by Lauryn April
I dropped the paperclip.
I stared out the window, wishing I could see through the tinted glass of the sedan. I couldn’t see Mr. Doggett, but I knew he was in there. At the back of my mind I heard Logan say my name, but I was too focused on the memory of Doggett’s ice blue eyes to really hear him. After a moment I felt Logan’s hand on my shoulder, and I snapped out of my thoughts.
“Do you think they’re going to take me away like Dr. Strieber?”
“Who, the government guys we saw a while ago?”
I nodded, never taking my eyes off the sedan.
Logan shook his head. “They’re not going to do anything to you.”
“What do you think they did to the doctor?”
“I don’t know.”
I sighed. As if aliens weren’t enough to deal with, now I worried that even if they didn’t come back for me, the government would want to take me and experiment on me.
“Payton, relax. I’m from another planet and no one has ever taken me away. I’m sure Dr. Strieber is fine, and you don’t have to worry about the government.”
“I just wish Jo would answer her phone so I’d know if anyone has heard from him yet.”
“For all we know the doctor was arrested for performing brain surgeries on his own time. Something tells me that was illegal.”
“That’s true I guess.”
I wasn’t entirely sure I believed that. It wasn’t like he was arrested by police officers, although I do remember thinking they looked like FBI agents. Even if they had been FBI, that didn’t explain why Doggett was with them when my mother had said he was an insurance adjuster, or why I’d dreamed of him injecting me with something. Still, I was trying to be hopeful. If they were FBI and Doggett was undercover as an insurance adjuster or something, if my dream had just been a dream, then maybe the government wasn’t looking for me.
I glanced at Logan and smiled. When I looked back out the window, the black sedan started its engine and drove away.
“See,” Logan continued. “That probably wasn’t even one of their cars; that could have been anyone. Some guy probably just got lost and pulled over to adjust his GPS. We do live in a circle; people pull down this road by accident all the time.”
I sighed. Logan was right; I was probably just being paranoid.
CHAPTER
30
Jo rode with me to school the next day. We made it halfway there without saying a word.
“Don’t take this the wrong way,” I said. “But why don’t you just tell everyone that you’re straight. Like, just say the photo was a joke or a dare or something. Not that you should have to hide who you are or anything, just that…it’s just, I don’t like seeing you upset because everyone at our school is an asshole.”
Jo sighed. “I thought about it, but I can’t. It was one thing not to tell anyone about it; it’s another to lie about it. It doesn’t feel right. That would probably be the easy road, but it’s not me.”
I nodded, understanding. Jo was right, that wasn’t her. Hailey spun lies to make people like her; I twisted the facts, but not Jo. She’d always been the honest one. When we were fourteen Hailey stole a candy bar from the school store because I dared her that she wouldn’t do it. Jo had been with us and had not been happy about what we’d done. She didn’t sell us out, but the next day she went into the school store and donated a dollar and five cents – the exact cost of the candy bar.
We didn’t talk much the rest of the drive, but I could tell Jo was nervous about going to school. I tried to think of something to say to make her feel better, but nothing sounded right in my head, so I didn’t say anything.
At first, when we got to school, it was like any other day. I walked through the hall with Jo to her locker, silently praying that everyone had already found something else to talk about. But once Jo started to pull out her English book, it became apparent that Jo’s being gay wasn’t exactly old news yet.
Jeremy Fischer walked up to us. I didn’t know him personally, but he was the president of New Liberty CRU club, or Campus Crusade for Christ. He seemed like an all-around good guy, but I worried he was going to say something hateful.
I never understood people who did that. I’d never been the most religious person, but from what I understood about Jesus he was all about love and forgiveness and treating people like you wanted to be treated. I didn’t get how anyone could take the things he said and think they meant it was okay to be shitty to people because they were different.
Jo shut her locker door. Her eyebrows rose as she turned to Jeremy.
