Whatever that was.
‘I’ve never thought about other people very much,’ she said. ‘I’ve just gone all out for what I want without considering what effect that might have on anyone else. Before RT…Ray, there have been loads of married men. Loads. I’m a selfish bitch, Janet, I really am.’
Oh, God, the tears were coming again. Would they ever be finished? Estelle felt the comforting warmth of Janet’s hand on her back. She cried harder.
Janet held her in her arms for a while. ‘Don’t you know what you’ve done for me, Estelle?’ she said. ‘You have helped me so much. You’ve believed in me and you’ve helped me to make the most of myself. Do you really think I’d have gone to see Cruella to offer to buy her out if I’d never met you?’
Estelle wiped her eyes, smiling through her tears. ‘I so wish I’d been there,’ she said. ‘I’d have loved to have seen the look on her face.’
Janet smiled. ‘I shall think of it whenever I feel down in the future,’ she said.
Estelle thought about the recent TV reports. ‘But you see,’ she said, ‘I know that’s probably just what my staff have been thinking about me lately; absolutely rapt that I’ve been in all this shit.’
‘You don’t know that,’ Janet said.
‘No, but I know I would be, if I was them. I’m not a very good boss.’
‘You could change.’
Estelle sighed. ‘I could try.’ Starting by trying to make up for her recent coolness to Mark. If it wasn’t already too late for that.
‘Listen,’ said Janet, ‘I was wondering. Have you told Ray yet? About me knowing?’
‘No,’ Estelle said, ‘I haven’t told him.’
‘Me neither.’
‘Are you going to?’
Janet looked at her. ‘Only when I tell him our marriage is over,’ she said, and then Estelle realised how much her friend had changed since they’d met. She was very, very glad.
‘You deserve so much better than him,’ she said, and remembered Mark’s response to her when she’d said that to him. ‘So do you,’ he’d said. ‘So do you.’
Was her ‘something better’ Mark himself? And if it was, could she cope with that?
‘I don’t think I want anybody for a while,’ Janet was saying. ‘In the future, yes; a relationship where I was loved and respected and…’ She smiled saucily, ‘had lots of amazing orgasms; yes, that would be good. But for now… I think I just want some time for me. I’ve never had that, you see; I went straight from my mother’s house to being married to Ray, and then Debbie came along… I just feel as if I want to find out…well, more about myself, I suppose; what I want, what I’m capable of. That sort of thing.’
Estelle smiled at her friend. It was funny really; they each wanted what the other had. Oh, she didn’t want a joyless marriage to a bastard like Ray, but she did want a life that was more centred around other people. And Janet didn’t suddenly want to become a ruthless business tyrant, but she did want independence and a sense of self-respect and confidence that comes from a successful career.
‘Does that sound ridiculous?’ Janet asked, and Estelle shook her head.
‘No,’ she said, ‘it doesn’t sound ridiculous at all. It sounds fantastic. And if there’s anything I can do to help, anything at all, please do ask me.’
Janet smiled. ‘Thank you, I will,’ she said. ‘But before that, there’s another project I thought we could work on together.’ Janet’s smile changed subtly. She chucked a handful of small pebbles up into the air and caught them again.
‘Oh?’ said Estelle, ‘and what project is that?’
Janet laughed. She looked about six years old. ‘Well,’ she said, ‘it’s more of a plan than a project. A plan to help me get even with Ray.’
* * * * *
More often than not, Ted finished early on Friday afternoons. Without Kate’s news about her orgasms, Reenie would probably have been infuriated by the way he snatched a quick cup of tea, mumbled something about the allotment and went straight back out again.
But that afternoon his hasty departure just made her determined to sort things out between them. Ted could be a stubborn B, but he was her stubborn B, and she loved him. What was more, she was pretty convinced she could have an orgasm with him; they just had to change how they did things, that was all. Starting with talking.
Hurrying upstairs, Reenie put on the black and red basque and matching knickers she had bought from Estelle, then securely buttoned and belted a raincoat over the top. A pair of high-heeled shoes would have set it all off a treat, but there was no way she was hobbling down that track to the allotments on high heels. Bugger that; she intended to use her energy for more important things.
