Question Quest

by Piers Anthony

  I walked to intercept the basket, which dropped low from. I climbed in. "I shall return," I said as it lifted and bore me away. Hugo and Electra and the Gorgon waved.

  The basket bore me swiftly down through the various dream sets and into the nethermost regions, bringing me finally to Hell's anteroom. I got out, walked to the door, and knocked. The door did not open; instead a sign flashed on it: NO ADMITTANCE.

  "But I have business here," I protested.

  THEN SEE THE DEMON X(A/N)TH the sign printed.

  "Where is the Demon?"

  HE WILL STOP BY SOMETIME.

  Several questions and prints later I understood the situation: The Demon would meet with anyone here in Hell's waiting room when he stopped by. It was in the rules of the Demon's game. But if a person happened to be out when the Demon came, he lost his chance forever. So it was best to remain right here, no matter what. Because I was in the dream state, this was possible; I had nowhere I needed to go and did not need food.

  So I settled down to wait. The chamber was small and bare, absolutely uninteresting, as if designed to discourage anyone from waiting. But I was not anyone; I was the Good Magician, and I had a wife to rescue from Hell. I focused on the problem, pondering ways to get the release of Rose from this unpleasant confinement.

  Time passed. After a while I wished for my magic mirror, and it appeared in my hand, and I oriented it on the innocent dream realm above, where Hugo and the Gorgon waited. As it turned out, they were doing something interesting.

  The Gorgon had always felt that Hugo needed female companionship. She had encouraged little Ivy to visit, but Ivy was into everything in Xanth, Enhancing it to her heart's content. Right now (my mirror showed in an inset view) Ivy was meeting Chex Centaur, Esk Ogre, and Volney Vole, doing her best to help them. She was similar in her girlish way to Electra, who was now leading Hugo to meet Wira. So the Gorgon (I knew how her mind worked) was hoping that Wira would be a Nice Girl who would interest Hugo, even if this was only a group dream.

  Wira turned out to be in the Deer Abbey, petting the deer. They were pretty little things, friendly but shy.

  "Hey, Wira, here are new dreamers!" Electra called.

  Wira was a reasonably pretty young woman in a nice pink dress and brown slippers. She looked up, and her eyes matched her dress, which was mildly startling. "Hello," she said, seeming as friendly and shy as the deer. But the deer did not stay for the visitors; they trusted Wira but not strangers.

  "This is Hugo," Electra said eagerly. "He's sixteen too."

  "How nice," Wira said, smiling sadly. She extended her hand. "Are you here long, Hugo?"

  "Not long," Hugo said, taking her hand. It was evident that he liked the look and feel of her. But of course no girl took him seriously when she realized how gnomish he looked and that his magic talent wasn't very effective. That was his tragedy. Then, of course, he said something stupid: "I'd sure like to meet you by a love spring!"

  I winced, but Wira was not disturbed. "It wouldn't have any effect on me," she said. Which was an odd statement. "I am immune."

  "Oh, that's your talent?"

  "No, my talent is sensitivity. I can sort of tell how things are, when they're close. That's why I can pet the deer. They're sort of lonely, because there isn't much for them to do here. Bad dreams seldom need little deer.”

  Hugo nodded. He had forgotten that this was the realm of dreams. "But they aren't all bad, are they? I mean, this isn't the gourd."

  "But most of the interesting things are in the bad dreams," she said. "Those are the ones that have the most careful settings so as to make folk feel worst. So when the Night Stallion comes recruiting, lots of the people here volunteer for bit parts. It relieves the boredom. But the little deer don't get the chance. So even in their sleep, they aren't very happy. I try to help them, but I'm not very interesting either, so there's not much I can do."

  "I think you're interesting," Hugo said.

  "You do?" Wira blushed, turning almost the color of her eyes, and they both were silent. I remember how the Demon Beauregard had blushed the color of Metria's pink panties, long ago. It was an interesting effect.

  "And this is his mother, the Gorgon," Electra said.

