Bacon . . . Lola . . . maybe he was the reason my mouth was watering like crazy.
Padding out of my room with a happy chocolate Lab following by my heels. My smile was instant when I found him in the kitchen, his back to me as he worked at the stove.
“I might need you to go wake everyone up, Lola. Don’t want our apology going cold, right?” While his voice didn’t hold the same emptiness as last night, Cooper didn’t quite sound like himself either. That and the way his muscles bunched tightly under his shirt gave away his hesitation.
He was nervous.
If I knew him like I thought I did, and I did, he’d probably spent the evening agonizing over how he would face us all.
Yet another reason why I almost crumbled and called him when I couldn’t stop the nagging urge he needed reassuring. It had been practically torture not giving in to temptation and ignoring his plea for space. It killed me thinking of him tossing and turning, going over and over in his mind how he’d overreacted. It wasn’t in my nature to withhold my comfort.
It had been Marty who exacted a promise to leave him be. It was in his best friend that I trusted, resisting my own needs to somehow make things right.
“He needs to do this himself, Caylee. Regardless of how badly we want to help. If he can’t learn how to control this, he will doubt himself.”
“Even if he’s suffering needlessly?” I’d asked, tears in my eyes. My fingers had itched to type out a text—anything to let him know I would drop everything and rush to his side.
“He’s okay. I think he’s more embarrassed than anything right now. This isn’t the time to step in.” The earnest look in Marty’s eyes had told me he was right. He’d known Cooper the longest. Their friendship was solid.
Accepting that the best way to help Cooper was to go home had been unbelievably hard. The truth usually was.
Treading a little louder than normal, letting him know it was me, I went to him. He didn’t flinch when I wrapped my arms around his waist and rest my head against his back.
“Morning.”
His fingers squeezed mine at his chest. “Morning, sweetheart.”
We stood there for what seemed like forever, not speaking—inhaling and exhaling together. Sometimes words weren’t needed to bridge the gap we thought existed between people. Sometimes everything that needed to be said could be expressed through matching heartbeats—the quiet thudding of forgiveness.
“Sleep well?” I finally asked, relishing in the warmth from his body. I already knew the answer, but it was a way to get him talking, to let him know everything was okay between us.
“Like shit. You?” Cooper answered with a snort.
“Once I fell asleep.” I ventured, not willing to disclose that the events of last night had ended in a nightmare. “This smells so good. A girl could get used to this kind of treatment.”
“As opposed to . . .” He let his sentence hang in the air.
“Having to eat cold cereal.” I kissed his back, wishing he were shirtless so my lips could brush against his bare skin. I’d missed him in my bed last night—the plans I’d made had been cast aside for something greater. That didn’t mean they were forgotten, however. By the end of today . . . by breakfast . . . I would be showing him exactly how his birthday celebration should’ve gone.
He still had a gift to unwrap—me.
Stepping around him, I lifted myself up onto the cleared counter beside the stove where he would be close enough to touch if I wanted to, but not get splattered by sputtering grease. “So . . .” I began, drawing out my thoughts.
“So,” he added. Then he smiled and peered up at me through the hair hanging over his eyes. Something within me uncoiled. This was a good sign . . . a very good sign.
Stealing a piece of bacon, I broke it into two pieces—one for me, and the other for Lola, who now lay at Cooper’s feet. It was hard not to moan as the flavor burst against my tongue.
Lola did the same, snapping up the dropped bacon quickly before licking her lips and looking up for more.
“Shall we address the elephant in the room?” I prodded, my feet gently banging against the cupboard door. “Did you mean what you said last night?”
Out of everything that happened—his telling me to walk away and never look back was the one thing that burned a hole in my mind. I could handle anything, whatever he threw my way, so long as I knew he wouldn’t keep giving up on me—on us.
“I said a lot. Care to refresh my memory?” He didn’t once glance up, opting to act like he had outside the bar. I understood why he’d refused to look at me then . . . just not now.
“Look at me, Cooper.” It was more of a command than a suggestion. I hadn’t meant it to come out that way, but if we were going to get through this, I needed him to stop avoiding eye contact. Only by gazing into my eyes, seeing how much I cared for him could he silence whatever doubts were lurking inside his head.
For a second I thought he would fight me and stubbornly refuse to let go of his pride or whatever held him back. But he was here, cooking for us. He’d made the decision to come to our home and offer an olive branch.
It had to mean something.
Placing the tongs down on the other counter, Cooper finally faced me, revealing the remorse in his own features. He was crucifying himself, even now.
“Do you really want me to walk away? Leave you? Forget about this incredible thing between us?” I didn’t sugar coat it or ease into the conversation. If he still felt the same way as he did when he threw that demand at me, I had to know.
Emotion bubbled out of him. His eyes widened in fear. “Oh, god no.”
The room seemed in implode on itself. That’s all I needed to hear. Hopping down off my perch, I opened my arms and he stepped into my embrace. He buried his face into my shoulder.
“I am so sorry, Caylee.”
