by Bella J.
For a while after it was done, I mourned the loss of being able to bear my own children—until I realized it was a godsend, a silver lining in the dark cloud I called my life. I couldn’t even imagine bringing a child into this wretched world. Just being born would have been the biggest curse for any child of mine.
While staring at him, I noticed the lust in dark irises was gone. It was there mere seconds ago while he watched me get dressed, and I liked it, feeling his eyes on me, caressing my body with his gaze. For the first time, I did something on impulse—dropping the dress to the floor. I did it because I thought it would please him, but also because…I wanted to.
I wanted to please him.
I wanted to know if he approved of me. Of my body. In the past, all I ever wanted to do was not get punished or humiliated. Yet here I was, wanting to do so many things I never had the urge to do with any man. It was so different with him. Antonio. Somehow I was drawn to his darkness, rather than afraid of it. It was difficult for me to wrap my head around it. To dissect it. To label it.
“Doe.” He searched my face. “You need to tell me everything you know about him. You need to help me find him.”
Immediately, the few inches of my guard I managed to let down shifted right back up. “Find Master V?”
“Yes. Help me find him so I can make him pay for what he’s done to you.”
Images of Master V’s face flashed through my mind.
Demon.
Devil.
Satan.
I shook my head. “I…No. No. Please, do not send me back to him.”
Antonio placed his hands on my naked shoulders. “No, Doe. I will never let him take you again. I need to find him so I can make him pay.”
Fear had shattered the desire. It broke through the magnetism I felt toward Antonio, leaving nothing but cold skin and a chilled spine in its wake.
I wrapped my arms around myself, covering my breasts. Antonio stepped back, seconds of the most intense, most deafening silence hanging over us like a looming thunderstorm.
My lips quivered, and Antonio crouched down before me, picking up the dress.
“I know it’s difficult for you, Doe. I know trust isn’t something you know how to do, but I would do anything to get you to trust me right now.”
“I…”
“Dammit, Doe. Just help me find him. Tell me everything—anything that could help me find this sick son of a bitch.”
My fear was stronger than my urge to speak. My thoughts didn’t want to go back there. It didn’t want to reach for memories of the past only to torment me even more. Chills erupted throughout my body, my lips trembling while my fear tightened its icy grasp around my chest.
“Please don’t send me back. Please don’t—”
“Jesus, Doe.”
I felt his hands wrap around my naked shoulders, pulling me into him. Then I tasted the saltiness of my own tears right before I tasted him. His lips. Crashing against mine. Warm and soft, yet strong and demanding, he kissed me. I’d never been kissed before. I’d never known the comfort of such a simple act. But like an angel, his kiss, his lips chased away the demons which threatened to fracture my mind with the memory of a monster. And the longer his lips remained on mine, the more his kiss continued to thaw the ice in my veins.
His tongue brushed against my lips, coaxing me into opening for him, which I did—hesitantly, but oh so willingly. Every second, every caress, every touch of his lips against mine filled me with something so unfamiliar. Warmth. Affection. Something beautiful. Beauty had never been a part of my life. I had never known beauty. But while his lips remained on mine, I knew this to be beauty. I felt it all the way down to my soul.
When his tongue brushed lightly against mine, a wave of desire swept through me, my legs weakening beneath me.
I moaned against his lips, his grip on my shoulders tightening, pulling me hard against him. Every ripple, every contour of his body was pressed against mine, and I could feel him claiming me more and more with every passing second. Deeper and deeper I fell into him, into the moment…and it felt good.
A groan echoed from the back of his throat, then he pulled away abruptly, his hands still on my shoulders keeping me at arm’s distance.
Rapid breaths escaped him, his eyes wild and hungry. “I can’t…fuck. I can’t do this.”
“Can’t do what, sir?”
“You.” He stepped back, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
I nervously clutched my hands together in front of me. “I’m not pleasing you.”