  The Gorgon stepped forward as Wira turned toward her. But Hugo, stepping back at the same time in typically clumsy fashion, brushed against her, and his jacket snagged against her veil. The veil, less secure in this dream, was pulled down, exposing her eyes—just in time to meet Wira's gaze. The Gorgon froze with horror, for her face was no longer invisible. Any person or creature who met her direct gaze was immediately stoned.

  "So pleased to meet you, Mother Gorgon," Wira said, extending her hand.

  The Gorgon hastily drew up her veil before anyone else could see her face. As it was, two butterflies directly behind Wira plummeted like the little stones they now were, striking the ground with separate plinks. "You—you're alive!" the Gorgon exclaimed.

  "Asleep but alive," Wira agreed. "Is something wrong?"

  "You looked into my face—and didn't turn into stone!"

  Wira blinked. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. I didn't see you."

  "You what?" the Gorgon asked, confused.

  "Oh, I guess I forget to tell you," Electra cut in. "She's blind. She can't see you at all; she goes by your voice."

  "Blind!" the Gorgon exclaimed. Now it was coming clear why the girl's eyes were pink: it was the albino hue, the blood vessels showing their color through the colorless lenses. That could be a factor in her lack of sight. This also explained why a love spring wouldn't affect her: it would make her love the first man she saw after touching its water, but she would never see a man. She would be similarly immune to a hate spring.

  "I'm sorry," Wira said. "I did not mean to mislead you. I understand why you're upset."

  The Gorgon recovered most of her somewhat scattered wits. "My dear, I'm not upset! I'm astonished! Your lack of sight just saved your life!"

  Wira shrugged. "It wouldn't have made very much difference, I think. I am of no use to anyone. That's why my folks had me put to sleep."

  The Gorgon was taken aback again. She had the most fearsome power in Xanth and the gentlest heart; I happen to know. She was becoming increasingly interested in this young woman. "Do you mean to say it wasn't an accident or bad fortune? Your family wanted to get rid of you? Because you are blind?"

  "They didn't exactly say that. But I knew. They were tired of always having to take care of me, and they knew I would never be able to take care of them. They saw how the boys avoided me, so I probably wouldn't get married. So they decided to have me put to sleep until they could find a better situation for me. I'm sure they looked for one."

  "Of course they did!" the Gorgon said righteously. "Surely they will find it any time now and come to wake you up. You are one of the folk in the coffins on the Isle of Illusion?"

  "Yes. We are all here because we have a problem in the real world of Xanth. Electra's been here longer than any of us."

  The Gorgon turned to Electra. "Is this true? How long have you been sleeping?''

  "About eight hundred and fifty years, I think.” Electra said. "I tend to lose count, there are so many of them. I'm waiting for a prince to come and kiss me awake."

  "A prince!" Then the Gorgon stifled that line of reaction, remembering that Xanth was short of princes at the moment. The only one was six years old. She turned back to Wira. "And how long have you been sleeping, dear?"

  "Twelve years."

  Hugo gaped, chagrined. He had thought she was his age, and she was actually twelve years older.

  The Gorgon understood her son's thoughts almost as well as she understood mine. "But you don't age while you're sleeping," she said quickly to the girl.

  "Yes, I do age," Wira said. "My folks could afford only a cheap potion. It makes me sleep, and stops my body from wasting away, but it doesn't stop aging. So if I woke now, I would be twenty-eight. I'm afraid my folks didn't find—"

/>   "It doesn't matter," the Gorgon said firmly.

  "But, Mother—" Hugo began, appalled. He had evidently liked this girl, but a twenty-eight-year-old woman would be quite another matter.

  "Remember that potion your father OD'd on?" the Gorgon asked him. His face brightened; she was referring to the Fountain of Youth elixir, which could take years off any person in a hurry. Wira could be sixteen again, if she woke. If Hugo wanted her to be. "Why don't you go and tour the garden with this young woman? Perhaps you will have something in common."

  Hugo's thoughts were not the fastest in Xanth, except when Princess Ivy wanted them to be. But he was beginning to picture the presence of a pretty young woman in our castle, who would have no concern about catching an accidental glimpse of the Gorgon's face, and who just might find him interesting. "Yes, let's see the garden," he agreed. Then he realized that he had blundered again. "Uh, not see—I mean—"

  "It's all right, Hugo," Wira said. "You certainly see, and I also see, in my own way."