“Hey,” he said with a wan smile. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry some people have been saying mean things. You don’t deserve that.”
Jo sighed and her expression softened. “You don’t have to apologize for other people.”
Jeremy shrugged. “Someone should.”
He smiled then walked away. Jo smiled, watching him go. The rest of our day was a strange combination of what Jo had experienced with Jeremy and the whispered teasing from Monday. In English a group of girls behind us gossiped, but only until another girl sitting beside me turned around and told them to stop.
When we left class a boy stopped us in the hall.
“So, is the rumor true?” he asked.
Jo’s mouth dropped. I could see her wanting to say the truth, but afraid of its consequences. Before she could answer, another boy stepped in. It was Paul.
“Joanna, you don’t have to answer that,” Paul said. He dropped a hand on the other guy’s shoulder. “Come on, Dan, that’s none of your business.” He led him away, then smiled at Jo from over his shoulder. She sighed in relief.
Overall the day went okay, not that any of it was about me. This was all about Jo, but she was my best friend and I couldn’t help but feel for what she was going through. I started to feel like things would blow over – at least for the most part. Then, before we walked into the lunch room, Hailey stepped out in front of us.
“I need to talk to you,” she said.
I looked to Jo. She nodded in silent communication that she’d hear Hailey out. I turned to Logan and could tell he understood.
“I’ll meet you two at the table,” he said, then walked in without us.
A beat of silence passed. I crossed my arms. Hailey took a deep breath.
“I’m sorry,” Hailey said, her voice breaking. I couldn’t help but feel bad. “Jo, I’m so sorry I sent that picture around. I was upset; the two of you have been so close lately and leaving me out of everything. And I’m sorry about taking Melissa and Jared’s side too, Payton. I don’t know why I did that.” Hailey took a breath and gathered her thoughts. “No, actually I do know. You lied to me.” When she said it I felt like I’d actually stabbed her in the back. “Both of you. Payton, I had to hear from Jared that you two never slept together, and Jo, I had to find out that you were gay through some random photo text from Stephanie Malloy….”
“That bitch. I should have guessed it was her,” I interrupted Hailey.
“My point is,” she continued. “I know I really screwed up. I’ve been horrible to both of you, but I just…I don’t get it. I don’t get why you’ve been starting to push me away. You two were my best friends.” Tears started to tumble down Hailey’s face, and I was overcome with guilt. She’d been a bad friend, but she wasn’t the only one.
Jo rushed forward first, wrapping her arms around Hailey as she cried. Soon we were all hugging, all apologizing for one thing or another. Hailey sat with us at lunch that day. Eventually it became apparent who Jo’s real friends were. Those who had a problem with Jo stopped talking to her. I know that hurt Jo, but the people who cared about her, for who she was, and not just who she dated, were supportive.
Everything was starting to get back to normal again – until I left school that day. That was when I realized not all my problems were on their way to being solved. Logan and I walked to my car. Jo was staying after class to get caught up on the assignments she’d mis
sed the last few days, so it was just the two of us.
“Think people would react the same way if they found out about where you’re from?” I asked.
“I think people would be afraid of me. I think they’d be afraid of you if they knew what you could do. They wouldn’t understand, and I think people do crazy things when they don’t understand something. It’s probably best if we keep our secrets to ourselves.”
I nodded. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”
I dug my car keys out of my purse as we started to walk through the parking lot. When I looked up, what I saw made me drop them. The keys fell to the ground, clinking and clanking against the pavement. We both stopped walking and Logan turned to me.
“Payton….”
I shushed him, snatching my keys off the ground.
“That’s him,” I said, grabbing Logan’s arm and pulling him behind the large van Timmy Rhodes called “The Shaggin’ Wagon.”
“Who?”
“That Doggett guy,” I said, peering around the corner of the van.
Our mysterious man in black slowly drove down the very aisle my car was parked in. This time the window of his nondescript black sedan was rolled down. I could easily see the driver. Logan’s hand dropped onto my shoulder as he looked around me to stare at Doggett.