* * * * *
‘Afternoon, Reenie.’
‘Nice weather, Reenie.’
Sod it; she hadn’t given a thought to the fact that most of Ted’s allotment cronies would be around too.
‘Hello, Sam. Gerry,’ she said, walking quickly on.
‘Think you’ll find him in the shed,’ Sam called after her.
Perfect. ‘Thanks, Sam.’
Ted was sitting in the semi-darkness with a mug of tea, staring into space and, she realised after she had gone inside and shut the door behind her, he was crying…
Reenie had intended to bolt the door, strip off her raincoat and get down to it, but the sight of Ted crying into his tea erased all such ideas from her mind.
‘Oh, love…’
Ted quickly put his mug down, sloshing tea everywhere in the process, hiding his face from her as he wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his mucky gardening top. ‘I’m all right,’ he said. ‘Been sneezing, that’s all. Dusty in here.’
Tears filled Reenie’s eyes too. She felt so much love for the stupid old fool there wasn’t enough room inside of her to contain it. She wanted to scoop him up and squeeze him until it hurt, but instead she forced herself to hold back.
‘Yes,’ she said thoughtfully. ‘I know just what you mean. Did a lot of sneezing myself the day the police came to tell us Craig had died.’
Ted glared at her. ‘You just can’t stop going on about it, can you?’ he said, and she shook her head sadly.
‘Nope. Not that it was what I came here to talk about. Talking wasn’t first on my list at all, as it happens.’
Ted remained stubbornly silent, and she sighed. ‘Love,’ she said, ‘I can’t believe you want us to split up, not after all these years.’
That got him looking at her. ‘Course I don’t!’ he said.
‘Well then, we’ve got to talk, haven’t we? We can’t just ignore it when things aren’t right. That’s always been the trouble with our marriage I reckon, not being able to talk properly.’
‘So now we’ve got a problem marriage, have we?’ he said crossly.
‘No,’ she said gently, ‘of course we haven’t. But…we haven’t always been able to talk about things as well as we ought. And I’m not just talking about Craig either.’
‘What else then?’
Reenie felt embarrassed, but she knew if she didn’t say it now, then she never would. ‘Well, sex,’ she said. ‘Oh, I’m not blaming you; I blame myself mostly. I’ve always been a bit…well, passive, I suppose. I’ve never really told you what I wanted and that, partly because I was embarrassed, but also, to be honest, because I was afraid of hurting your feelings. But then I got to thinking, it was you as told me about these workshops, so it’s daft of me to think like that. I mean, you’d hardly have told me about them in the first place if you were bothered about me making demands of you in bed, would you?’
Ted seemed to be thinking about it. ‘Well,’ he said cautiously, ‘no, I…I s’pose not.’ Then he looked at her, frowning. ‘What demands?’
Reenie smiled and began to undo her raincoat. ‘Well,’ she said, holding the coat open, ‘I thought we could start with…’ And bending forwards to give him a generous view of cleavage, she whispered something into his ear.
* * * * *
>
It was almost four o’clock by the time Estelle got back to the office. Driving there from the beach, she burst out laughing every time she thought about Janet’s plan. It was priceless, absolutely priceless. And best of all, it proved more than anything else could have done that Janet had forgiven her.
‘Ms Morgan!’ Charlotte greeted her the minute she walked in the door. ‘Did you forget about your meeting? I’ve been trying to get you on your mobile all afternoon.’
‘Have you?’ Estelle took her phone from her bag. It was still switched off from the workshop. ‘Sorry, I didn’t have it on.’ She racked her brains, trying to remember what the meeting had been about.
‘Andersons?’ Charlotte prompted her. ‘You asked them to quote us for the new lines.’
Whoops. ‘Oh well,’ she said. ‘I’ll phone them and grovel. If they want our business, they’ll forgive me.’
Charlotte looked at her. ‘Ms Morgan?’ she said. ‘It’s none of my business, but… are you all right?’