  "You do see? But—"

  "By touch," she said. "Give me your arm."

  Awkwardly, he put out his arm. She heard the cloth move, and put her hand on it. She guided him down the path through the abbey. They walked on through the ferns and flowers.

  "Do you think maybe I could pet a deer?" he asked.

  "Certainly, Hugo, if you want to. I will introduce you. But you have to be patient, for they are very cautious."

  The Gorgon watched them depart. "My, don't they make a nice couple," she murmured.

  "Yes, she's a nice girl," Electra agreed beside her. The Gorgon jumped, having forgotten her presence.

  Now the Gorgon focused on Electra. "You say you must sleep until a prince comes. Are you a princess?"

  "No! I'm more like an accident."

  "Tell me about it."

  So Electra told her story, which was a complicated one involving a curse by Magician Murphy that caused her to take the long sleep instead of the princess who was supposed to. Electra's coffin was the other side of Xanth, on the Isle of View. She had come here to join the others, in her dream, because it was pretty dull being alone. Now she had to marry the prince who kissed her awake or die. That was awkward because she was only twelve years old and looked ten, and wasn't a princess. But she hoped to do her best.

  Meanwhile Hugo was getting to know Wira. She showed him how she could see him with her hands, by lightly touching his face and body. Then he managed to do something stupid again, when she was close: he kissed her. But it turned out not to be as stupid as it might have been, because she rather liked having someone like her.

  Time passed, while I waited for the appearance of the Demon X(A/N)th. I realized that this was not a daily matter, with him, but I didn't dare depart even for a moment lest I miss him. In fact I realized that he was probably aware of my presence and waiting for the moment I did step out, so he could step in and miss me. The Demon hated being bothered even more than I did. So it was a war of endurance, and I intended to endure.

  Three years later Electra was abruptly called away: her prince had come. It was really too soon, because he was still only nine years old and already had a betrothee. But eventually that did work out, in its devious fashion.

  The Gorgon answered one of the Night Stallion's casting calls, and landed a nice role in a bad dream intended for someone who had been mean to snakes. "Ssso," she hissed in sinister fashion, while her snake-hair writhed enthusiastically. "You have assssked for it." Then she started to remove her veil. That was where the dream cut off; the purpose was to scare the dreamer, not to actually turn him to stone.

  After that she was able to obtain a number of nice roles and developed a fair career as an actress in the dream realm. She was actually enjoying it. That was just as well, considering how the years were passing. I had thought we would be here only for a day or so, but this business was running a trifle overtime.

  Hugo and Wira became great friends. It turned out that she could sense when he was going wrong, and correct him with a word or nudge so that he went right instead. When he conjured fruit she guided him so that it was good fruit. Of course it was dream fruit, of no lasting substance, but it was evident that the principle would apply in waking life as well. He told her of the youth elixir, so that she could remain sweet sixteen when they woke, if she wanted to, and she said that if he woke her, she would want to be any age he wanted her to be. Meanwhile, it hardly mattered whether they were awake or asleep, or sleeping in the dream realm. They enjoyed each other's company.

  Ivy and Grey Murphy came to disturb me, and I managed to get through without losing my appointment, as mentioned before. The years continued, and I continued to watch what was going on both within and without the dream realm. I knew that the time would come when the Demon came, and then he would have to let me take Rose out of Hell, because she really didn't belong there. If he could admit to making a mistake, which of course he couldn't. However, I had used my long time in the waiting room to devise a plan.

  Then, ten years after the start of my vigil, you arrived, Lacuna. You brought me news I had overlooked, which complicates my situation: Xanth law no longer allows a man to have two wives. I have mentioned that complication here as a result of your information. But perhaps that plays into my hands.

