by Wenner, Jody
"It's okay. I mean, it's not your fault."
"It's just that Officer Fulton said..."
"He lied to you."
"Why?"
"I don't know."
"Can I ask you something else?"
"Okay."
"What is the deal with you two?"
"Me and Fulton?"
"No. You and Bekka. I mean, I know you guys are close."
"Yep."
"And?"
"And what? That's all." I roll over, close my eyes and try to sleep. Again.
But Harmond isn’t done yet. "So, do you think that I'd...you know, ever have a chance with her?"
I sigh to myself. "With Bekka?"
"Uh. huh."
"No."
"Oh."
"Not because of you, James...because of her. Bekka's only focus in life is being a runner."
"Everyone knows that," he says.
"Then you also know that runners don't get the option to fall in love."
"Oooh," Harmond says. "Right."
Harmond is quiet for a long time and so am I.
Then he says, "Such a waste."
"Yeah...it is." I agree.
Chapter 8
Bekka
I still feel like puking when I wake up, but at least the wait will be over soon. I wash and dress quietly and sneak out, avoiding Cheryl's birthday dramatics. I just want to get there before a huge crowd forms around the bulletin board.
As soon as I get close to the City Center courtyard though, I see that I had the same idea as everyone else. Kids from this phase of the program in all of the schools throughout the city are listed on the same day, so the board is packed and people are spilling out of the courtyard waiting for a turn to look at the assignments. There were only a few dozen of us in my school, but I don't know how many in the others, and since this is the only way it's announced, sometimes half the city turns out for the excitement.
I impatiently inch my way through the crowd and get into the queue. I'm sweating and irritable and feel like yelling at everyone that I should get to see the results before Bob the garbage hauler, but I don't because rationally I know I shouldn't. Instead, I look around for Evy. I'm sure she's with Greer but I don't see his purple hair anywhere in the crowd.
My heart is racing as I get closer. I'm finally able to make out words on the small sheet of paper that is tacked up to the corkboard, but they are too tiny for me to figure anything out from this far back. It's pointless, yet I continue to strain my eyes in an attempt to discern the letters written on the paper as I wait for the hoard to push me closer.
I see Alex about two rows ahead of me and to my left slightly. He is closest to the board now and though there is a sea of people between us, he turns and his eyes fall directly on me. He switches back to looking at the posting and then back at me. His facial expression is unusual and hard to read and I'm not sure if he is reacting to the board or to what happened at the party, but I start to feel really sick.
There is another surge and I'm bumped ahead in the line. I seek out Alex again but he is a wash in the crowd. I adjust to my new space and focus back toward the board. There are only a few people in front of me now and I'm finally able to see my name within the others on the list. I follow the column to the right with my eyes and then I see it, the word running parallel to my name. Espionage. My stomach heaves and I wait until I am directly in front of the paper to trace the line from my name to the assignment. It doesn't change. It still says Espionage. Bekka Tyson----------------------Espionage. There it is, in black and white. Everytime I read it, it says the same thing.
I struggle and push myself from the crowd and collapse on to the fake green turf lining the courtyard. I pull my knees to my chest and bury my head between them. I don't understand.
I hear someone yelling my name. I look up and see Evy coming toward me. Her face is distorted. "Bek!" she yells. "What the hell is going on? You got espionage?!"
I realize then I didn't even get a chance to see what Evy was assigned.
"I don't understand," I hear myself say. "What did you get?"
"I got runner!" She collapses next to me.
"What? This must be a mistake! Maybe they confused us? We should go talk to the Dean. Maybe he'll switch us." I feel hopeful all of a sudden.
"Yeah. I can't be a runner. I'm in love with Greer. But, espionage? That's scary. I don't know if I want that job either. I don't even know what that means."
"Me neither." I feel sicker than when I left the house this morning.
Zane
I wake up feeling better than I have all week. My bruises are fading and I'm not that sore anymore. I head to Fulton's office before he has to leave for training sessions. He's sitting at his desk with a stack of paperwork in front of him. He glances up at me for a second and then keeps writing.
"What can I do for you, soldier?"
"The doctor said I need to go back to have my stitches removed, sir. I guess he forgot to send a note over," I say.
Fulton stops writing and looks up at my face. "Okay," he says and takes a slip of paper from the top desk drawer and scribbles something on it, then he stamps it with the official seal and hands it to me. Without another word, he goes back to his stack of papers.
I don't have a plan, I just grab my skateboard from my foot locker and head out, giving the guard at the gate my pass. I just need fresh air and it feels good to be moving again. I notice my legs look small and shriveled after a week of confinement to bed.
Being out in the city again feels good, something I never thought before being stuck in the dorm for so long. I was beginning to feel so stifled and claustrophobic, like a caged animal. And after the weird incident with Fulton, I couldn't help but think I was some kind of experiment, like a lab rat being watched under a microscope. I don’t know who to trust or who is watching me. I keep checking behind me as I glide through the streets, searching the alleys and rooftops, but everything looks normal.
I never thought this city could feel so freeing. I skate around for awhile just feeling the wind in my face. After about an hour, I start to feel the strain on my body so I head to the library, jump off my board, and go in.