“Stop. For Christ’s sake, just stop saying that. You not pleasing me is not the problem.”
“Then what is?”
His dark gaze settled on mine. “Me ruining the little that’s left of you.”
“Then it’s okay.” A half-hearted smile tugged at the ends of my lips. “There’s nothing left for you to ruin. You can’t ruin what’s already been destroyed.”
With a dismal look, he glanced my way. “Then you and I, we might just be perfectly ruined for each other.”
Silence ensued, the air around us palpable, yet gloomy. But there was something brewing between us, a storm. And either the storm would steer us into a direction we needed to go…or it would ultimately drown us both.
I watched as he left just as abruptly as he did the previous night. If I was a naïve woman, I would have thought he feared me almost as much as I did him. But I knew a man like him feared nothing. It wasn’t in his nature to fear, but rather to be feared.
And then I noticed he didn’t close the door. It remained wide open after his exit. Did he not close it because our kiss had made him lose focus…or was this his way of trying to get me to trust him?
I pulled the floral dress he had chosen for me over my head, the hem touching just above my knees. I was too distracted by the open door to even notice how the fabric irritated my skin. Was this a test? Or was this an invitation? An invitation for me to take a chance, to take the leap…and trust my new owner?
For someone whose choices had been taken away from her for years, I certainly didn’t jump at the chance to finally make my own decisions.
So I stood there. I just stood there and stared at the open door, praying that Karina would come fast…before I did something I’d regret. And as if she were Heaven-sent, Karina came prancing in.
“Oh, Doe. You look beautiful.” She beamed as she looked my way. “I swear that dress was made for you.”
“Thank you.” I shied away, looking in the other direction. Compliments weren’t something I was used to receiving. The only things said to me which sounded remotely like compliments were…
You have such pretty tits…
Your cunt is so fucking tight…
Your mouth is perfect to swallow my cum…
You’re such a pretty little slut…
Those were the only compliments given to me in a bid to humiliate me even more.
“Come,” Karina held out her hand, excitement flickering in her eyes, “we need to go choose a room for you.”
Excitement swelled inside my chest, disbelief making me gawk like an idiot. “I can get my own room?”
“Yup. And you want to know the best part?”
I nodded lightly.
She stepped forward and took my hand. “Your bedroom door won’t be locked from here on out.”
No lock. No prison.
Freedom. That was what I heard when Karina said there will be no locking my bedroom door.
“Come on.” Karina led me out of the room I had stayed in ever since I arrived here. Barefoot, but clothed, at least, I stepped out into the hall, then sucked in a breath. There were no guards. No dogs. No chains. And no other cells with screaming and crying women. It was just a normal hall—white walls and dark wooden floors.
I followed Karina up a flight of stairs, my every step hesitant, reluctant, yet excited at the same time. There was no telling where she was taking me. What I was walking into. But for some reason, there was a corner in the back
of my mind willing me to believe I was not being a naïve, stupid girl driven by the dreams of a broken soul.
We walked up more stairs and down a hall. Karina stopped in front of a door then glanced at me over her shoulder. “I thought I’d show you this one first. It’s not the biggest room in the house, but it has a great view of the garden.”
She opened the door and allowed me to walk in first. The first thing I saw was the large windows right across from us on the other side of the room. Pinks and yellows shined through the glass, the colors painting every corner. The white bed linen, soft gray walls, and metallic tones of furniture only magnified the resplendent colors of sunset.
“I love it,” I murmured.
“Well, we can go have a look at some other rooms if you want.”
“No.” I glanced at her. “This one is perfect.”
Karina smiled. “I thought you might like it. So, I hope you don’t mind, but I had had a few clothing items added to the wardrobe.” She sashayed through the room toward a door on the left. “I also had some toiletries brought in. I wasn’t sure which scent you would prefer, so I opted for vanilla since everyone loves vanilla. But if you would like something else—”
“It’s perfect,” I interrupted her. “It truly is. I couldn’t have asked for anything better.”
