“I did, and I’m ready for it to be over.” Tristan pulled on his jacket. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow at church.”
He gave her a quick kiss then left. Normally it didn’t really bother him—well, too much—that she never seemed to initiate affection between them and had yet to tell him she loved him, although the thought had been popping up more over the past couple of weeks. Maybe it was because he was so tired that night that it was all he could think about as he drove home.
For some reason, he’d thought that, given time, she’d feel the same way about him as he felt about her, but if that was the case, she was definitely keeping it to herself. And he wasn’t sure what to do about that.
He had noticed the small changes she’d made. Like moving her wedding band from her left hand to her right and taking down her and Lorne’s wedding and couple pictures. But how long did he wait for her to love him? What if it was something she could never feel for him, let alone say it?
Tristan was well aware that ever since he’d told her he loved her on Valentine’s Day and realized she’d been unprepared to say it back, he’d made sure to quickly follow any future I love you with either a kiss or a redirection in conversation. Tristan knew he did that because he was afraid of the resounding silence that would follow his declaration. As long as he didn’t give her the opportunity to say it, the fact that she hadn’t said it yet could be blamed on that.
Unfortunately, he was pretty sure that wasn’t the case. If she had wanted him to know she loved him, there had been plenty of opportunities for her to tell him apart from when he said it to her. And on top of her not saying she loved him, she also rarely, if ever, initiated any affection between them. She did respond to his kisses, but he was smart enough to know that physical attraction could be present without love.
It left Tristan feeling like she was just tolerating his love. That it wasn’t something she really wanted because if she did, she’d be hugging and kissing him even before he initiated it. If that was the case, was it because of her loyalty to Lorne? Or maybe it was a desire to keep him in Timothy’s life.
So where did that leave him? He’d been praying about their relationship ever since Valentine’s Day, asking God to fill Shayna’s heart with love for him. Maybe it was time to change that request and ask God to remove the love that continued to grow in his heart for Shayna. If his love for her deepened while she didn’t feel the same for him, the only thing that would result would be even greater heartbreak for him.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Tristan knew the advice his family would give him.
Cast your cares on the Lord, Tris.
Trust that God is in control, Tris.
All things will work together for God’s glory, Tris.
Keep praying for God’s will to be shown to each of you, Tris.
Don’t worry. Be happy! That one would come from Gabe.
All those were things he already knew, yet he struggled to put them into practice.
There had been things that had challenged him to trust God over the past several years—his mom’s aneurysm, Ryan’s kidnapping, among other things—but those trials had been faced together as a whole family.
This was the first time that something impacted him so directly. His family would pray for him and Shayna, and would support him regardless of the outcome, but this situation with Shayna was something that directly—and deeply—impacted his life.
Back at the apartment, Tristan didn’t want to dwell on things anymore, which is inevitably what he would do, so instead, he grabbed a soda from the fridge and headed for his couch. Once there, he slipped on his headset and picked up his wireless gaming controller.
Jackson was on, so he sent a request for a voice chat.
“Tris, my man!” Jackson said when they connected. “Didn’t expect to see you on tonight. Weren’t you having dinner with the little lady and Tristan 2.0?
“I did go for dinner. I just left when it was time for Timothy to go to bed.”
“Trouble in paradise?”
Tristan was in no mood to discuss anything with Jackson. Out of all the people in his life, he was the last person Tristan would try to discuss something like a relationship with.
“Nothing like that.” Tristan propped his feet up on the coffee table. “I had a long day at the show home today.”
“Went well, did it?”
“Better than we could have hoped. I think we’ll be at seventy-five percent sold when we break ground next month.”
“Glad your dream is becoming a reality, bro. I know you’ve worked hard on it.”
“Between the game business and now the Tiny Village, I feel like I’ve had an embarrassment of riches.”
“Good time for it, though,” Jackson said. “Especially if you’re thinking of taking on a family.”
