. She was so little. Would the cuts on my face scare her? I already knew people would stare if I ever left the hotel room. I’d felt their gazes on me when Kraken had brought me here from the hospital. We couldn’t remain here forever, though, and my stitches could take over a week to dissolve.
The pills I had to take made me drowsy and unlike myself. The doctor had said what he’d given me wouldn’t hurt the baby, if there was one. I hated them, but I didn’t like the pain I felt without them either. Every day, I promised myself I’d stop taking them. Then I’d find myself reaching for the bottle. They didn’t just numb the pain of my wounds, but they helped numb my mind and soul too. I knew it was a slippery slope, a path that would lead to addiction. My daughter deserved better. She needed me to be strong.
“Brought you something,” Kraken said as he entered the hotel room. He set a bag on the bed next to me.
I reached for it, feeling the plastic crinkle under my fingers. I slid the bag closer and reached inside, pulling out two new books, but I’d felt other items. A puzzle book with pencils, scented lotion, and a card. I fingered the pink envelope and wondered what was inside. Get well soon? Thinking of you? Was there a card for someone telling you they didn’t want you in their life anymore?
My hands trembled as I opened it, and tears gathered in my eyes as I read the words. The outside was simple with a bouquet of roses, but inside… Kraken had written his own special message to me. All the doubts and fears melted away as I read his words.
To the woman I adore --
You are the strongest, fiercest, bravest woman I’ve ever met, Phoebe. Life has given you a shit hand, but you keep brushing yourself off and getting back up for another round. I promised to protect you, keep you safe, and I failed. Not knowing if you lived or had died, and finding you battered and unconscious, nearly ripped me apart.
I’ve watched you the last few days. I see the way you try to hide. From others. Yourself. Even me. But I see you. The wounds you have don’t define you, baby girl. They only enhance your beauty, remind me of how resilient you are, how determined to survive. I admire you, baby girl. More than you’ll ever know.
Don’t hide from me, Phoebe. Let me love you. Let me help you heal.
You’re mine, and I’m yours.
Always.
Blake
He’d signed it Blake. Not Kraken. Not the name he used with everyone else, but the one that was only for me. I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing as the card fell from my hand. I reached for him blindly and as his arms closed around me, I allowed myself to lean on him, to accept his strength and acceptance. His love.
“You’re my everything,” he murmured. “It kills me to see you like this. Nothing those fuckers did to you will ever diminish you in my eyes.”
“I love you, too.” I pulled up and looked up at him. “I’m sorry. I see my reflection and I hate the woman looking back me. I can’t stand that I’ll have scars the rest of my life, and knowing you can see them… it tears me up, Blake.”
“Do you know what I see when I look at the cuts they gave you?” he asked.
I shook my head.
“I see a survivor. You’ve lived through brutality and abuse, their torture, not once but twice, baby girl. A lot of people would have given up, but not you. You kept fighting to stay alive. And I’m so fucking glad. If I’d lost you, I don’t think I could have gone on.”
I reached up and ran my fingers over his beard. “You would have. For Ember.”
He nodded. “Yeah, but I’d have been dead inside. You’re the best part of me, Phoebe.”
“I just don’t know where to go from here. I feel ugly, and… it feels like they ruined me. I hate feeling like this, but I don’t know how to turn it off.”
He tunneled his fingers into my hair and kissed me hard and deep. “Not going to fuck you right now, even though I damn sure want to. You need time to heal, but, baby girl, you’re far from ugly. Do I look like the kind of man who keeps an ugly woman around?”
I shook my head.
“All right, then. Guess that means you must be pretty fucking beautiful. Stunning. The most gorgeous woman in the entire world.”
I bit my lip and giggled a little. His words gave me comfort, and eased the weight pulling me down. I glanced at the pills next to the bed and handed them to him. I knew if I kept them nearby, the next time I started to spiral, I’d reach for them. He was right. I was a survivor, and I wouldn’t permit myself to get addicted to pain pills. Not when my daughter needed me, and he needed me. Even if it was the hardest thing I’d ever done, I’d refuse to take another one. I only hoped I was strong enough to not break and reach for the bottle again. I should throw them out, flush them so I wouldn’t be tempted.
“How about we order room service, cuddle in bed, and watch movies all night?” he asked. “Sound good to you?”
“Perfect.”
He ran his fingers through my hair. “Want me to fill the tub? You haven’t tried the bubble bath I got you yesterday. Might help relax you before we eat. I’m sure the food will take at least a half hour, maybe longer.”