  Now I shall proceed to tell my future history, if the Demon does not come. So put a dash on the end of this sentence, Lacuna, and we shall start the next chapter, which we shall title—

  Chapter 17

  Bargain

  Lacuna looked at the wall, where the final words remained printed: "And we shall start the next chapter, which we shall title—" followed by " 'Chapter 17: Bargain.' " Then she looked inquiringly at the Good Magician.

  "Keep writing," he told her. "But make it third person. You're in it too, now, but it would be confusing to have the T switch from me to you."

  "But your story is finished," she protested. "I mean it's all caught up to the present."

  “And going on into the future, exactly as I said it would. So the Demon will have to come or lose by forfeit.”

  "Of course," she agreed with such doubt that it sounded like a denial. But she kept the print printing on the wall. Already the last words of the prior chapter were disappearing into the ceiling. But they could be recovered at any time; all she had to do was reverse the scroll, scroll.

  Oops! In her distraction she had reversed the scroll, and the bottom line had moved down to bump the floor, where it had bounced and duplicated itself. She rereversed the scroll, but it was too late to erase the repeat line; it was stuck as a flaw in the text.

  Meanwhile, the Hell-bent handbasket swung into the anteroom, and two children scrambled out. They appeared to be twins, about six years old, a boy and a girl.

  "Don't let go of the basket!" Lacuna cried. But she was too late. They landed on the floor, and the hand-basket swung away. Now the children, too, were stranded here.

  They looked at the adults, turning shy. "Hi, folks," the little boy said. He wore blue shorts and an off-white jacket and socks.

  "Who're you?" the girl inquired. She wore a pink dress and off-white hair ribbon and socks.

  Humfrey shrugged, so Lacuna had to do the introduction. "This is the Good Magician Humfrey, and I am Lacuna. Who are you?"

  "I'm Jot," the boy said.

  "I'm Tittle," the girl said.

  "We're twins," Jot added.

  "We're going to Hell," Tittle added.

  Then they both ran to the door to Hell, keeping in step with each other. They stopped before it, side by side, and pounded on the door. "Let me in!" they cried together.

  WAIT FOR THE DEMON X(A/N)th the sign on the door printed. It looked like Lacuna's print, but was more authoritative.

  "Oh, pooh!" Jot exclaimed, disgusted.

  "Oooo, what you said!" Tittle reproved him.

  "I didn't say 'poop,’ I said 'pooh,' dummy!" he snapped.

  "Well, you shouldn't have!"

  Jot tried
the doorknob, but it turned in his hand without effect. Tittle tried it next, with no better effect.

  Frustrated, they turned to the adults. "Hey, when's the Demon coming?" Jot asked.

  "Yeah, when?" Tittle echoed.

  "I don't know," Lacuna said. "The Good Magician's been waiting for him for ten years. But we think he will arrive soon."

  "Well, we can't wait," Jot said.

  "We're too little to wait," Tittle agreed.

  They walked in step away from the door.

  "Stay," Humfrey said suddenly.

  Lacuna and the children were startled. "Surely you don't want to keep them here!" Lacuna said. "They should get on home to their mother.”

  "I came here to talk to you," Humfrey said firmly to the children. "And now I shall, Demon X(A/N)th. You can not depart until you have settled with me."

  The two children looked resigned. "You have named me," Jot said.

  "What gave me away?" Tittle asked.

  "Two things. First, I knew that you had to appear very soon, if you were going to, so any arrival was suspect. Second, you used a term only a member of the Adult Conspiracy can use. You said the word 'Hell.' "

  "But this is Hell," Jot protested.

  "Its waiting room, anyway," Tittle added.

  "That doesn't matter. Only an adult can use the term. Therefore it was obvious that you were not a child, or children. Not of our culture, anyway, and since you are speaking the human language, you must be pretending to be human."

  "I shall be more careful, next time," Jot said.

  "Well, out with it," Tittle added. "What do you want?"

  "I want to free my wife from Hell," Humfrey said. "The woman I love. She does not belong there and must be released."

  "You have a wife who is not in Hell," Jot pointed out.

  "And you can only have one wife," Tittle reminded him.

  "I shall have to choose between them," Humfrey said. "If Prince Dolph was able to choose between his two loves, I can do the same. But first things first: release my wife."