by L. Ann Marie
Danny, Rich, Bob, Steve, and Cloud are sitting at the table when I walk in. I’m relieved little Ben isn’t here.
“Too young and he’s pissed,” Steve says. I nod and sit, blowing out a breath.
Steve stands and paces. “Boy was sold by Internet, started around four. Men bid on him. Locked in a closet most of his life. Was found by a girlfriend, called DSS and had him removed. Think the mother is dead. Never spoke after the first time. Somethin’ to that but Jeremy was agitated. Jeremy says he belongs here. Trouble’s comin’, but he’s shieldin’ the boy or us.” Thank fuck he stops. He was sold and lived in a fuckin’ closet.
I’m breathing heavy. I need to hit someone. I stand and pace, my mind running a hundred miles an hour.
“Is that all, Steve?” Danny asks.
“Like there needs to be fuckin’ more?” I growl at him.
“Jeremy saw what they did to him. Cloud took him away. Fuckin’ needed him to take it away.”
“Did you get information so we can find the bastard?” Bob asks. His voice is a growl. I’m surprised by the tone.
Steve looks at him. “Got Geek on it. A ghost site only on when he’s ready for transactions. More than one boy was on the site.”
“I’m not sure the Little Brothers should be in on this. Little Ben is pissed, Jeremy sees too fuckin’ much, and Christian is too sensitive,” Danny says.
“Yeah.” I don’t know what else to say here. I’m at a fuckin’ loss. Another boy is still being sold.
“You going to be okay, Tiny?” Cloud asks.
I look at him like he’s crazy, he’s got to be. “No, I’m not fuckin’ all right! There’s another boy being sold out there! My boy was sold to the highest fuckin’ bidder, lost his ability to talk, lived for fuckin’ six years in a fuckin’ closet! What about all that is fuckin’ okay?”
“Not a fuckin’ thing, Brother, but it’s you that I’m asking about. You need to talk it out. I’m letting you know I’m here. You need to get away, my house on the reservation is yours. Whatever you need to get through it, I’m here,” he says so calm. I stop and breathe. I see the old man for a minute and shake my head, blowing the air out.
“Fuckin’ sold him, Cloud.” I swallow, putting my hands on my knees. “The only touch he had was fuckin’ pedophiles on him.” I breathe out, trying to calm my fuckin’ head, swallow the lump in my throat, and blink back tears.
Rich puts his hand on my shoulder. “No, he has you and Nancy. He has love now. It’s like Tess, he’ll learn love. She couldn’t keep going back, she had to look forward. You need to guide him that way. It hurts like fuck, but you have to walk him through everything. When you think you have it all, you’ll get hit with something else, but you get through it. He needs you to be strong. That’s how he’s going to learn.”
He’s right. I stand and look at him. He knows. He’s been through it and worse. I sit, putting my head in my hands. “What do you need, Tiny?”
“Time, we have to get that shit out of his head.” I sound exhausted. I guess my head is.
“Take the kids to the reservation. It’s a good place to heal. I’ll cover you. Jess can cover Nancy. Little Ben is pissed that all the kids are aware. They need this too,” Danny says.
They all were helping him and touching him all night, not knowing what to do. They were trying to comfort him. Getting them away sounds good right now. “Yeah. We’ll go tomorrow.”
“I’ll get the house stocked before you get there. My grandmother will show if she’s needed,” Cloud says.
I throw him chin. “Anything else I should know before I go?”
“We got you covered. Take what you need. Call you need help, Brother,” Steve says.
“Yeah.” I walk out, feeling like every step is an effort. Fuckin’ sold him on the Internet. Instead of going home I walk the beach to the bluffs then to the rock formation a couple hundred yards away. I’m too pissed to go home, so I sit and watch the waves roll in. He was sold, never touched with love. Only vile and probably viscous rape ever touched my little man. I had to teach him how to shower and change his bed after he wet in it. He was so fuckin’ scared. I remember that face. It will haunt me for fuckin’ ever now that I know what he was thinking. He hid in the safe room hoping to be safe. My breath hitches and I realize I’m crying. I haven’t cried in years. It feels weird. My chest hurts with his pain. I know the pain but not the isolation. I never cried for myself, but I’m crying for a little boy that was sold to the highest bidder, and one that still is. They have to find him. I’m sitting forever when I feel someone else here with me. I look back and see Danny.
