by Bex Dane
"Give me your number. I'll call you on the fifteenth."
Falcon's eyes sent me a warning glare in the rearview mirror as she entered her digits in my phone. Nothing wrong with checking on her on the anniversary of her brother's death. Just being compassionate.
We pulled up to the curb about thirty yards south of her house. When I kissed her, she whimpered and pulled me closer by my neck. The kiss gave her something she needed, and it felt good being the one to give it to her. I wanted to keep kissing this girl till the pain she was feeling left her. But she was off-limits, and Falcon waited in the driver's seat watching our interaction, so I took one last taste of her and separated my lips from hers.
"Don't say shit to your dad."
She looked down and licked her lips. "Yes, sir."
With my fingertip under her chin, I forced her to look up at me. Her big brown eyes glistened with tears. "Listen, you're an amazing girl. Under different circumstances…"
"I know. Army first."
"Your dad could end my career."
She nodded slowly and put on an affected smile as she stepped out of the car. "Good luck with training." Her fine ass bobbed with each step to her parents' house.
"What the fuck are you doing, man?" Falcon shook his head like I was a stupid fuck.
"Shut up. Nothin'. It's nothin'."
Chapter 4
Wilmington, North Carolina
My phone lit up mid-swing of my sledgehammer hitting the tractor tire. Blaze calling.
"Yo."
"Boggs. You going to spring selection for the unit?"
"Yep. With Falcon as a sniper team."
"Diesel and I got recommended by old Captain Molina."
I knew they'd be there. They had the skill necessary for Delta Force and made an excellent team. "Congrats."
"What's your plan for PT?" Blaze asked me.
"Falcon rented a house in Wilmington. We're rotating through Bixby, Fort Bragg, and a few other tactical training facilities."
"We might come out and join you."
"You're welcome to it. Plenty of room in the house. There's a kickass barn in the back and a secluded drive so we won't scare the neighbors."
"Hold on."
He put the phone on mute. Fuck that. I hung up on him. I don't have time to sit on hold.
Ten minutes later, he called again.
"What?"
"Diesel and I will be there Thursday."
"Where are you?"
"Boston."
"It doesn't take two days to get from Boston to Wilmington."
"Diesel's gonna propose to Coral tomorrow. She'll say yes. We'll celebrate and catch a flight out the next day."
"Roger that." Diesel got married to his first wife right before we left for Ranger operator training. Coral must be his Delta Force wife.
I hung up and returned to beating the hell out of a tractor tire with my sledgehammer.
***
Two weeks later, on March fifteenth, I called Eden early enough to catch her before she headed to her brother's gravesite. We hadn't talked except for the happy birthday text I sent her on the fifth. After that, I expected her to start calling and texting me since she'd have my number, but she didn't.
"Hey," she answered quietly.
"Hey there. Calling to check in on you. Are you in Wilmington?"
"Yes. We got a hotel a few blocks from the cemetery."
"I'm a few miles away in King's Bragg."
"So close."
"Yeah. How's the family holding up?"
"My mom's a mess, but my dad's a fortress of strength."
"And you?"
"I'm trying to be strong for them, but scared inside I'll bawl my eyes out like I did at the funeral."
"I've been to a lot of funerals."
"How do you handle it?"
"I control my thoughts and emotions. Don't entertain the negative ones. Hold on to the positive ones."
"That's so hard to do. I miss him so much. The sadness overshadows all my thoughts. He was my big brother and he's just gone. He's like really gone. It's been a year. There's no magic spell that can bring him back."
"No, there's not."
For a moment, all I heard was her breathing. "Thanks for calling me today."
"If things were different, with you being just a few miles away, I'd take a break and come stand by your side through this."
"But things aren't different."
"No, they aren't."
"It's probably for the best if my family gets through this alone anyway."
"Your dad have any questions about where you were that night?"
"No. He and my mom were out when I got home. If he noticed, he didn't say anything."
"Was that your first time with two men?"
"Yes."
"And you liked it?"
"Oh yeah."
I chuckled. "Think of that to get you through today."
"Ha! That wouldn't be right."
"Whatever gets you through."
"Have you been thinking of it?"
"Been having trouble focusing on my training."
"Oh no. Don't let me distract you."
"It's not you. It's that damn violet thong you were wearing." She giggled. "The way the silky little triangle framed your rosy ass cheeks like frosting on a cake."
"Oh."
"I force myself to imagine bright yellow caution tape wrapped around your ass and tits, but that's sexy too."
She gasped. "You're… uh, messing with me, right? Trying to get my mind off today?"
"Not messing with you, but if it helps, then good. Listen, I gotta go. Ocean swim at sunrise is the first part of the training regimen Falcon set up."
"What's the rest?"
"Agility before lunch, strength training till sundown, shooting range and running till midnight."
"Wow. You should be too exhausted to be thinking about me."
"And yet I am."
"Now I'll have an image of you in a wetsuit to distract me today."
"No wetsuit. Full BDUs with a weighted ruck."
"That's hot."
"That's hard work."
She laughed and sighed. "This helped. Thank you."