Karina pulled her loose curls over her shoulder. “I’m glad. Now, I’ll let you get settled in. I’ll ask the kitchen to have some dinner sent up for you.” Her heels clicked as she moved past me to the bedroom door. “Doe?”
“Yes?”
“I know you’re probably scared and confused. But if you ever need to talk, I’m here for you.”
A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth as I found solace in her words. She sounded sincere, as if she really did care.
“Thank you.” A tear slipped down my cheek, but it was a tear of relief. Of comfort.
Karina smiled warmly before she closed the door behind her, leaving me in alone in the room. My room. A beautiful room.
Slowly, I sauntered over to the window and looked out over the breathtaking view. The only view I’d ever had was that of gray stone and cheap red lamps. Was this truly happening? Had the universe finally decided to change my fate?
I touched my lips, the memory of Antonio’s kiss still fresh in my mind. I wanted to feel it again. His kiss.
But next time—if there was ever going to be a next time—my body wouldn’t be sated by his kiss alone.
Chapter 17
Antonio
It had been two days since I last saw Doe, and every minute was a struggle. A struggle for me to stay away from her, to not barge into her room and cuff her to a fucking St. Andrew’s cross, and see her skin blush from my whip.
I knew Karina had put her in the bedroom next to mine, probably as a way to torture me. Knowing Doe was so close mind-fucked me out of a good night’s sleep, and blessed me with throbbing morning wood. Every minute I spent alone, my thoughts were filled with images of her, of how her skin glowed when I gave her her first orgasm. When my touch was meant for her pleasure and not mine. For a few moments, she looked radiant. Beautiful. Fucking angelic. I could only imagine how she would look bound by ropes, hanging from the goddamn ceiling while she anticipated my next move—my next touch. Her next pleasure.
My thoughts turned more depraved by the second, imagining all the twisted things I wanted to do with her body—a body which had already been violated and corrupted in the cruelest of ways.
How fucked-up was I? What kind of fucking monster would want to do all those things to a woman who had been through the kind of hell Doe had?
That was why I chose to stay away. To not get close to her. Not after the mind-shattering kiss we shared the other day. Kissing wasn’t my thing. I didn’t like the intimacy of it. The mouth was a powerful thing. It had the power to hurt and destroy, as well as love and inspire. I didn’t want to give her false hope by having her think our kiss could mean anything more than just a lapse in time. At that moment, kissing her seemed to be the only way to distract her mind from being pulled down to the memories of the past. I could see it in her beautiful face. The fear. The panic. I had to kiss her. But I didn’t have to fucking like it so much—which was why I now chose to keep my distance. That one simple kiss had the power to morph into something much more destructive, something that would let me lose the last shred of control I had whenever I was around her. And that couldn’t happen. I couldn’t allow it. Not with her.
My phone vibrated, a message from Lucio appearing on the screen.
Lucio: Three more hours until showdown. Got everything covered.
Another reason I hadn’t seen Doe. We’d been plotting for our little get-together with the trigger-happy Russians. Seventy-two hours. That was what the card said. And tonight, those seventy-two hours were up.
Lucio had Boston Harbor scouted since yesterday morning, covering every corner, making sure we weren’t surprised by an ambush. Since we weren’t giving Doe back, we expected the worst, which was why we needed to prepare accordingly. We would never make the mistake of underestimating these fuckers again. Plus, with Dante not being with us, I felt more on edge. We couldn’t afford to let anything fall through the cracks tonight. Too much was at stake.
There was a knock at the door, and I closed my eyes knowing, who it was. Even though I had stayed away from Doe until now because it seemed like the responsible thing to do, I decided to send for her. There was something I wanted to share with her before we left to meet up with the Russians. And since Karina had informed me that Doe didn’t want to leave her room, I thought it fitting to send for her, to summon her to my study, forcing her to leave her cage. I knew there was no way Doe would refuse my request. After all, according to her, she belonged to me.