I turned back to Logan. “He’s right by my car; what do we do?”
Logan looked around. “Well, we can’t drive home. He’s waiting for us.”
“What does he want with us?”
“I don’t know. It’s not like I’ve ever had anyone stalk me like this before.”
“He’s not stalking you, he’s stalking me.”
Logan sighed. “I know.” He looked around again, then grabbed my hand. “Come on.”
We ran through the parking lot.
I looked over my shoulder as our feet hit the grass. We ran into the soccer field, heading toward the woods. Doggett drove away from us, still looping the parking lot. As we reached the tree line he turned around and drove back down the aisle where my car was parked. I didn’t think he saw us.
CHAPTER
31
It took forever to walk home, or at least it felt like that by the time we finally emerged from Moody’s Woods. Though our pace had slowed, having Logan’s house in sight inspired us to run across the lawn and dash inside. It’d been a long walk home, and it felt even longer having carried the weight of my book bag. My legs were heavy, and I was breathing hard as I followed Logan to his room. He paced for a good five minutes, then without saying anything, he started pulling clothes from his dresser drawer.
“Logan, what are you doing?”
“Packing a bag – we’ll stop at your house next.” He grabbed an empty duffel bag from beneath his bed and started to fill it.
“And what, run away?”
Logan stopped. His eyes met mine. “I don’t know what else to do. The Greys know you’re here, the government knows you’re here, and they must know you’ve been taken or they wouldn’t be so interested in you. All I can think to do is to not be here the next time someone comes looking for you.”
“What if this Doggett guy just wants to talk to me – maybe we’re freaking out more than necessary?”
“Dr. Strieber is still missing – do you really want to risk it?”
I took a deep breath. It was only a day or two ago that Logan had told me not to worry about Dr. Strieber. His pointing out that the doctor was still missing told me he was scared. Seeing him so frantic had me scared too. Was I really going to do this, run away? Leave my family and my friends, disappear from my hometown before I even graduated, before I went to my senior prom or even found out if I got an A on that stupid paper about why stars twinkle? Could I do that? Logan zipped the duffel bag, and I wondered if I really had a choice. I started to think I didn’t.
“It’ll be okay,” he said, but somehow I knew it wouldn’t.
Logan went to grab something off his desk. “Shit,” he swore as he passed the window.
I walked up beside him and saw Doggett’s black sedan parked in my driveway. Doggett walked to my front door. He rang my doorbell and waited, but no one was home. That must have been obvious because after a few moments he walked back toward his car, making a call on his cell phone.
“What do we do now? Go out the back?”
Logan thought for a moment. “No, let’s just wait a little bit. He knows you’re not home, and maybe he’ll leave.”
I nodded. “Yeah, that’s safer.”
Logan and I sat down on the edge of his bed. A long moment of silence passed between us.
“Where will we go?” I asked.
“Somewhere where they can’t find us.”
A humorless laugh slid past my lips. “Does such a place exist?”
Logan fell backwards onto the bed. The comforter puffed out around him and he sighed. “Honestly I don’t know, but I have a place in mind, a friend who might be able to help.” He ran his hands over his face. I could tell he was tired. Not just physically, but mentally as well. I could see the gears cranking behind his eyes, working overtime to figure this out.
I lay back, snuggling into Logan’s side. He wrapped his arm around me and kissed my forehead.
“Think he’s still out there?”
“Not sure, I’ll check in a minute.”
Suddenly, I felt incredibly tired. All I wanted was a second to sort my thoughts. I closed my eyes for just a moment. Maybe it was the long walk home, maybe it was my nervousness and fear draining my energy, maybe it was a combination of both, but I fell asleep after that and Logan did as well. I woke a short while later as the orange light of the setting sun started to filter in through the blinds. Twisting around in Logan’s arms, I shook him awake.