I nodded and watched him walk off. I heard the water running in the bathroom and smelled a floral scent. It took me a minute to get out of bed and feel steady enough to walk. Kraken sat on the closed
toilet, his fingers under the water spout. It must have seemed too hot because he turned the cold water knob some more. When he noticed my presence, he gave me a warm smile and stood, helping me out of my pajamas. He’d bought three sets for me, all soft cotton. They weren’t sexy by any means, but I appreciated his thoughtfulness.
“Come on, beautiful. Let me help you into the tub, then I’ll go place an order for us. Know what you want to eat?”
“Nothing too heavy, or greasy. Maybe some soup?”
His gaze narrowed. “You need more than just that. I’ll get some for you, but I’ll also see if they have some grilled chicken or something, just in case you’re up to eating more.”
I leaned back against the tub and closed my eyes. The water was perfect, and he’d been right. It was relaxing. I heard the murmur of his voice in the other room as he ordered our dinner. I didn’t know if the others were sticking around too, or just Kraken. I’d seen two of his brothers at the hospital, but Kraken hadn’t permitted anyone in our room. Was I keeping him from his duties with the club?
My fingers started to prune so I drained the water and got out. I hadn’t thought to bring clean clothes in with me, so I wrapped the towel around my body and padded out into the room. Kraken sprawled in a chair at the little table, tapping on his phone screen. He glanced up as I pulled open the dresser drawer, taking out some clean panties and pajamas.
“We need to wash clothes,” I said.
“I’ll get the hotel staff to clean them. They have a laundry service.”
I turned to him, pulling my pajamas on. “Blake, that’s going to cost a fortune. I’m sure there’s a laundromat nearby. Or maybe we can just go home.”
“Baby girl, you’re swaying on your feet. I don’t think you’re up for a road trip yet. When it’s time, I’ll make sure there’s a club truck here to take you home, but for now, I want you to rest.”
I crawled back into bed, pulling the covers up to my waist. He was right about one thing. Even something as simple as a bath really took it out of me. It felt like I’d run a marathon. I knew part of it was the drugs still in my system, but I’d been told I’d lost quite a bit of blood. I didn’t know how long I’d been passed out in my room before Kraken found me.
Our food arrived and I managed to eat my soup and a few bites of the grilled chicken. I didn’t have much of an appetite, but I ate because I knew I needed to. Not to mention, if I didn’t eat regularly, Kraken would threaten to force-feed me. I knew he was worried, but I would be fine. Now, anyway. The words in the card he’d given me had changed things, made me realize how much he still loved me, wanted me. I might see a disfigured monster in the mirror, but he didn’t. To Kraken, I was still Phoebe, the woman he loved. His wife.
He put the tray in the hall, then crawled into bed next to me. He drew me close to his side and I rested my head on his chest. Breathing him in, I let his scent wash over me. I’d held him at arm’s length, worried about where I stood with him. I wouldn’t do that anymore. If he wanted to comfort me, I’d let him. Maybe holding me helped him in some way too.
“Don’t you need to be back home?” I asked. “You’re an officer. I’d imagine they don’t like you being gone so long.”
“I’m right where I need to be. Titan took two bullets to the chest. He’s on bed rest, which he fucking hates. Boomer is running things for the most part. They’re patching up the compound and mostly lying low.”
“Patching? What does that mean?” I asked.
“Sadistic Saints blew the gates off. We lost Ratchet and a Prospect. We got lucky it wasn’t worse.” He sighed. “And Morgan is gone too. But since he’d turned on us, we’d have gutted the fucker anyway. I don’t know why he did it, but I’m sure Wizard is checking into it. Won’t matter. There’s nothing more sacred than our brotherhood, and he shit all over it.”
“He seemed jittery, right before he turned me over to Pitch. I could tell something was off. I’d mentioned it to Mara, but we didn’t have time to make a plan.”
“If there’s any sort of trail for Wizard to follow, he’ll find out what was going on. But with Morgan dead, along with the Sadistic Saints, it doesn’t much matter anymore. Knowing why he did it, won’t change everything that happened.”
“Maybe not,” I said. “But it might give you closure.”
“I’m more worried about MaryAnne. Pitch said she was long gone. I don’t know if that means dead, or if they sold her. Hell, she could have been shoved into a brothel somewhere. We owe it to Sean to find her and bring her home.”
I rubbed my hand across his chest, wanting to comfort him. “You will. The club will find her, if she’s still alive. I have faith in you, Blake.” The way he’d protected me, gotten me away from Deuce and the others, I knew he’d never stop searching for MaryAnne. My biker might be a bad boy, but he was a sweetheart when it came to women. A defender of the innocent. I just wasn’t sure he’d appreciate me calling him that, even in my head.
