by J. D. Robb
It had come to him in a flash, the way to find Macy, the details aligning themselves quickly. Jeremy had access to Macy’s cell phone. Hadn’t he seen the beginnings of her essay as she’d been writing it? So why couldn’t he go back up there and find out when and where her next date was going to be? Then he could line up a date and see her there. Voilà! They could run into each other accidentally and he could talk to her, face-to-face, without having to wait until he figured out how to get out of bizarro world.
He couldn’t pause to think about whether it was ethical or fair or, hell, even creepy, cyberstalking her that way. But hey, it wasn’t fair that he was trapped in his mobile either, so Eat that, ethics, he thought savagely. And he’d done it. He’d found the place and the time, and then he’d groveled his way into a date, thanking god that the rules of bizarro allowed him to at least write his own emails.
He looked across the table at Gina. He’d answered her note, saying that his profile wasn’t a joke but more a kind of atonement. He’d listed all of the awful flaws he could think of and exposed them. It was as close to the truth as he could get, and something told him that the iLove universe would accept nothing less. Still, somehow, miraculously, she’d agreed to go out with him.
The problem was he was only here to find Macy. Gina was a very nice woman. Attractive too. But looking into this woman’s blue eyes only made him want to see Macy’s brown ones. And watching this woman’s high-heeled sashay made him want to see Macy’s resolute walk in flats. And hearing this woman’s breathy explanations of what made her tick made him want to hear Macy’s teasing banter.
The fact was he wasn’t going to get over Macy, so while lying to Gina was wrong, it was his only option. Unless he wanted to live in that room full of damaged cubicle dwellers forever.
His hand went for his phone with half a notion of checking out Macy’s Facebook picture again—maybe she’d do a check-in at the restaurant—but it still wasn’t there, so he brought his elbow back to the table, his eyes riveted to his date’s face, feigning interest.
Gina, he reminded himself. What was she talking about? Her job? He let his eyes wander a bit to the scene behind her, but there was no sign of Macy.
He was just wondering how he could make this night last as long as necessary in order to find her when his eye was caught by shining auburn hair on a petite woman moving with swift determination across the dining room. His heart swooped upward. He’d know the set of those shoulders anywhere, the bob of those curls, the curve of that hip.
Without realizing he’d moved he was on his feet. Gina looked up at him in surprise. He smiled, apologized and said he’d be right back, then he took off after Macy.
He caught up to her in the wood-paneled hallway leading to the restrooms.
“Macy!” Just saying her name out loud made him feel like the wind had finally caught his sails.
She turned, clearly unsurprised to see him.
Her mouth was set, but her eyes looked tragic.
“Are you okay?” he asked, taking an involuntary step toward her. He reached for her, one hand out, before remembering he wasn’t allowed to touch her anymore, their being broken up and all.
“Yes. Fine,” she said, with a forced smile. “How are you, Jeremy? It’s nice to see you.”
His brows dropped. Was she angry? Because of the time warp of bizarro he knew it had been longer for her than for him. He’d have hoped that would make her happier to see him, but it seemed to have had the opposite effect.
“I’m—well, I’m glad to see you too. Are you— How have you been?” The meaninglessness of the words made him want to weep. But what to say? How to tell her he was sorry, how to beg for another chance? Just leap right in?
It didn’t feel right.
She took a breath; he could see her chest rise with the effort and he wished he could hug her. A futile longing stabbed him.
“I’ve been fine,” she said. “Really, just great. And you?”
He hunched into his shoulders, pressing his hands in his pockets. “Not . . . I wouldn’t say ‘fine.’” He tried another smile, wondering at the look in her eyes, so at odds with the detached tone of her voice. “Pretty not fine, actually. But—but you, you’re okay?”
“Sure.” She nodded with that tight smile, but he knew her, and he could’ve sworn she was trying not to cry. “I’m sorry you haven’t been fine. You seem to have a nice new, um . . . your date looks nice.”
“To be honest, I have no idea if she is or she isn’t,” he said, dropping his shoulders—along with all efforts at concealment.
“Oh.” That startled her. “First date?”
“Yeah. Are you here with someone?”
She flushed red. “Yes.”
There was a tense moment where they simply stood there, looking at each other. Then she did the most unexpected thing. Clasping her hands together, she stepped toward him. “Jeremy, I just want to say, I’m so sorry. And I’m sorry to do this to you while you’re on a date with”—she swept an arm out toward the dining room—“that nice woman. But I just—I have to say I’m sorry. About the whole . . .” She swirled her hand in a circle, looking down, shaking her head. “Breaking-up thing.”
The breaking-up thing?
“The breaking-up thing?” he asked out loud.
“I know I probably just beat you to the punch, but the way I did it!” She put her hands over her eyes. “I’m so ashamed. I’m impulsive and make snap decisions and I act on them too quickly, before I’ve thought. I’m just like Bill’s ex-girlfriend!”
“Bill?”