He hands me a beer and sits on the side of me. When I feel like I can talk I look at him. “You have to find the boy. We can’t leave him out there.”
“That’s what Steve said. We’ll find him.” I can hear the emotion in his voice.
When my head clears of the shit I keep buried, I stand. We walk back in silence until we get to the split in the walkway. “You still bringing them to the water park?”
I look out at the water. “I can’t be gone forever, someone’s got to work.”
“You’re covered, Brother, means for however long you need it. Pack as many memories as you can in those days. We’ll be at the beach house. Come out. It’s a holiday weekend. Make it special.” He’s watching me with that all seeing eye.
“All right. We’ll be there.” I throw him chin and walk to the house. Nancy’s on the porch, waiting for me. I sit and put my arm around her.
We watch the fireflies play in the trees for a while. “It’s bad, isn’t it?” she says softly.
I tighten my arm around her. “Yeah.” I take a deep breath. “He was sold on the Internet, lived in a closet for six years.”
She cries. All I can do is hold her. When her breathing evens out I carry her in and lock the door. In the room I undress her and throw one of my shirts on, then lay her on the bed. She’s like a rag doll. I know how she feels, numb and not sure what to do. I kiss her head and tell her to sleep. With a quick shower, I lie down beside her. She rolls onto my chest and I feel her tears. It takes her forever to fall asleep. When I’m sure she’s sleeping, I slide out and check the kids. Everyone is sleeping. The boys look so young in sleep. Diego is curled in a ball as far away from the front of his platform as he can get. It strikes me how damn small he is. I swallow the lump in my throat and decide we can do what Danny says and make better memories for him.
Climbing back in bed, I feel better than I thought I would. My Brothers have my back and I’m going to spend the next week playing and making happy memories with my kids.
Chapter Eighteen
Three days later...
Nancy
We’re at Mystic Aquarium and the kids are having a blast. Tiny has been relaxed and so patient with them. I think once the initial shock wore off I understood what the week of vacation means to him. He has a hard time with rape. That’s why he never dealt with the women when the club ran them. When Tess was raped he took the Brothers and got rid of the rest of the Outlaw crew that did it. Now he’s giving Diego attention in a good way so he feels the difference. All the kids are getting his attention and they’re all so damn sweet to Diego it’s beautiful to see. He’s smiling more and gaining more confidence. He pulled his own clothes for the first time today. He doesn’t match but he’s dressed in everything he’s supposed to be wearing. Ricky high fived him, making him laugh with sound. He’s making more and more sounds every day. He’s signing more too. When he doesn’t have a word one of the kids will teach it to him.
I look up at Tiny; he’s smiling at the kids running along the glass. “You’re a good man, Peter Callahan.”
He looks down at me with a scowl. “That’s big Tiny to you, babe. Haven’t been Peter for more years than I was.”
I laugh. “All right, big Tiny, I don’t care what those other guys say, you’re a good man.” I walk away fast.
“What other men?” He lunges toward me and I run with a
squeal. “Come back here, woman, and tell me what other men.”
Shit, he’s fast. I round the corner, trying to stay away from people. I hear the kids behind me laughing. I’m lifted off the floor and in a half a second I’m over his shoulder. He slaps my ass in front of all these people and I can’t stop laughing. “What other men?”
“I can’t breathe.”
“Stop laughing then.” Now he’s laughing. He slaps my ass again and I see Diego’s face. He’s crying.
“Tiny, Diego, behind you.” He turns around and slides me down so fast I’m dizzy. Sandy is holding his hand.
Tiny kneels down. “What is it, little man?”
He signs, ‘Momma hurt.’