I felt him breathe me in and give a tremor. He wasn’t the only one—I couldn’t seem to hold him tight enough. With that one admission, we would survive his angry outburst and file it away under what it truly was—a way for him to protect his heart and mine.
His foolish belief that somehow the world would be better off without him.
“Don’t ever say that again unless you mean it, Cooper. It hurt watching you so willing to cast us aside.” I gripped at the front of his shirt, needing him to feel how twisted in knots this had made me.
Cooper lifted his head and tenderly held my face. His gaze bore into mine. Sincerity filled his features—a need for me to believe him. “I know, babe, I know. If it helps, the moment it came out, I wanted to take it back. It was a horrible lie, one I didn’t mean, but I didn’t know how to stop.”
“I can handle anything you throw at me. I’m tougher than you think. I know what it’s like being in a relationship with a Marine—actively serving or not. Give me some credit, okay? Don’t assume I’m so easily scared away or that the only solution is to run.” A tear escaped when I blinked, followed closely by another.
“The last thing I ever wanted was to make you cry. I told myself that if it looked like I was about to self-destruct, I needed to get you as far away as possible to escape the fall out.”
I couldn’t listen to another word without interrupting. I wouldn’t let him continue with this kind of thinking. “You weren’t self-destructing, Cooper. You were having moment, but we all have them. They aren’t exclusive just to you. You’re not the only one who comes to this relationship with baggage and the need of understanding when things get rough.”
“I know, but—”
I refused to let him interject. “But nothing. Tell me . . . if that were me last night, would you have thrown your hands up in the air and said you were done?” When he went to argue, I stood my ground. “Answer honestly.”
“Of course not.”
“Exactly. So why would you expect me to act any differently?”
The last thing I expected him to do was laugh. “You know what? You’re pretty amazing, Caylee Sawyer. What
the hell did I do to deserve you?”
There was sincerity to his question that made it impossible for my heart not to ache for him. I’d known he was complicated from that first time we spoke in the diner. I just hadn’t been prepared for the self-deprecating way he viewed himself.
It made me even more determined to let him see that not everyone saw him in the same light. He would see his worth—even if it had to be through my eyes.
“You’re yourself. That’s all I ask. That’s all any of us can do. So next time you get it into that thick skull of yours that you need to push me away, get over yourself. Deal?” I stuck my hand out and waited for him to respond. “Consider this non-negotiable, Cooper.”
“Who am I to argue?” he exhaled, conceding as he, not only shook, but also kissed the back of my hand.
“Good. Things will go a lot smoother when you accept the fact that I’m always right.” There was no keeping the cocky grin off my face. This battle was over—the victory ours.
Cooper gently brushed his thumb over my cheek, his eyes once again filling with unspoken emotion. There were times were I wished he’d give them voice and let me know what was going on in that heart of his, but not this morning.
I didn’t need to know.
I was feeling it as well.
“I love you,” he whispered, leaning in to feather a soft kiss over my lips. He tasted of bacon and hope—of weathered storms and glorious bursts of sunshine.
The thought made me giggle against his mouth, breaking what had promised to be a sensational impromptu make out session.
“What?” Cooper asked, not ready to let me go, even with the spluttering of over cooked bacon interrupting our moment.
“Nothing.” I grinned, stepping away to give him room. “Just being cheesy.”
His gaze darted back and forth between the fry pan and me. I could sense he wanted to ask what the hell I meant, but thankfully breakfast won. There was no way I was going to explain that I was daydreaming about us—not without him thinking I was some romantic female given to fits of swoon.
Even though I absolutely was.
That would be a surprise to reveal another time.
Lola’s whine snapped us both to the present, the poor dog feeling ignored. “Sorry, girl,” Cooper replied, gingerly picking up another piece of bacon and offering it to her when he knew it was cool enough. She gobbled it up greedily and eyed the plate with blatant obviousness; Lola knew how to manipulate her owner. Without even thinking, he gave the sweet dog another strip.
“Looks like the trick to making an apology to the females in my life is through their stomachs.”
“It’s all about the bacon, Cooper.” I laughed. “You’ll find there’s nothing it can’t solve.”
“There better be some left, otherwise, you’re going to have a cranky roommate to placate.”
Both Cooper and I jumped at the appearance of Rebecca, hair tousled and eyes half shut. She shuffled noisily into the kitchen. “I tried to give you two a chance to kiss and make up, but there’s only so much a girl can do when all she can think about is food. I am starvvvving!” Sure enough, she reached around us both and claimed the last two pieces of deliciousness. “There better be more of this coming, mister.”
It was obvious he didn’t quite know how to react. While talking with me hadn’t been a walk in the park, it paled in comparison to the conversation he needed to have with Rebecca.
“Ummm,” Cooper began, his uncertainty causing my roommate to stop mid-chew. “About . . .”
“Last night,” Rebecca added. Tearing the remaining piece of bacon between her fingers, I could see the second her nerves flared. We’d gone over and over this moment together—how she could broach the subject with Cooper and let him know she was sorry.
In an explosion of breath, they both responded . . . their apologies coming out fast and furious.
“I should’ve known,” Rebecca blurted.
“I shouldn’t have freaked out.” Cooper countered.
