by T. L. Clark
Broken and Damaged Love
By TL Clark
Text copyright © 2015 TL Clark
All Rights Reserved
Cover design by Robin Ludwig Design Inc.
http://www.gobookcoverdesign.com/
Acknowledgements
Many thanks to my husband for being my support, and understanding this crazy journey I’m on. You are my rock, and I love you so very much.
Thanks also to my wonderful proof readers, who pick up my errors in the kindest fashion, and help me to improve.
A special thank you goes out to the lovely lady who reviewed draft one of this book to check that its content struck the right notes.
And finally, thanks to all my readers (and the stars you give in your reviews). You make this dream possible, and this author very happy.
Table of Contents
Introduction
Chapter 1 – In the Beginning
Chapter 2 – Bad News
Chapter 3 – Some Nightmares are Real
Chapter 4 – Brown Stuff Hits the Fan
Chapter 5 - Escapism
Chapter 6 – The Truth Will Out
Chapter 7 – Frank’s Truth
Chapter 8 – New Beginnings
Chapter 9 – Attraction
Chapter 10 – The Kiss
Chapter 11 – Take Two
Chapter 12 – Hunger
Chapter 13 – Surprises (Some Are Good, Some Are Bad)
Chapter 14 – An upset
Chapter 15 – Recapture
Chapter 16 – A Change of Course
Chapter 17 - Jubilation
Chapter 18 – Tribulation and Revelation
Places of Help
Introduction
This is first and foremost a novel. It is not meant as a ‘how to guide’, and there are events in here which have been included for dramatic effect, and are unlikely to happen (e.g. the events of Chapter 14).
All the events, people and places in this book are completely fictitious. The only exception to this is the hotel in Crete, who have given their permission for inclusion. Clearly, the events which take place there are still fictitious, as they happen to people who are not real.
I am here as your guide. Those who have been abused in this lifetime, please know I am with you on this journey and will hold your hand, metaphorically speaking.
I will keep you safe as you read on; you have nothing to fear. It is just a book.
Sometimes, by hearing someone else’s experiences you can learn that regrettably, you are not alone in this.
You are a survivor, and there is so much help out there, all you need to do is ask for it. Let me give you hope. Please know you can overcome your difficulties.
I have named the chapters, so if you’re sensitive to certain bits/have triggers you should at least have a warning and the option to avoid the parts you really can’t face yet (e.g. Chapter 3).
For everyone else, let me show you this world of tortured souls, so perhaps you can spot the signs, and maybe even help prevent this from happening.
Should you wish to read just the nice romance bits I suggest you hop straight in at chapter 4. It’s probably a good starting point.
Word of caution; I have written the abuser in such a way as to spark a reaction.
I state clearly now it is not my intent to sympathise with abusers.
But it was important for me to illustrate how they can appear to be ‘normal’ to the outside world.
What happens behind closed doors can be oh so different from the person you thought you knew.
Before I sound like I’m preaching, or indeed before I lose your attention let me begin this tale.
Chapter 1 – In the Beginning
I feel like this book should start with “in a dark dark house, in a dark dark street, on a dark dark night, where cockroaches loomed in intrusions,” but it doesn’t.
In fact it starts in a fairly ordinary town in Britain. But let’s face it, this could happen pretty much anywhere.
Let me introduce you to Dean. He was a confident young man of average height, average build, with bright brown eyes and there was a swagger in his walk. His soft brown hair was flopping into his eyes as he strode into the bar, his friends following closely at his heels.
He worked hard and he played hard. At twenty-three he was already what could be considered successful. He had graduated university and landed himself a good job as an IT consultant.
He was earning good money and his friends flocked around him, knowing he would always buy the drinks. They walked into that bar like a pack of wolves on the prowl.
Their track records were good when it came to scoring. All five of them were moderately good looking, but their charisma had them carrying the edge in the charm stakes.
They made their way to the front of the queue like they owned the place; it was their local and they knew they’d get served quickly.
Pints in hand they sauntered over to their regular table, near the door where they could scout the talent coming in.
The group were laughing and joking together when a small group of girls walked in, clearly already merry. They guys waited for the girls to get their drinks. Just as they were scanning the crowded room for seats the lads made their move.
“There’s room here,” Dean called over to them, patting the seat next to him.
The girls looked at each other, and realising there were no other options, shrugged and headed over. “Reel them in boys!” he said in a hushed tone to his mates, grinning smugly. The girls settled themselves down but one was left standing.
“Why don’t you make yourself comfy right here?” Dean asked with a wink, indicating his lap.
“Because I don’t even know you,” came the indignant response. Being a nurse, Deborah was chatted up on a regular basis, and had learned to become guarded with her interactions of the opposite sex.
“Fair enough,” Dean said as he stood so the girl could sit in his spot. He made sure he brushed close to her body in the process though.
“Thanks. I’m Deborah by the way.”
