by M. Malone
"No, I don't." But even as I say it, I flush and Brenna knows me too well to let that pass.
“Okay, what’s wrong with this one?”
I wrinkle my nose at her. “It’s nothing. It’s just … what would you have done if Evan hadn’t wanted anything serious?"
Brenna pauses, a thoughtful look on her face. "I don't know. I guess that depends on why he was keeping me at a distance. Is he not attracted to me?"
"He's definitely attracted." Physical chemistry has never been an issue with Gabe.
"Then it probably means he's got something going on in his personal life. That's a tough one because I hate to think that I would have just let Evan go without even fighting for him."
"So you think I should fight?" Her answer means more to me than I'm willing to admit.
"I'm never a big fan of trying to push people where they don't want to go. But there's nothing wrong with making a man an offer is there? Just watch it because that's how I got that one." She gestures to Carter as he runs past screaming again.
We laugh and start talking about other things. But in the back of my mind, I'm wondering if I dare risk pushing Gabe. Pushing him for more might mean pushing him away.
* * * * *
That evening, Brenna's words are still running through my mind, but I have to push them aside because I have a gig. Usually, I look forward to this all month. Singing is the only thing that makes me feel alive sometimes. Even when I’m tired, even when I’m stressed, being on stage and letting music flow through me is my favorite thing in the world.
But tonight, I’m just not feeling it.
Crooning the second verse of My Funny Valentine, I look out over the crowded ballroom of the Piedmont Hotel at the elegant crowd. When Finn told me he knew the owner of the Piedmont, Ethan Marks, I’d been amazed. Their jazz night is legendary. Upscale. They only hire the best and even then Ethan has a reputation for being picky. I figured he gave me a chance because he’s friends with Finn but friendship only goes so far. It honestly never occurred to me that I would actually get this gig.
Performing here is usually the highlight of my month. Instead, I’m struggling to get through until I can go back home and curl up in my pajamas.
The crowd shifts and that’s when I see him. I momentarily stumble over the words I know so well. I blink and then he’s gone, the crowd shifting again, swallowing up the gentleman in the striking midnight blue tuxedo. I finish off the song, grateful that it’s the last of my set. Thoughts of Gabe have been distracting me all day and now I’m imagining that I see him everywhere.
Then I step off stage and he’s there.
Gabe holds out a hand to help me down the stairs and I accept it out of shock more than anything else. I smile as I pass Ethan, who nods in approval before continuing his conversation with the man he’s talking to. Keeping my eyes straight ahead, I refuse to acknowledge Gabe again. I just told him that I need space and now he shows up here? I don't believe for one minute that it's a coincidence. Damn him for how he throws me off guard!
Gabe speeds up until he’s walking by my side. I walk faster, desperate to reach the bar.
The bartender, Clary, hands over my usual drink as soon as I arrive. “Vodka tonic.”
“You are a saint.” I take a sip and then groan when Gabe leans against the bar next to me.
“I’ve never seen you sing before. You sing the same way you do everything else. With everything you have. It was incredible.”
Every part of me blooms under his attention. I hate that I’m so parched for his attention, drinking up every drop of his admiration like it’s the sustenance I’ve been waiting for.
“Why are you here, Gabe?”
“I had to see you.”
“We had a great time and I don’t regret it. You’re the one who ran out the next morning. So I repeat, why are you here?”
He grabs my arm and pulls me closer, turning his back to the other people standing at the bar. “This entire week all I could think of was you. I came to see you this morning because I thought that would be enough. Just a quick visit to stop this … obsession. But it’s not enough.”
As he speaks, he's looking at me with this savage expression that I've never seen on him before. The intensity is almost too much to take. It's as if he's trying to soothe the beast within with the object of its torment.
“Nothing will ever be enough," he whispers.
I suck in a breath as our eyes meet and something tightens in my stomach. Just like that, it's back, the same powerful awareness of him that makes me want to claw his clothes off.
