The Goddess Workshop

by Margaret K Johnson

  What had come first? The strange sounds coming from upstairs? Or the scent of an all-too-familiar per-fume in the hallway? Neither perhaps. Or maybe both. A collusion of clues firing up her instincts, causing her to lay the package of fish and chips down on the hall table and to creep silently upstairs. Her heart had never beaten as quickly before or since. Even standing in the bedroom doorway watching Ian suckle her best friend Jennifer’s nipple, when, by rights it should have stopped beating altogether…

  When the two people you love most in the world hate you enough to betray you, then how the fuck can you ever hope to love yourself again?

  ‘Well done,’ Jade was saying. ‘Thank you for sharing those things with us.’ The green eyes latched themselves inevitably onto Kate. ‘And,’ Jade said, ‘if, at any point, anyone else feels ready to share their secrets, then the way is always open for them to do so.’

  Nobody knew all the details of her break-up with Ian. Not even Ian and Jennifer, for Kate had left the bedroom door as silently as she had crept up to it. Certainly her family didn’t know. Never having liked having a policeman for a son-in-law, they had been easily convinced by her ‘we grew apart’ tale. And not her friends. Oh, no, definitely not Geoff. God, no! Those milliseconds she had stood in the doorway of the bedroom watching Ian suckle the closed-eyed Jennifer’s nipple were Kate’s own black, poisonous secret.

  And the earth would stop turning before she exposed the humiliation of that secret to this shower’s scrutiny.

  Jade was busy with some sort of diagram now, covering the Kama Sutra painting with it, and Kate came to, realising that the other women were sniggering with embarrassed laughter. She soon saw why. The diagram was an explicit and faithful reproduction of the female genital area, blown up many times over.

  In your face, so to speak.

  ‘Your homework for this week is to use a hand mirror to study your secret selves: your labia, your clitoris, your vagina, your perineum and your anus.’

  Bloody hell! That beat the homework she dished out for the kids on the GNVQ Hospitality and Catering course hands down.

  ‘Sit in good light, and do make sure you take the phone off the hook. This is a special time for you, so you want to avoid interruptions at all costs.’

  Though, come to think about it, she would rather do Hospitality and Catering homework any day of the week.

  ‘Put on some relaxing music, and make sure the room is warm enough. Then, when you’re ready – and not before – position the mirror between your legs and reach down to gently unfurl the layers of yourself.’

  Jade’s face was rapt. She had her hands spread again, exactly as Kate had impersonated her to Geoff. ‘Then simply look,’ she told them earnestly, ‘carefully and at length. And, as you do so, try to imagine you’re looking through the eyes of someone who’s wild about you. Someone who wants to give pleasure to the very areas he’s looking at with such close, loving attention. How would this person describe what they see?’

  Smelly? Fishy? Bloody difficult to find amongst all the flab that had gained ground since Ian’s betrayal?

  ‘And next week I’d like you all to report back on how the experience was for you.’

  Fat chance.

  On the way out at the end of the session, Reenie waylaid her.

  ‘Look…’ she said, making scant eye contact.

  Kate decided to make it difficult for her. ‘You talking to me?’

  The irritated flush on Reenie’s face was gratifying to say the least. ‘I just wanted to say…’ she started up again. ‘Well, I tackled Marcia about the chip pan thing, and she…well, she admitted it.’

  ‘And?’

  This time the irritation spread into Reenie’s voice. ‘Look, I’m trying to apologise here!’ she snapped. ‘Do you have to make it so sodding difficult?’

  Yes. Don’t you know that making things difficult is my speciality?

  Kate sighed. ‘Go on,’ she said.

  Reenie glowered at her, then took a deep breath. ‘Like I said, Marcia told me what happened. And there’s no excuse for what she did to that boy. She knows that now. But he did say some filthy… unforgivable things to her.’

  Her eyes flicked opened again. ‘Were you aware of that?’

  Kate sensed that what Reenie had really wanted to ask was – Did you bother to even ask her why she did it? – but was doing her very best to keep a tone of accusation out of her voice. Kate answered the unspoken question. ‘If you’re asking if I tried to find out what brought it on, I did. Neither of them would talk about it.’