“Hi Deborah, I’m Dean,” he said with his most charming smile.
He knew his grin gave him dimples, and many girls had told him how cute they were. He leaned against the wall as he gazed down at Deborah’s green eyes.
Naturally, they weren’t the first thing he’d noticed. He’d already seen the wiggle in her walk that went all the way up to her bum as she had walked in. But her eyes were captivating, especially when combined with the redness of her hair.
Introductions made, the group all drank and laughed together. The boys learned that the whole group of girls were nurses. There was a vague thought at the back of Dean’s mind which he couldn’t quite latch onto, but it was there in the background; he subconsciously thought how nice it would be for someone to care for him.
As the night wore on Deborah relaxed her inhibitions as she consumed more alcohol. And as Dean seemed nice and she felt sorry for him standing she offered him his place back. Bingo; he loved it when this worked. He took his seat but grabbed onto Deborah’s waist as he did so and pulled her down with him. She fell on his lap laughing.
“See, there’s room for two after all,” Dean chuckled.
His face was really close to hers, and she was drawn in by his brown eyes which were sparkling with flecks of amber. They were simply mesmerising.
She couldn’t quite place his aftershave but it was sweet and woody, and wafted through her senses, igniting some basic instinct deep within her. But part of her felt she should stay away from him. There was something unnerving about him.
However, she decided it was OK to stay sitting in his lap. She could hear him better this way anyway. And his voice was soft
and sultry.
Dean lowered his voice to a husky whisper as he softly scooped some of her curls out of the way, so he could bring his mouth tantalisingly close to her ear.
“Do you know how gorgeous you are?”
His words travelled straight down Deborah’s ear and made a beeline to her lady parts, warming them in an instant. Shivers ran up her spine as he continued his sweet whispers, making her bite down on her lower lip.
With his thumb he directed her chin down so he could reach her mouth. He hesitated as his lips were almost on hers.
She could feel the warmth of his breath as her own hitched. His eyes were locked on hers as he ever so slightly tilted his chin a little closer.
She couldn’t wait any longer, and Deborah found herself bringing her mouth the rest of the way to kiss him. She passed her lips over his in one long stroke. His lips were surprisingly soft.
She paused but her decision was quickly made; she wanted more. Their lips merged once more.
Dean drew his head back and opened his mouth and took a deep breath in, making her do likewise. He took the opportunity to slip his tongue into her mouth, delicately at first.
She could taste the beer from earlier; it was sweet and full of hops.
His hand began travelling up her side, but she brushed it away as he tried to grope her breasts.
Encouraged that she didn’t break away from the kiss he obediently let his hand fall back down to her waist, but pulled so he could feel her against him. She also felt his erection underneath her. She broke away then, and opened her eyes that had closed in amidst the passionate embrace.
“I’m sorry.” she gasped.
“Sorry?”
“I don’t know what came over me. I’m not normally like this.”
“But you are right now.”
“No. No I’m not.” She made a move to stand up but he gripped on.
“It’s OK. I won’t force you to do anything.” His hopes were getting dashed though.
It had been a while since someone said no.
“I’ve…I’ve got to go.” Deborah succeeded in standing this time.
He held her hand as he spoke. “Please don’t go like this.”
His eyes were set to full on ‘puppy dog’. The injured look helped soften Deborah’s resolve a little.
“I just don’t want to give you the wrong idea about me. I’m not that sort of girl.”
Some of her friends were already starting to leave with his friends.
“Hey bud. You coming with us?” Dean’s friend Gary asked him as he grabbed his keys with a girl pressed against him.
Dean looked at Deborah, but she shook her head. Why did he have to pick the one that wasn’t easy? Inwardly he cursed, but tried to put a smile on his face as he dismissed his friend.
The group dispersed, but one of her girl friends remained with her. Three’s a crowd as they say, so Dean was forced to sit there and talk sociably.
He hated small talk, it just made him feel awkward. And he was sulking now it was clear he wasn’t going to get what he wanted. Finally the girls went to leave.
“Well, it was really nice meeting you Dean,” Deborah smiled at him as she stood.
“Yeah. Nice meeting you too. Would you like to do it again sometime?”
The words were out of his mouth before he could think. He shocked himself. Normally a no was a no and he’d chalk it up to experience and move on. But he found himself actually wanting to see this girl again. She was certainly pretty and perky. She was so…youthful. He disliked how needy he’d sounded. But she said yes, and they exchanged numbers.
Once the girls left Dean sloped off towards his own flat. It wasn’t a massive place, but it served his purposes well. He slumped in a chair and opened a can of beer. He had drunk a lot tonight already, but he needed something. He was still in shock after asking that girl out.
He didn’t do dates. His life had become a stream of one night stands. Girlfriends started making demands on a man, and got all needy. They were expensive too. He was happy with the way things were. He must be out of his mind. But there was something about Deborah that drew him in.
