by Geo Dell
“I don't think we should lie,” Patty said.
“No. Let's not do that,” Janet agreed.
“Then we'll get everyone together and tell them the truth,” Candace said softly.
Bob walked over along with Lilly.
“Who wants to be the one to talk to everyone?” Bob asked.
“Why not you?” Candace asked.
“I... I don't know. I’m not good with that sort of thing. Mike usually does it so well... Or you, Candace.” He looked down at her.
“Candy... It would probably be better coming from you,” Janet added.
“After dinner?” Candace asked.
“Probably now would be better. Dinner's not quite ready and everybody knows that something has happened,” Lilly said.
“Okay,” Candace said. She lifted one hand. “Help me up.”
Bob helped her to her feet and she walked slowly into the gathering area of the cave.
On The Road
“How was it?” Tim asked. Bear and Ronnie sat quietly nearby with Debbie and Chloe.
“Rough,” Mike said. He picked at the grass with one hand. His legs were folded Indian style under him. He was hunched forward; his shoulders slumped. He took a deep breath and sighed it out. “Candace took it hard,” he said.
“Patty seemed to take it well,” Ronnie said. “She'll be there for Candace... Or vice-versa. They'll be okay.”
“Do they know about me?” Chloe asked.
To Mike it seemed as though all the progress, maturity, whatever it had been that he had seen, fell away with that one question, and a scared young woman, not much more than a child really, sat before him hanging on his answer.
Mike nodded. “Chloe? Don't go backwards. You've come so far. They will love and respect you the same way we've come to love and respect you in the last few weeks... Being forced to do something... Be someone that you are not, does not define you as a person... It's not who you are, and it can never make you that person,” he said.
She choked back a sob in her throat and folded one arm across her face. Debbie wrapped her arms around her. Chloe blinked away her tears. “Good words, Mike... Good words. Thank you,” she said. She slipped her own arms around Debbie and pulled herself closer, still emotional.
Mike fished a bottle of Aspirin from his shirt pocket and took two with his coffee. His head seemed to have a pulse of its own. It had been a long couple of days, he told himself. Hell... Almost two weeks. The whole trip had been bad. No, he amended. The whole trip had not been bad, some of the trip had been bad, but they had actually ended up getting everything they needed and an awful lot of extra, useful stuff too. And Bear... His people. Jessie... Chloe... Steve... Debbie, and the names kept coming. And the people were more important to him than the things. Even so he missed Molly and Nellie. Molly more so. Molly had begun to be close to him immediately. One of the people he opened the door up all the way for. He would trade it all to have her back, but that alone did not make the trip bad.
“Hey,” Ronnie said. Mike looked up from his thoughts. “Okay?”
Mike nodded. “Yeah...I'm good.”
Ronnie nodded back. “Let me get a couple of those,” he said.
“Yeah, me too,” Chloe said. Her eye were red and puffy.
Mike handed the bottle around. “You know what?” he asked. They all looked up.
“There were no days like this in the valley. Not trying to be dramatic. It just wasn't anything like the outside world. I can't wait to get back,” he told them.
The Nation
Janet had taken the children down to help feed the horses with Bob. Bob didn't need the help, but they did not want the children affected by what Candace had to say.
To the children it was a treat. Rain and Janelle were amazed by the sheer size of the draft horses.
“Mister Bob?” Mark asked.
“Yes, Mark?”
“Well... Horses poop a lot,” he said very seriously. He was doing his best to step around the piles as they walked through the large open area. Bob was pushing a wheel barrow and scooping up the manure as they went.
Bob fought to keep a straight face. “Yes... They do, Mark, but it's a good thing for us that they do.”
“How come is that?” Rain asked.
“Well,” Bob said. “This all goes in the garden and in the corn fields. It's called fertilizer. It helps the garden to grow... And the corn too,” he told the children.
Mark stopped where he had been carefully stepping around a large manure pile. “But we eat veg-ables from the garden,” he said.
“Vegetables,” Janelle corrected.