The prickly retort that automatically sprang to her lips belonged to the past, and Estelle duly suppressed it. ‘Thank you for asking,’ she said instead with a smile. ‘And yes, I’m fine. I just had a more important meeting to attend this afternoon, that’s all. Plus, of course, I completely forgot about Andersons!’ She started to walk on, then looked back briefly. ‘Is Mark in his office do you know?’
‘Yes,’ Charlotte said, sounding slightly stunned by the pleasant way her boss had spoken to her. ‘I think so, Ms Morgan.’
Estelle turned back one last time. ‘Why don’t you call me Estelle from now on, Charlotte?’ she suggested. ‘Ms Morgan makes me feel like a head teacher in a girls’ boarding school.’
Charlotte began to laugh, but quickly stopped herself. ‘Yes, Ms…Estelle,’ she said.
Estelle didn’t bother to go to her office. There was no point because she wasn’t going to be able to do any work until she’d spoken to Mark anyway. It was all she could think about. What she was about to do was so scary that she had to do it while the impulse was with her.
She pushed his door open. ‘Mark?’ But the office was empty.
Disappointed, she backed out again. Rachel, her finance clerk, was walking past along the corridor. ‘Are you looking for Mark, Ms Morgan?’ she asked. ‘I just saw him downstairs at the photocopier.’
Estelle smiled her thanks. ‘Thank you, Rachel,’ she said.
‘No problem, Ms Morgan.’
She would have to put the head teacher at a boarding school joke in a company email or something.
‘Have a nice weekend, Rachel,’ she said and hurried on towards the stairs.
‘Thank you, Ms Morgan,’ Rachel said, but Estelle was already through the doors and taking the stairs two at a time.
‘Mark?’ She tore round the corner and found him deep in conversation with Cheryl, his assistant. ‘Oh.’ Judging by the way Cheryl was twirling a piece of her hair around her finger, the conversation wasn’t about business.
Mark looked at her. ‘Good afternoon, Estelle.’ he said. ‘Did you want me?’ Cheryl melted away, probably in fear of her job. Did they really think she was that much of a tyrant? Though actually, she did want to sack the girl on the spot for flirting so shamelessly with Mark.
‘Estelle?’
She realised she hadn’t answered him. She wanted to run; either that or start a conversation about sales figures.
‘I’ve decided…’ she started.
‘Yes?’
‘I’ve decided I…’ She lifted her chin. ‘I can’t wait until Monday for you to tell me about your research into new lines. Can you bring what you’ve got so far to show me now please?’
Mark looked at her. ‘Very well,’ he said. ‘I’ll be with you as soon as I can.’
In her office, Estelle paced up and down, unable to sit. This was way more frightening than that night in the police cell; way more frightening than anything else she had ever done in her life. What if he rejected her? What if she stripped herself emotionally naked in front of him and he just laughed? Where would she go? What would she do?
Then suddenly she thought about Janet, remembered her mischievous face. If Mark rejected her, there would still be the plan. There would still be Janet. And Reenie and Kate. And Orgasm Night.
The door opened. Mark came in, carrying a pile of papers, his expression serious. ‘I was planning to produce a proper report for Monday’s meeting,’ he said, ‘but I haven’t finished typing it up yet.’ He moved past her to lay the papers out on her desk.
Before Estelle could look at them, there was a knock at the door. Charlotte came in cautiously. ‘Er…Estelle,’ she said, ‘I was wondering if I could go home slightly early. Only I’ve just had a call from my son’s childminder. She says he’s not at all well and I– ’
Was Charlotte always this terrified of her and she just hadn’t noticed before?
‘Yes, of course, Charlotte,’ she said now. ‘You get off. I hope he’s all right.’
Charlotte smiled with relief. ‘Thank you!’ she said. ‘I’ll make up the time next week.’
Estelle knew there must be countless times when her PA had worked late. ‘Forget it,’ she said, feeling ashamed by Charlotte’s gratitude. She couldn’t be Estelle, the inhuman bitch any longer. She couldn’t. Wouldn’t.
