by Vicki Green
“Pa! No one’s here!” Jared yells up from downstairs.
Dammit! Where could they be? I walk back down the hall and down the stairs. “C’mon, son. Let’s go look outside and out in the barn.” He nods and I tilt my head for Trevor to follow and we walk out the front door. We check Mable’s house, our homemade gym, but they’re not there so we head around the house, the deep snow makin’ us go too slow. We start to walk down the hill and turn to walk around back when somethin’ catches my eye. I move the flashlight to my left and see the pasture gate is open. That’s odd. I always keep that closed. “I’m gonna go head to the pasture and check on things. You go check on the animals.” Jared gives me a nod and I start walkin’ only to stop and turn to him. “You be careful, ya hear?” He may be seven but he’s got a good head on those shoulders.
“I will, Pa!” he yells as he starts walkin’ towards the barn.
“I’ll go with him,” Trevor tells me. I give him a nod of thanks.
The weirdest feelin’ washes over me as I walk through the pasture gate. I shine the light down onto the snow, seein’ footprints, snow already half coverin’ them. Small ones. Bigger ones. What the hell? As I move the light around as I walk, I even see hoof prints. Somethin’s not right. I start walkin’, followin’ the prints. I get about half way to Pa’s tree when Jared yells from behind me.
“Pa! Clancy’s not in the barn!”
My entire body stiffens. He’s not been actin’ right for a couple of weeks. The vet said he’s just old and worn out. Nothin’ we could do but pray. He’s ready to go be with Pa. The big oak tree was Pa’s favorite and Clancy became attached to grazin’ around it, feelin’ a bit closer to Pa there after he passed. Then, Clancy and I became closer, ‘specially after the night he saved my life. Never knew an animal to help someone before, puttin’ me before him. “Stay close to me,” I tell Jared as I start walkin’ towards the tree. I have a bad feelin’ about this. As I make my way through the deep snow, Jared and Trevor right beside me, I say some prayers askin’ that Sadie and Evie are there with him, helpin’ him pass. I wanted to be with him when he went, say my goodbyes, but I know he knows how I feel about him. I just don’t want him to be alone. Then, the thought of Sadie and Evie bein’ out in these elements, ‘specially Sadie who shouldn’t be out of bed, makes shivers run through me.
“Pa! Look!”
I look up as Jared screams, watchin’ him take off in a run, trippin’ and fallin’ in the snow then gettin’ up and runnin’ again. I take off too, my boots slidin’ and my legs burnin’ from tryin’ to go faster. Clancy’s layin’ out on the ground, nearly covered by the snow. Sadie and Evie huddled into his stomach, most likely tryin’ to keep warm. Why didn’t they go back to the house? Evie sits up, her face lit up by my flashlight. She shines a light back at us.
“Pa! Jared! Help Mama! She’s hurtin’ really bad!”
Trevor and I look at each other. Only a couple feet away, I hear Sadie cry out, snow coverin’ a blanket layin’ on top of her and Evie. “Ahhhhhh,” she screams like she’s in pain. Jared rushes to Evie and helps her stand while I kneel next to Sadie.
“Sadie, Darlin’, what hurts?” I shine the light all over her then pull back the blanket. Blood saturates the whiteness of the snow around her legs and bottom. Annie. I look at Sadie, her eyes pleadin’ at me. “Jared. Take Evie back to the house then get the plow fired up.”
Trevor stands. “I’ll go help him.”
I can’t take my eyes off of Sadie as I hear them all leave. Cuppin’ the side of her face, I look into her pain filled eyes. “How long this been happenin’?”
Her mouth opens and close then her eyes shut as she winces. “Memphis. I… I’m sorry. Clancy died. I know… I know you wanted to be with him. I…”
“Shhhh. Now. Don’t worry ‘bout me. How long you been out here? How long you been bleedin’?” I rub my thumb over the cold skin on her face, her lips already turnin’ a light shade of blue. “Never mind. We’ll talk later.” I stand and bend down, keepin’ the blanket over her. She cries out as I lift her into my arms. I start walkin’ down the hill, needin’ to get her into the heated plow and get her to the hospital. No time to wait on an ambulance. Hell, no phone service anyway and they’d likely get stuck on the way out here.
“Memphis. Annie. I’m scared,” Sadie mumbles into my neck, her arm around me and her free hand holdin’ her stomach over the blanket. “Is Evie okay?”