His words should soothe me. It should be a relief to hear that I’m not the only one who feels this pull, this overwhelming sense of losing control of who am I when he’s near but it only makes me feel worse.
Because in all the things he’s said, how he wants me and how he’s obsessed with me, nowhere in all of that speech did he say he wants to feel this way. The way he feels is like a disease that he’s trying to shake and for me, it’s like a flame that I’m drawn to. A flame that warms me, thrills me and makes me long to get burned.
Suddenly he jerks back and pats his pocket. When he moves his hand, I can hear his phone vibrating. After several rings it stops and then immediately starts again.
"Something important?" Part of me is hoping it is so I can have a reprieve from this maddening conversation.
He withdraws it from the inner pocket of his suit jacket. After glancing at the screen briefly, he shuts it off. "Nothing is more important than this."
"What do you want from me, Gabe?”
“I want you. That’s the only thing I know.”
“You tell me we can't be together then you say we'll be friends. We have an amazing night but then you run away. I don't think you know what you want."
My head is spinning. Being with him feels like standing on the edge of a cliff. It’ll only take one strong wind to send me soaring and while I might enjoy the ride, I already know I can't survive the crash landing.
He sighs. "That was an asshole move, I admit. But something reminded me that I'm not good for you."
"So what changed?" My voice breaks and that’s the first time I see a hint of the real Gabe, my Gabe, in his face.
He cradles my face in his hands and smiles down at me gently. "I realized that I can’t stay away from you and I'm not noble enough to try anymore."
chapter eleven
GABE
Sasha runs a hand over the fabric of my bedspread and looks over at me nervously. Convincing her to come home with me was the easy part. What to do with her now that she's here is an entirely different matter.
She affects me like no one else, that much has been apparent from the moment we met and it leaves me at a loss. It's crazy to think that I can suddenly turn into the kind of guy who deserves a girl like her but at the same time, I know I can't let her go.
For someone like me, who has always gotten through life with a mixture of bravado and manipulation, Sasha represents an irresistible lure. The one woman who can see through me. The one woman that makes me want to truly be myself with her. No manipulation. No lies.
She also represents my worst fear. That without my usual game, I won't be able to keep her with me.
I dial Luke's number again. It goes straight to voicemail. Maybe I should have gone to his place instead of coming home. But in the heat of the moment, all I wanted was to get Sasha on my turf.
She sits up straighter when I sit on the edge of the bed next to her. I don't think she could be any more jumpy and it's completely charming. As bubbly as she is¸ I would have never guessed she'd be this uncomfortable just by being in my bedroom.
"Did you get in touch with Luke?" She grabs the edge of the coverlet and scrunches it into a ball.
"Not yet. He's not the type to ignore me so he probably turned his phone off. I left a message with his mom at the bakery and she promised to tell him as soon as he shows up."
We both fall silent and there's no sound
except for the shallow rasp of her breathing and the soft scratch of her nails as she yanks at the covers.
Part of me wants to tell her to relax but then I glance behind me at the bed. It's probably not a great idea for either of us to get too comfortable. If I don't get myself under control I'll have her on her back with her ankles by my ears and that's not why I brought her here. We're supposed to be talking. Figuring things out. I glance over at the neckline of her emerald green evening gown. It dips low enough for me to see the curves of her breasts and the rich color highlights the deep tone of her skin. Christ, we'd better talk fast.
"Hey Gabe, I thought you were going—"
The door to my room flies open and Zack walks in. When he catches sight of Sasha, he stops abruptly. For a moment he just stares at her. Then he says, "Oh … hey."
Sasha looks like she wants to die. "Hi, Zack."
I stand and grab Zack by the arm. My brother has a tendency to blurt out the first thing he's thinking and considering the situation, Sasha might run off if he says the wrong thing.
"Come on." I drag him into the hall. He looks at me, a silly little smile on his face. One that makes me want to turn around and walk back into the room.