“Yep.” Tristan didn’t expound on that subject as he booted up his game. “You playing?”
“Yeah. I’m in with Tex and Mandy.”
“Party me next game.”
“Sure thing. We’re just testing out a few things after the latest update.”
“Issues?”
“Not beyond what we’d already identified. We just wanted to make sure all was well.” He laughed. “Okay. Maybe we’re just bored too.”
“Well, it’s always a good thing when, rather than turning to someone else’s game, you turn to ours to alleviate your boredom.”
“True that,” Jackson agreed.
Jackson hooked him into the chat with the other two, and when they started the next game, Tristan happily got lost in it with his friends.
It was late by the time he went to bed that night, and when his alarm went off the next morning, Tristan was reminded why he usually didn’t play video games late on Saturday nights. He dragged himself through a shower and then made a stronger than usual cup of coffee.
By the time he made it to church for the service, he was five minutes late, but at least he felt a little more human. His tiredness, however, made it difficult to focus on the sermon, and he had to fight yawn after yawn. He’d definitely been an idiot to stay up as late as he had.
When he made it to the gym for Sunday School, Tristan was worried when Timothy didn’t show up. As discreetly as possible, he pulled out his phone to see if he’d missed a text from Shayna since he’d turned his ringer off for the service.
Shayna: We’re not going to make it to church today. Bug has been up through the night with a fever and vomiting.
Tristan frowned as he read the message. Timothy had seemed fine the night before.
Sorry to hear that! I’ll give you a call after Sunday School. Tell Timothy we’ll be praying for him.
Once they were dismissed to their classes, Tristan slipped his phone into his pocket and led the boys to their room. As he’d told Shayna, he let the boys know that Timothy was sick, and at the end of the class, they prayed for him.
Having managed to make it through the class without falling asleep, Tristan sat in his car in the parking lot to call Shayna.
“Hey,” Tristan said when she answered. “How’s he doing?”
“He’s sleeping right now, but his fever is still elevated.”
“Is it really high?”
“Not super high, but certainly higher than normal. I’m letting it just run its course for now as obviously it’s fighting something. I’m keeping an eye on it though, and if it goes any higher, I’ll give him medicine to bring it down.”
Tristan could hear the tiredness in her voice. “Are you doing okay?”
“I’m tired, but I’m going to try and nap now that he’s sleeping again.”
“Do you need me to come over?” Tristan asked.
“Not this afternoon, but I was wondering…”
“What do you need?”
“The school requires him to be fever-free for twenty-four hours before he can go back. Would you be able to come stay with him tomorrow? I hate to ask because I know it’s your day off since you worked on Saturda
y but—”
Tristan interrupted her. “It’s fine. I can come over and watch him for you.”
“Thank you so much,” Shayna said, relief clear in her voice.
“I’m happy to help you out. What time do you need me there?”
“I usually leave here at six-twenty. Is that too early?”
“Nope, I can be there by six-fifteen.”
Knowing that Shayna wanted to nap, Tristan didn’t prolong the conversation. After asking her to call and let him know how Timothy was feeling later, Tristan ended the call. He’d already texted his mom before church to let her know he wouldn’t be there for lunch, so he headed for home, stopping along the way to pick up something to eat.
Since he wasn’t going over to Shayna’s that afternoon, Tristan decided to take a nap himself. Thankfully, the dour thoughts of the night before seemed to have faded. At least for the time being. She needed him, and Tristan was more than happy to help her and Timothy out.
The next morning, Tristan was up and out the door super early. After talking with Shayna again the previous evening, he’d gone to bed early to make sure that he didn’t sleep through his alarm. The sun wasn’t quite up when he left the apartment and climbed into his car. Thankfully, the traffic was fairly light, so he made good time and even after a stop at Tim’s for coffee, he arrived at Shayna’s a good ten minutes before he’d told her he’d be there.
