by Geo Dell
Sandy went ahead of them, opened the back door of one of the Suburbans, and Mike tried to place Candace on the seat but she refused to let go of him.
“She just wants to make sure you're okay.” His voice was choked with emotion and tears spilled freely down his cheeks.
Candice shook her head “I just want you to hold me, Mike. I'm okay. Just hold me.” Mike climbed carefully into the back seat holding Candace and Sandy shut the door.
~
Arlene stood, grim faced, the rain pouring down, her pistol back in its holster.
“What happened?” Patty began.
“Exactly what it looks like,” Arlene said. Her voice was high and shaky. The adrenaline was still running through her body. David slipped an arm around her shoulders, and she let him hold her.
“Did he,” Patty couldn't finish and burst into tears. Ronnie grabbed her as she began to kick the man's body in the pelting rain. He pulled her away and held her tight, speaking in quiet, soothing tones.
“He didn't,” Arlene said loudly. It was nearly a scream. A yell. A declaration! “I couldn't let him. I had to shoot. He would've... He would've done that, or killed her. I had to kill him,” she finished. Her resolve fell apart, and she folded into David's arms.
Tim looked up at Bob and then down at the dead man. Jeff moved with them, and the three of them wrestled the man's body out through the fence and splashed across the muddy field for nearly a quarter mile before they came to the treeline. They were all out of breath. They all took a few deep breaths, and on three heaved the man into the tree line.
“I wouldn't bury that bastard if I could,” Bob breathed. He was still trying to catch his breath.
Tim suddenly bent over and threw up on the ground and then dry heaved several times. He finally caught his breath, cleared his throat and spat into the mud. Bob and Jeff stood quietly for a second.
“Come on, Son, let's go back,” Jeff said, laying an arm around his shoulder. The pounding rain followed them, seeming to make the muddy water at their feet jump straight up into the air as they splashed their way back across the field.
When they got back, the back area was empty. Janet and Lilly, along with an anxious looking Annie, met them under the steel roof with dry towels, clothing and hot cups of coffee.
“I made a big pot of it,” Janet said. “Looks like we're in for a long night.” She put one hand to her mouth and choked back a sob, clearing her throat. Bob pulled her to him and hugged her. He looked around at the blank and worried faces, and spotted Tom.
“Tom, let's get some bodies on lookout.” Bob said as he held Janet.
Tom nodded
“And, Tom?” He waited until Tom looked back at him. “Nobody goes anywhere without a guard. Nobody goes anywhere alone.” Tom nodded and walked away.
“Shh, Darlin',” Bob told Janet. “Shh.”
Chapter five
Pennies & Armies
~ March 30th~
She awoke with a start and jerked in his arms. He wrapped his arms around her and drew her close. “It's okay,” he said.
She raised her head, eyes puffy. “Is she okay?” She asked.
David held her eyes with his own. “She's better off than she would've been without you, Arlene,” he told her. “She finally let Sandy look at her. Some scratches, one cut on her leg, probably a piece of metal. That's it. Everybody knows, Arlene; she told them. If it hadn't been for you...” he let his words fade away.
“But I killed someone, David,” she said.
“And you had to. Sandy says she has a small powder burn on her neck. He fired. It was that close,” he told her. “And I'll say it, he would have raped her. He would've. She made that clear as well. He told her. There's no doubt in anyone's mind what would've happened if you hadn't been there,” he said.
“He did rape her. It's not just the sexual part, I'm glad he didn't get that far, but it's the whole act. He did. I'm glad he didn't get to the... the physical act though. I'm trying not to be vulgar. I hate what I saw. You know, I almost turned away. I thought it was somebody... A couple spending some time alone together. It was that close.” She held her fingers a quarter inch apart. “I almost turned away,” she repeated.
