by Sarah Bailey
“You don’t know how dangerous he is. I just can’t right now. Look, I appreciate your concern, I really do, but I just can’t. Please understand.”
Hannah was silent for a long time. Izzy hauled herself out of bed, checking for signs of Alan, but he still hadn’t come home. She frowned. Where is he?
“Okay. Just promise me if he hurts you again, you’ll leave him. Promise me, Izzy.”
“I… okay. I promise.”
It didn’t feel good to lie to Hannah, but she had no choice. She knew her friend wouldn’t drop it unless she gave her something.
“Good. Listen, I have to go, my boss is giving me evils. Just keep in touch.”
“I will. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
She was about to put her phone down when it rang again. Looking at the caller ID, she frowned.
“Hi.”
“Are you able to meet me tonight?” Rex asked without preamble.
“So soon?”
“I told you, the sooner we do this, the better.”
“I… don’t know.”
She had no idea when Alan would return. It worried her. There was no telling what would happen when he came home, but she wasn’t looking forward to it.
“Just try, I’ll text you where.”
“Rex?”
“Hmm?”
She took a breath.
“About last night…”
“What about it?”
“I realise I don’t know anything about my panther. Is it… is it normal for it to want things even when I don’t?”
There was a long pause. She flipped the kettle on.
“In a sense, yes. Its instincts differ, that’s all.”
She didn’t think Rex was unattractive, but her life was far too complicated already. Just because her panther seemed to like his, didn’t mean she, as a human, wanted the man himself. She could ignore how aroused she’d become by his presence, couldn’t she?
“Would it help if I actually did some reading up on jaguars?”
She heard him chuckling.
“Well, it would be a starting point. Maybe I’ll give you a quiz on it.”
She frowned. He wasn’t taking this seriously.
“Very funny.”
She decided she didn’t care what he thought. Knowing was better than being clueless. She didn’t have anything else to do today with Alan gone.
“Look, he’s not here. I don’t know why, but if he doesn’t come back then I’ll meet you later.”
“All right… You know you could ask me outright if it’s normal for your animal to get excited when it scents another of its kind.”
She flushed. Does he really have to be so direct? I feel like he sees right through everything I say.
“Is it?” she whispered.
“Why are we whispering?” he asked, mimicking her tone.
“Oh, just… never mind.”
“It is normal, but by all means, look it up if you don’t believe me.”
“I’m hanging up now.”
“See you later.”
She put her phone down on the kitchen counter. Pulling out a mug from the cupboard she set about making herself tea and some eggs. She sat at the table when she was done.
She knew he’d only been teasing her, but she was mortified by their discussion. She hadn’t wanted him to know about her strange reaction to him. He’d clearly scented her too. She sighed. This shifter business was still so new. She pulled her phone towards her, opening her browser and looking up jaguars on Wikipedia. She might as well make an effort.
She couldn’t help feeling a little apprehensive about seeing Rex again if Alan didn’t return. She didn’t want a repeat of her panther going crazy. That’s why she had to see him. To learn how to be in control of her new dual nature. It didn’t mean she had to like it.
Her and her panther would have to learn to get along, no matter what it took.
Chapter Six
Izzy waited, looking around the dark park with trepidation. Alan still hadn’t come home so she decided it was worth the risk of going out to see Rex. Anything was better than being cooped up all night on tenterhooks. He’d told her Hyde Park was best due to its size.
She sat on a bench, drumming her nails on the wood. He was late. The wind rustled the leaves. It reminded her of the night she’d been chased by the other shifter and her life had gotten tangled up in this new world.
“Not a bad night for a stroll.”
She jumped, turning to find him leaning his arms on the bench behind her.
“Shit, you scared me.”
“Perhaps you should be more aware of your surroundings.”
She glared at him.
“Come on, haven’t got all night.”
He straightened and started off, not stopping to see if she was following. She scrambled up and hurried along after him. He walked into the trees until they came to a small clearing out of the way of the paths. It was a cloudless night. The moon was no longer quite full, but it made her feel strange.
“It has that effect before and after the full moon,” he said when he looked over at her, pointing at the sky.
“What? Like an itchy feeling against your skin?”
“Yeah. Some shifters like to change for three nights in a row to avoid it, but you get used to it after a while.”
“I see.”
She decided it was rather unpleasant, but she could deal with it.
“Unless you want to ruin your clothes, you’ll have to take them off.”
“What?”
“You need to undress, Izzy.”
“In… in front of you?”
Her face felt hot. Getting naked in his presence felt wrong, especially after her reaction last night.
“Well, I can turn around if you want, but you’ll have to get used to it at some point.”
It wasn’t as if she hadn’t got naked in front of a complete stranger before. She’d had sex with enough of them for money, but it hadn’t been out of choice.
“So, what, as a shifter, you’re all just happy to take your clothes off in front of each other?”
“Didn’t say we are happy about it. Just a necessity.”
He smiled at her for a moment before turning around. She shrugged out of her coat and tugged off her jumper and t-shirt. She shivered in the night air despite her body’s new higher temperature. Her jeans followed. She pulled off the camisole she was wearing instead of a bra and finally, her underwear. She placed them in a pile a little way off from where they were before walking back towards him.
