Gabe

by M. Malone

  She nods. "I hope Sasha comes with you. If she's with you she's obviously not a complete prude."

  I snort at the thought.

  Josie turns to go but she pauses in the doorway. “It may not feel like you’ve come that far but you really have. A year ago, you would have been tempted to take the job despite the risks. I think you would have still said no, but you would have hesitated. There was no hesitation in your voice just now. I’m not sure if it’s Sasha’s influence but you’ve really changed.”

  She waves before she turns to leave. Her words give me hope, dragging me back from the depressive state that pulls at me when I think about Cole’s situation. Under different circumstances, my life could have gone down that same path. But with Sasha, for the first time I truly have hope that I can forge an entirely different life. The kind of shiny, perfect life that I used to believe was reserved for only a select few. The lucky ones. With her it all seems possible.

  I love her.

  Maybe it's finally time to unclip the tethers of the past and move into the future with nothing holding me back.

  But just as soon as the thought occurs to me, my dark side intercedes. I broke into the warehouse just because I wanted answers about Blade. I’d been all too happy to bend the boundaries of my new morality when it suited me.

  I’ve changed but what if I haven’t changed enough?

  chapter fourteen

  SASHA

  When Gabe picks me up Saturday night, the appreciative look on his face makes the hours I spent getting ready worth it. The amethyst colored cocktail dress I’m wearing gives me a perfect hourglass shape and I’ve pulled my hair into a sassy side ponytail so the curls cascade over my mostly bare shoulder. I spent almost a month’s rent on this dress and I’ve used every makeup trick I’ve learned over the years from performing.

  That’s what tonight feels like. A performance.

  Ever since he told me about Josie’s show, I’ve had to fight down my jealousy. I’m not the kind of girl that assumes the worst of other women and the way I feel about him being friends with Josie makes me feel petty. I want to be the cool type who is totally okay with her man having a gorgeous female friend but I can’t deny that I feel the pressure to look perfect tonight.

  I slip my arms into my long black coat and follow him out to the car. “So, where is this exhibit anyway?”

  Gabe holds open the passenger side door for me. He doesn’t answer until he rounds the car and gets in the driver’s seat. “It’s in a gallery in Norfolk. It’s a very exclusive show highlighting new artists. The owner handpicks who will be in the show every year and since it’s so exclusive, the artists usually sell out and receive commissions for future work, too.”

  Pride runs through his voice. I can tell he’s really happy for her. He sounds the same way when he talks about Zack. It calms me somewhat. Maybe he really does think of her like a sister.

  But that doesn’t mean she feels the same way, a nasty little voice in the back of my head taunts.

  Determined not to even go down that path, I focus on the music playing. Gabe usually listens to alternative music or hard rock but this time the radio is tuned to a jazz station. On the drive across the bridge to Norfolk, we listen in comfortable silence with Gabe occasionally asking me questions about the songs. Before long I’m telling him stories about listening to my father’s old records and giving my first concerts with my family as the audience. It touches me that he’s made such an effort to learn more about the kind of music that I like.

  Gabe pulls into a parking garage and we walk through the structure and out onto the street. I drag my coat closer around me to block the wind. It’s hard to walk fast on the skinny heels I chose to wear tonight and I’m damning my love of footwear when I finally see the sign for the exhibit. I stop mid-stride.

  “Eroticism in art.” I glance over at Gabe, who suddenly won’t meet my eyes.

  I cross my arms. “Funny how you didn’t mention the type of show. Let’s get it all out there. Josie is taking erotic photos and asks you to come to the show. Did she ask you to pose for the photos, Gabe? Is that what I’m walking into?”

  He looks horrified. “No! There has never been anything between me and Josie. I’ve always been honest with you, Sasha. We’re just friends.”

  I turn away before he can see the skeptical look on my face. I’m sure that he believes that because it’s what he wants to believe. But anyone with eyes can see that Gabe is not the kind of guy you put in the friend zone.