  ‘Well,’ said Reenie, and suddenly there was a raw emotion in her voice that Kate couldn’t help but hear. ‘It’s not something that I… care to go into now. But I do want you to know that Marcia was severely provoked by that Stuart. What he said was… Well, it was unspeakable.’ Reenie took a deep breath and carried on. ‘Look, Marcia’s not the kind of girl to do something like this. Not normally.’

  Kate thought back to the horror of that day. Stuart screaming, Marcia sobbing. Half the class sobbing, for God’s sake! It had been the worst day of her teaching life. But Reenie was trembling now with the effort of holding back tears, and instinctively Kate knew there was something big she didn’t know about here.

  Inside of her, Kate suddenly felt something slipping, like an ice floe starting up when the temperature rises, trying to connect her with Reenie. Every instinct within Kate rebelled at the thought. She didn’t want to connect, not in any meaningful way, with anybody. Frozen, nothing could get at you. She was close to Geoff – they had a laugh together, and that was fine. But when emotions started to get involved, it was different.

  Kate sighed heavily. When she spoke, her voice was bordering on being kind. ‘I had to report the incident to the principal,’ she told Reenie. ‘I didn’t have any choice.’

  Reenie sighed too. ‘I know,’ she said.

  ‘She tried to get the pair of them to explain themselves, but neither of them would talk to her either.’

  ‘No.’

  Then Reenie put her shoulders back and gave her a grim smile. ‘Anyway,’ she said, and nodded. ‘I just wanted to say…’ She broke off, not finishing the sentence.

  Kate nodded.

  ‘See you next week, I suppose,’ Reenie said.

  ‘Yes,’ agreed Kate. ‘See you then.’

  Twelve

  On the Saturday morning after the diagram of the female anatomy class, Janet and Estelle went shopping together in Norwich. It was Estelle’s idea, so they went in her car, and, as it was a sunny day, they had the top down. It was exhilarating and fun, and as they drove briskly along the country lanes, Janet found herself wondering what it must be like to be Estelle, a successful businesswoman, taking success and its accompanying rewards such as this car for granted.

  And yet Estelle still felt the need to go to the workshops… Somehow it didn’t seem to fit.

  ‘I hope I’m not interfering with what you usually do on Saturdays?’ she asked.

  ‘Not at all,’ Estelle said. ‘I like shopping. Have you thought what you’d like to buy?’

  Janet shook her head. ‘I’m not very good at shopping. My wardrobe’s full of expensive mistakes. Ray’s always going on at me about it.’

  Estelle smiled. ‘Well,’ she said, ‘I’m an expert shopper,’ she said. ‘Leave it to me. We’ll get you something really stunning.’

  It wasn’t until the sixth or seventh shop, when Estelle had barely looked at anything for herself, that Janet first began to suspect that the whole shopping trip had been for Janet’s benefit. But if she had become some sort of project for Estelle, then that was fine by her. Left to herself she would inevitably have gone straight to Marks and Spencer and then maybe on to BHS on St Stephen’s Street. She hadn’t even known of the existence of some of the shops Estelle dragged her into.

  ‘Surely all the clothes in there are a bit young for me?’ she tried to protest once, outside a trendy-looking boutique in The Lanes that was pumping music
out onto the street, but Estelle wasn’t having any of it.

  ‘Nonsense,’ she said simply and bowled inside, leaving Janet to follow.

  And the truth was, Estelle had excellent taste. She was a fast, direct shopper, not a browser, and she seemed to know exactly what she was looking for. Taking skirts, trousers and tops Janet would never have picked out herself into changing room after changing room; Janet was surprised time and time again by the results.

  ‘You’ve got a good figure, Janet,’ Estelle told her once.

  ‘Have I?’ Janet was amazed.

  ‘Of course,’ Estelle said simply back. ‘Don’t you know most women would kill to have a bust like yours?’

  And another time – ‘There you go, Janet. That’s an outfit for a trendy Interior Designer if ever I saw one.’