“If you don’t want me to see, just you know, crouch down,” he said.
She did as he said, hiding her modesty as best she could.
“Um… I guess I’m ready.”
He turned, taking a few steps towards her until he was standing by her side. He put a hand on her shoulder. She peered up at him but he wasn’t looking at her.
“Can you feel her?”
“I think so.”
“Okay, good, that’s a start.”
Her panther stretched inside her. She began to pace.
“She’s most definitely awake.”
He chuckled.
“Now, in order to gain control, you have to let her come out. Don’t resist it. That’s what leads to pain.”
“Okay… but how do I just change? I mean I didn’t exactly ask it to last night.”
“She wants to come out, Izzy. You’ll work it out.”
She focused on her animal. She imagined herself changing. Her skin began to ripple. When she felt her body readjusting, she tensed for a moment. Rex squeezed her shoulder.
“Relax.”
She concentrated on her breathing. Inhale. Exhale. It didn’t hurt in the same way it had before, nor was the process the same. She could feel the shift as it happened. One moment she was a human, the next she was crouched on all fours in animal form.
She looked up at Rex, swishing her tail, her ears pricked up. He took his han
d off her, stepping back. She stood, blinking at him. She took a step towards him.
“Izzy…”
Sniffing the air, she took another step towards Rex. He smelt good. So good. It was tantalising.
“Izzy. Don’t.”
He put his hands up, in a placating manner. She cocked her head slightly, wondering why he looked wary. Ignoring his warning tone, she trotted over and brushed her head against his leg, coiling around him.
“Well, hello to you too.”
She let out a little mew to acknowledge him. She sat at his feet, staring up at him. He reached out, brushing a hand across the top of her head.
“I was a little concerned you’d end up trying to tear me to pieces.”
She cocked her head to the side, blinking. That wasn’t what she wanted to do to him. Her panther wanted the man in front of her to change. She wanted to meet his animal. She mewed at him.
“You want me to shift? That’s not a good idea.”
She mewed again.
“Maybe another night. You’re still learning. I’m surprised you’ve not bounded off for a run.”
She wasn’t interested in running. She was interested in getting up close and personal with him. Izzy tried to tell her panther to cut it out, but she was having none of it. She coiled around his legs again, brushing her head against him.
“I know this is your animal and not you, Izzy.”
Despite his words, it didn’t stop him running his fingers down her back. It felt strange, yet wonderful. She wanted more, so much more.
“I think it’s time you changed back now.”
She mewed. Her animal didn’t want to be contained again.
“This is what control is about. You need to be able to come back from it.”
She tried to imagine herself as a human again, but her panther wanted what it wanted. She paced away from him for a moment before turning.
“No, Izzy. No.”
She bounded towards him. He backed away, but it was too late. She shoved him into the ground. Standing on top of his chest, she stared down at Rex, unblinking. Fuck, come on, girl, it’s time I got back to being a human.
“Izzy, this isn’t funny.”
She didn’t think it was. Her panther had a mind of its own. She needed to rein it in. It was a small miracle she could still see and feel everything. She mewed at him again.
“You’re making this impossible. Fuck, Izzy, you smell so good. Do you know how hard it is to keep mine contained when it wants to meet you?”
The reality of what he’d just said hit her square in the chest. Rex’s panther wanted her too. She stepped off him, backing away. Her panther was losing its grip on her. She had to stop this.
Taking back control, she pushed the panther down. Her fur rippled, shifting to human skin and back again. Rex sat up, watching her with wide eyes. She had to do this. She needed to be human again. She felt her bones shift. She took a breath, letting out a small cry.
“Ah… fuck.”
She panted. Changing back into a human was no easy feat. Her body felt like it was on fire. She curled up in a ball on the ground, shaking. She didn’t like how it had felt. She didn’t want something else controlling her body.
It was wrong.
So very wrong.
“Izzy?”
She turned her head. He was still on the ground, his eyes wary. She sat up with her back to him before rising, very aware she was naked.
“Are you okay?”
She shook her head. She wasn’t. Not at all. Not one bit. The alien feeling building in her chest threatened to burst out. A part of her wanted him. A part of her that wasn’t her panther.
She turned. He’d gotten off the floor and was only a few feet away. His eyes roamed down her body. She heard the sharp intake of his breath before he strode towards her. He pulled her into his arms and his mouth crashed down on hers. She clutched his jacket, meeting his passion with her own.
Rex’s kiss was heated, his hands on her back felt like brands on her bare skin. She no longer cared she wasn’t wearing anything. She didn’t want him to stop. She hadn’t felt desire for another person quite like this in years. He was so warm. It was almost like being held by her own personal radiator. One of his hands brushed up her back before he cupped her cheek, turning her face away slightly.
“Izzy,” he whispered, peppering kisses across her jaw. “The smell of you, it’s driving me insane.”
“What?”
He inhaled deeply.
“Your scent. It’s intoxicating.”