  Gabe takes me in his arms, pulling me against his chest. “If you want to go, then I’ll take you home. I should have told you what kind of show it was. But I knew how it looked and I wasn’t sure how you’d react. This is a big deal for her and I just want to support her. She doesn’t get a lot of support from her family.”

  Now I really feel like a grinch. “We don’t have to leave. I’m not trying to make you choose between us.”

  The arm around my waist tightens. “I hope you don’t ever ask me to choose. Because with the way you make me feel, I’m afraid of some of the choices I’d make.”

  He looks suddenly uncomfortable with what he’s just revealed. I’m just as confused. All the lines have been blurred between us from the beginning and even though we made rules, we never discussed what we’d do if either of us got in too deep.

  Without another word, he grabs my hand and we walk into the gallery together. I surrender my coat at the door and take Gabe’s arm. When I get my first glance at the crowd I’m doubly glad I splurged on a new dress. Most of the women are wearing formal attire and it feels like we’re wading into a sea of diamonds and precious stones. I clasp the thin gold chain around my neck. Suddenly I feel underdressed.

  “This way.” Gabe leads me to the left side of the gallery. He stops in front of a sign with Josie’s name on it. “This is her collection.”

  The photographs are arranged in a semi-circle. The first photo shows a woman looking over her shoulder at a couple passionately embracing. She has tears in her eyes. The next photo is a woman leaning toward a mirror touching up her lipstick. She’s topless.

  Nudity is definitely not something I’m super comfortable with coming from such a religious family. But the way it’s presented makes her curves seem like just another feature, like her full lips or the mole on her cheek. It’s classy. Despite my initial misgivings, I’m impressed.

  “She’s really talented.”

  And I’m not saying it because she’s Gabe’s friend. We stop in front of a picture of a couple spooning on a bed. The man is curved completely around his woman, cradling her in the shell of his body like he can protect her from the world. Josie took the shot from a lower angle so it feels like you’re right there peering over the edge of the bed. Looking at the picture makes me feel a strange sort of awareness. It captures the way I think a lot of women wish they could feel after intimacy. Cherished.

  Gabe is the only man I’ve ever been with who makes me feel that way.

  “Yes, she is very talented.” Gabe sounds a little shocked.

  “Haven’t you seen her work before?” Since he said they’ve been friends since high school, I would have assumed that he’d seen her work plenty of times. Unless she’s really private about it. I understand that. Kay has been writing songs for a long time but it was years before she would even show me and I’m her best friend.

  “I have. But not like this. She used to do regular portraits. Some landscapes. Even wedding photography. She always said that photographing people when they aren’t posing is her favorite thing to do. But it was never like this. This is truly what she’s meant to do.”

  Gabe turns at the sound of his name. Zack is waving him over to a group of people on the other side of the room.

  He hesitates. “I wish I could stay here and hide with you. Unfortunately that man with Zack is one of our best customers. So I have to go play nice.”

  I push him away slightly. “Go and mingle. I’m going to see the rest of the exhibit.
”

  “Are you sure? I didn’t bring you here to abandon you, I promise.”

  I stand on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. “I’ll be fine. I’m excited to see the rest of her pictures. Plus, I’d rather wander and explore than get stuck in conversation with people I don’t know.”

  Most of the people here came with someone so it’s surprisingly easy to wander without anyone bothering me. Since the focus is on the photographs, there’s not much pressure to make conversation unless you want to. When I move to another cluster of photos, I realize that I’ve left Josie’s display. I move from section to section, admiring the talent of the artists.

  All of the photos focus on physical intimacy but each has a different tone. Some are sweet, some are raunchy and there are some that invoke a sense of violence that I find disturbing. Although they make me uncomfortable, I understand the artist’s intentions. Sex brings out the basest emotions in all of us and I’ve had a few boyfriends whose love felt destructive rather than nurturing. It’s not a good thing but it’s reality.