“Evie’s just fine and Annie will be too. Ain’t gonna let nothin’ happen to my family. Talk to me, Darlin’. Stay awake. Why were ya’ll out here?”
“Clancy left the barn. He went up to the tree. Evie and I went to find him. I’m…. I’m so sorry, Memphis.” I hear her sniffle but I keep walkin’, needin’ to get her warm. “We stayed with him while he passed away. He wasn’t alone. Ungh!” She burrows into me then goes limp. I look down in alarm.
“Sadie?” Dammit! She passed out. I start walkin’ faster seein’ lights flicker in the house and outside. Trevor must’ve gotten the generator started. As I grow closer to the deck, I can hear the loud roar of the plow and that makes me walk faster. “Almost there, Darlin’.” Trevor meets me at the plow, openin’ the door to the cab and helpin’ me inside with Sadie. I set her down on the small seat next to me, not able to buckle her seatbelt in fear that it could hurt her or Annie. So, I put my arm around her. Her head lulls against my chest. “Please, baby. Hang in there,” I whisper as I look at her paled face. I throw the gear into first and start to take off but stop quickly.
I look out the window at Evie and Jared standin’ there with their arms up wavin’ at me, jumpin’ up and down, their mouths movin’, and Trevor behind them, tryin’ to calm them down. I open the cab door so I can hear them.
“Pa! We want to come too!” They stand there shiverin’.
Puttin’ the gear in park, I lean over Sadie. “I wish you could, guys, but Mama’s really sick and they’re gonna take her and make her better. I probably won’t even see her for a long time.” Trevor steps up behind them and puts his hand on each of their shoulders. “Ya’ll really need to get inside and get warmed up.”
“How ‘bout ya’ll come home with me. Ya’ll can have a sleepover.”
“And I promise just as soon as I know anythin’, I’ll get in touch with Trevor,” I tell them quickly, lookin’ out the front windshield, eager to go.
Evie pouts and Jared just looks plumb sad. I understand how they feel and I’d do just about anythin’ for my kids, but I’m feelin’ mighty anxious to get Sadie to the hospital. Time isn’t on our side. I’m already afraid I got to her too late.
“Okay, Pa, but can I talk to you on the phone when you call? I’ll want to hear your voice,” Evie says, tears fillin’ her eyes.
“Of course you can. I’ll want to hear your voice too, sweetheart.” I look over at Jared whose bein’ quiet, as usual. “What ‘bout you, son? Can ya help take care of your sister for a bit?” Gotta remember that Evie was out in the elements too, alongside Sadie. “She may need some warmin’ up, was out there for a long time. Don’t want her gettin’ sick.” I give him a wink and his face softens. He crosses his arms over his chest, puffin’ it out a bit.
“Yeah, I’ll take care of her. You just worry about Ma.”
“That’s my man. Okay, I’ll talk to ya’ll soon. Now get inside and get your stuff and get warmed up. I don’t wanna worry ‘bout ya’ll too right now.”
I give them a wink and close the cab door and cover Sadie up better with the blanket. I rest my arm on her and put the gear into first. Again. Trevor and the kids step back as I pull onto the driveway and head towards the road. Bad thing about the plow is – it’s the bumpiest damn ride but it’s the only way to get her to the hospital that I’ve got. My truck wouldn’t get through this as easily and it would be a much worse a ride for Sadie. The wipers are havin’ a hard time k
eepin’ up with the snow blowin’ against the windshield and some parts of the road have very deep drifts. I have to gun it a few times to get through some hefty snow, Sadie yellin’ out in pain each time. Dammit! This is the only time I wish I lived closer to town. It’s been twenty minutes already. Each minute, each second, counts against Annie and possibly Sadie. I keep goin’, my adrenaline at an all-time high tryin’ to get them there.
Forty five minutes later, I’m pullin’ up by the emergency entrance, parkin’ alongside the buildin’, the plow too big to fit in a parkin’ spot and I’m not leavin’ it to block the ambulance entrance. I struggle to get over Sadie, opening the door, then jumping down to the ground. Carefully, I lift Sadie into my arms. She moans and winces in pain as I shut the cab door and start runnin’ to the entrance. “I’ve got ya, Darlin’. You hang in there for me. Please, hang on,” I talk to her as the slidin’ doors open. “I have an emergency here!” I yell out into the room.