Of course, his mates had teased him mercilessly once they found out about his planned date. Most of them had the same ethos, and those that did date didn’t have long term relationships. All of them were surprised the great Dino was dating. He shrugged it off as not meaning anything, stating, “I just want to see if she’ll ever put out.”
Nonetheless, he stood at Deborah’s door on the night of their date, dressed in a smart shirt and black chinos. He refused to wear a tie though.
His breath caught as she opened the door. She looked even more beautiful than he remembered, with her long soft curls falling around her shoulders, and her figure was hugged by a slinky dress.
“Hi. Are you ready?” he asked redundantly, but he didn’t know what else to say.
Telling her she looked beautiful felt too corny. She nodded at him, and stepped forward, closing the door behind her.
They made their way to his car, but he didn’t hold the door open for her. He let her fend for herself. But Deborah was relieved, she hated it when creeps did that. It’s not like she was incapable of opening her own door.
They got to the restaurant, and she was happy to see it wasn’t overly fancy, but a nice simple pub restaurant.
She was even happier when he ordered a mixed grill; good, honest, simple food. She ordered the same, never having been one to starve herself on salads.
It was difficult to talk whilst they ate, they were both happy munching on their food. Her nursing job wasn’t really dinner conversation as it could get quite gory in A&E.
Likewise, Dean found his IT job difficult to discuss, but mainly because people thought it was boring.
They had some cursory conversation as they were waiting for their order, but it was stilted.
As they waited for dessert they both realised they were as awkward as each other, and oddly that helped them relax, and they managed to make a joke about it.
“I’m sorry,” Dean apologised, “but most women hate me talking about computers. And if I start talking about Star Wars they get up and leave.”
“No way, you like Star Wars too?”
“Well, really only episodes four to six. The new ones really aren’t right.”
They fell into discussing the pros and cons of each of the films. It was so refreshing to talk to a girl who understood this stuff. She also shared his love of computer games, and challenged him to a battle.
After dinner Dean drove Deborah back to her place, and hesitated at the doorway.
“Thanks. I had a really good time tonight,” she dismissed, but once again got caught in his glare.
“Yeah, I did too,” he replied in a gravelly voice, with eyes narrowing.
He stepped closer and noticed how her body responded to him. Without waiting for consent his lips were on hers, devouring her.
He’d lost all control and simply couldn’t contain himself, he wanted this woman heart, body and soul. She stirred feelings in him he didn’t know existed.
Although she responded warmly, and she welcomed the kiss Deborah still broke it off.
“I’m sorry, I’m just not ready. Please can we take this slowly?” she asked, feeling awkward. The truth was she’d been hurt in the past by guys who abandoned her as soon as they ‘got what they wanted’.
“Sure,” Dean coughed and stepped back, “So, I’ll see you around?”
She promised to phone him as soon as she was next on day shifts so they could follow through on the gaming challenge.
Dean couldn’t believe he was still prepared to wait. He’d given her a second chance and he’d still not been admitted in to her bedroom, but here he was in unchartered territory, prepared to try again.
And it wasn’t just about the sex he wasn’t having yet. His heart strings were being tugged. She actually liked the same things he did, looked stunning and was a really good person. Was…wa
s he falling in love? Wasn’t that just some foolish girly notion?
It seemed like an eternity before he saw Deborah again. He’d been out with his mates, but refused to chat anyone else up.
His friends taunted him about being in love and having a girlfriend. Frankly, he saw it as childish behaviour, and shrugged it off. When they persisted he told them to fuck off and stormed out.
By the time he got to his flat he was wondering what the hell was happening to him. But it all disappeared when his phone rang, and Deborah fixed a challenge date.
Dean picked Deborah up straight from her day shift, and he was more than pleased to see she’d not even changed out of her uniform yet; what a fantasy come true.
She caught him leering and scolded him, “Oh please, real nurse’s uniforms really aren’t sexy.”
“In your opinion. I happen to disagree,” he winked as he drove them to his flat.
He’d bought plenty of snacks and beer to sustain them. Deborah started with a coffee though, feeling really tired from her shift.
“You know you already have an unfair advantage? I’ve only just come off shift,” she remarked.
“What? I’ve not been working all day too?”
OK, he had her there. But his shift hadn’t been as long as hers, and he’d been sitting down where she’d been rushing around on her feet for twelve hours.
They sat down for some serious gaming, and he was pleasantly surprised to see how good she was. She was actually in danger of beating him. This was something practically unheard of.
Hours passed by and the pair barely noticed. At the end of their tournament Deborah came out as the victor. She pranced around, doing a victory dance, and called Dean a loser.
That really hurt his pride, and he was on the verge of really blowing a fuse.
She noticed just in time and dialled down the bragging, and knelt down in front of him as he remained in his gaming chair.
“Wow, you’re a really bad loser, aren’t you?” she mocked.
“I’m just not used to it,” he huffed.