  By the time I circle the entire room and come back to Josie’s collection, I have to admit that hers are my favorite.

  “Sasha! I’m so glad you came.” Josie appears at my elbow looking like a screen siren in a black sheath dress and pearls. Her dark hair contrasts with her dramatic red lip color in an elegant way.

  “Hi. I was just admiring your photos again. Everyone here is really talented but yours are definitely the best.”

  Although I doubt my opinion matters that much to her, she beams at the compliment.

  “Thank you. I’ve worked so hard on this series. I almost didn’t participate in this show. It’s such an honor to be asked but I wasn’t sure I could deal with all the fallout. My parents still aren’t speaking to me. I guess I should look at that as a positive thing.”

  There’s nothing in her attitude or behavior that makes her seem insincere. She seems so nice. And charmingly self-deprecating. I instantly feel worse for the things I’ve been thinking about her.

  “Well, I’m glad you decided to do it.”

  “I probably wouldn’t have if Gabe hadn’t talked me into it. He’s always believed in me. Even when I didn’t believe in myself. He’s an amazing friend.”

  When she talks about Gabe her expression softens. It’s clear that she loves him. Jealousy flares again, strong and bright. I don’t want to ask but it’ll always be between us otherwise.

  “Is that all he is? A friend?”

  Josie turns to me with sympathy in her eyes. “Yes. Gabe protected me at a time in my life when I was really vulnerable. But he’s not the one…” She glances over her shoulder.

  I follow her line of sight to where Zack stands. He’s talking to Gabe and the man I assume is their customer. He’s cleaned up for the event and is wearing a black suit, white shirt and a blue tie. He slicked up the front of his hair instead of doing his usual row of spikes.

  His eyes drift over Gabe’s shoulder and when he notices Josie looking, he stiffens. An intense look passes over his features before he turns his back. I look over at Josie. She looks tortured.

  “Oh. I think I understand.”

  “Yeah. I just wanted to make sure you understood. I know most people don’t. But I’ve never seen Gabe like this with a girl before. Don’t give up on him when he gets weird. There are times when he gets really remote. Really distant. It can be work to get him to open up. But he’s worth it.”

  When her gaze goes back to Zack, I actually feel a little sorry for her. I’m not sure what the deal is between them but she’s obviously hurting. The picture of the woman watching the couple with tears in her eyes is starting to make a lot of sense.

  I turn to Josie. “Would you mind showing me around? I’ve looked at the other collections but I’d love to see the ones you think are the best.”

  The night started with me thinking Josie was the enemy but we actually have more in common than I thought. We’re both in love with men we’re not sure how to reach.

  As she leads me away, I hope that I can distract us both.

  * * * * *

  Josie shows me some of her favorite photos in the show and even introduces me to the owner of the gallery. He’s the flirtatious type and I can’t help giggling a little as he compliments my dress. He has a manner that reminds me of Gabe, playful and charming. He’s an older man, tall and distinguished looking, who clearly thinks that Josie walks on water.

  I leave them discussing the possibility of another show and wander some more.

  Gabe appears by my side while I’m examining one of the more raunchy photos. He raises an eyebrow. Despite my determination to be worldly and sophisticated, heat climbs my neck.

  “Interesting. I didn’t even know the human spine could bend that way.” He takes my arm in his. I follow his lead and allow him to guide me in between the exhibits.

  “Where are we going?” I don’t see Zack anywhere and the crowd has started to thin. We’re able to move through the room easily now.

  “I want to show you something.” Gabe’s tone is clipped.

  I glance over at him in trepidation. Is he angry with me for not mingling? For a brief moment I wonder if Josie told him what I asked about them being just friends, then I dismiss that idea. I saw the way she looked at Zack. She’s definitely not after anyone else.

  “Are you okay?” I ask softly. Gabe doesn’t answer but suddenly turns right and pushes me through a door. The door shuts behind me and we’re plunged into darkness. Then I feel his hands skim up my arms and into my hair.