"Don't look at me like that. It's not what you think." Then I think about the situation objectively. There's a gorgeous woman in my room that I have every intention of getting naked. "Well, it's not entirely what you think."
"It never is. Besides, I like her."
Zack leans in the doorway and waves at Sasha. With the appreciative way he's looking at her I just bet he does like her. I slap a hand in the middle of his forehead and pull him back into the hall.
"Okay, enough of that. What are we, twelve?"
"You are." Zack smirks.
“I’ll see you later. Much later.”
"Got it." Zack heads for the staircase and I go back into the room with Sasha. She gives me an amused look as I sit on the bed again.
"You could have let him come in and say hi. I really like talking to Zack."
I grit my teeth. "He really likes talking to you, too. And looking at you. As a matter of fact I think he likes looking at you a little too much for my taste."
Sasha giggles and my annoyance vanishes. "I love to hear that sound."
Her smile fades slightly. "What sound?"
"You. Laughing. You should always be happy."
Voices in the hall cut off whatever she was about to say and I have to suppress the urge to go throttle my brother. I stand and open the door. Then I rear back in surprise at the sight of Luke.
"What are you doing here?"
Sasha appears in the doorway behind me. "I can go if you guys need to talk."
I turn around and anchor an arm around her waist. "No! Stay. Please. Let's go downstairs and you can relax with a glass of wine while Luke and I talk."
Luke looks completely shell-shocked and I remember then Finn's hilarious retelling of the first time he introduced Sasha to our youngest brother. Apparently he has a little crush. When I look over at Sasha, my chest tightens. I definitely can't fault my little brother for his taste.
As we walk downstairs, Sasha tries to make small talk with Luke but he's clammed up completely. Eventually she gives up. Once downstairs, I lead her to an overstuffed chair in the living room.
“I’ll bring you a glass of wine. Luke, you want a beer?"
He nods absently and perches on the edge of the couch. I smother a laugh and then enter the kitchen. Zack looks up.
"Did Luke find you?" He snickers and ducks when I try to punch his arm.
"Yeah, although you should definitely warn me next time. He might rethink his decision to get to know us if he walks in on me with his dream girl."
I pass him three beers and then uncork the bottle of white wine that I keep on hand in case one of our moms drops by. I pour a generous glass and carry it out to Sasha who takes a big gulp before standing up.
"Where's your restroom? I have to get these pins out of my hair."
I point her to the bathroom off the kitchen.
She waves over her shoulder at the others. "Excuse me for a minute, guys. I'll be right back."
As soon as she's gone, I turn to Luke. "So what's up?"
He accepts the beer that Zack holds out. "Uh, well, that picture you sent me of Blade's stuff? The language in the book is Gaelic. It explains why I haven't found anything through my usual sources if this guy is from overseas. Actually that's why I was trying to get in touch with you. We need to get into Interpol files."
The more we find out about Blade, the less we seem to really know. "Interpol, huh? You can't get in there?"
"It’s not whether I can do it. Of course I can do it." Luke makes a disgusted sound and rolls his eyes.
Zack coughs next to me, covering his laugh and even I'm amused at the affronted look on Luke's face. Who knew geek egos were so fragile?
"Right. So, what’s the problem then?"
"The problem is that it’s not worth the heat that could bring. If you have any friends with access to Interpol files, doing it legally is better."
Zack glances over at me. "I'm sure Tank can figure something out."
Sasha comes back then and the conversation turns to more generic things. She starts telling us about her gig at the Piedmont. After a few minutes she has us all laughing describing her audition with the owner and how nervous she was. Her hair was in some sort of elegant updo when she was onstage but she's taken that down and her hair cascades over her shoulders in long waves. As beautiful as she looks, I find I miss her natural wild curls. It reminds me of how she looked when I made love to her. She turns to me and her voice falters, probably because she recognizes the look in my eyes. She flushes and her hands start playing with the ends of her hair before her eyes meet mine again.