“It won’t happen again,” they said in unison.
Their cuteness made me chuckle. “Guys, it will happen again, but—” I raised my hand, not letting them interrupt. “We’re not going to let it come between us . . . are we?” I glanced at Cooper first, then Rebecca. “Shit happens.”
“That’s what I’ve been telling her.” I should’ve known that Marty wouldn’t be too far behind. He would’ve come over first thing to make sure his girlfriend hadn’t obsessed herself into a rut, thinking she was the most horrible person in the world. He was good for Rebecca.
The same way he was good for Cooper.
“Hey man.” Cooper nodded, acknowledging his friend.
“You okay?”
“Yeah.”
Men and their short freaking answers. They’d reduced their conversation down to mere words, something that Rebecca and I had spent hours analyzing and agonizing over.
“We okay?” This time Cooper’s question was directed at Rebecca.
There was no hesitation when she smirked and pointed to the stove. “Is there more bacon coming?”
With the graciousness of her response, things fell back into its normal pattern. We’d survived what I knew would be the first of many growing pains in one piece.
As we finally sat around the dining table, passing around the other treats Cooper had brought for our breakfast, I felt invincible.
No, we wouldn’t become another sad statistic—a casualty of war.
We would prove to be a bright and shiny success story—the one others looked to for inspiration when their own worlds felt dark and bleak.
What Cooper didn’t realize, and what I wouldn’t confess to, was that as much as he hated that word—hero—that’s what he was.
Not for what he’d done and endured on the battlefield, but for being brave enough to face his mistakes—for being willing to swallow his pride and say another word that held power—sorry.
Chapter Five
Cooper
Dropping my keys on the kitchen table, narrowly missing the designated bowl, I let out a huge sigh of relief. Every muscle in my body ached—throbbing as if to the beat of my heart. Today had been a son of a bitch and I was beyond grateful it was over.
One of the things I enjoyed most about working with my brother was the fact that he handled the clients—all the phone calls and bending over backwards to please them. All I had to care about was receiving my orders and getting the job done. While landscaping wasn’t rocket science, I took great pride in the final product—especially seeing my hard work appreciated by those who hired Bryce’s company.
For the most part, customers loved the way their lawns and gardens transformed through my efforts. They got something to show off to their friends, a beautiful view to spy from their windows, a fun space to play and relax in.
There was something to be said about the sense of pride that comes from creating and building—of using my hands with the earth. While I wasn’t sure whether this was the career for me, I went to work each day with a smile, eager to complete each project.
That was until today.
Some jackass got his panties in a twist—something about measurements and the wrong flowers planted, and it was left to me to placate the asshole.
Chuckling softly, the memory of the thirty-something year old male dressed in a business suit, Bluetooth device attached to his head as he waved his hands about in a condescending fashion surfaced in my mind.
He was lucky I respected my brother and didn’t want to tarnish his reputation.
I didn’t give a shit about mine.
A quick call, begging Bryce to come deal with the guy, saved his life. It had taken everything in me not to cock back my fist and pummel the smirk off his face, maybe even dislodge a couple of teeth in the process.
While I knew I was getting better at controlling my temper and knowing when I’d reached my limits with douche bags, there was no denying that knocking him on his ass would’ve been deeply gratif
ying.
His lawn was completed. The job was done to his specifications. It wasn’t my fault he’d changed his mind and forgotten to inform the office.
I had a beer with my name on it in the fridge—my reward for keeping my mouth shut and hands to myself.
Fuck, it had been hard.
Now, all I wanted to do was relax and slake some of the tension with a cold drink. If worse came to worse, I’d go for a jog or something—take Lola with me as we ran the familiar route around the neighborhood.
“Hey, little brother. Is Mr. Preston in one piece still?” The smart-ass grin covering Bryce’s face suddenly made my brother a better outlet for working through my annoyance.
I flipped him off instead. “Do me a favor . . . find someone else to take care of his property next time. That fucker has no idea how close he came to getting a beating.”
The intensity of my response caused Bryce’s eyes to widen. “Whoa, I know he can be difficult, but surely—”
I didn’t give him a chance to finish. “I was a Marine, Bryce. I’ve seen some pretty shady shit. I have zero tolerance for people who think its okay to treat others like they’re there solely for entertainment purposes.” Just thinking about it got my heart racing, each inhale and exhale growing more labored.
Bryce didn’t need to ask anything more. He knew. With one look, he understood exactly why the customer had gotten under my skin so deeply.
There was a lot of bullshit happening in the world—a general decrease in respect that seemed to seep into every facet of society. You couldn’t turn around without someone getting offended or judgments being flung about like confetti.
While my brothers and I sacrificed everything to fight for our country and protect our liberties, there were those who took it for granted.
All it had taken was the sneer-filled comment about war and the military, and this guy had earned the top position on my shit-list. Like the fool he was, he failed to recognize he’d crossed a line and continued to shoot his mouth off.
There were many things I’d learned to push past . . . this just wasn’t one of them.
Bittersweet Symphony (The Damaged Souls series Book 2) Page 5