  Janet’s ego hadn’t had such a boost for as long as she could remember. It was fantastic. By lunchtime she was weighed down by carrier bags bearing unfamiliar names and happily wearing a trendy hat Estelle had insisted on treating her to. She felt fantastic, and so far she had successfully kept most thoughts of Ray’s reaction to the shopping marathon at bay.

  And then they turned the corner next to The Body Shop, laughing together about something, and ran straight into Gwen.

  ‘Janet!’ she said, her eyes widening first at Janet’s plethora of carrier bags before fixing on Janet’s new hat. ‘What on earth have you got on your head?’

  Instantly Janet’s newfound self-confidence began to slip away. Her hand lifted in a reflex action to her head. However, so did Estelle’s.

  ‘Something stylish, and modern, eh, Janet?’ she said, and she pulled Janet’s arm down and glared at Gwen’s conventional clothes.

  Janet watched an angry flush grow on Gwen’s carefully made-up face. ‘I suppose this means you’re still attending those ridiculous workshops?’

  ‘Well,’ said Janet, ‘actually I– ’

  ‘Really, Janet!’ Gwen interrupted her. ‘I thought better of you than this. What would the vicar say if he knew?’

  Janet paled at the thought and might have started to plead with Gwen not to tell him, if Estelle hadn’t grabbed hold of her arm, beginning to pull her away. ‘Come on, Janet,’ she said. ‘We’ve got some hand mirrors to buy.’

  And they headed off towards the shopping centre, leaving Gwen furious and red-faced in the slipstream of shoppers.

  ‘You don’t think she will tell the vicar, do you?’ Janet worried as she hurried along beside Estelle.

  ‘You need to stop worrying what people think of you,’ Estelle said, leading the way purposefully towards Boots. ‘Especially people like her. The woman’s a prize bitch. You really ought to introduce her to Cruella.’

  ‘They already know each other, actually,’ Janet said. ‘They were at school together.’

  ‘Now why doesn’t that surprise me?’ Estelle said. ‘Anyway, two bossy bitches in your life is too many in my opinion!’

  * * * * *

  Back in Shelthorpe-on-Sea, Reenie was sitting on the edge of her bed dressed in her slip, preparing to do her homework. She usually had the house to herself on Saturday afternoons because Ted was almost always down at the allotment or supporting one of their grandsons at some sporting event or other. But today he was hanging around the house. Just when she didn’t want him to.

  ‘If I hold the mirror for you, you’ll get a better view,’ he was saying.

  ‘No, thank you.’

  ‘Only trying to be helpful,’ he said, offended.

  Reenie sighed, reaching out to squeeze his arm. ‘I know you are, love,’ she said. ‘It’s just…well, it’s a bit embarrassing, is all.’

  Ted immediately grinned at her, reassured. ‘You got nothing to be embarrassed about, Reen!’ he said. ‘I’ve seen it all, remember? And it’s bloody bootiful, I can tell you!’

  Reenie’s smile was a little on the wan side. ‘Thanks.’ She wasn’t too sure she appreciated the implied reference to turkeys by his use of part of a local advertising slogan. Her desire to do her homework without interference or assistance increased threefold.

  She sat waiting, mirror in hand, but Ted didn’t move. ‘Look, love,’ she tried again, ‘I just want to do this on my own, all right? After all, we need to have some mystery in our relationship, don’t you think?’

  He didn’t, she could tell, but even so, at last he did as he was told and headed for the door. ‘All right, all right,’ he said. ‘I’m going.’

  ‘Thanks, love.’ She blew him a kiss, and finally, finally, he went.

  ‘Thank Gawd for that.’ Reenie spoke to the small round mirror she held in her hand, looking into it to pat her hair into shape. Putting off the evil moment.

  ‘Come on, Irene, my girl!’ she told herself at last. ‘Get on with it!’

  And, taking a deep breath, she pulled up the hem of her slip and lowered the mirror into position. Then she looked.

  And looked.

  ‘Oh, my good Gawd!’ She began to giggle and brought the mirror up again to look at her flushed face. ‘So that’s what we look like down there!’ she said to her reflection, then lowered the mirror back down again to take another look.