He claimed her mouth again, preventing her from asking further questions. It didn’t stop her mind whirring around. Did he want her because she was a werepanther or because he actually liked her? Neither option sat well with her. They didn’t know each other. And there was Alan.
She pulled away from him, taking several steps back. She wrapped her arms around herself.
“I… this… We shouldn’t be doing that.”
He stood there, panting, but he didn’t reach for her again. She moved away, hurriedly tugging on her clothes. She couldn’t do this. Not with him. She could still feel the ghost of his lips on hers and the brush of his stubble against her cheek.
“I can’t,” she said. “Not like this. Not now.”
“Izzy…”
“No. It’s just pheromones. It’s not real.”
It had felt real. The passion and heat behind his kiss felt so real. He was watching her with a strange expression.
“It’s her that wants that. Not… not me.”
She had to leave before she said anything else. The lie stuck on her tongue. She wanted Rex, not just her panther.
“I… I have to go.”
She walked away. She had no choice. Even if she admitted she felt something for him, it wouldn’t matter. Her life was a mess.
Her mind was in disarray the whole way home. That kiss… that damn kiss! She thought the worst of her problems was becoming a shifter, but no, that kiss changed everything. Her skin felt electric, thrumming with need, not just to feel him as a panther, but as a man.
I am in hell. I am in fucking hell.
She opened the door to the flat, kicking off her shoes. She intended to go straight to her bedroom but she stopped dead when she saw Alan standing in the living room. His eyes blazed with unconcealed fury. Striding towards her, he said nothing as he gripped her arm. He threw her down on the sofa before unbuttoning her jeans and tugging them down along with her underwear.
“Please,” she whispered, knowing exactly what he meant to do. “Don’t.”
The next ten minutes were brutal. She sobbed into the sofa, wanting to disappear. It was the first time he’d forced her in awhile. She knew it wouldn’t be over after this. When he had his fill of her, he’d punish her. He grunted when he finished. It ran down her leg, making her skin crawl. I hate him. I hate him so much.
“You think I like to hurt you, Isadora?” he seethed. “All you do is disobey me. Don’t you see? This is your fault.”
She sobbed harder. He pulled her to her feet. The smack across her jaw stung. Her panther growled.
“Sort yourself out.”
She pulled up her clothes, buttoning her jeans. All she wanted was a shower. To wash away what he’d done to her. It mingled with the memory of Rex’s kiss. Fuck. Fuck. No. I don’t want to think about Alan raping me and Rex kissing me at the same time.
“Where have you been, Isadora? Why the fuck do you have dirt on your face?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Is that all you have to say for yourself?”
She nodded. What else could she say? She couldn’t tell him the truth. He backhanded her again. She put her hand to her face, more tears spilling out onto her cheeks. He gripped her hair tight in his hand before shoving her to the floor. She yelped as the first kick came.
“Sorry isn’t fucking good enough. You’re a lying bitch.”
She tried to curl in on herself, but his foot connected with her stomach
. Her panther roared in her ears as he kicked her again and again, calling her all sorts of names under the sun. A rib cracked. The pain burning its way through her chest. He grabbed her hair again, slamming her face down onto the floor. She felt and heard the crunch of her nose breaking. Blood poured out the next moment.
“You are mine, Isadora. You would do well to remember that.”
No one should have to take this much abuse. She’d suffered at his hands for far too long. Her body ached all over. He pulled her up into sitting position by her hair. Her scalp burnt. She felt useless. There was no fight left in her. His fist connected with her jaw, sending a jolt right down her spine. Again, and again, he pummelled her until unimaginable pain ripped through her. He’d broken her jaw. He shoved her back on the ground.
He stood there, his chest heaving from the beating he’d dished out.
“Don’t you fucking leave this flat again, you hear me? I won’t have it.”
He stalked off towards his bedroom, slamming the door. Leaving her in a pool of her own blood, tears streaming down her face.
Chapter Seven
Izzy didn’t move for a long time. Her face ached. Her chest hurt. She knew this wouldn’t be permanent. Her body’s healing process would be accelerated because of her new shifter status, but it was still agonising. She struggled to her feet, every movement sending a new wave of pain shooting through her.
I’m done. I’m just done. This is the last time I let him do this to me.
This was the worst state he’d ever left her in. He’d broken her fucking jaw. She put a hand to it, wincing. She didn’t try to move her mouth, knowing she wouldn’t be able to speak.
She stumbled into the bathroom, looking at herself in the mirror. I look like a mess. Bruises were forming on her face. Her nose bent out of shape. Her jaw didn’t look right. She took a cloth, dampening it before dabbing at the blood on her face, ignoring the intense pain.
She left the bloody cloth in the sink, not caring that it would piss him off. She’d had enough. I can’t keep living like this. She retrieved her bag from the floor in the living room, checking the time. It was three in the morning. How long had she laid there for?
She went into her bedroom and sat on the bed. What was she going to do? She couldn’t stay here with him. Who knew what he’d do when she miraculously healed? He’d expect her to be incapacitated for days, weeks even.