Chapter Eleven
Kraken, Two Weeks Later
I kicked back at a table in the clubhouse, a cold beer in my hand. Phoebe’s stitches had dissolved, and while she still had some scarring, it wasn’t as bad as she made it out to be. I knew she felt self-conscious about them. Every time she left the house, her gaze darted around, like she worried people were staring at her. I wished we had more old ladies in our chapter. She needed some women around, but all our guests were long gone.
Wizard hadn’t had any luck finding MaryAnne, but I knew he wouldn’t give up. I’d thought about asking Titan if she could stay here for a bit. No doubt she’d be fucked up mentally if nothing else. I doubted someone like Pitch would have given her to a nice church-going family. Of course, Phoebe had learned all about those types and what they were capable of. I still hadn’t given her father a visit, but I wanted to. If she hadn’t needed me while we were in the Sadistic Saints territory, I’d have gone to have a chat with him.
Titan eased down into the chair next to me with a wince. I knew he didn’t want to appear weak to the club, but he was still healing. The stubborn man hadn’t even stayed on bed rest the required length of time. Couldn’t blame him. I’d hate lying in bed every day all day too. He took a pull of his beer and set the bottle down.
“Something on your mind, Pres?” I asked.
“You were gone a while. There are a few things we need to discuss. I know you’re still concerned about Phoebe, but I need your head back on club business. We have too much shit going on.”
I nodded. “I’m back. I’m ready to work.”
“We let Sean off with a warning. What he did was dangerous and could have had dire consequences, but I understand why he did it. He knows in the future to tell us and we’ll have his back,” Titan said.
“Wizard ever find out why Morgan turned on us?” I asked.
“No. We can’t find any connection to him and the Sadistic Saints. No huge deposits in his accounts, no missing family members. Nothing is out of the ordinary, so I have no damn clue what they had on him, or if we just fucked up and let the wrong guy prospect for us.”
I pointed my beer toward some half-naked women dancing near the bar. “See we got some new talent while I was gone.”
“Don’t let your woman catch you eying them. She’ll probably put you on your ass, or worse… leave.”
He wasn’t wrong about that. There were times my little Phoebe was timid as hell, but when it counted, she came out swinging. She’d only left with Pitch in order to save the others. If it had just been her, I knew she’d have gone down fighting. Now that she’d had a taste of passion, love, and acceptance, there was no way she’d ever go back to living the way she had before. Not willingly.
“I’m worried about her,” I confessed. “You and I know her scars are barely noticeable unless you’re looking for them, but to Phoebe, they might as well be huge craters. She feels ugly and like everyone is staring when she leaves the house. I don’t know how to help her.”
Titan tapped his t
high a few times, his brow furrowed. “I may know a way. Remember the nurses who were called in the day I got shot?”
“Yeah, what about them?”
“One them has some pretty bad scarring. Beautiful smile, kind eyes.” Titan’s lips tipped up on one corner. “Doesn’t take anyone’s shit, including mine.”
“Does this mean you’re done giving Cowboy’s daughter longing looks?”
Titan punched me in the shoulder, then grunted. I knew it had to hurt him more than me. “Told you I wasn’t going there.”
“Then call this nurse. See if she’ll meet Phoebe here, or maybe out for coffee? I could drop her by the café.”
Titan pulled out his phone and started typing. I didn’t say a damn word about the fact he had the woman’s number. Made me wonder if she was more than just his nurse. It would be nice if some of my brothers would settle down, find good women. Phoebe would probably like not being the only one here. The club whores didn’t count. I didn’t want them near my woman for any reason. Bunch of catty bitches.
“You up for dinner at the little Mexican place across town?” Titan asked.
“Did you just ask me and Phoebe on a double date with you and the nurse?”
He snorted. “What the fuck ever. You coming or not?”
“I’m always down for tacos. Just let me go get Phoebe.”
I stood and stretched before walking out of the clubhouse. I got on my bike and headed home. First thing I’d done when we got back was buy Phoebe an SUV. It was big enough I didn’t feel like I was crammed into the damn thing like a sardine, but not so large she couldn’t handle it. When I got to the house, the living room light was on. I shut off the bike and went inside, smiling when I saw her stretched out on the couch, one of those romantic comedies on the large TV. She seemed to love those damn things, and I suffered through them because I loved her.
“Need to get ready, baby girl.”
She jolted and glanced my way. “How did I not hear you?”