Tiny laughs. “No, she was laughing. We were playing. See the other kids are smiling.” I look around and the kids plaster smiles on, making me laugh.
Ricky steps forward. “Tiny doesn’t hurt anyone. He’s a good dad. My dad wasn’t nice like him. The Brothers don’t have bad dads, only good ones like Tiny. Come on, let’s go see the sharks.” He takes Diego’s hand and pulls him over to the shark tank.
We watch Ricky talking and signing to Diego then he hugs him. “He’s a good kid,” Tiny says, putting his arm on my shoulder.
“Yep.”
* * *
Tiny
It takes two and a half hours but the kids finally get tired of the aquarium. Whatever Ricky said to Diego calmed him down and put him back at ease with me. I need to watch my movements with him until he’s comfortable and understands better. All but Sheila and Ricky take a turn on my shoulder while we walk the water front. He seemed happy to be up there.
We hit a restaurant on the way back to the reservation. Tonight they’re having a barn dance. I’m as excited as the kids. Cloud’s grandmother has come to see us twice, once at the lake where she took the little boys for a walk and once at the house to let us know about the dance. Both times she’s put hands on Diego and left him looking calm and happy. She told Nancy he’s going to be just fine and gave dream catchers to all of the kids. She’s not what I expected. I pictured a shaman to be carrying a big stick and wearing moccasins or something. She’s funny and wears Nike sneakers. At Cloud’s party she was dressed in Indian clothes and spoke mostly in another language. I guess I expected her to look like that every day.
When we get back to the house Danny is here with all the kids. Well, just the little ones. I get out of the truck, but he has Nancy’s door already open. The kids are running wild in the field. “I can stay here or in the ranch house. It doesn’t matter to me either way. Cloud’s kids were anxious. I decided to get them away for a few extra days.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, stay here. Tiny needs the company and I wouldn’t mind doing some girly stuff with the girls,” Nancy says to him. She’s smiling, so she must have something in mind.
“Let me give directions to Security. I’ll have them stay at the ranch. We don’t need them at the house. They can go fishing or something.” He laughs, jogging to the other SUV.
“Why didn’t you tell me you wanted to do something with the girls?” I ask when he’s out of earshot.
“I’m having a good time with the whole family doing things, but when I saw him with all the boys I realized I could keep the girls busy while you do the male bonding thing.” She’s so damn happy about it I bend and kiss her.
“Love you, babe. Don’t leave the reservation without Security.”
“Nope, they have everything we need right here.” She turns toward the house, telling me she’s going to change for the dance. She calls the girls in and the boys start pulling bags from Danny’s truck. Elizabeth and Brenna run with Sandy to Nancy’s side.
My boys help get everyone settled and we head to the dance. Danny has the boys that can ride on bikes and I have the girls, Devan, Diego, and Nancy.
I dance with my old lady then all the girls. The Indians welcome us and interact with the kids like we’ve been here forever. Cloud’s kids know everyone by name and help us out when we need it. Jeremy and Christian stay close to Nunánuk, Cloud’s grandmother. Devan dances with Sandy, Brenna, and Elizabeth. They’re so damn cute everyone’s taking pictures. Nancy and the girls make friends with some of the women. I watch them talking and laughing. I’m glad we came. It’s another of those good memories we’re making.
“It’s been good getting away,” I tell Danny.
He nods, scanning people. I know he’s doing a head count. “Everyone looks happy.”
I smile. It’s been a happy time. “Yeah. You got anything planned while you’re here?”
“Not much. I was going to set up the targets and let the kids practice with the bows and take them swimming. They haven’t asked to do anything. I’m good to play it by ear.”
“Did you come down because of Cloud’s kids?” I’m wondering if I should be nervous.
He looks at me. “Yeah. Something’s got them nervous. You got a scout scouting Sheila.” I look over at the dance circle and watch the boy ask her to dance; he looks to be her age. She nods and lets him take her hand. Ricky stands in front of him and says something then nods and lets them pass. He’s watching out for her. Good boy. “Looks like Ricky’s got it covered.”