“Logan,” I said, my voice rough with sleep.
He stirred awake and sat up, looking around the room as if he’d forgotten how we’d gotten there.
“Shit, I can’t believe we fell asleep.” Logan jumped up.
I glanced at the clock. It was only 5:30. “We weren’t out that long. Think he’s still outside?”
“No, I’m sure he’s gone.” Logan tried to sound reassuring, but he got up and walked to the window a little too quickly.
I didn’t wait for him to tell me whether Doggett was still outside. I was at the window in seconds and staring at Doggett’s black sedan. My hope plummeted, like a falling star burning up in the atmosphere. It was clear he wasn’t going to give up on looking for me. All of my limbs felt like lead, and my shoulders dropped as I stepped away.
Logan turned to me. “It’s fine, we’ll just have to go out the back. Even if he sees us we can lose him in the woods, and we can get you new stuff–”
“Logan, stop.”
He let out a deep breath, staring at me with worried eyes.
“We can’t do this. I can’t just run. If this Doggett guy wants to find me he’s not going to stop, and if the Greys are still looking for me it doesn’t matter where I go. There’s nowhere to run to. I should just go talk to him and see what he wants.”
I tried to be strong, but felt my eyes tear up.
Logan wrapped his arms around me and shushed me as the tears started to fall.
My voice broke. “What if they do take me, what if Doggett takes me like they took Dr. Strieber and they never let me go, or what if the Greys come back and I can’t escape?” I rambled on as if I’d just drunk three double-shot Frappuccinos with extra whip. “Or what if we escape, but they get me next month, or next week, and God, Logan, I just hate not knowing when my last day is going to be. I keep pretending that it’s over, but it’s not over, and I have no idea when my last normal day will be.”
Logan kissed me. As my words died away I felt this need to be near him like never before. It was like every feeling I’d ever had for him surged through me at once. Tears slid down my cheeks and Logan pulled me closer. That moment felt like the most important moment I would ever have. Like whatever I chose to do at that mom
ent had to count because I didn’t know how many moments I’d ever have again. I didn’t know what I’d have time for, what experiences I’d miss out on. It felt like things were being stolen from me, and I didn’t even know what I was being robbed of.
Our kiss broke and my forehead rested against his. Heated breath filling the space between us.
“Logan,” I said, my words heavy. “I have to tell you something.”
Logan shushed me and kissed me again. “You can tell me later.”
I pulled away. “What if there isn’t a later?”
Logan brushed a stray hair out of my eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic; you don’t know that.”
“We don’t exactly know that things are going to be rainbows and puppy dogs either.”
Logan frowned. “Payton–”
“Logan, I love you.” It came out in a rush and that next second dragged on as if time was forced to slow to make up for the speed of my words.
Brown eyes looked me over, then this wide grin stretched across Logan’s face. His hands ran through my hair and pulled me to him for another needy kiss.
“I love you too,” he said between kisses. “God, I don’t want to lose you.”
The tears started to fall again, mixing with our bittersweet kisses. Logan’s lips moved to my neck. My hands slid beneath his shirt, trailing up his back. His hands dropped to my hips and he pulled me to him. Soon we were sprawled on the bed and I’d tugged his shirt free.
We’d been in this position more than a few times before, but something felt different this time. It was like we both knew there was a possibility this was the last time things could ever be like they were then. Something was coming, something that would change everything. Whether it was the Greys or the government or something unknown, we both felt it.
My fingers slid across Logan’s back. His hands traced up my sides, pulling my shirt higher as they went. Our lips refused to part until Logan’s fingers brushed the lace of my bra. He paused, pulling away just millimeters. His eyes met mine, looking at me like he needed some kind of sign to continue. I smiled at that thought. Jared had never sought my approval before trying to push things to the next level, he’d always just gone for it and waited to see if I’d object. Ian had been the same way. But that wasn’t Logan.