  “Gabe, where—“

  My words are swallowed by the vehemence of his kiss. His hands grip my face so hard it almost hurts and I can barely breathe. When he pulls back, I suck in a few desperate breaths before he takes my mouth again, gentler this time. Desire sparks and I wrap one leg around his waist, using it as leverage to climb his body until I’m in his arms.

  He grips my ass, supporting my weight. It feels like I’m caught in some kind of tornado as I run my hands all over him, trying to touch, taste and feel all at once.

  “He was smiling at you,” Gabe rasps. His mouth is on my ear and I shudder violently as he places hot, suctioning kisses all the way down my neck.

  “Who? What?” I stammer as he angles me against the wall, using it to support some of my weight so he can get his hands free.

  “Mr. Hartwell. The owner of the gallery.”

  I’m mindless at this point, not able to concentrate on anything other than his hands working my dress up around my waist.

  “We were just talking. Josie introduced us.”

  His fingers finally reach their destination. He shoves my panties to the side and plunges two fingers deep. My pussy immediately clamps down and the invasion feels so good that I cry out. He covers my mouth with his, swallowing the rest of the sound.

  “He was smiling at you. Looking at you. And I knew exactly what he was thinking. He wanted this. He wanted what’s mine.”

  His fingers haven’t slowed down this entire time, plunging, retreating and then plunging again. Tears gather at the corners of my eyes. The pleasure is so intense, more so because it’s so sudden. Gabe is always so careful with me, spending time to slowly stoke my desire so that I’m desperate for it. But this is so raw, motivated by some dark emotion that’s driving him to conquer and claim. He’s claiming me and I love it.

  “Shouldn’t be doing this here,” he mumbles. “But I need you to come. Need to feel it.”

  His thumb circles my clit, pressing in exactly the right spot to set me off. His fingers slam into me again and I shake uncontrollably as the orgasm rolls through me. We stay like that, gasping together, breathing in each other’s air until he finally pulls his fingers free. The sudden sensation makes me shudder again. I tentatively swing my legs down and shimmy my skirt into place.

  He leans down, his lips searching over my forehead and down my nose until he gives me a soft kiss. “I don’t want you to go home tonight. I want you with m
e. Always. Move in with me.”

  My heart clenches. “Gabe, I can’t do that.”

  “Why not? There’s not enough hours in the day for me to see you, be with you. I always want more. I will always want more of you, Sasha. I’m in love with you.”

  It’s almost like an emotional punch. His words uncork an endless fountain of joy inside me.

  “I love you, too. So much.”

  He presses his forehead to mine. “Move in with me. I don’t want to spend another night without you.”

  His words are convincing and I can feel my resolve wearing thin. But this is something that’s too big to compromise on. I was willing to bend by keeping things casual because I knew Gabe wasn’t ready for more than that. And I know that this is his way of trying to move forward. But living together without being married … I cringe thinking about what my parents would say. What they’d think.

  I bury my face in his shoulder. I hate knowing that no matter what I decide, one of us will be hurt.

  “I’ll think about it,” I promise. It seems to appease him because he gives me another soft kiss and then smoothes my hair back from my face. By the time he pulls open the door to the closet I feel like I’m presentable. On the outside at least.

  Inside I’m a mess.

  It’s not just about how I feel about Gabe. Based on feelings alone, I would give him anything. But I don’t know how long I could survive living with him under the strain of all that disapproval.

  I have more in common with Josie than I thought.

  One of the images from the exhibit comes to mind of a woman bent over backwards. I’ve bent a lot of my principles so far because I was sure that it would be worth the pain.

  I’m just not sure how far I can bend before I break.

  * * * * *

  Curled up in my pajamas, I pull out a spiral notebook and start jotting down ideas. After all the sensuality of the art show, I’m determined to find ways to incorporate that into the club. Ever since my father told me his secret about the club, I've been researching it on the internet, hoping someone might have uploaded some old pictures of what it looked like.