“Oh, Lord, Memphis. Bring her in here!” Thank God, Tonya’s on duty. Her family has been friends with mine all my life. She and I went to the same schools together growin’ up. I follow her into an exam room, gently layin’ Sadie down.
“Ohhh!” Sadie yells out, holdin’ onto her stomach. “Please, help Annie!”
Tonya runs around, gatherin’ blankets and layin’ them over Sadie. Then she picks up her wrist and starts takin’ her pulse. “You’re freezin’, Sadie, and it looks like you’ve lost a lot of blood. You pulse is racin’ pretty badly.” She lays her arm down and walks over to a phone on the wall by the doorway and picks it up. “Dr. Pratt. Paging Dr. Pratt. Please come to emergency exam room number five. Stat!” She hangs up the phone and walks over to a cabinet, opens the door, and pulls out a gown. The whole time, I’m rubbin’ Sadie’s arm as my thumb rubs over her forehead.
“Oh, my God! It hurts so badly! Something’s wrong. Please, do something! Please, help Annie!” She yells then starts pantin’.
“Dr. Pratt will be here any second. We’ll help her, Sadie. Try to calm down for me, okay? Here, let’s get you into this gown and clean you up a bit.” Tonya smiles at Sadie. I know she’s tryin’ to be calm and reassurin’.
I help Tonya sit Sadie up to get her clothes off. My eyes widen at the amount of wet blood on her jeans and panties, more already settin’ on the bed. Fear reaches up and grabs my throat. For both my girls. Tonya gets something to lay beneath her to catch the blood and then puts the baby monitor around her stomach. As soon as Annie’s heartbeat sounds through the monitor, my heart speeds up. It doesn’t sound right, a lot faster than I’ve ever heard it. Just then, I look up as Dr. Pratt steps into the room. Tonya runs over and they start whisperin’. That can’t be good. Finally, Dr. Pratt walks over to the foot of the bed, an obvious fake smile on him.
“Sadie. Memphis.” He nods at both of us then looks at her. “I’m sorry you’re in so much pain. Let me check and see what’s goin’ on.” He looks at me but doesn’t move.
I continue to rub my thumb across Sadie’s forehead. “I ain’t goin’ anywhere.”
He gives me a nod and turns, pullin’ up a chair on wheels to the end of the bed. I watch as he and Tonya lower the bottom of the bed and pull out those stirrup things and put Sadie’s feet on them, spreadin’ her legs. I can’t see what he’s doin’ but that might be for the best. All I know is every time he does stuff, Sadie yells out in pain. I’m ‘bout ready to walk down there and punch him for hurtin’ her. “What is it, Dave? What can you do? Is Sadie gonna be okay? Is Annie okay?” Words just keep on comin’ outta my mouth but dammit – I want answers and to help them, now!
Finally, he looks up at the monitor then at me and then at Sadie. “Sadie. I’m goin’ to have to take you to an operating room and perform an emergency C-section.” Sadie gasps but then cries out in pain. I just give Dave a confused look, startin’ to open my mouth to ask more questions.
“But it’s too early. I still have another two months,” Sadie says between wincin’ and pantin’.
He stands and pulls off some rubber gloves I didn’t notice he had on. “Sadie. Memphis. Annie’s in distress and won’t have a chance for survival if she doesn’t come out now so we can help her.”
“But…” Sadie looks up at me.
He starts to walk towards the doorway but stops and turns to us. “I assure you. We’ll do everythin’ we can. I’ll explain everythin’ once she’s here but time is against us so we need to hurry.” He turns to Tonya. “Scott and Karen will be right here to get her.” Tonya nods and he leaves.
“I don’t understand. What’s going to happen?” Tears fall down Sadie’s cheek as Tonya walks back over and pats her arm. She starts gettin’ things out of a drawer and settin’ them on a small metal table nearby.