  * * * * *

  Back from her shopping trip with Janet, Estelle was also preparing to get busy with a hand mirror. But unlike Reenie, Estelle didn’t have to fight for privacy. Privacy was almost always hers, unless she chose to invite somebody to invade it.

  Also unlike Reenie, Estelle already knew very well what her ‘secret body’ looked like. She had examined herself in this way before. But she had never done so while wondering whether she looked more like the overlapping petals of a rose or a wondrous sea creature. And she had never tried to do it through the eyes of somebody who was crazy about her.

  So, with ambient music in the background and lily-scented candles flickering on the mantelpiece, Estelle carefully lowered her own mirror.

  * * * * *

  It was Saturday, so Kate and Geoff had been at work all day. Kate hated working on Saturdays, and today’s students had all been a particularly irritating bunch of know-it-alls. The ‘I don’t do it that way myself, dear’ types. As a result, she wasn’t in a good mood.

  ‘We need a bit of fun around this place,’ Geoff said. ‘It’s all been too serious and boring lately.’

  ‘Why don’t you get on with your knitting if you’re bored?’ suggested Kate, not really listening. She was rummaging around in her desk drawer trying to find a hand mirror she’d confiscated from a student last term. Tina Jamison, touching up her make-up in the middle of a practical session.

  ‘Ha, ha,’ said Geoff. ‘I’ll have you know, my knitting is coming along fine. I was talking about work; making work more fun. In fact, I was thinking we could get the students to have another go at a world record,’ Geoff said.

  Kate glanced up briefly. Geoff was a larger than life character; the type everybody loved. He was a good friend to her, and sometimes she didn’t know how she would have made it without him since her break-up. But there was no getting away from the fact that he was also stark, staring mad. ‘After the last time?’ she said. ‘You’re crazy.’

  ‘Well, I can see now a giant Swiss roll was a bit on the ambitious side,’ Geoff said, warming to his theme. ‘Who’d have known it would end up being too heavy to roll up? But I reckon we could have a go at the world’s biggest trifle. I’ve got it all planned out. We could use a temporary swimming pool to assemble it in.’

  Kate shoved her hand right to the very back of the drawer beneath the pile of wayward meeting agendas, recipes and assorted odds and ends of stationery. ‘And what would you make the custard in?’ she asked sarcastically. ‘A cement mixer?’

  Geoff’s face lit up. ‘Brilliant idea, Katie!’

  She gave him another scathing look. ‘Er…durr, cement and custard …I’m thinking grey, solid.’

  But Geoff was inspired. ‘We could borrow a new one!’ he said. ‘I can get us a sponsor from the building trade! It’l
l be fantastic!’

  Kate finally tracked the mirror down inside a bundle of ancient recipes. Pulling it out, she proceeded to clean it on the elbow of her catering whites. Geoff immediately glanced over. ‘What d’you want that for?’ he asked.

  Kate scowled at him. ‘Believe me, you do not want to know!’ she said.

  Geoff’s smirk turned into a grin. ‘Believe me,’ he said, ‘I do!’

  Which inspired Kate to toss the mirror back into the drawer and to slam the drawer firmly shut. ‘Well, tough flaming luck!’ she snapped, snatching up her bag and striding for the door.

  ‘Oh, come on, Katie!’ Geoff called after her. ‘Don’t be like that. I was only fooling around. Katie!’

  But Kate carried on walking, ignoring him.

  * * * * *

  Over in her mock Tudor house on the Holly Croft Estate, Janet was struggling to hold onto the euphoria of her shopping trip with Estelle.

  Ray had been out when she got home, so she’d gone straight up to the bedroom to put her new clothes away and to use her new hand mirror to do her homework. But then some perverse compulsion had made her strip off to examine her reflection in the full-length mirror instead, and this was an activity guaranteed to make her spirits plummet.

  Janet hated her body. Or, to be more exact, she hated her stretch marks and the scars her body bore from her caesarean and her hysterectomy.

  It was all very well for Estelle to say she had breasts most women would kill for. Or, for that matter, for Jade to say she was beautiful. But neither Estelle nor Jade had seen her without her clothes on. Naked, it was quite a different story.