“Oh, okay well we can plan it soon or you can come here.”
“I’ll call you later.” Disappointment rained over my words.
We disconnected the call and I stood dropping my clothes into a messy pile, and walked to the bathroom to soak in the tub. I hadn’t gotten any blood on me from the shooting, but that wasn’t what I needed to wash away.
***
“Bella.” Megan grabbed me for a hug as Jax and I entered the Gala hand in hand.
Tonight we had four men guarding us. Jax was simply being paranoid, I was certain. I hadn’t had any of the knowledge about the war that was brewing and the more I thought of it, the more I thought maybe… he wasn’t paranoid. I took in a deep breath. The Russians hadn’t retaliated, that I knew of. All Jax would say when I asked was, “I’m dealing with it”.
“You are definitely the most beautiful couple here tonight. I love that you match, fantastic.” Jax insisted that I wear another crimson gown, and he of course matched in his crimson tie and handkerchief.
“Thank you,” I smiled taking my attention to the crowd of people that filled the large hotel ballroom. I didn’t know a single person there, and a nervous insecurity filled my chest pulling it tight.
A tall man approached from behind Jax. “Jax.” He offered his hand.
“Mayor Wallace.” Jax smiled.
“I thought I saw your lovely wife’s name on the invitation.”
“Hello.” I reached my hand out to the mayor, and he leaned forward surprising me as he kissed my cheek. “We haven’t had the pleasure. I’m Bella Moretti.” I smiled. The mayor was a very attractive man. He stood the same height as Jax, short dark hair, a nice dark shadow over his jaw line. His frame was wide. If I had to guess, I’d say he was probably thirty. Jax’s hand landed on the small of my back as I spoke.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Bella.” A smile lifted on his lips. I found myself imagining that Jax would smile at me that way one day. “You did a wonderful job putting this together.”
“Thank you.” My cheeks warmed. “But it was mostly Megan.” Megan stood to my left in deep conversation with another gentleman.
“You must’ve had a hand. I come every year and this year—” his eyes wandered around the room, “—it’s different.”
“Thank you.” I bowed my head.
“You must have an interest in cancer research?”
“Yes, actually. My parents were affected by cancer.”
“Well I can see you are a hard working woman.”
His statement put me at ease. I’d always worried that people looked at me differently outside the family. I’d only ever been around the family except my time in college, but those kids didn’t care who I was, hell half of them were mobster children too, so it wasn’t an issue. We just wanted a chance to be free to be whom we wanted and whom we saw our self as without the stigmata of something else. But here in this room full of grownups—social lights if you will—it’s difficult to feel as if I’m making my own way. I still lived in a dark shadow. I’m not allowed to leave my own home. I don’t sleep in the same bed as my husband. My parents’ are gone and there was no one left to love me. The fear that they would reject me if I put the real Bella out there was real.
The mayor continued speaking to Jax and me for a few minutes. When he walked away, Jax pulled me away. We exited the door all while he gripped the small of my back. He pressed his hand to the ladies’ bathroom door rushing me inside.
“Jax?”
The bathroom was built for a single person. Jax locked the door behind us then moved slowly into my direction. I’d pressed my back against the wall, and his eyes watched me with fire. His hands reached for my face pulling me into a kiss. Our tongues entangled. Heat rose from my core while his fingers folded through my hair. Jax ran his hand along my ass gripping me through the thin crimson material.
“Bella,” he breathed into my mouth lifting my dress to my waist and then my panties down my legs. “Step out,”
His hand swept between my legs dipping two fingers inside of my warmth, I moaned begging for more, but instead of giving me what I wanted he slipped his fingers from me and kissed my neck before he let my dress down my legs. “What are you doing?” I gasped breathlessly.
He pulled my panties to his mouth. “Remember who it is you belong to, Bella.”
“Whaa…” I was left hot and bothered against the wall.