I'd hoped to find Bekka inside, but I knew it was a longshot. I'm not going to take any chances going to the apartment. Obviously, Fulton had eyes on me the last time I was out and even though I haven't seen anyone, I wouldn't put it past that guy to do it again.
I sit at our usual table and take out my notebook. I start my letter to Bek several times, but everytime I read it back, it sounds like crazy talk. I sit and ponder what I'm going to do. I could just forget Fulton ever came into that hospital room and let things play out. Except I'm scared that if I do that, there is no chance I will get assigned as a tunnel guard.
I made a promise to protect Bekka. There is no use thinking about it anymore. There's a very real possibility I'll be walking into a death trap by meeting Fulton. On the other hand, if I take the risk, it's a free ticket to the job I want. That's what I understood from the exchange the other day. His message seemed pretty straight forward; be at the meeting and I'll get my assignment. If I write all of this to Bekka she is definitely going to think I've lost my marbles. I'm even beginning to think I've lost my marbles. I rip the page out of my notebook. It's filled with nothing but chicken scratch and crossed out words. I crumple it up and toss it near a stack of books as I walk out of the library.
As I reluctantly head back to base, I stop on a deserted street and sit down on the curb. I pull out a small pocket knife and take a deep breath. I open the blade and place it near my cheek, feeling the bumpy, raised flesh. Then, slowly and carefully, I dig the tip of the blade in and begin pulling the nylon threads from my face one at a time.
When I am back on base, I stop to check the board for my assignment. Since everyone else is in training sessions, it's quiet and I'm all alone at the board. I find my name and read the line next to it. Tunnel Guard. Fulton kept his word, just like I suspected. Now, if he doesn't kill
me on this secret mission he invited me to, I will get to see Bekka again soon. I guess it's decided. My stress eases a little.
I head to the cafeteria and grab a foodbar from the machine and eat it back at my bunk. After I eat, I'm still feeling pretty good, only a little tired. I decide I'm done with the pills because I want to stay as alert as I can when I head underground, but I also need to rest up because my body still isn't in top physical condition and I need to be awake in the middle of the night. I close my eyes but sleep eludes me. I sit up and take out my journal and write down everything that has happened in the last few weeks, just for the record. If I don't return, Bekka will know where to look. She's the only one who knows about the journal I keep.
Once I'm done with that, I write a letter to my mom, inviting her to the formal graduation ceremony that will take place next week. I tuck my journal into my backpack and toss it into my footlocker. Since I can't sleep, I decide to head to the gym and do a little weight lifting in order to get my muscles back into shape.
Chapter 10
Bekka
As I stumble back home everything looks blurry. I attempt to run through tear stained eyes but soon give up and start walking again. Running will never be the same. When I reach the apartment building, out of sheer desperation, I head straight for Zane's door and start pounding. I know he isn't there, so it's ridiculous and futile, but I don't know what else to do.
It's mid-morning on a Monday, so nobody should be there, but the door opens and Regina is standing there in her nightgown. I cough and sniffle and wipe my face.
"What's wrong, honey? Come in," she says, pulling me into the apartment.
I sit down on the couch and she hands me a tissue she takes from her the pocket of her nightie. Why is she here, I wonder, but don’t ask. Instead, I blow and wipe my nose and tell myself to calm down. Regina sits next to me, putting her hand on my back. I feel better now that I'm with her, but as I try to get the story out it just comes out as cries and guttural noises that are not words.
"Shh. It's okay. Just relax," she tells me.
I try to steady my breathing. "I got assigned to espionage," I'm finally able to get out and once I do, it feels like it must really be true, which makes me even more upset, so I start crying again, only this time harder.
She says, "Espionage. Really?"
"Uh huh."
"That doesn't make any sense." She starts rubbing my back gently.
"I don't know what happened! I must have failed the test. The questions were so strange and confusing. What would you do if you were asked to share your water allocation? That wasn't something I studied. I can't believe this."
"Well, those tests are designed to take your personality into account. I know it's not what you wanted, but you know what? Maybe you'll enjoy it. You should just wait and see."
"I don’t even know what that is...I mean, I've studied all of the positions, but espionage isn't something they give us a lot of information about. I know it's housed under Government, which never made that much sense to me because it has something to do with war tactics. There are several things that fall within the category of espionage, but I think most people work in the big government building down near the City Center." The deep ache in my stomach heaves back up and I begin blubbering again and it becomes unstoppable. An office job. Is that truly my destiny? How did this happen? Soon I start to hyperventilate and shake.
Regina gets up, "I'll get you some water." She moves from the couch to the small kitchen counter which is an island so she can still talk to me from there. "You know," she says, as she pours the water from a pitcher into a glass, "I didn't want to be a factory worker, either. No way. I wanted to be in Distribution. Why? I really have no idea. I just remember thinking when I was young that the people who got to go around and bring water to everyone were like saints. Water fairies or something. They were straight out of children's stories. When I got older, I realized that a job is a job and they are all pretty terrible, no matter how much school makes you think otherwise. I've met plenty of water distributors as an adult that I've told that story to and they think it's pretty amusing. Water fairies." She chuckles and shakes her head as she hands me the glass and sits back down.