“Good morning,” Tristan said when she opened the door for him. He hesitated for a moment then leaned in to brush a kiss across her lips.
“Thanks for coming. I know it’s early.”
“It’s definitely a time of day I don’t often see from outside my apartment.” He gave her a smile. “Through the window, definitely, but not often from outside.”
“I see you got your coffee,” she said as they climbed the stairs to the main floor. “I also put a pot on, so if you need more, it’s there for you.”
Tristan set his laptop bag on a chair at the table. “How’s Timothy doing?”
“He was up a couple of times during the night with a fever, but no more throwing up.” She picked up a mug from the counter and took a sip. “When I checked him after I got up a bit ago, he didn’t seem to have a fever.”
“Do I need to know anything special to take care of him?” Tristan asked, feeling woefully underqualified to care for a sick child.
“The thermometer is in the bathroom. You can check his temperature when he gets up.” She told him what numbers to watch out for and what to do if the fever was back and higher than was safe. “I’m hoping he’s over the worst of it since the fever he had through the night went down on its own.”
Tristan watched as Shayna gathered her things together. “Is Eva still here?”
“Yes. She usually leaves around eight. I told her that you’d be here, so she won’t be surprised when she comes down. Timothy also knows that you’ll be here.” After she had her things together, she stopped and looked directly at him. “Thank you again for doing this. I just wasn’t sure what my bosses would say if I asked for a day off.”
“I’m glad I can help out,” Tristan said as he sat down at the table.
“If something comes up, go ahead and call me. I’ll have my phone on me, and if I can’t answer it right away, I’ll call you back as soon as I can.” She hesitated then said, “I guess I’d better go. I’ll see you later.”
“Have a good day. And don’t worry about things here.” Tristan waited to see what she’d do, but instead of coming to where he sat, Shayna just gave him a smile and a nod, then headed for the stairs.
Disappointment sat like a rock in his stomach. He wanted to play it off as her being rattled by Timothy being sick and him being there so early in the day, but it was hard not to think of it in another light.
Letting out a sigh, Tristan lifted his cup to take a sip of coffee. How long could he go on in this relationship with the uncertainty of not knowing just how committed Shayna was to it? To him? When he’d made the decision to ask Shayna out, Tristan had already known that she was someone he could see a future with. His heart was definitely onboard with that plan. The problem was that it required both of them to have that desire in order for a future together to work, and right then, it didn’t feel like Shayna shared his feelings.
“Hello, Tristan.”
The greeting interrupted his thoughts, and Tristan looked up to see Eva in the kitchen. “Good morning.”
“How’s Timothy doing this morning?” she asked as she poured some coffee from the pot into a travel mug.
“Still sleeping, but Shayna said his fever was gone this morning, so here’s hoping the worst of it is over.”
She put a bowl on the counter then pulled out a container of yogurt from the fridge. “Did you have some breakfast?”
“No. I thought I’d wait to see what Timothy wants when he wakes up.”
After adding some granola to the yogurt in the bowl, Eva brought it along with her coffee to the table. “That’s great that you’re able to help Shayna out. My mom was a single mom, and whenever my sister or I were sick, she had to take time off work to care for us. She lost more than one job because she had to take too much time off.”
Tristan frowned. “My dad was a single dad for awhile, but my grandparents were available to help out if any of us were sick. I hate to think that someone might lose their job because they had to take care of their sick children.”
“I feel bad that I can’t help Shayna out more. I know that Lisa helped her out a lot with Timothy, but my schedule doesn’t really allow for that.”
“Shayna understands that, and I don’t think she expects you to help out.” Tristan hesitated. “Has Lisa been by at all?”
Eva shook her head. “I thought I might get to meet her after I moved in, but I haven’t seen her, and Shayna hasn’t mentioned her having stopped by.”
Tristan had tried to ask Shayna a few times about the disagreement she’d had with Lisa, but she never seemed to want to talk about it. Whatever it was, it appeared to be serious enough that they weren’t in contact anymore.