Jax unlocked the door and walked out leaving me to myself. Was he punishing me for speaking with the mayor? The kiss to my cheek? I hadn’t done anything wrong and wondered if this was jealousy. Satisfaction smothered my flesh as I adjusted my dress and reapplied my lipstick. I’d give him something to be jealous about if it meant he’d touch me like that again.
I opened the door stepping out with an evil plan. Tony and Dominic waited against the wall. “Come on, boys, it’s time to have some fun.”
“Bella, I don’t like where this is going,” Tony said playfully. I turned my head toward Tony with a grin held on my face.
I made rounds meeting all of the guests that had come to support our cause. I shook hands with Senators and even had the opportunity to meet a Duchess; all while I was pantie-less. From time to time, I would scan the room to find Jax schmoozing with the guests. But when I caught sight of Jax leaning against the bar with another woman my plan set into gear.
I met the eyes of a man that had been staring at me all evening. I had thought he would be the perfect man to insert into my plan. With Tony and Dominic following close behind me, I locked eyes with the man again. He was tall, blond, and brooding. His tux fit him well. He watched me with hunger in his eyes, and I knew he was the perfect man for the job.
“Hello—“ I approached pressing my clutch under my arm as I extended my hand. “—I’m Bella.”
He set his glass on the bar next to him just ten feet from my husband. “Hello, I’m Jordan, it’s a pleasure.” He gently cradled my hand lifting it to his lips. “Can I get you a drink?”
I smiled, fighting the need to look to my left as I felt the hardened stare that heated my skin. “A scotch please.” Dominic stepped closer to me attempting to whisper something in my ear, but I waved him away.
“Is this your first time at the Chicago Cancer Gala? I don’t believe I’ve seen you before.”
I positioned myself on the stool next to Jordan and took in a small sip of my drink setting it back down on the bar. I nodded my head. “Yes, this is my first time, but hopefully not my last.”
“It’s a great cause.”
“I agree; do you have a personal experience with cancer, Jordan.” I leaned in waiting for his answer.
He drew in a deep breath. “I do.” He sipped his drink.
“I’m so sorry to hear that, but I’m glad you’re here.”
His eyes narrowed. “Wait,” he said and lifted a finger. “You’re Bella Moretti, one of the organizers?”
“I am.” I nodded
Jordan turned to face the bar saying something funny. I laughed and pressed my hand to his shoulder. My eyes lifted forward seeing Jax watch me. I’d never seen anger in his eyes like I did then. He was angry and the satisfaction I felt was glorious. I’d done what I came to do. And now I’d finish what I’d started and continue with my night.
I leaned in and whispered, “Jordan, it was a pleasure to meet you but I must continue with my rounds.
He stood as I did. “Bella, it was the best ten minutes of my night.” He leaned in and pressed a kiss to my cheek.
“Bella,” Dominic cleared his throat.
I offered a nod and followed not giving Jax another look. I was certain he could see the smile pressed along my face.
“Are you trying to get us killed?” Tony hissed as he grabbed my arm moving me around the room.
A server walked past holding a tray of white wine, and before I could ask for one of them a glass was lifted to me. “Not smart,” Jax whispered. I smiled as I reached for the glass.
“I co
uld say the same for you and your lady friend.” He’d been sitting with her for the last thirty minutes whereas he’d barely said three words to me the entire night.
“Jealous?”
“Hardly, but I could ask you the same question.”
Jax leaned into my ear pressing a kiss lightly. “That woman didn’t touch me, Bella, and I didn’t touch her, but tonight two men have touched what belongs to me.” He stood tall. “What did I tell you would happen if another man touched what was mine?” He brought his wine glass to his lips.
My heart pounded against my chest. “Don’t be an ass, Jax. It was harmless. It was nice to be spoken to by a man that could appreciate me, if for only a few moments.”
“Games get people killed, Bella.” Guilt washed over me remembering what he’d said. I could’ve been gambling with someone’s life.
Another hour passed with Jax nowhere in sight. I’d spotted Jordan and the mayor several times and felt relieved that he hadn’t had them killed…yet.”