"The point is," she continues, "sometimes you just have to think of the positive side of things. Now, I know right now you think your life is over, but think about this. At least this position offers you the opportunity to get married and have children."
I sip the water and listen to what she is telling me. "That's not something I'm interested in," I say, confused.
"Maybe not right now, at your age, but trust me, it might be when you're older. Being a mother is the best thing I have ever done. And even though things didn't work out perfectly, I don't regret any of it. Otherwise, I wouldn't have Zane. We wouldn't have Zane."
Zane. "But I might not ever get to see him again! Not if he gets a job on base." The Military assignments are housed on the base, or outside of the fences. Besides the occasional visitations, they aren't allowed to leave there, ever.
Regina looks at me with the sad eyes I remember from the last conversation we had. "Maybe not, but you still get to keep him with you. Just like I get to keep Zander with me. You can never unknow him."
"I don't know," I say contemplatively. My head hurts and my stomach feels weak and I can't think anymore. I thank Regina for the water and go back to my apartment. I slam down on my bed and close my eyes. On top of everything, the fact that I might not get to see Zane again hits me hard, probably the hardest really because taking away my dream is tough, but Zane is my reality. I've realized these last few months how much I've suffered from his absence. I can't imagine continuing without him. As much as I try to fight it, the tears flood my eyes again and I cry deep into my pillow while my whole body shakes and fits until I wear myself out and fall asleep.
Zane
It's the middle of the night when I slip from the lower bunk and slowly creep out of the sleeping quarters. In the dark, I find my way out to the yard and past several of the buildings scattered throughout the base. Once I'm near the fence and things are quiet, I slump down onto the ground and pull a small flashlight from my pocket and look at the map one last time, double-checking the tunnel path I will need to follow.
We've been taught in training how to read the maps and I've spent enough time with this one alone in my bunk that it's been etched into my brain, so now I focus on the code and enter it into the panel on the front of the steel circular door set into the earth. There is a soft, high pitched beep and the hatch pulls open easily. I see a glint of the ladder and realize there is no turning back. I take out my flashlight one last time and point it below me but I don't see much. The small beam of light gets more or less gobbled up in the sea of blackness. I'm going to have to get used to this, but right now the dark and unknown are making my heart race. I take one last gulp of fresh air and inch down the ladder. Pulling down to close the access panel over the hole, the darkness engulfs me and the sound of the hatch thumping shut makes me feel sealed off from safety.
This is a new level of introvert I never thought possible, even for me. It feels incredibly confining, but I just keep telling myself it's totally normal. I can smell the dank air and earth now and I hear my footfalls echo through the space with each step as I lower myself down the metal rungs. There is a lot of moisture in here which isn't a climate I'm used to being in at all. It makes breathing a little bit easier though, which is good because I'm needing to do it more than normal at the moment.
My foot finds solid ground and I turn around and try to adjust my eyes. The black surrounding me is thick. I see nothing in any direction. Another attempt with the flashlight reveals nothing but earth on both sides of me and some kind of sludge under my boots. I take a deep breath and put the light back in my pocket. I won't be able to turn it on again. It’s just not safe. Here goes nothing, I think, and start walking ahead blindly.
After about ten minutes not much has changed. My eyes have
had time to adjust, but I still can't see my hand in front of my face. I guess I'm going to have to learn to like this because it's about to become my job. I think about my training exercises and the corny acronym we learned for working in the tunnel system. Remember to use your FLARE.
F is for Feel. Feel the walls as you go. Along the earthen wall there are a number of dugouts or nooks that you can tuck into if you need to hide or get off of a path in a hurry. I feel the wall now and just get a fistful of damp dirt in the palm of my hand.
L is for Listen. Listen for danger. Everything is quiet right now except for the noise I'm making. I slow myself down and try to walk quieter, listening as I go.
A. Stay Alert. That part seems pretty straight forward. Not sure what else I would be doing in such a situation, although Bek's parents were killed in the tunnels supposedly because they had gotten so used to them and hadn't been paying attention to their surroundings.
R stands for Run. If all else fails and you get into trouble you are supposed to run and then of course, Exit the tunnel. Both of those seem like great ideas, especially now. But I guess they mean if there happens to be enemy activity in the area. I have a feeling the residents of South Sacto aren't gonna be the ones I have to worry about tonight.
The danger with the tunnels is that both sides of Sacto use the old drainage system in order to get to the water, which is located between both cities. The tunnels are a warzone so you have to be ready for anything down here. Sometimes traps are set or raids are performed or you might just run into their runners, which comes with a whole different set of acronyms and procedures to follow. Both cities are competing for the water and neither wants to share. Our sole source is just the one river that has divided us and caused us to form these barricades. The worse part is the only way to tap into the water now, with all of the fences and soldiers fighting a war above ground, is from under here.
Atop, the armies shoot at each other every chance they get from the ridges built to keep the other at bay. I could have easily been assigned up there, in the real battle zones, and be forced to actually fight, so I guess being down here is slightly better. I think. Except the last thing I want is to get into a gun battle in a dirt maze, with bullets ricocheting around like pinballs.