“But, you didn't. You didn't, and you stopped it. Now it's you I'm worried about, and Candace, and Patty. She's taking it hard too, but they're together right now so I think they'll make each other okay,” he placed his hands on her face and tilted her head up to his own. “I'm worried about you right now though. I need to know that you'll be alright. He was a piece of shit. Blunt, I know. To use your terminology, Vulgar. But he was. He's dead, and he needed to be.” He kissed her eyes. “No courts. No cops. It's just us, and somebody like that has to be dealt with. What else could you have done? What if he had gone further? What if he'd taken her? None of that happened because of you. You shouldn't feel guilty about a man like that. You shouldn't.” He kissed her eyelids again and pulled her close to him once more.
Mike, Bob and Patty had cleaned out a small corner of the truck stop diner, hung some quilts and blankets and made a quiet area for Candace.
She was clean and dry, a small pink band aid on one side of her neck, another on her knee. The powder burn hurt more than anything else did. Candace lay back on a pile of blankets, Patty beside her, arms entwined. They were talking in low tones.
“I've been that scared before,” Candace said. “But not exactly like that. Not in that way. I ran with a bad crowd for a long time... did some bad things. A guy raped me once. That was really bad, but I knew he wasn't going to kill me... hurt me past that. I know that doesn't make sense, but this guy meant to hurt me.” She pulled Patty closer to her and sobbed, trying hard to get her emotions in check.
“This girl tried to kill me once. She scared me that bad... maybe that bad,” her fingers twisted together in her lap. Patty placed her own hands over them and brought them to her chest. “I guess this was worse. What he would've done... And I'm sure he would've killed me after... after he.... He would've killed me anyway,” she said. Her voice was hoarse. She had no more tears to cry.
“But he didn't, and he can't ever do anything to you or anyone else ever again,” Patty said. “Not to anyone. And you're going to be okay...?” She said, asked.
Candace nodded. “I'm going to be fine. I've got you. I've got Mike. I'm going to work it out in my head. I... I just wonder how they're gonna look at me... think of me,” she said.
“The same as we always have. No pity. No disgust. Don't be afraid of that. Everyone here loves you. It's going to be the same, Candace, the same,” Patty said. She sat up, wrapped her arms around Candace, pulling her into her, and held her. And although Candace was sure she could not cry anymore, she did. She let Patty hold her as the hot tears coursed down her cheeks.
~
The rain was still falling. There were some periods of heavy downpour, some periods where it slacked off to almost nothing, but it never stopped; it continued to fall.
Mike stood, his feet in the muddy water of the field where it met the tree line. His hands were in his pockets. Ronnie splashed up next to him, but Mike continued to stand, staring down at the man where he had been dumped at the tree line. He didn't react at all to Ronnie’s presence.
The man lay face up, one side of his face missing, the remaining eye clouded over and dully reflecting the gray of the skies above them. Rain puddled in the cup of one ear. The water rose, reached some magic level and then it spilled from the ear and into the man's hair. A second later, it started all over again. Mike watched.
“You okay?” Ronnie asked.
“Looks like anybody,” Mike said after a long pause. “Nobody special.”
Ronnie nodded, unsure where Mike was going or exactly what he meant.
Mike sighed. “I had to look. See if he was some kind of freak. But I can't tell. He looks like anybody,” Mike said softly.
Ronnie cast worried eyes over Mike. His body was hunched against the rain. His face like gray stone
. His eyes bloodshot and bleary. He blinked raindrops away from his eyelashes.
“He could be anybody, Mike. You know that. Just a fucked up guy. But he's dead now, Man. He's dead now, Mike,” Ronnie told him.
“Good thing,” Mike said softly, almost too faint for Ronnie to hear.
“Hey, Man. Let's go back. This is no good, Mike. We'll get some coffee, warm up,” Ronnie said.
“It's my fault, Ronnie. I let her leave without her gun. I could've gone with her. I should have gone with her. Hell! I let things get lax. I did. And I know better. It's my fault,” Mike finished.