“Well, I hope you have a good day here with Timothy,” Eva said as she got to her feet. She carried her bowl to the sink and rinsed it out before putting it in the dishwasher. “Maybe I’ll see you later.”
Just before Eva left, Timothy came down the stairs. He wore a pair of pajamas that had pictures of bugs all over them, and his hair was a mess of curls.
“Hey, buddy,” Tristan said as he got up from the table. “How’re you feeling?”
Timothy came over to him and gave him a hug, leaning against him for a moment. “I’m okay.”
“I hear you’ve been sick.” Timothy nodded as he walked around to his chair and slumped down into it. “Do you want some breakfast?”
Tristan felt Timothy’s forehead like his mom used to do with him when he’d been sick as a child. Unfortunately, he really didn’t know how to gauge just from a touch if Timothy still had a fever or not.
“Just wait here, buddy,” Tristan said. “I’m going to go get the thermometer.”
After saying goodbye to Eva, Tristan headed upstairs to find the thermometer. He went into the small bathroom and saw it sitting where Shayna had told him it would be. As he left the bathroom, he glanced toward the open door leading into the bedroom he knew belonged to Shayna.
He hesitated for a moment but then turned away and headed downstairs to check Timothy’s temperature.
Thankfully, the thermometer revealed that he didn’t have a fever, and he managed to get Timothy to eat some cereal. After breakfast, they spent a lot of time on Tristan’s laptop watching the science videos Timothy enjoyed so much. When Timothy reached his fill of those, they switched to tiny house videos.
Tristan was glad that they were at least watching interesting stuff instead of cartoons. He hadn’t even enjoyed cartoons much when he was Timothy’s age, and he certainly didn’t enjoy them as an adult.
Shayna called to check on Timothy twice
while on her breaks, and she’d seemed relieved that his fever hadn’t come back and that he was eating. Just before Shayna was due to get off work, Timothy seemed tired and wanted to take a nap. Tristan checked his temperature again, just to make sure he didn’t have a fever.
He didn’t, but Tristan wasn’t going to try to keep the boy up if he wanted to sleep, so he went upstairs with him and tucked him into bed. At Timothy’s request, he stayed in the room, waiting for him to fall asleep.
It didn’t take long, and once the boy seemed fully asleep, Tristan carefully got to his feet and left the room. Again, he glanced at Shayna’s room. There was something he wanted to see—needed to see—even though he knew he was invading her personal space. At least the door was open, so it didn’t feel like he was breaking in.
With nerves fluttering in his stomach, Tristan walked to the entrance to the bedroom and reached inside to turn on the light. The room was small with a full bed pushed up against the far wall. There was a nightstand beside the bed, and on it sat a couple of pictures frames that faced away from him. Moving slowly, Tristan reached out to pick one up, praying that when he looked at the picture, it would be of a smiling Timothy and Shayna.
He closed his eyes for a moment before allowing his gaze to take in the contents of the frame. A sick feeling settled in his stomach as he took in the picture of Shayna and Lorne. It wasn’t their wedding picture. It wasn’t even a posed picture of the two of them looking at the camera. No, this was an intimate picture. Not graphic in any way, but just intimate as it was taken in a bed, their hair mussed from sleep. It was clearly a selfie, as there would have been no one else available to take a picture of them kissing.
With a shaking hand, Tristan set the frame back on the nightstand and turned away. That was when his gaze fell on the pictures that sat on the dresser. One was a wedding photo of the two of them, gazing at each other with joy clear on their faces. The other was another photo of the two of them kissing. He had seen both of those before. It seemed that some of the pictures of the two of them that had been in the living room had been moved into her bedroom. He’d thought she’d put them away, but she obviously hadn’t—at least not all of them.
Reaching Her Heart: A Christian Romance (Callaghans & McFaddens Book 8) Page 30