“That's why I don't like 'em,” Rain said. Her nose wrinkled up and she shook her head.
“Silly,” Janelle said. “They don''t put the poop... the manure,” she looked at Janet who nodded. “They don't put the manure on the vegetables... Do you?” She turned to Bob.
“Uh,” Bob started.
“How come it stinks so much?” Mark asked.
“Because it's poop. Right,” Rain answered. She looked at Janelle who nodded.
Mark was still looking at Bob. “Well,” Bob started again. He looked at Jan.
“Do you kids want to come and help me collect eggs?” Janet asked.
“Yeah,” Janelle said.
“Yes,” Rain agreed.
“Okay,” Mark agreed. He was still looking at Bob. Bob looked away and cleared his throat.
“Auntie?” Rain asked after a second.
“Yes, Dear?” Janet said.
“Well, how come eggs have poop on them when they come out of the chicken and are borned?”
~
Nearly everyone had gathered in the large open meeting area of the cave. It was absolutely silent as Candace spoke.
“So,” Candace said. “That's what is going on... Nobody had any idea that the guy was there. They're still not sure if it was the same guy from earlier in the day. I don't think anyone will ever know. The way it was there's no way to know.”
“So he shot Nellie and Molly,” Tom said.
Candace sighed. “No, Tom. He shot Nellie. He didn't shoot Molly. Mike saw it... Ronnie and Bear too I think... The guy didn't shoot Molly... Ronnie tried to hold her, keep her away, but she got away from him... Tom, she killed herself. She just... I don't know. Nobody could know what she felt... What went through her head. Whatever it was overwhelmed her, if she had had time to think... To deal with the grief... But she didn't.” Candace paused for a second but the silence held. “I think. Mike, Ronnie and the others think, it must have been an impulse thing. Mike said once she held Nellie... Once she knew she was gone, she didn't hesitate... Nobody could stop her. It happened too fast.”
No one spoke.
“They'll be here tomorrow, early to mid-morning Mike said. They're talking about this being the last trip out as well. The things we hear on the radios about the dead are true as well. It's bad and getting worse. It can't just be a trip out there for the hell of it. It's too dangerous out there... And it isn't just the dead, yes, that's bad, but the last group they ran into, left them and ran into another group that tried to kill them. So it's the living that are still out there too.”
“We'll have to be careful who we let in, then, right?” A young woman asked.
Alice something, maybe Allie. Candace couldn't remember the young woman’s name.
“That makes no sense at all, Allie” Patty said, solving the name dilemma for her. “If that were the case you wouldn't be here. A lot that are here wouldn't be here, me included. Maybe I've been here awhile, but I was not part of the original group at all. They let me in.”
The silence came back.
“Maybe we can all get together and talk it out. We'll have a Nation meeting if need be. But we'll do it when the others get back,” Candace said. She looked over to the other young woman she had spent time talking to before she had begun to speak. “I talked to Jamie this morning. I imagine she's been around and talked to almost everyone today. We're l
ooking to see how many we are. I think Jamie is going to be keeping track of that number from now on.” She motioned for the young woman to stand up.
The young woman stood and looked around the large room. She pushed her red hair away from her forehead and smiled at the room. “Right now, before the others get back, two hundred and fifty-three.” She nodded yes at the few heads that shook. “I was careful to talk to everyone, it is two-fifty-three. From now on I'll keep track as people come in. I know there are at least four groups trying to make it here before snow flies, and we have our own coming back also, so we will end up well over three hundred or more in the next few weeks.” She smiled nervously once more and then sat back down.
“Wow,” Patty said. Several people chuckled.
“I'm pretty surprised too,” Candace agreed. She smiled. “Not long ago we were under twenty... Not long ago. I think I lost track at about twenty-nine. I can't count much higher than that, pisses the babies off and they start kicking if I use too much brain power.” Several people laughed. “It means a lot to do before winter gets here.”
Tom nodded. “Buildings... Grain... Probably more smoked meat as well.”