“Hey. You can't be serious, Mike. You were gonna go with her? No way. No, Man. You weren’t. None of us had thought of that or done that. Why would we? No,” Ronnie told him. He looked out over the field which was quickly turning into a lake, then down at the man, then back up where Mike stood looking down. He spoke a little quieter, yet just as insistently when he began again.
“She didn't have her gun? You didn't remind her to take her gun? She took it off, Man. Most of us did. It was the end of the day for Christs sake. And everyone was using that area all day and into the dark. Nothing happened. Nothing at all. The goddamned dogs were right there, never growled, barked, nothing. Your fault? Might as well say my fault. All of us.” He touched Mike's shoulder. Mike turned his eyes up from the man.
“If Patty had gone back there, I wouldn't have thought to go with her at all. I wouldn't have done anything different from what you did, Man. Nothing. I would've wished I had. Who in fuck wouldn't in hindsight? I would've, but I wouldn't have. There's just no way you could have known, Man,” Ronnie said.
“Still,” Mike said.
“Fuck still,” Ronnie said. “For real. There isn't a thing you could've done. Not a fuckin' thing. And this guy?” He looked down where the man lay. The ruined gray-pink of his face tilted up into the rain. “This guy's nothing now. Dead meat. The wolves will get him... or the wild dogs, or a bear, woodchucks, or one of those fuckin' Zombies. Hey! Could be. He's all done. You got to be concerned with Candace now. Fuck this guy. Fuck him right straight to hell,” Ronnie spat.
Mike didn't speak, but his eyes came up from the corpse and fixed on Ronnie's own. He nodded.
“Let's go, Man, before you get sick from the cold. Me too. Then what good will we be? Come on; let's go,” Ronnie said. He turned and walked away and Mike went with him.
~
They slogged their way through the muddy field and back to the area under the steel roof. The morning was half gone. They were going nowhere today. Bob was working on a map spread out on a wooden table top and held down with broken chunks of cinder blocks. Ronnie walked over to him, and Mike followed.
~
“Is this how sisters are?” Candace asked.
“I don't know, I never had one,” Patty said, “I know I never had a friend like you though.”
“I never have either. Or a man like Mike. Or a life like this... I mean, we're all living a life that couldn't even have been possible to live unless this had happened.” She shook her head slightly where it laid against Patty's shoulder. Patty smoothed her hair away from her face and held her loosely with one arm like a child.
“It's like that for me too. Ronnie is... he isn't even the guy I knew before all this happened. We weren't even interested in each other like that. I had no idea what he was really like, and I never would have.” She fixed her eyes on Candace's own and held them. “Are you going to be okay, okay?” she asked.
“Yep,” she sniffled, “If he... If he,” her voice hitched.
“I know, I know,” Patty said.
“It would've made me crazy, Patty. It would have,” Candace told her.
“Maybe, but not for long. You're too strong. You would've gotten past it. Just like you'll get past this,” Patty told her.
“People say that, but how do you know it? How do you know if you will or you won't?” Candace asked.
“It's in you. You're strong. That guy took nothing at all that was really you. That can't be done, you can't take something that really is you inside, who you really are... what you really are. I know. I got past it too. You'll get past it,” Patty said.
“You?” Candace turned into her and looked up into Patty's eyes. “How? What or when?” she asked? “If... if you want to talk about it, that is.”
“I was a little girl... my uncle. He was living with us for a while,” her voice thickened. “I kept it a secret. I didn't want anyone to know. He thought that meant I would never tell. He did it again. My mother didn't believe me until I described what he did... made me do. She went and woke him up. That was one of the few times when my mother scared me. She woke him up with a baseball bat in her hands. She never touched him, but she told him she would be telling my father when he came home from work and he better get out before she started in on him herself.”
“He started to deny it, called me a liar, and she went ballistic. There was a lamp on the table; she smashed it with the bat, all over the place. Just smacked it with the bat. And she told him to say it again. He had nothing to say, just got up and left.”
“When she told my dad, he was crazy at first. Then he came and got me and held me. What I had hoped that my mother would do, but she hadn't. And he asked me what I wanted him to do, and I told him to make him leave me alone. He promised me he would, and he held me until I fell asleep.”