‘OK then,’ Charlotte said. ‘Thanks again. Have a good weekend both of you.’
Charlotte left. Mark seemed to have forgotten all about his papers. Estelle crossed the space between them and met his gaze steadily. ‘I’m sorry, Mark,’ she said. ‘I am so sorry.’
* * * * *
Over on the allotments, Sam and Gerry leant on their spades and stared at Ted’s shed. It appeared to be shaking.
* * * * *
Despite the fact that Janet had never felt better in her life, she was in the pharmacy stocking up on throat sweets. Being ill was a sure-fire way to avoid sex with Ray, and as she had no intention of having sex with Ray again, ever, then it was absolutely essential to avoid even the possibility of it before she and Estelle had the chance to put their plan into operation. A cold would be too difficult to fake, but a sore throat and a potential throat infection couldn’t be too hard. Ray almost always slept in the spare room if she had anything infectious.
Trying to decide between honey or cherry flavour (menthol were too disgusting unless you really had a desperately sore throat and were prepared to try anything to relieve it), Janet suddenly realised just how many ‘lasts’ there were going to be. This coming Sunday would be the last time she would cook a Sunday roast for him. Tomorrow would be the last time she washed his clothes… The reality of the situation suddenly hit her. Her marriage was about to end; it was really about to end.
‘Janet? I thought it was you. You all right?’
Janet blinked. Looking up, she saw John George standing beside her. He was holding a hairnet and a packet of pink rollers.
‘Oh, hello, John,’ she said vaguely.
He smiled. ‘Don’t worry,’ he said, ‘these not for me. I’m shopping for my elderly neighbour.’
Janet looked at the luxuriant waves of his hair. ‘I didn’t think you needed rollers,’ she said.
John looked at the sweets she was holding. ‘I hope you’re not ill?’ he said.
‘Oh no,’ she said, looking down at the sweets herself. ‘Just stocking up. In case of…emergencies, you know.’
‘Advance planning?’ he asked, one eyebrow raised.
‘Something like that,’ she said. It occurred to her that it would be great fun to confide in John about what she was actually up to, but of course she couldn’t. So she smiled at him warmly instead. Perhaps she would tell him, after it was all over. Yes, she rather thought she would.
‘I’m glad I ran into you actually,’ he was saying.
‘Oh yes?’
He pulled an apologetic face. ‘Not fair to mention this to you really, I know. You’re only an employee at the shop. But the fact is, Carol’s se
riously late with her payments this time. And the word is I’m not the only one. Should I be worried?’
Janet nodded. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I think you should. Look, have you got time for a coffee? I can bring you up to speed. I’ll just pay for these.’
So over coffee Janet told John about Carol’s plans to sell the shop and also about her own hopes to buy it.
‘OK,’ he said after he’d listened to everything she’d got to tell him, ‘let’s see if we can’t think of a way to help both of us.’
By the end of the conversation, they had a plan of action.
Plan NumberTwo, thought Janet. It was almost as good as Plan Number One.
* * * * *
‘I did,’ Reenie panted. ‘I nearly came that time. I definitely did.’
Ted held his wife close on his lap. ‘Nearly’s not good enough,’ he told her.
‘We’ll get there,’ she said. ‘After all, these are hardly the most comfortable of circumstances for two people pushing sixty.’
She kissed him, overjoyed that the tension between them had gone. And she had felt a definite flicker of building excitement; she wasn’t making it up for his benefit.
‘I can’t believe I’ve been doing it all too hard and too fast for you all these years,’ he told her. ‘Why on earth didn’t you say before?’
She kissed him. ‘Daft, isn’t it?’
They held each other. Ted buried his face in the side of her neck. ‘Listen, I’m sorry for how I’ve been about Craig. I… I haven’t let you grieve for him properly.’
Tears filled her eyes. ‘You haven’t let yourself grieve for him either,’ she told him.
‘I know,’ he said. ‘You’re right. I’ve had my head shoved firmly in the sand. About all sorts of things. But it’ll be different from now on, I promise.’
‘All in good time,’ she said, but he shook his head.
The Goddess Workshop Page 27