Felt good to hear her spirits lifted.
"Anytime. Later."
***
I called her again at midnight thinking her voicemail would pick up.
"Hi." She answered with a disturbing bleakness.
"You should be sleeping."
"Can't." Her breath hitched and she sniffled.
One day, a woman's tears would lead to my downfall. Not sure why, but weeping sank the ship for me every time. Maybe my mother's stoic facade conditioned me to think women shouldn't cry, or perhaps I felt frustrated with the fact the problem couldn't be solved with brute force. It started with Chantal when I was sixteen. Since then, if a woman wept in front of me, I felt compelled to snuff out the cause of the waterworks.
"What's your location?"
"The Americana Inn, room Twelve A."
"And your dad's room?"
"Twelve B."
"I'll be there in ten minutes. When you see three short flashes of light through your window, open your door quietly."
"What if my dad sees you?"
"I'm invisible. Just keep quiet."
"You don't have to come."
"I want to."
***
Her red eyes peered up at me when she opened the door. I stepped inside and pulled her in for a hug. "Hey."
"Hey." Her voice was barely a whisper.
My decision to come over was a good one. Even if it meant I'd only get a few hours of rest before the ocean swim with Falcon and the guys.
When I ended the hug, she took my hand and tugged me toward the bed. Getting in bed with her was dangerous. I'd feel her soft curves and want to touch her everywhere, but this was just comfort. Nothing sexual. She needed someone strong behind her, so I took off my shoes and climbed in the bed, pulling her back to my front.
"I've lost brothers too." I spoke low enough her dad wouldn't hear through the wall.
"You have?"
"Not biological ones. But when you risk your life day in and day out, you become brothers damn fast."
"I stood by his grave with my parents. He was a saint. Always making them proud. I'm their only child now. I can never be to them what he was."
"You don't have to replace him."
"I need to make this up to my parents somehow. Like it's my fault."
"Can I tell you something?"
"Hmm?"
"Every man we lose, I take responsibility."
"You do?"
"It's my job to protect them. If something goes wrong, I feel like I should've prevented it. But I have to get past that or more men will die while I'm sitting around feeling sorry for myself. The best I can do is remain hyper-vigilant to keep it from happening."
"All the preparation in the world can't stop someone from stepping on a bomb."
"Doesn't mean I shouldn't try."
I brushed her hair from her neck and kissed the soft skin there. She smelled like fruity girly soap again.
She pulled my hand from around her waist and drew it up to her lips. "Thank you."
She fell asleep in my arms. I kissed her cheek and slipped out before dawn.
Chapter 5
"Stop at the mailbox." Falcon pointed to the birdhouse-shaped box at the end of the long drive of our rental place.
"You think we'll get mail here?" I asked him. I hadn't given anyone this address, but the Army had a way of finding you when you were trying to hide.
"I didn't, but let's check." Again, Falcon and I thought along the same lines. He didn't want to piss anyone off in the final four weeks of training before quals. He handed me an envelope from the Department of the Army and opened his own matching one. An invitation to the annual awards banquet for our battalion. I'd been to a few of them in the beginning but dressing up and sitting through speeches was not my thing. At the back of the invite, a private letter from Special Ops Command addressed to me.
Staff Sergeant Saxton, you've been awarded a silver medal of honor for gallantry and intrepidity at the risk of your life above and beyond the call of duty while participating in a daring operation against enemy forces. Your presence is requested at Constitutional Hall in Washington, D.C. on March 20th at six p.m.
If I went, I'd have to take a day off from training. But missing an award ceremony right before selection would be a bad decision.
"We going to this?" I shook the invite.
"Yep."
"Shit."
***
Falcon and I arrived at the venue in our dress blues. We stood in the back waiting for the ceremony to start.
Colonel Langbow and his wife entered through the main entrance. Langbow's officer's uniform was weighted down with all his bling.
My eyes searched past him.
Shit.
Eden walked in behind her father. She wore a tight lace dress, all black with red flowers embroidered on it. Her red high heels made her at least four inches taller than her normal five-foot-five. Her hair was piled up in a bun on the top of her head, loose tendrils draping down to her bare shoulders. She looked sophisticated and sexy, yet still innocent and young.
Her arm was draped in the elbow of some dude in a Baltimore Fire Department dress uniform. His hair shined in the lights. He'd probably spent an hour in the mirror putting in mousse or some shit then combing it back.
Her gaze darted around the room, then paused when we made eye contact. The beginning of a smile formed on her lips, but I diverted my focus. I didn't want to see her beautiful smile while she held on to some fireman's arm.
No one in this room except Falcon knew I'd slept with her. As far as her father was concerned, we'd only met briefly at dinner. But I'd fucked her. I'd held her the night of the anniversary of her brother's death. Now I was supposed to pretend in front of her father and some asshole fireman that I wasn't fucking her?
"Sergeants Hendrix and Saxton, have a seat here and we'll begin the ceremony."
The female PFC led us to a table near the stage. The Langbows and the fireman took their seats at a table to my right.
What the hell was he even doing at an Army event? Did Eden bring him as a date? Idiot firefighter with his slicked-back hair and his lame-ass uniform.