“And I hope to god she’s sorry too, because he’s a really nice guy.” She looked up and wagged a finger. Then she flushed and put a hand over her mouth, gazing at him. “But you. God, Jeremy, you didn’t deserve me. I mean the awful me, just walking out like that. And I understand why you didn’t call or anything. You were done anyway, but I wish we—”
“There you are!” a male voice said. “I was just beginning to wonder if . . .” The guy’s voice trailed off as he took in Jeremy. “Oh,” he said, with an expression like a smacked child. “Have I interrupted something?”
Yes, Jeremy wanted to say, a thousand times yes. What on earth was she talking about, beating him to the punch? She thought he was done? With what?
Macy’s eyes darted from Jeremy to her date and back. She seemed on the verge of saying more, but she stopped herself and said, “No, not at all. I just ran into an old friend. Bill, this is Jeremy. Jeremy, Bill.”
Bill stepped up and shook his hand. “Good to meet you.” His eyes shifted to Macy. “Uh, I’ll just meet you back out there. I wanted to be sure you were okay, is all.” He nodded at her, waiting.
“Okay,” she said. “Sure. I’ll be right back.”
But Bill lingered another minute, so she turned a falsely bright look on him and said, “Jeremy, great to see you. Hope you have a nice evening.” Then she disappeared into the ladies’ room.
Jeremy leaned back against the hall wall, then noticed Bill still standing there, hands in his pockets, head cocked like a spaniel awaiting a treat.
“Are you the ex-boyfriend?” he asked.
Jeremy spent a moment adjusting to the title. “Yeah, I guess I am.”
“She mentioned she was getting over someone.”
“Did she?” Getting over. Not over. Was this some kind of test? Was Mrs. Hartz watching even now?
“Yeah.” The guy smiled and looked down, thinking. “To be honest I don’t think she’s let go yet. Hope I’m not out of line telling you that.”
Jeremy straightened. “No. No, not at all.” He gave a short laugh. “Really?”
Bill raised his hands and eyebrows, then turned back to the dining room.
Jeremy looked to the ladies’ room door. How weird would it be if he were still out here when she came back?
CHAPTER
SIX
Macy had trouble catching her breath. What had she said? She couldn’t even remember. There were so many things she’d wanted to say but couldn’t. And they’d been standing outside the bathrooms. And he was there with another woman! She was pretty sure she’d been inappropriate.
She hadn’t even let him say anything. And he’d been about to say something, hadn’t he? She wished it were a tape she could rewind. Oh, if only Bill hadn’t shown up when he did!
She pulled her purse up and pawed through it for her phone.
“Carolyn?” she said, grateful that her sister-in-law had answered and not her brother.
“Macy, hi! I’ve been meaning to call you. Lute and I were just talking about it. There’s a guy in my office—”
“Wait. I need to ask you something,” she said, lowering her voice at the sound of someone entering the restroom.
“Where are you?” Carolyn asked, her voice taking on the same hushed tone as Macy’s.
“I’m on a date.”
“Great!” Her voice bounced through the phone.
“No, it’s not like that. I’m in the restroom. I just ran into Jeremy.”
“Oohhhh.”
“Yeah. And oh god, Carolyn, I made the biggest mistake. You were so right about me. I judged him too fast, too harshly, I shouldn’t have judged him at all! I loved him. Why did I give up on him?”
“’Cause that’s what you do, hon,” she said, not without sympathy. “I’ve been thinking about this, and I actually think you’re the one who’s afraid of commitment. All that talk about planning for kids and houses and career tracks, all that stuff I said would chase a guy off in half a second? I think it backfired. You freaked yourself out, Macy. You chased yourself off.”
Macy paused, the ring of truth echoing through the phone. “Oh my god,” she said, mostly to herself. She had freaked herself out. She’d looked at Jeremy’s phone use and she hadn’t seen a temporary problem, she’d seen a lifetime of neglect. She had loved him, that was for sure, but not as much as she’d feared for herself in light of him.
“I know,” Carolyn said. “But here’s the thing, Mace. You can change that. You don’t have to have everything planned out and all the little boxes checked the moment you fall in love, or even when you get married. A relationship’s a path, not a room. Let it wind around the forest for a little while.”
Tears clogged Macy’s throat. “That’s really beautiful,” she said, unrolling some toilet paper and pressing it to her eyes.
“Then, when you get to a clearing, you decide what comes next, which new path to take. Maybe it’s one that’s been well traveled, maybe one the deer have made. Maybe it’s not even a path yet and you have to hack your way through, like Michael Douglas in, shoot, what was that movie?”
“Romancing the Stone,” Macy said, pulling bits of toilet paper off her eyelashes.
“Right. Well, sometimes that’s what relationships take, a little hacking through the underbrush—”
“Uh, Care? I think you’ve taken that analogy about as far it’ll go,” Macy said, choking back a laugh.
“Fine, okay. But my point stands.”
“You’re right, you’re absolutely right. But my question is, what do I do now? Do I go back out there and try to talk to him?”
“No no no. You’re on a date, right? Where is he?”
“I don’t know. At the table, I guess. I’m in the ladies’ room.” On cue, the woman in the other stall flushed the toilet.
“Right. So you go out, finish your date, then you call Jeremy tomorrow. Arrange a place to talk, because you shouldn’t have important conversations like that on the phone if you can help it.”