I said my goodbyes and left the gala without another glance in search for Jax. He’d probably left me, and I was okay with that. I’d like to be as far away from him as possible right now. I’d tried to get a reaction from him even if it had been childish. I needed to feel loved and wanted for a moment. I’m a woman with needs, and human comfort was one of those needs; perhaps the most important of them all.
Tony held the door for me as I crossed the hotel threshold. Jax leaned against a dark sports car. We had arrived in a limo. I hesitated my approach while he opened the passenger door for me. I stepped inside the luxurious car that I’d only seen once before. The door closed causing an echo under the hotel awning. I drew in a deep breath as Jax stepped inside the car.
“Buckle up.” He shifted the car into gear but waited for me to comply before driving away.
When the seatbelt clicked into place, Jax sped out of the drive. “Where are we going?” I stared out of the window watching the lights of the city pass.
He didn’t speak to me for the entire drive. The silence was uncomfortable, and I found myself tense in my seat. Was he angry with me? Would he hurt me?
When the car shifted onto a gravel road, I worried he was going to hurt me. After all, did I truly know what Jax Moretti was capable of? The car stopped on a hill that showed the cities lights. Chicago was a beautiful city and when the night fell it was even more so.
He shifted the car into park and unclasped his seatbelt. I refrained from speaking, afraid. Without a word he stepped out of the car and I followed moments later. When I stepped out into the cool night I watched the view—completely overwhelmed. It was beyond beautiful. I leaned into the warm car hood tucking my arms into my chest as I took it all in.
We were completely alone there. I didn’t see that Tony, Dominic, Sal, or Mickie had followed us. I was aware that Jax was approaching from my left, but I continued to face forward. His jacket was set on my shoulders hugging me before I turned my gaze to Jax. The darkness made it difficult to read his expression, but I did try.
Would this get easier?
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
—Bella—
“I didn’t like seeing you… in his arms.” I didn’t speak. “I didn’t like seeing another man holding you.” His hands reached my neck and hip. I felt the indentation of his fingertips press into my flesh. “I didn’t like seeing another man bring joy to your face.” He kissed the nape of my neck.
“Honestly, Jax, why do you care?”
He turned me violently. “You’re my wife, Bella, you belong to me.” He loomed over me—all power. I wanted to give into the tingle that swept my flesh. I wanted to give into the insurmountable desire I had for Jax, but I had to know what he wanted from me, what he expected.
“What do you want from me? Why are you doing this? Why not just let me go, let me be happy to find a man that could love me?”
His lips twitched at the corners, and anger leered in his eyes. “Is that what you want? For me to let you go?”
What did I want? I wanted love. I’d wanted a man to touch me and whisper secrets into my ear. I’d wanted a family one day—a normal life— and with Jax I wouldn’t have that. “Yes.”
His lips crashed upon mine. He didn’t ask for permission, he simply took what he wanted. His hands slid across my flesh finding my breast identical in my gown. “I will never let you go, Bella. You belong to me.” My body pressed against the car. He was about to take me, and there was nothing more at that very moment that I wanted because I did want him. I wanted him to choose me, to love me. But I knew that sex was all that would happen. He’d take my body and then leave. And I’d be left alone again, but I couldn’t do it this time. So, I’d tell him how I felt and watch as he would surely leave me behind. He slipped my breast from the gown and drew in a deep breath as his tongue swept my erect nipple.
I wanted desperately to give into Jax, but I had to stop him. My hands found his shoulders pushing him away. His eyes quickly found mine. “I need love, Jax. I need a man that can love me, that can admit he has feelings for me, and you can’t do that. I deserve more.”
He leaned away willingly, surprising me as he did. “You want me to love you?” He seemed caught off guard.
“I—I want you to be open to it. I want you to treat me as an equal, Jax.”
He stood still holding my wrists tight enough he pinched my skin. “You want me to love you?” he growled.