I smile at him. He throws chin my way. Little Badass. Jeremy and Sandy come over to me. I pull them up on my lap and they watch the dancers. Brenna and Devan come to Danny. I watch Elizabeth climb on Nancy. She looks back at us and gives me a nod. She’s ready. “Nancy’s ready.” I whistle and the kids come running. Sheila walks toward me looking down, embarrassed. Danny starts for the truck and I hold Sheila back. “You’re young to be doing the dating thing but spending time with a boy you like, with family and friends around, is normal, nothing to be embarrassed about. You get to have that just like every other girl your age. You keep it appropriate and we may even work out a way so you can do it more often. Yeah?”
She looks up all smiles. “I can keep it appropriate. Thanks, Tiny.” She hugs me then runs back to the boy, pulling her phone out.
Nancy laughs, watching her. “Smart man my Tiny is.”
“I’d rather know what’s going on than her hide it,” I tell her.
“That’s why you’re a smart man,” she says, walking toward the truck.
I follow Nancy to the truck with a very excited Sheila. “You talk to your girls about respect from boys?”
She looks up at me surprised. “Yes and the Little Brothers had a whole meeting about respect and how we should be treated.”
“Good, no one treats my girls with disrespect. You’re worth more than that; you get the best from everyone you spend time with. If someone can’t show respect to you and your family they ain’t worth your time. You find the good ones and bring them around being proud to do it. Yeah?”
She’s smiling. “Yeah. Thanks, Tiny.” She helps me get Sandy in then I drop Jeremy on a seat and get him buckled. He’s tired, but he smiles at me.
I’m dreading going to bed again. All the shit from when I was a kid woke me up the last two nights. I stay downstairs as long as I can, then hope she’s sleeping before I climb in bed exhausted. Tonight is no different. I climb the stairs and hold my breath while turning the door knob. She doesn’t move, thank God. I drop my clothes and slide in gently so she doesn’t wake up. I’m fucked up. I need to let it go. It’s been years and I’m thinking of that fucker now, as a grown ass man acting like a pussy. I’m a good dad, I’m a good husband, and I’m a good Brother. Nothing but good in my life. I need to let the bad go. I’ll make sure my boys are safe. That should be my thought on all this shit; keeping my boys safe, showing them how to keep each other’s backs. I smile. My boys are never going to know that fear or pain. I’ll make sure of it. I think of José so trusting, but Billy and Jason always watch out for him. They’re cute. Now they watch out for Diego. Then my little Badass that’s my extra eyes watches all of them. They’re going to be fine. My mind settles and I sleep.
Chapter Nineteen
Nancy
I open my eyes and smile. I’m on his chest looking right at his morning wood. He hasn’t touched me since we’ve been here. I was starting to get worried. Every night I’ve been falling into bed tired and in the morning he’s been up and out of the room before I’m awake; I’m glad he’s back to himself again. I reach under the covers and lock my fingers around him, stroking him and not being gentle about it.
Something about the way he moans puts a smile on my face. It’s like he’s saying ‘good job, babe.’ He raises his hips and opens his eyes. “My favorite part needed some attention.”
He smiles. “I ain’t complaining,” he says, but I know he won’t let me get away with this for long. I get almost a full minute before I’m lifted and sitting on top of him. “Let me in, Tiny Dancer.” I hold him so he can slide me down. Damn, I’ve missed him. He sits up, moving my legs around him and starts to move. Holy hell, it feels good. My hand holds under my tit, offering it to his mouth. I know just what he likes and give it to him, knowing how that’s going to feel. He growls, taking my teddy bear in his mouth and flicking it around. When he sucks hard I cry out. Pleasure shoots through me and he starts pulling me down harder. I rock my hips so his bar hits just right. “That’s it, babe, rub my cock where you need it.” I hold my other tit out for him. He takes me in his mouth and starts grinding me down on every stroke. My hood ring is going to set me off. My head falls back. My whole body is ready to explode, then I do. Holy shit, all I feel is the throbbing running through me. He growls and bites on my shoulder, causing a shudder to run down my back.