The ceremony began and Captain Molina awarded us our medals with some long speech about bravery. Eden's eyes were glued to me the whole time.
After the applause, we took our seats and the emcee announced a special memorial for the fallen. "Today we honor the anniversary of the death of PFC Nathan Langbow. One year ago, he was killed in action by an IED in Afghanistan. Nathan was a fine soldier at the beginning of his career. Gone too soon and we honor the sacrifice he and his family have made for our country. We'd like to present this memorial plaque to his family."
The Langbows stood from their table. Eden walked stiffly up the stairs. The firefighter helped her with his hand on her lower back.
Damn. The pistol in my hip holster could blow that hand right off her back. 'Course, it might hurt her, so I'd never really do that, but it was fun to imagine setting up the shot.
On the stage, he tucked her under his arm and stared solemnly at the floor. She leaned her forehead under his chin as the speech continued.
They showed a video with images of Nathan and his family. The obligatory death row mug shot we all take in our service uniform. No smile, meant to make you look serious, trying not to imagine the picture enlarged at your funeral. In the casual photos, Eden peered up at her brother with loving adoration.
On the stage, standing beneath larger than life images of her past, Eden pursed her lips and blinked through tears. The fireman looked down at her with concern and squeezed her shoulder.
Godammit. He loves her.
After the ceremony, as the dinner servers brought out platters of food, Eden stood and walked toward the bathroom. I followed her, catching her arm and ushering her out an emergency exit. I crowded her against the wall in the alley. "Who's the firefighter?"
"Oh! You scared me!" She placed her hands flat on my chest.
"Who is that guy?"
"Hector?"
"Yeah, Hector. The fireman. Who is he to you?"
"He was Nathan's best friend."
"Oh." Okay, then maybe I won't kill him.
"Tonight was rough, ya know." She buried her face in her hands.
"I know."
"You have no idea. It's so much worse than it seems."
"How's that?"
"Nathan didn't die from an explosion."
"He didn't?"
"My dad constructed the IED story, but it's not true."
"What happened?"
"He killed himself."
"Ahh."
"It broke us. My family fell apart. My dad rejects me. It's like he's afraid to get close to me for fear of losing me too. When I need him the most, he pushes me away."
I pulled her head to my chest and rubbed her back, not knowing another way to ease her pain. "I wish I could take this from you."
"You can't. No one can. Nathan gave it to me and no one can take the pain away. Who the hell is he to decide to take himself from us? It was selfish. I hate him. I wish I could beat his ass for what he did. But I love him. My big brother."
I held her until her sniffling subsided and her breath stopped hiccupping. When she looked up at me, her lashes stuck together in dark, wet triangles. "A year ago everyone made me promises. His Army buddies all said they'd treat me like family. But where are they now? Hector's the only one who kept his word."
"It's good you have someone there for you." Even if it is Hector the firefighter with sticky hair. "But I think he loves you."
"What? No. He's like a brother."
"The way he held you did not look like a brother comforting a sister."
"Oh." She touched her lips as she took that in. "I'll have a talk with him."
"I'm taking you home."
"I came with my parents and Hector."
"Tell your folks and Hector you're feeling sick and you're leaving with me."
"But my dad…"
"Let's go." I marched back into the banquet hall. Colonel Langbow had just been served a salad. "Eden's not feeling well. I'm taking her home."
They stared at me with blank faces.
"We can all leave," Hector said, looking at Eden. Her sick act was enhanced by her red puffy eyes.
"No. You enjoy your dinner. I'll make sure she gets home safe."
I read his last name on his badge. Say goodbye to your date, Firefighter Bustillo.
Falcon had been watching me talk to Langbow. He spared me a what're-you-doing glare and simply nodded when I turned to leave with her.
During the silent ride to her parents' place, the interior lights of the truck cast an incandescent glow on her skin, making her shadows darker and the plum of her cheeks brighter. She took on the ethereal look of a seraph contemplating the heavens.
I parked the truck and swung an arm behind her neck. "You're so damn beautiful."
She laughed, my compliment snapping her out of her introspection. "I couldn't take my eyes off you in your dress blues. I always picture you working out, dirty and sweaty. I never thought I'd see you in your service uniform, but when I did. Wow. Your shoulders are so big, and your eyes glow like amber against the dark fabric. You looked so humble when they talked about your heroism and added the medal to the collection you already have."
"This job is not about medals. It's good they acknowledge when something goes right or wrong, but this," I pointed to the group of patches and bars on my pocket, "doesn't mean nothing when you're facing down the enemy."
"I know, but I have a serious case of hero worship brewing over you." She twirled a loose lock of hair around her finger.
"I'm no hero."
"To me you are." She took the hair in her fingers and teased it between her lips.
Was she doing that on purpose? Trying to drive me nuts with her hair and her mouth. "What about you? Your dad said you're starting school?"
"Yeah. I took the last year off, but it's time to move forward now."
"What'll you study?"
"I signed up for psychology. Maybe I can figure out a way to help guys like Nathan before it's too late."