“When I woke up the next morning, the cops were talking to my mother about where my father had been the night before. She told them he had been home all night, but, he'd left Candace, put my uncle in the hospital. I never saw him again, and I didn't feel bad that he got hurt. And I got over it. Maybe it wasn't the best way for my family to have handled it, but I got past it. And look, I have a good man... I have you as well. And, you'll get over this. You will, I know you will, because you're strong,” she said. Her own eyes were leaking now. Candace scooted up, folded her into her chest and held her.
“I will because I have you, and I have Mike. I'm lucky to have so much,” she said. She cradled Patty's head against her chest and kissed her forehead.
“Jesus,” Patty said, “We're both crying now.”
Candace laughed, the first laugh she had had in hours, “So what?” she said, “so what?”
~Donita and the new boy~
The horses were not taking to being dead. Instead of accepting it, they seemed to be doing everything they could to actually be dead. Hers had run full speed into the side of a barn. She had barely jumped free. She had no wish to be Un-Dead and missing limbs.
She had let the horse wander on its own after that, but it was clear it was not going to fall under her dominion as they boys had done. It was a shame too. She was sure it would work, and she could not understand why it hadn't. Possibly it was the wrong horse. She had tried too hard, too soon, or maybe the other horse would work out. But that horse dashed her hopes later in the day when it simply wandered away and fell into the river. She and the boy had watched the river water, but the horse did not come back to the surface. No life she would want to have, eternally drowning, walking the river bottom looking for a way back up to the surface.
As darkness fell, she led the boy and herself into a small town. They had been following the road most of the day. The horse followed along at his own pace, far behind. His neck broken, or so it seemed, cocked to one side, and he seemed unable to lift it from where it hung close to the ground. The horse wandered after them, eyes rolling, mouth foaming.
The town was empty, at least of people. She and the new boy hunted rats for an hour or two after dusk. The rats had done well for themselves: fat, sleek and gray... the size of a small dog. They had gorged themselves. She had taken some to the horse, but it hadn't seemed able or willing to partake.
She had left the horse to its own wanderings and prowled the town with the new boy. The night made her feel alive, strong, whole. The boy followed, and they hunted, killed for the sake of killing, but it was good for the boy.
When morning came, there was not a stray cat, dog or rat left alive in the small village, and she was crazy with blood. They left the village, found an abandoned factory on the outskirts, and made their way into the dark depths of the factory as the sun began to rise. They found a spot under a massive, iron machine that took up most of the ground floor, and crawled in as twilight overtook them.
~
Bob looked up and smiled as Mike came over. He had changed into dry clothes and had a cup of hot coffee in his hand. His eyes betrayed the fact that he had had no sleep yet, but his face was not quite so rigid and mask like as it had been for the past several hours. Careful, was the word that came to Bob's mind. The way he had been holding his face, set just so... Careful, Bob thought.
But whatever he'd done or faced, he seemed to be on the other side of it. The whole camp was like that today, and the rains just seemed to compound the depression that had settled over them.
A ghost of a smile worked its way across Mike's face. “What are you up to, Bob?” he asked.
“Working this out on the map, Mike. And as close as I can figure, we have to be out of New York, and most of the way through Pennsylvania. You said three hundred and fifty miles?” he asked.
“Yeah, and a few tenths of a mile,” Mike told him.
“Well then, we're out of New York State for sure and somewhere in Pennsylvania, and maybe even close to being done with that as well. We got West Virginia, Kentucky and Tennessee to go, but we'll drop into where we want to be somewhere in Kentucky, then it's just a matter of direction. Down towards Tennessee and Alabama or over towards the Carolinas and Georgia, or up into Virginia. The best part of six states, and a good chunk of the seventh which isn't part of the forever wild lands, but still pretty much empty. As little as five hundred miles or as much as seven hundred, depending on where we want to be.”