“I want to be good enough for you to love,” I spit.
“You want me to love you because you don’t feel good enough?” He leaned forward pressing into my breasts. “Is it?”
“Of course, it is, why would I say it if it wasn’t true?”
“Why do you want me to love you? I’m no one, Bella, I can give you anything, but I can’t give you what you’re asking.”
“Because I’m not good enough, you probably have someone else out there you really want to be with. I’m sure that’s where you are when you disappear for days leaving me alone.”
His eyes darkened, narrowed, and focused on me in a way they never had before. “Bella, I leave because I can’t stay away from you. I want to touch you and kiss you. I can’t be in the same room with you without becoming exactly what I’d swore I’d never become again.” I couldn’t speak. A tear slipped down my cheek, and my body stilled. His eyes darkened. “I’m sorry, Bella.”
“If you chose not to love then why apologize?”
“Because it hurts you and I don’t want to hurt you, Bella.”
“Then tell me why you’re unable to give me love. I deserve to know, don’t I?”
Jax leaned against the Maserati. I could see the hesitation in his posture. His face watched me as his lips pressed together.
“Your wife, she’s the reason.” Realization took hold. He was married before. I hadn’t even asked how she died; how insensitive of me. I’d literally never asked a thing about her. “How did she die, Jax?” Asking Jax questions was a difficult task, but I was sure this would be the hardest question of them all.
“Car accident.” His hand tapped the car he leaned against surprising me with the velocity of his response.
“Wow, I’m so sorry.” My body stood two feet in front of him. I watched him still.
“Don’t be. I would’ve killed her if the accident hadn’t. Truly, I’m grateful.”
“Are you kidding?” I couldn’t believe the admittance he’d made.
His chin lifted pulling his eyes to mine. “No, she betrayed me, Bella.” Jax was sharing real issues with me, and I barely had to ask. I knew that I had to be there for him in that moment.
“What did she do that was so horrible you’d wish her dead?”
“I’ve said too much.” Jax had let his guard down with me for a moment. He trusted me for that second with that information. He’d turned away from me facing the sunset. My foot moved into his direction scraping against the ground. My hand reached for his shoulder landing with ease.
“I’m sorry tha
t she betrayed you. I was just surprised. I thought maybe you were still in love with her, maybe that’s why you couldn’t love me.” My words were soft and understanding.
His head focused forward. “When I found you on that road, I saw an innocence I’d never seen before.” His head fell and then his body turned to face me reaching for my cheek. “You scare me, Bella. Everything that you are is what I want. I want to love you and if I could let myself risk it, it would be with you.”
“But?”
“But the familia comes first, Bella, it always will.”
“You’re lying to yourself. You have no feelings for me?”
“That’s exactly why I can’t love you. Because I do have feelings for you and if you betray me I’d want to kill you, too. And I can’t let myself go there, not with you.”
My hand, held down at my stomach, rose reaching for his chest. He watched me. “How did she betray you? What could she have done that was so horrible?” No response came. “There are only a few things that I can see being that horrible. Either she ratted you out or… she cheated.” My fingers traced to his full lips. “Why would she do either?”
“Wouldn’t you if given the chance? If I didn’t lock you up, wouldn’t you cheat on me?” She cheated on him. The hurt behind his strong façade, made Jax human. He was always alpha, making it easily forgotten he was also a man with feelings. His feelings were real, and I hadn’t considered that he was broken. “If I let you go you’d run, fall in love with a good man, and leave this marriage.” My head shook before he finished his sentence. “Don’t lie to me, Bella. I told you before, I can offer you everything except love, but that’s all you truly want. The material bullshit means nothing to you. I know that. You want to be cherished and adored.” I nodded. “Kissed…” his lips crashed onto mine for a long deep kiss, “touched…” his hand slipped under my dress finding my panties.
“When I’m with you I feel human, Bella.”
“Then why not accept that it’s okay to love?”
Bella: The Begining (Sagatori Family Saga #1) Page 19