Mum said the best way for me to honour Lily was to make sure that I live a full and happy life. I know it won’t be easy because Lily will always be with me and the older I get the further away she’ll become, because she’ll always be fourteen.
Chapter Twenty-one
Devlin came downstairs this afternoon to ask me if I wanted to go for a walk. The door between our flat and the rest of the house never got locked again after the thing with Mum, and I often go up there and play computer games with Devlin.
I was revising for a test at the time so I was glad of an excuse to stop. I poked my head round the door of Mum’s workroom to tell her I was going out but I didn’t elaborate because she was busy. She looked up from her work for a nanosecond, said, ‘Fine, take care,’ and carried on. She’s not writing about twins any more, she’s started a new book about a girl and her imaginary friend.
‘Where are we going?’ I asked Devlin when we got outside.
‘I don’t know,’ he said.
‘So we’re just going to wander the streets, are we?’
‘Yes, do you have a problem with that?’
‘Why yes, I do,’ I told him.
‘So what would you like do?’
‘Well,’ I said, pretending to think for a second, ‘I thought we might walk by the canal, or we could go on a river cruise, or to the Baths . . .’ He was giving me a dangerous look. ‘You really can’t visit Bath without going to the Baths, you know. Or perhaps you’d like to go swimming?’
I easily avoided Devlin’s hand when he tried to hit me because I was expecting it. I ran off down the street with Devlin in hot pursuit. There was a park up ahead and I dodged in there but he caught up with me easily and tackled me to the ground. We fell onto the grass laughing, and I was suddenly aware of how close Devlin was. His hand brushed mine as we lay side by side and my heart skipped a beat.
‘Didn’t your mother teach you not to mock the afflicted?’ he said, bringing me back down to earth.
‘Sorry, I couldn’t resist it.’
He raised himself up on one arm and leaned over me. ‘There’s something I’m having trouble resisting,’ he said and kissed me.
I screamed – and screaming is not good. Especially for the person who’s got their lips pressed to yours. It was actually more of a squeak, but it was enough to make Devlin pull back sharply.
‘Sorry . . .’ he said, looking miserable and embarrassed.
‘No . . .’ I didn’t know what to say or what was going on.
‘I thought . . .’ we both said at the same time.
Then he shut up and I blurted out, ‘ . . . you had a girlfriend back home.’
Now it was my turn to look embarrassed.
Devlin sat up. ‘Why did you think that?’
‘Because I’m stupid,’ I said. I couldn’t even remember why I’d thought it in the first place. I think I’d invented her because I thought Devlin didn’t like me when in fact it was just the aquaphobia making him nervous. And then I’d held on to the idea because I was scared about how much I liked him and a mythical girlfriend seemed like a good excuse for the fact that nothing was going to happen between us. It all sounded completely crazy to me now and I laughed.
‘It doesn’t matter – obviously I was wrong,’ I said, hoping he’d kiss me again.
‘You were . . .’ he said, moving in, his lovely blue eyes getting closer. I held my breath . . . and that’s when it started to rain. And I mean rain. Without any warning, apart from the huge black cloud overhead which we’d failed to spot, despite the fact I was lying on my back staring up at it. Huge raindrops came pelting down. One hit me right in the eye. I squealed again. Devlin was on his feet. He grabbed my hand and pulled me up. Then we ran. Neither of us knew where we were running to. Devlin still had hold of my hand as we splashed through puddles that had instantly appeared.
There was a small building up ahead with an even smaller porch – more of a recess really. We ran for it. There wasn’t a lot of room, but by standing very close together we managed to get out of the rain.
Devlin’s shirt was so wet it was sticking to his chest. The rain was running off my hair and collecting at the end of my nose. Devlin cupped my face in his hands and wiped the drop off with his thumb then pulled me towards him and he kissed me again, properly this time because I didn’t scream.
It felt so good to have his fingers tangled in my hair and to feel the muscles on his back where my hands were wrapped round him. I tried to concentrate on the kiss and forget everything else, but my mind was racing and I couldn’t stop it. Apart from the shock that Devlin was kissing me and that we’d just moved from being friends to something more, there was the old, familiar sense of guilt that I could be happy. This time I really didn’t want to quash it. The thought of Lily was hovering at the back of my mind and I really didn’t want to be thinking about Lily at a time like this.
Devlin pulled away. ‘Are you okay?’
‘I’m fine. More than fine . . . really.’
‘Are you sure? I mean . . . if you’d rather we were just friends . . . I didn’t mean to . . .’
‘No.’
‘I’ve wanted to do that since the first time I saw you,’ he said.
‘Really? But you never even spoke to me. I thought you hated me because your mum had made you talk to me . . .’ I was prattling again. It must have been nerves.
‘I was just intimidated by how beautiful you looked,’ he said.
I laughed. ‘Don’t be funny. I’m not beautiful.’
‘Do all English girls have a problem with accepting compliments?’ he said, putting his hands on my shoulders and giving me a fake stern look.
‘No,’ I told him. ‘Only the stupid ones.’
‘You’re doing it again. Stop it. You’re not stupid, you’re beautiful.’
I laughed again. Who was I to argue?
‘Do you ever stop laughing?’ he asked.
‘Not if I can help it,’ I said, laughing.
‘Well, let me help you,’ said Devlin, covering my mouth with another kiss.
The rain had stopped, leaving a fresh, clean smell in the air.
‘So what took you so long?’ I asked Devlin as we walked hand in hand through the park.
‘You mean before I made my move? Well . . .’ Devlin paused, ‘you were so sad and I didn’t want to take advantage. That time when your mum was in the hospital and we came to get you . . .’
‘I must have looked a right mess,’ I interrupted, remembering how I’d cried on his shoulder.
‘I really wanted to kiss you then but obviously I couldn’t. I’d only just found out about your sister and I thought the last thing you needed was me making a move on you.’
I squeezed his hand. ‘That was before Christmas.’
‘I know, and you seem a lot better – no, happier now, so I thought it would be okay.’ He stopped and turned me towards him, taking my other hand in his.
‘You’re sure it’s okay?’ he said, looking into my eyes.
I thought about answering that it was the best thing that had ever happened to me and that I was fine because I know that Lily would have told me to go for it. Instead, I took a step forward and gently pressed my lips to his. It was all the proof he needed and, as he kissed me back, I forgot about everything else except for the moment and Devlin’s arms around me and his lips on mine. It was definitely the best kiss so far.
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Me Myself Milly Page 14