“It won't be a problem though with so many more of us to help with the work,” another young woman said.
“In fact it will be nice to have so many extra hands,” Candace echoed. “It will go faster... Has been already in fact.”
“Did they get everything on our lists? ... I mean, especially if this is it,” Sandy asked.
“They got everything and then some, was the way Mike put it. And, Sandy, two doctors coming in with this group,” Candace told her.
“No,” Sandy said, a huge smile spreading across her face.
“Yes,” Patty said. “One is a woman... Jessie... The other a young man, Stephen. The woman had been practicing awhile, the young man, Ronnie said, was in residency... Did I say that right?”
“Yeah... You did,” Sandy agreed. “As long as we don't have to build a golf course,” she joked.
They talked for a while longer. Today, tomorrow, the future. How many they were. How bad things had gotten on the outside, but no one spoke about Nellie or Molly, although they were probably both on everyone's minds, at least those that had known them. It was too soon for those that did know them to absorb it. It hurt too much. And the ending had scared everyone. Was that possibility inside of them as well? Some knew the answer. Some were sure they didn't, and some didn't want to know. Didn't want to explore that particular darkness.
So they talked about other things. How surprised the returning group would be when they saw how much work had been done, when they told them how many were here. What the harvester would mean to them. The new people. The doctors. Whether there would be hot water by winter as Tim had promised. Whether it would be smarter to try to build more housing before winter, or winter in the cave and build next spring. Would a sawmill help them to build housing faster? How long would it take to get the sawmill up and running? Could it be done before winter? And the discussion and questions went back and forth.
When Bob and Janet came back with the children it seemed like everyone found a reason to stop and talk with the children. Tom came over and talked with Candace and Patty.
“I'd like to make a marker... For Nellie and Molly.... Something nice... Maybe put it down by that little flat area at the base of the waterfall. We had talked about making a little park area there. It would go nicely, I think. I know they won't really be there, but I want to do it.” He had one arm protectively around Lilly, and Candace wondered if he were thinking of Lydia, his first woman who had been shot and killed in pretty much the same way. Maybe Tom had faced his own demons that day and come close to doing exactly what Molly did. Maybe he hadn't, but she suspected it had affected him deeply.
“I think that would be nice and I think Lilly should say something,” Candace said.
Lilly nodded. She slipped one arm around Tom's waist and squeezed him tight.
He seemed about to say something else, but instead turned and walked away with Lilly.
Candace turned to Patty. “I don't know about you, but I'm shot, and I'd like to look half way decent tomorrow when Mike gets back... I think a good night sleep would clear my head,” she said.
“I have a headache, but I don't want to take anything... The baby,” Patty said.
“Me too. I have a bad one... I don't want to be alone tonight... And I don't want to sleep on the front porch swing like we did when we fell asleep... Too hard,” Candace said.
“Okay,” Patty said simply.
“Alright... Help a pregnant lady home then,” Candace said. She slipped one arm through Patty’s own and they walked off down the ledge and into the valley together.
~
Tom's Journal
Lilly's sleeping. I can't. Ever since I heard about what happened to Nellie and what Molly did it's bothered me. I liked Molly a great deal. I didn't get to know Nellie as well, I wish I had, but that means nothing now.
I know how it was for Molly, because when they shot Lydia the same thought came to me. Just do it. A fast thought. No reasoning at all. My arm actually started to come up. It twitched and started to rise. I stopped it, but it was not easy. And I wasn't sure I could find an argument if my arm had not stopped. What do you tell yourself? When it's unreasonable? Isn't that how people snap? They just can't, won't, don't listen? I came so close. Molly came closer.
What does that make me? Was Molly stronger than me? Weaker? Different from me somehow? My hand came up, I stopped it. Hers came up, she didn't. I didn't do it, but I wanted to. I know the feeling. I wanted to lay down in that grave when I dug it and stay right there with Lydia. I didn't care. I wanted to do it, but I didn't.