Another knock.
“Come in.” I swallowed the last of my bourbon then turned to face the door.
Karina walked in, Doe following with her eyes downcast. She was still wearing the dress I had chosen for her the other day. Apparently, it was the only dress she wanted to wear—the dress and shirt she wore the night when…fuck, I couldn’t think about it. Not about how I had so easily ripped an orgasm from her ruined body.
“Leave us,” I ordered Karina, and I noticed the scowl she sent my way. She hated when I ordered her around. Unfortunately for her, I had a role to play.
When the door shut, I saw Doe’s shoulders jerk slightly.
“Are you afraid?”
She looked up at me. Rule number one. “No, sir.”
“Do not lie to me, Doe.” I leaned back against my desk. “Are you afraid?”
Her throat bobbed as she swallowed. “I don’t know, sir.”
“Vague, but an answer nonetheless.” I crossed my arms. “Are you comfortable in your new room? Everything to your liking?”
“Yes, sir.”
I let out a huff. Real answers, that was what I wanted. Real fucking answers without wondering whether she was just telling me what she thought I wanted to hear. But I knew it would still be a long while before she would realize she had a personality of her own. That she actually had the freedom to do things without someone dictating her every move. And that included giving honest answers.
I pushed myself away from my desk and walked over to the iPod docking station placed by the window. “Do you like music, Doe?”
“Sir?”
The confused sound in her voice made me look back at her. “Music? Do you like listening to music?”
She bit her lower lip, her eyes conveying how puzzled she was. “I…I was never allowed to listen to music, sir.”
“Master V never let you listen to music?”
Her face paled at my mention of her captor. “Master V would put on loud noises whenever,” she sucked in a breath, struggling with her words, “whenever he had guests and demanded I…” her gaze faltered for a second before she looked back up at me, “I entertain his guests.”
Red. That was all I saw, blinding fucking rage, my f
ists balled at my side. I had to look back in front of me so she couldn’t see the anger that consumed me, thinking about Vadik allowing men to use her. To rape her. The fucker needed to die…slowly.
“But that wasn’t music,” she continued. “Master V called it his favorite kind of music to watch while his guests—”
“Don’t,” I snapped. “I don’t…I can’t…” I closed my eyes, clenching my jaw, forcing the images of her helpless body being raped and marred. But then I took a breath. This wasn’t why I had her come to my office, for me to lose my shit over the hell she had been through.
I switched on the iPod and turned to face her. The confusion in her eyes was almost beautiful in its innocence. This was why I was so mesmerized by her. The darkness she had been forced to live in made her appreciate the light. It made her unworldly and completely irresistible to a monster like me.
Music started to play, and I kept my eyes pinned on her as the slow, soft tune filled the room. Her eyes, her face, transformed to that of someone who was utterly spellbound.
“Clair de Lune.” My eyes never left hers. “It’s one of my favorites.”
Her head leaned to the side, a soft frown forming between her eyes as she concentrated on the music. And then she closed her eyes, a tear slipping down her cheek. Such sadness. Such brokenness.
I moved closer, cursing every step I took. It was against my will and better judgment, but the moment was just too fucking perfect for me not to get close to her. While she remained riveted with the music, her eyes still shut, I placed my hand on her hip. To my surprise, she didn’t jolt or shy away from my touch.
Faster and faster my heart began to beat, my body electrified by a single moment in time with this woman. I took her hand gently in mine, twining my fingers with hers, lifting it up between us—like two lovers ready to start their dance. More tears moved down her cheeks, one after the other. I wanted to carry her sadness. I wanted to take the burden of her stolen innocence and make it my own.
By God, how was this fucking happening?
Pulling her closer, I all but stopped breathing when I felt her body against mine. I waited for her. I didn’t want to move too fast, too abruptly. I wanted her to feel the moment, to feel the music…to feel me. So, I waited.