Yeah, you know what you do to me, beautiful girl.
A half an hour later, Luke is gone and Zack has finally decided to make himself scarce. He keeps saying that he's going to get his own place and every time I remind him that there's no rush. Now I find myself wishing I had rushed him a little bit. Watching Sasha walk up the stairs, her curvy bottom just a few inches in front of me, has me on edge. I can't help thinking that it's going to be a lot harder to spread her out and do all the things I want to do to her with my brother right down the hall.
In my room, I close the door behind us and turn the lock. At the quiet sound, Sasha's eyes meet mine. The innocent expression on her face doesn’t fool me at all. As she moves closer, I take a deep breath, bracing for whatever outrageous thing she’s going to do. Then she stands on tiptoe and kisses me on the cheek.
It’s so innocent but I can feel my body heating up as she presses kisses to my face, neck and ears before coming back to my mouth, our tongues twining together in a way that has me hard and ready in an instant. Her hand travels down, gliding over my abs and I know exactly where she's headed. I sit down on the bed because my legs are unsteady as hell. She stands in front of me and tugs at the top button of my pants.
"This really isn't why I brought you here, I swear. I wanted us to talk. To … talk about something." My mind is quickly turning to mush and I let out a low rumble of displeasure when she pulls back.
"No, you're right. We do need to talk." After a few deep breaths, she sits next to me. Just looking at her sitting there with her hair spilling over her shoulders and her brown eyes soft with desire makes me lose my breath.
"Don't listen to me. I'm an idiot, we can talk later." I reach for her and she evades my grasp with a soft laugh.
"Gabe, we do need to set up some ground rules. That's where we went wrong last time. If we do this, you have to promise no more freaking out afterward."
I shove a hand through my hair. "You're right."
She climbs atop me and grasps my face in her hands. "Look, the way we feel is sudden and intense but it doesn’t have to be scary. I’m not looking for anything serious right now either. Let's just keep this casual. I need to focus on the club and
my singing career. I really like you. I don't see why we can't just enjoy each other. Right?"
Everything she's saying should make me feel better but strangely the idea of Sasha sharing my bed and feeling nothing for me leaves me hollow. Which makes no sense. A gorgeous woman who wants to enjoy pleasure without expecting a proposal is everything I should want.
Isn't it?
She's still waiting for me to respond so I nod, mutely. Her face brightens and she pulls me closer for a soft kiss.
"Good. Now it's time for me to enjoy you naked." Then she rips the front of my dress shirt wide open and shoves me back on the bed.
* * * * *
Waking up with someone is a totally new experience. I know what Sasha thinks, that I've had a legion of women traipsing in and out of my bedroom, but I've never brought anyone into my bed before. Sex was about adventure and risk. Screwing in dark corners at clubs, in the car or even outside was more my style. A bed was fine as long as it wasn’t mine. I wasn't really interested in the intimacy of sharing sleeping space with anyone.
Until now.
After ripping my shirt off last night, she'd entertained herself by exploring every inch of my chest with her mouth. She seemed to enjoy being in charge and I had no problem letting her take advantage of me. I had shown considerable restraint in letting her do things her way until I'd finally flipped her over and taken her from behind. We'd both come violently, Sasha biting down on my thumb to keep from screaming. When I saw the little bruises on her hips, I'd been worried that I'd used her too hard. Sasha had reassured me that she was fine but it shook me, seeing those marks. Then I realized that maybe a part of me was trying to mark her.
She's sure as hell left her mark on me.
I glance over at her. She's cuddled up into a little ball, her hands pillowed under her cheek. Her hair is in wild disarray around her head and I know she's going to immediately want to tame it when she wakes up. I savor seeing her a little messy. The dark shadows that were under her eyes a few weeks ago have faded. She looks so peaceful. I'd never have thought that making someone else smile could so quickly become the focus of my whole world. But slowly, Sasha has infiltrated every aspect of my life. She fits into my zany family and she likes me.