Even after, it was bad. And then there was Lilly. And I've had such guilt about that. I love Lilly. I really and truly do, but at first I just needed someone to need me. To love me. To recharge me. And Lilly did that, and once she did I found that I had something to give back. But I have not forgotten Lydia. I can't and I won't. And I'm sorry, Molly. I'm sorry it happened to you too.
September 28th
On The Road
The camp was up early. A quick breakfast of leftovers from dinner the night before, coffee boiled over the campfire, and everyone was ready to go. Even the dogs seemed impatient to be moving. Pacing back and forth around the herd, watching for the gate to come off and the ramp to come down. Listening to Josh for the signal to put the herd on the truck.
The sun was barely beginning to rise over the tops of the mountains to the south and they were underway.
Valley opened into valley as they wound their way through the foothills, closer and closer to the Nation. The cool air of pre-dawn bled away to be replaced by a warm, early fall morning. In the distance some color was already working its way into the landscape. Yellow, a few oranges and reds. Scattered now, but in a few weeks time the colors would dominate the entire landscape.
In the lower valley they were traveling through, green was still the predominant color, at least on the trees. Mixed hardwoods and pines. Yellow-gold and grays dominated the tall grasses of the fields as they stood in the morning sun. Small streams crossed the valley floor in many places: Scant inches of water covering their smooth rock bottoms; easily driven over.
The land they were traveling was easy for the four wheel drive vehicles. It was actually easier, Mike thought, than some roads they had traveled in the last few weeks. Those roads were quickly becoming reabsorbed into the earth. Nature tending to her wounds. Smoothing them over. Flattening the man made roads with their skyward tilted slabs of asphalt and concrete, and washed out sections of gravel and roadbed. Little by little nature was covering them over.
Mike had vowed he would never go to the outside again, and he hoped that was a vow he would never have to break, but if he did he was sure he would find a world where roads, towns and cities were a thing of the past, and grass, trees and the ever present Kudzu were the things of the future.
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“How long do you think these vehicles will last,” Mike asked Ronnie now as they drove along.
“A few years... Maybe as many as ten if we take care of them. We'll run out of parts first though. No one's running the plants in Michigan, or Japan, or wherever the parts were made. So we'll run out of ways to fix them,” Ronnie said.
“Look at those cars in Cuba, though... From the nineteen fifties. All those years later and they were still driving them. More than sixty years after the fact,” Mike said.
Ronnie nodded. “True, but they had parts. Not the right parts. I mean, I saw a program on television where they said they were using Russian parts, tires, finding ways to make the parts fit. So they looked like the same American cars on the outside, but they weren't at all. They would have like a rear end from a Russian truck in a fifty-nine Buick. Tough to do, but I bet Bob or Tom could do it, the thing is, we aren't going to have a Russian truck or two to cannibalize. When the rear end goes, the rear end goes... I bet fifteen years tops, we're riding horses. And all these things are just rusting curiosities sitting out in a field that used to be a highway. Someday someone finds a piece of plastic from a taillight and marvels over it. Or digs up a rear end or equally dense piece of cast iron and wonders what in Hell it could have been,” Ronnie finished.
“You're probably right. And all the horses will be descended from what we bought with us. Maybe a few wild ones we catch one way or the other,” Mike said.
“Yeah... Probably. And there will probably be plenty of horses to catch too, but it will be that way with everything. The horses will devolve back into a few breeds of wild horses. Ours will probably settle out to a few breeds. The big draft horses and smaller riding horses. And our dogs as well. We've already bred Angel with a wolf. Those pups will probably breed with the pups we're bringing back with us. We'll end up with a shaggy wolf like species of dogs that has herding and socializing with humans as traits,” Ronnie said.
“Same with the cows,” Mike said. “Bob wants to continue to interbreed cows and bison. Bigger, more muscle. And the meat is leaner. Higher protein. Bigger means more muscle to work for us and also means more meat. We have two different types of sheep there, Josh says. And the goats are a mixed lot too.”