“But he’s right here now. I feel like if I let him go I . . . I don’t know, I might not be able to find him again.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. Just a feeling.” She shook her head. She was thinking superstitious and talking crazy. “I’m sorry, you’re right. I’ll wait and talk to him tomorrow.”
“Good girl.” She heard the smile in Carolyn’s voice. “I’m glad you ran into him. I always thought it was a mistake to break up.”
Macy heard the other woman finish washing her hands and leave the restroom.
“I know. Okay,” Macy said, unlocking the stall door to move to the mirror. “I’m good now. Thank you.”
“And call me after you’ve talked to him.”
“I will.” She smiled, hung up, then caught sight of herself. Her mascara was all over her face and strands of her hair were stuck to her cheeks. Yeah, she thought, it’ll be better to call . . .
* * *
Jeremy was still standing near the restroom when he saw Gina coming toward him.
“Is everything all right?” she asked, her tone somewhere between concern and suspicion.
“Fine,” Jeremy said brightly, trying to act as if he’d been heading back to the table. “I ran into an old friend, that’s all. I’m thinking of having another drink. How about you? Maybe move to the bar for a Bailey’s or something?”
Gina looked surprised. “Sure, I guess so. I mean, there’s always the chance of overdoing a good thing on a first date, but . . .” She looked at him, eyebrows raised.
He squelched a grimace. He was using her, there were no two ways about it. But if the date ended he’d end up back in bizarro, and without being able to actually talk to Macy, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to straighten things out with her.
“A quick one. If we see evidence of damage we’ll leave immediately.” He gave her his most charming smile and she giggled and acquiesced, then continued on to the restroom.
He settled up with the waiter at the table, then picked two seats at the end of the bar closest to the restrooms, figuring Macy would probably be out before Gina. But minutes later it was Gina who emerged, and the look on her face was dark and wooden. She spotted him immediately and moved toward him, eyes steady on his face.
He became aware of a deep feeling of dread, like what he imagined animals must feel when faced with a gun, despite not knowing exactly what damage a gun could do.
“What can I get for you?” he asked in his most oblivious-guy way.
“Nothing,” she said. “And I don’t appreciate being used.”
“What are you talking about?” Had Macy said something to her? Was Macy still somehow mad at him—had she told Gina something bad?
“I guess I understand now why you wrote the profile you wrote. You really are an asshole, aren’t you? All that stuff about confessing your sins in order to get rid of them—”
“Well—”
“That was all just a load of crap, wasn’t it?” she continued.
“Gina,” he said calmly, patting the chair next to him. “What’s going on? You went into the restroom just fine, and now you’re mad. Did something happen?”
She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him. “Are you going to tell me that you didn’t pick these seats so you could see your ex-girlfriend again? Are you using me to make her jealous or what?”
“My ex-girlfriend?” he repeated, but he couldn’t muster the tone to make confusion believable.
“Yes, your ex-girlfriend. Don’t play dumb with me. I just heard her on the phone in the bathroom talking about you. You were dead set on coming to this restaurant too. Was it because you knew she’d be here? You were never interested in me for one second, were you? Admit it.”
She had him pegged. What could he say? All of it was true.
He had visions of Queenie Hartz giving him the evil eye when he returned to his cubicle, so he said, “All right. It’s true, at least partly. And I’m really, truly sorry. But the circumstances aren’t what you think.”
Her color had risen along with her eyebrows. “Oh yeah? I think I ended up on a date with a stalker, that’s the only circumstances I’m seeing
.”
“Please sit down,” he pleaded, low. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Macy exit the hallway down which the restrooms lay, glancing at him as she made her way back to her table.
His date, apparently, barely heard him.
“If I were your ex-girlfriend—and if I were ever your girlfriend I can guaran-damn-tee I would be an ex—I’d run screaming for the hills if I saw you. You are one twisted son of a bitch.” She leaned forward and poked him in the chest on the word “twisted.” Heads were beginning to turn in their direction. “I’ve got half a mind to report you to iLove at the very least, if not the police. Or maybe I’ll just clue your ex in when she comes out.”
“Please don’t say anything to iLove,” Jeremy said, rising.
“Why? Are you already in trouble with them? Have others complained too?” She shook her head. “Damn it. I knew you’d be too good to be true. First I thought you’d probably used someone else’s picture, but then I saw you and you were that same good-looking guy. Well. Now I understand. You’re sick. You’re—”
“Yeah, I know, you’re absolutely right. Let’s just go.” He tried to take her elbow to guide her toward the door, but she jerked away from him.
“Take your hands off me!”
The bartender was approaching, a disturbed look on his face.
Jeremy held up his hands. “Okay, whatever you say. I’m sorry. Do you want to leave first, or should I?”
“And don’t try to contact me ever again, even to apologize or anything, because I am blocking you, buddy. You’re the worst bad news I’ve had for a long time, and if I see you again I will report you.” With that, she stalked out of the restaurant, leaving a long bar full of curious faces to gawk at him.
He swallowed and chuckled impotently, feeling his face go hot. Then he glanced over to where Macy sat with her date. Both of them had turned to see what the commotion was. Macy’s face was confused, but her date looked decidedly wary.