“Doc Pratt will get Annie out and then we’ll have the prenatal care unit waitin’ for her. She’ll be in a special crib in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit beside the nursery.” She holds up a small needle thing and taps it a few times then I squint my eyes as she sticks it in Sadie’s hand. Tonya looks up at Sadie and rubs her arm. “They’ll do everythin’ they can to help her, Sadie. They’re the best.” I watch as Tonya finishes settin’ up an I.V. Then lots of sounds come from the doorway. Scott and Karen walk in and stand by the bed. Tonya looks at Sadie and smiles. “Scott and Karen will take you to the operatin’ room and get you ready. Try not to worry.” Is she kiddin’? Tonya looks at me. “Memphis, you can walk up there with Sadie but you’ll have to go into the waitin’ room there until Doc Pratt finishes. He or a nurse will come out and get ya when it’s over. When it’s over? Sounds so final. And scary. I lean down and kiss Sadie’s forehead then step back and watch them unlock the wheels on the bed and start movin’ her outta the room. I start to walk after them when Tonya puts her hand on my arm, stoppin’ me. “Memphis. Dave will do everythin’ in his power and then Annie will be taken care of by the best specialists.” I close my eyes, takin’ a deep breath. “I know Sadie and you are both fighters. I wouldn’t expect less from little Annie.” She gives me a smile and I nod. Her smile fades. “Memphis, I gotta tell ya. This is dangerous for Sadie as well as Annie. Not gonna lie. Sadie’s lost a lot of blood and was out in the elements for so long. Her pulse was way too fast and her blood pressure too high.” The fear never left me this entire night but it just went up more. “Kim Anson is on call in maternity. I’ll let her know what’s goin’ on and that you’ll be in the waitin’ room. She’ll make sure to keep you updated.”
“Thank ya.” I nod, feelin’ my entire body goin’ numb. I start walkin’ out of the room and jog to catch up with my Sadie, doin’ everythin’ I can to put on a smile.
I walk alongside Sadie’s bed, holdin’ her hand. We get into the elevator, no sounds but the cranks of the elevator movin’, the baby monitor, and her pants. It doesn’t take long to get the floor they’re wantin’, the doors slidin’ open. I walk out with her then they turn a corner and down a hallway, stoppin’ outside some wide double doors.
“Uh, Memphis? We gotta take her in there now.” Scott reaches his arm out and points at a waitin’ area. “You can wait there so you’ll be close by.” Not close enough.
I look down at Sadie and try to smile. Not sure I actually do. Leanin’ down, I kiss her lips fairly hard, wantin’ her to know how much I love her, how much I care and tryin’ to tell her that everythin’s gonna be okay, even though I’m not sure it will be. Her hand grasps my sleeve, squeezin’ as hard as her weak body will allow. “I’ll be right here, Darlin’.” I kiss her forehead. “I’ll be prayin’. You just try to be calm and let them take care of you and Annie, okay?” I move back a bit and see the tears welled up in her eyes. She nods, swallowin’ hard. I lean in again and kiss her. “God, I love ya so much.”
“I love you too,” she whispers against my mouth. “So much.”
I can hardly stand to let her go but if Annie’s gonna have any
chance of livin’, I have to. “You come back to me. Ya hear?” She nods as I kiss her forehead one last time. The bed starts to move, the big doors creak as they start openin’. I hold onto her hand until I finally have to let go. I stand there and watch those same doors as they swing shut, not able to move.
A few minutes later, I make it over to the empty waitin’ area but I can’t sit down. I call Trevor and give him an update as I pace the floor, thankful that there’s reception here. He tells me Jared and Evie are all warmed up, clean from their baths, and in their jammies watchin’ a movie with his kids. I tell him that I can’t talk to them right now and that I’ll lose it over the phone. He says he understands and will give them the update and for me not to worry.
Not to worry. How in the hell do I not worry?
We end our call and I continue to pace, my mind racin’ with what ifs and what’s happenin’. God, Sadie showin’ up at that train station did somethin’ to me, to my heart. Soon as I laid eyes on her I knew she’d be mine. Or, maybe I’d hoped. The day I thought I’d lost her, not able to get out from under that beam, the barn burnin’ down around me, all I could think about was tryin’ to get to Sadie. I thought the happiest moment of my life was when Sadie and I got married but it paled in comparison to the day Jared and Evie were born. Some think the bride is the most beautiful yet when I saw Sadie after the twins were born, all sweaty from her excursion, glowin’ with happiness from havin’ them, that – that was the most beautiful she’d ever looked to me. Havin’ a baby at all is a miracle, one I don’t hold lightly. I walk over to the window, lookin’ at the tall lights in the parkin’ lot, the snow still blowin’ strong, whippin’ every which way.